There’s that feeling that you’ll never be lonely again. That every time you speak, someone you love and who loves you back will be listening. Even then I knew what I had.

A brilliant novel, and one that will leave you utterly shattered – but it is a somewhat cathartic experience, as you accompany the protagonist along his raw journey of grief, fear and guilt. Everyone processes grief differently, and no experiences are quite the same, but I really have to say that the feelings evoked here by the author were a punch to the gut – he managed to capture it so absolutely perfectly.

Funny how people move through this world leaving little pieces of their story with the people they meet, for them to carry. Makes you wonder what’d happen if all those people put their puzzle pieces together.

It’s hard for me to understand how Carver could ever be on the hook for what happens to his friends – in my opinion, it is always, always the driver’s fault if they choose to text and drive. (Zentner does explain the law that could be used to charge him, with regards to negligence – it’s just so unfathomable to me!)

As we sit in the dark and watch, I reflect on the mundane rituals, laid end to end, that form a life. We work to make money and then hopefully use that money to buy ourselves memories with the people we love.

I think I had tears streaming down my face, non-stop, from around halfway through the book all the way to the end. But like I said, it was a cathartic experience. I felt pleasantly drained afterwards. And I bookmarked so many passages that I wanted to quote, that were ultimately profound, or hopeful, or in some cases, just so damn funny.

I guess there’s no manual for coming out of the closet on behalf of your deceased best friend.

While many of the flashbacks with the group of friends were humorous and slightly nonsensical in that teenage boy way, it rings true to life – so many of the in-jokes and hilarious moments that happen in our friendships don’t make sense to anyone else – it’s a “you had to be there” kind of thing.

The goodbye-day with Blake’s grandmother was probably the scene that broke me the most. Holy shit. That’s all.

I also very much appreciated the positive depiction of therapy and medication in the book. Yay for good therapists! Yay for therapy not being seen as something ‘weird’! Yay for a combination of medical treatment and therapy to help someone through their very real trauma! And it sounds pretty minor, but I also liked that extreme nausea was mentioned as part of Carver’s panic attacks, because that was the symptom I experienced the most and most depictions seem to focus on the breathing aspect (or lack thereof). It’s the small things.

Our minds seek causality because it suggests an order to the universe that may not actually exist, even if you believe in some higher power. Many people would prefer to accept an undue share of blame for a tragic event than concede that there’s no order to things. Chaos is frightening. A capricious existence where bad things happen to good people for no discernible reason is frightening.

There is a scene that really struck me, featuring the father of one of the dead boys and our protagonist, which is gutting in its discussion of racism and potential consequences of a court case. I won’t spoil it here, because I think it’s something for the reader to encounter for themselves, but the dialogue, which only ran for a page, was a punch to the stomach.

And that isn’t the only time race is dealt with – I think the author does a good job in pointing out the micro-aggresions in the way Carver interacts with Jesmyn, his friend (and dead friend’s ex girlfriend) who is Filipino.

Speaking of Jesmyn, I wasn’t particularly impressed with the way Carver ended up treating her,, but I accept that 1) grief makes us do stupid things and 2) teenage boys do stupid things. The important thing is he learnt and apologised, so there is that.

If you take anything from this essay of a review, let it be this: Goodbye Days is an exquisite exploration of friendship, grief, and of things lost and found. Highly recommended.

We trade stories of Mars. Some are funny. Some are not. Some uplifting. Some not. Some important. Some ordinary. We build him a monument of words we’ve written on the walls of our hearts. We make the air vibrate with life.

***

ARC received from Netgalley in exchange for an honest review. Quotes taken from uncorrected proof and may differ from final publication.

<b>L I K E S</b>
• The book was about the <b>effects of Texting and Driving, which is a serious topic that interested me</b>. I’ve been to the US for a month and witnessed how common it was for people to just text while driving, which is unimaginable for me. Driving comes with responsibility and when I drive I don’t even touch my phone. In Germany Texting and Driving is less common, but still happens. When it came to the “blame game” I’d say that the normalization of Texting and Driving is what really is to blame. Many people did blame Carver, but forgot that Mars (the Driver) chose to pick up his phone and therefore endangered the life of the people riding in the care with him by not paying enough attention to the road.

• <b>Everything is so heartbreaking</b>, because there’s guilt everywhere and people blaming the main character, while he blames himself most of all. It was difficult for Carver, because some relatives of his three friends (Adair, Judge Edwards) blamed him for the death of his friends. Even in school people did not talk much to him anymore because Adair made sure no one dared too. At one point in the end he even gets a note saying “Murderer” in his locker. He basically only had Jesmyn and no other friends anymore. Then there’s the <b>criminal investigation</b> that puts him on edge he could be charged and put into prison, which he constantly thinks about.

• <b>I honestly got so emotional</b>, because there was so much hurt and serious topics, that really got me. Especially in the beginning and the end I was near crying, since these were about the funerals and how things ended. This book is sure to not leave you untouched and instead make your care, especially since accidents like this happen frequently in real life.

• The <b>narrator Carver is a realistic flawed character</b>. I felt for him, because he’s left behind without his 3 best friends and if that wasn’t enough he also gets blamed and shunned by everyone else to the point where he only has one friend. Carver also constantly blamed himself and got panic attacks multiple times. I obviously liked that he was a writer, since I’m a writer too.

• <b>There were so many amazing female characters that I absolutely loved</b>!

- <b>Jesmyn</b> was Eli’s girlfriend before his death and the first to approach Carver, not blaming him at all for what happened. She’s a true gift, because she calls out sexism and racism and does not care at all about Adair hating everybody that takes Carver’s side. She does not back down one time or worries about her own reputation. She’s a loyal friend that’s always there for Carver and calls him out on his bullshit. Jesmyn had Synesthesia (people who can e.g. see tones in colors) and a musician!

- <b>Georgia</b> is Carver’s older sister and always there for him. She was very concerned for Carver and the one to encourage him to go visit Dr. Mendez for therapy sessions, since she used to go to him too. Georgia is very grown up and a strong person that would fight anyone that came too close to her brother or dared to blame him for what happened.

- <b>Nana Betsy</b> is Blake’s grandmother and the kind of grandmother you’d want to have. She’s a kind sweet human being and loved Blake dearly. She saved him from his abusive mother and literally went in there with a shotgun, doing everything to save him. She never blamed Carver and came up with the idea of the Goodbye Day for Blake.

• The <b>friendship between Jesmyn and Carver was truly enjoyable</b> and great! She’s his only friend and cares about him, despite so many people blaming him and getting side-eyed by Adair who wants to bring anyone against Carver. I loved their interactions and how Jesmyn was always there to talk to Carver and helped him through his panic attacks.

• The <b>aspect of the “Goodbye Days” was really gripping and unique</b>. It was something special about remembering the boys and truly saying Goodbye. The original Goodbye Day for Blake was the best, because Nana Betsy did not blame Carver at all and was such a kind human being.

• <b>SO much art appreciation</b> ♥ All major characters go to the Nashville Arts school and each specialize in a different part of art. Everything was represented: Carver is a writer, Eli and Jesmyn are musician, Blake is into video editing, Mars likes to draw and Adair dances I think. I was just very pleased to read about all the art ♥

• <b>The way panic attacks and therapy was portrayed was good as far as I can tell</b>. That was the part of the story that dealt with mental health in a good way, as the panic attacks seemed to be described in a very thorough and accurate way, as was the therapy sessions with Dr. Mendez.

• <b>There was so much Diversity in the book</b>! Carver is dealing with panic attacks. Jesmyn and Mars are both people of color. Blake is gay and Carver’s sister Georgia had been in therapy prior to the book.

• <b>The ending was really great and perfect</b>! I loved how everything was resolved in a realistic way, even though I wished we’d seen Nana Betsy one more time because she was such a gift. What <b>I freaking loved is how Carver and Jesmyn were not together in the end</b>, as she was not ready and it was only implied that there could maybe something the very near future. YES YES YES!!!!! I’ve never seen this in any other contemporary and I was beyond happy!!!!

<b>D I S L I K E S</b>
• The friendship between the 4 boys was the typical “goofing around, making inappropriate jokes” sort of things, which I couldn’t really connect to. I just have very different friendships, so <b>I was a bit out of touch with their friendship</b>.

• <b>In the beginning it was hard to get a grasp on the three dead boys</b>, since there were so many of them. Later that got better as we got to know more how they were through flashbacks. 

• <b>Every now and then there were a few quotes that didn’t sit well with me</b>, which is why I didn’t rate the book even higher. I’ve listed a few examples that I came across while reading.

1. How the world <b>“crazy” was used quite a few times in reference to Carver’s panic attacks</b> was what bothered me. After his first therapy session a character asks “Are you crazy now?” which is just not okay. 

2. In a flashback Carver and Blake are in a lessons and super bored. Therefore, <b>they mimic committing suicide</b> (hanging themselves, taking pills, cutting their wrists) which was honestly so sickening to read about was left unchallenged. This did not sit well with me at all.

3. Blake is one of Carver’s friends that likes to embarrass himself in public and film video about it to put on Youtube. I get that he’d do anything for a bit of laughter, but then he busts out this phrase: <i>“Dignity is overrated. People can live without it. I know because I did. But people can’t live without laughter. I’ll gladly trade dignity for laughter, because dignity is cheap and laughter is worth everything.”</i> No. Phrasing it this way? Not cool, <b>it’s beyond my understanding to claim that Dignity is something people can live without</b>, tell that to all the people getting disrespected and told they don’t deserve to live. In Germany, where I live, the first sentence of the Basic Constitutional Law is “The Dignity of humans is untouchable” so I couldn’t ignore this quote, even though many probably won’t think twice about it.

4. When Blake is coming out as gay, Carver being like „why are you not attracted to me then?“ I don’t like this because it’s a common thing people say when someone comes out. <i>Just because Blake is gay does not mean that he’s now automatically attracted to every male being</i>.

Wow. I am so glad I got to read this fantastic book. So, the story goes like this – I’ve decided to begin reading Goodbye Days at about 10pm and I’ve planned on reading till 12pm as I had to get up early for my classes the next day. But oh boy, have I done something completely different. I have ended up reading till 2am and just COULD NOT STOP. I got so invested into these characters that I just couldn’t seem to let this book down. And so I read, and read and read until my eyes decided it was finally enough. The next day I had classes till about 6pm and all I could think of the whole day was this book. I ran back to my dorm and hungrily continued this story hoping I would make it out alive. And I did. Well, I did spend 2 packs of tissues but still, it was worth it. The writing is phenomenal, it sucks you into this tornado of feelings right away and just won’t let you go until you REALLY think about your whole life and things that you’ve done and that you’re still maybe regreting. At least that was the case with me.

It’s a difficult task to make readers love the characters who are not alive and who are a part of the main character’s past but Jeff did it astonishingly. I have loved every single member of the Sauce Crew and just kept wishing they were able to make even more memories together. Life sucks and we all get to know that truth at one point of our lives. But yet, we continue living and pushing forward even though we feel broken inside. Maybe we’ll never truly be fixed but I do admire us, humans, for even trying to move on and make the best out of the worst.

This novel will bring you tears, quiet laughs and characters that you can relate to. I have to mention the fantastic brother-sister relationship and parents who, unlike many other YA books, are a BIG part of this book and this story.

READ THIS BOOK.

*E-copy provided by the author/publisher in exchange for an honest review via Netgalley.*

Hilarious and heartbreaking, Goodbye Days is a winning combination. Perfection itself. 

Goodbye Days is an incredibly poignant and relatable story. How many lives have been affected by the tragic deaths of teenagers - friends, classmates, sons or daughters? How many stories of death and grief are punctuation by questions of why, what if, if only? Guilt and sorrow mixing to form a potent poison. Goodbye Days captures all of that emotion and mixes it with a friendship so strong it can only be called a brotherhood. Mixes it with humour and levity and life so bright it dances in front of your eyes. I was crying one minute and laughing the next.

The day Carver Briggs sent a simple text message irrevocably changed everything. Now his three best friends are dead after a fatal car crash - a crash that may or may not have been caused by Carver's text message. With a pending criminal investigation and guilt heavy enough to level him, Carver begins to form a new connection with Eli's girlfriend as they both cope with their grief and he accepts Blake's grandmother's request to spend one final day celebrating Blake's life. 

This book is narrated by Carver and his voice is one of the most unique and authentic male teen voices I've ever read. He sounds exactly how one might imagine a teenage boy who is an aspiring writing would sound - magnificent words thrown into mundane yet profound statements.

I think Carver's sister might be the best character in the book, which is amazing given she's got some serious competition. She is full on, takes no prisoners, is unafraid to speak her mind, and is determined to help Carver. Yet, all of the characters are incredibly detailed and vibrant. Through flashbacks, memories and shared stories, the reader gets a strong glimpse of Carver's three friends and the friendship they shared. 

I so desperately wanted a happy ending. One of those unbelievable, soap-opera endings where all the characters miraculously and without explanation come back to life. But that ending would not have been true to the authenticity of this story, even if it would have made my heart happy. Instead we have the most perfect, bittersweet ending of a continuing - not really a ending, not a beginning either. The type of ending that has you smiling while tears stream down your face.

And on top of everything else that is wonderful about this book, it gets extra points for a positive portrayal of therapy. In fact, it gets points for everything.

Goodbye Days is a must-read novel - sad, sweet, honest, hilarious, and so very important in the ongoing conversation of teenage mental health, grief, friendship, life, and death.

The publishers provided an advanced readers copy of this book for reviewing purposes. All opinions are my own.

Beautifully written tale of grief, friendship & responsibility whose vivid characters really bring the story to life & make it both unexpectedly funny & achingly sad. A bittersweet treat.

4.5 stars

Can you imagine my joy when I got an e-mail telling me I was approved for this book on Netgalley? I'M SURE YOU CAN. The Serpent King was my favorite book of 2016 so I had HIGH expectations for this one. Because obviously. Did this book meet those expectations? WHY YES IT DID. I cried my eyes out and am still in mourning for my heart that was ripped out and stomped on. Clearly this is how things will be every time I read a Jeff Zentner book, yes? But I will gladly suffer through it. Because it's so very worth it.

Goodbye Days tells the story of Carver Briggs. His three best friends, Blake, Eli and Mars, died in a car accident. An accident which Carver believes is his fault. Because he texted his friends. And the driver was texting him back when a truck hit them. Now Carver can't stop blaming himself for the accident. There may even be a criminal investigation, as if working through the grief isn't enough. Then Blake's grandmother asks Carver to do a "goodbye day" with her for her grandson. One last day doing all the things Blake loved in his memory and saying goodbye to him. But with everything else going on, will it really help?

Okay, so where do I even start? Maybe get my one itty bitty negative out of the way so I can proceed all the gushing? Yes, that's a plan. So my only teeny tiny negative is that at one point something happens with Jesmyn and I thought it was a tad too dramatic and it wasn't super necessary. But that's it, really. It might be just me too so there's a good chance it won't bother anyone else and I'm just being weird about it.

NOW I CAN GUSH. By which I mean tape my heart back together because it is in shambles all over the floor. My poor heart couldn't handle the feels. If you're a crybaby like I am, do not read this book in public unless you don't mind being a blubbering sobbing mess in front of strangers who will wonder whut in the hell is going on with you. Seriously. This book hit me hard, guys. Maybe because I'm very experienced with grief and depression. The way this book handles both is perfect and SO relatable and I cried lots.

Though this book is kind of evil with it too, I must say. Because it does this thing where one chapter you're in a supersad moment and it makes you all teary eyed, but then it shows a superhappy, hilarious memory so you're all happy and laughing because friendship goals. AND THEN THE BOOK KINDLY REMINDS YOU THAT 3 OF THOSE 4 FRIENDS ARE DEAD. And then I died too. Every time. And Carver also kind of imagines conversations with his dead friends in certain situations and THEY ALSO MAKE ME DIE A LITTLE because dude, the friendship goals are so real with these 4. MY HEART. It's gone. Who needs it anyway, right?

And yes, oh my god the writing is glorious again. It is so darn quotable that I want to just paste the whole book here. But you know, I can't. So you'll have to do with the few quotes I put here and then go read the rest for yourself. YOU MUST. Jeff, if you're reading this, I adore your writing and aspire to one day be as amazing as you are. I bow down to you sir. 10/10 would let you crush my heart again. Anytime.

I also want to re-read The Serpent King now.

Oh god I feel like this review is miles long and I haven't even talked about the characters yet. Okay so I'll try to be brief. I basically ended up loving all of the characters. Even the ones I wasn't really sure about at first. Except Adair. Still don't like her. But I loved Jesmyn, Blake's grandmother, Dr. Mendez and Georgia especially. All great characters. They have my heart. But Carver is the most precious. He is so relatable to me and I just want to hug him and wrap him in warm fluffy blankets. He's a writer and kind of a crybaby and he's funny and sweet and I love him. I really felt for him right from the start. He needs so many hugs guys. All of the hugs.

In the end Goodbye Days is definitely already a top favorite for this year for me. Written beautifully, as expected, Goodbye Days tells a heartbreaking and touching story about grief and guilt and friendship while also being an ode to Nashville. Most definitely a must read for 2017 for everyone. Put it on your lists people. You want this book.

Dammit, Jeff Zentner, I’m crying again and it’s all your fault.

Goodbye Days took me a while to get into. I was worried I wouldn’t like it as much as I did The Serpent King, and I thought it was because I already knew the main plot hook, whereas for TSK, I was going in blind. The thought of reading about Carver, dealing with the simultaneous loss of all three of his best friends sounded heartbreaking and I had to prepare myself for the second-hand pain.

But apart from the tragedy that remained a constant, there were so many diamonds hidden throughout that makes this book a worthy sibling to TSK:

1. Supportive Sibling Relationship – It was so lovely to read about boy/girl siblings with an age gap who had each other’s backs.
2. Parents. Everywhere. – Mars, Eli and Blake all have people who care about them and, boy, was it hard to watch them come to terms with their losses. The Judge was just next-level upsetting, and Blake’s grandma had my heart from the very first sentence.
3. Religion – It felt more prominent that it did in TSK, but it led to some extremely interesting discussions on the afterlife and forgiveness that enriched the book no end.
4. Jesmyn – Loved her.
5. Carver and Jesmyn’s relationship – Oh, it was complicated but sensitive and not too let’s-perpetuate-the-friendzone-thing. It was a really interesting dynamic, and I was definitely a fan of them forming a friendship in the aftermath of something so tragic.
6. Adair – She’s sort of posed as the villain in this story, as Blake’s twin sister who thinks Carver deserves to go to prison, but I couldn’t feel anything towards her but sympathy. If my twin sister died, I’d be just as vengeful, and I hope other reader’s are just as forgiving of her behaviour.
7. Friendship Squad Vibes – Through the flashbacks, I got a sense of how much the boys loved each other, and their sentimentality was refreshing. The inside jokes, the deep and meaningful chats, it was great. Although I didn’t always understand their humour, I understood that, to them, chasing squirrels in a park meant more than just a good time.

Will you cry and laugh? Most likely. Would I recommend? Definitely!