“All Grown Up” is a witty and intelligent novel following the life of 39-year-old Andrea. The book is incredibly sharp and manages to isolate the main character despite people constantly buzzing around her with problems and ever changing demands. The novels best moments come between Andrea and her mother. Their relationship is incredibly deep and as her mother moves to be closer to her son, who has a terminally ill child, her demands and needs shine out which desperately exposes Andrea, and creates some truly excellent moments in the novel. The book contrasts that perfectly with people who pass by fleetingly, be it men staying overnight or friends who are just to busy. Intimacy for me is the novels key theme and her attachment to people and the world around her. It’s a short novel but one to devour.

All Grown Up left me feeling sad and emotionally depleted. The main character, Andrea, is the saddest portrait of a modern woman I’ve ever read. I just feel awful for how emotionally devoid her life is, and I think I’m supposed to finish reading this book feeling like she’s some modern, feminist icon, refusing to partake in life as society expects her too. But instead we have someone with literally no joy in any aspect of her life. There may be a few spoilers in the following review, so if you think you might read it, stop here.
I went into this book with expectations given from this description:

An enthralling confession of a woman contending with the outside world’s expectations of who she should be. 

Powerfully intelligent and wickedly funny, All Grown Up delves into the psyche of a flawed but mesmerising character. Readers will recognise themselves in Jami Attenberg’s truthful account of what it means to be a 21st century woman, though they might not always want to admit it.
I didn’t get any of that AT ALL. What I read was a terribly sad account of a depressed, robotically unfeeling, self destructive, childish, selfish, awful child-woman. There was barely any humour in in at all. I was hoping for something a bit like Living The Dream, which was genuinely hilarious, but it was nothing at all like that.

Andrea is 40 years old. She hasn’t got children and she appears to have never had anything other than fleeting relationships. She hates her mundane job. She’s a borderline alcoholic and frequent drug user (more so in her earlier years). She’s shockingly selfish when it comes to her family and is probably depressed. Andrea has hardly any sympathetic qualities. We find out that she had a difficult upbringing. Her mum had a hard time after her dad died (drug overdose) and this resulted in Andrea being put in some very unsafe situations with regards to abusive men being present in the family home in Andrea’s later teenage years. She also had a bad experience at grad school when her mentor told her she was rubbish at art.

Andrea’s family are die-hard New Yorkers. Her brother has a terminally ill child when Andrea is around 35 and he moves to New Hampshire with his family and eventually their mother moves too, to help them with the baby. We experience all of this through different chapters covering various important stages of Andrea’s life.

The overarching theme is of a woman who deliberately emotionally cuts herself off from everyone around her. She has a pathological hatred of babies. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with not wanting to have children, or even to not really want to hold and coo over other peoples babies (I don’t really do this and I have children of my own!) but Andrea hates them. She tells one of her lovers he isn’t to talk about his child with her. She drops friends as soon as they have a baby. Actually, she seems unable to handle the fact that life may change for a person who’s just had a baby. She berates friends for disappearing from her life, only to reappear a few years later. She doesn’t consider that maybe a friend needs support or is having a difficult time. She just sees that they don’t want to go boozing with her.

She has a difficult relationship with her mother – expected given the situation Andrea’s late teens. But her reaction when her mum says she’s moving to help out with the terminally ill baby is horrendous. Andrea feels abandoned and lets everybody know about it. She only meets her niece a few times in her five short years. Once is when she drives her mum over to live with them. Here she leaves after one night without telling anyone. Her brother is clearly a broken and struggling man and she offers him no support either. She’s just pissed off at him for taking their mum away from her. Here, she is sharing a room with her mum on her first night at her brother’s house, after she has moved her mum in with them:

“I’ve had enough me to last a lifetime,” my mother says. She’s facing the wall and her voice is dreamy. Then she tells me she loves me, she tells me to go to sleep. “In the morning we’ll have a new day, ” she says. “That’s the best part of going to sleep. Knowing there’s a new day tomorrow.” “That’s the kind of thing you tell a child.” I Say. “I expect more from you.” “Andrea, enough!” she snaps. “You know, you’re doing better than you think you are. You can survive without me.” “I’m not,” I say. “All right, even if you’re not, which I don’t believe is true. just grow up already,” she says. She flips over, and her voice is closer to me. “Handle your shit, Andrea. You’re thirty-nine years old. You can do it.” “I’ll try,” I say. “One more thing,” my mother says. “I see you not holding that baby. You think I don’t notice it, but I do.” I say absolutely nothing. “Tomorrow you hold the baby,” she says. I’m the sick baby, I think. Me. Who will hold me?
The absolute worst thing happens at the end of the book. She still won’t engage with her family or offer them any support with the dying child. Until she’s basically forced to read a book about life with a dying child. She suddenly realises what a selfish human being she is and want to be in all their lives. Her niece dies in her arms. The book ends. You needed a book to tell you life with a dying child is hard?!?

I wouldn’t mind Andrea making any of her life choices if she had done it because she genuinely wanted to make them. If she was happy with her life that would have been amazing, but she’s so clearly utterly miserable. I don’t think a man or a baby would fix this of course, she maybe needs to read some more books as that is the only way she made any connection 😀

I wouldn’t be put off reading anything by Jami Attenberg again, it’s really well written and brave to write such an unlikable character. It just didn’t work for me.

Book archived before I could download

This is almost perfect , i loved The Middlesteins and this is better.

This almost feels like Less Than Zero it feels that it embodies a time and the people that inhabit it .

The characterisation is incredible , the characters live and the prose makes you feel that everything is predetermined , the relationships the reactions seem appropriate and accurate .

I loved this and i am a man and i accept that this is more of a female intended novel

All Grown Up by Jami Attenberg

3 stars

A Peter Pan story

Andrea is a thirty-eight year old single woman living in New York; she always wanted to be an artist, but gave that up and settled for a job in advertising which she claims she hates. She has no real relationship due to her casual and poor choices relating to men; consequently, she is promiscuous and flirts with banned substances. 

NIn contrast, Andrea's brother David and his wife Greta have had adulthood thrust upon them by the birth of their severely disabled daughter, Sigrid. Whilst Andrea cares about the family she considers it sufficient to telephone once a week, and rarely visits – she is oblivious to the hurt she causes by not engaging.  Her relationship with her mother is generally good although her mother would like her to grow up and settle down.  Her father is dead, having died of a drug overdose.

Parts of this book are really easy to relate to, especially if you are one of those people who sit outside of traditional 'norms'; you don't want a long-term relationship, your body clock is not ticking and no, you don't want to hold the baby.  Andrea remains a sympathetic character despite her flaws, she just doesn't fit into society's stereotypes.

Sooner or later we all have to grow up and take responsibility for our actions and of course Andrea is no exception, but it takes tragic circumstances for her to step up.

An enjoyable 'Summer read'. 

Pashtpaws

Breakaway Reviewers received a copy of the book to review.

Easy to read, it is more a series of vignettes rather than a linear tale. It is refreshing that the protagonist Andrea is not a hero and has very few likeable character traits. It is this, however, that makes the character a compelling read. Throughout it all is her yearning for approval by her mother, brother and sister-in-law without actually engaging in their lives.

2☆ Not for me.

Not really sure how to rate this one.
Maybe it's because I just didn't get it.
It just wasn't for me.

Story was narrated through the past and present of Andrea's life. But was not consistent jumped through time periods then back again . 
She is single, no children,loves to drink and have alot sex and drugs. She's has a job she hates. 
Andrea doesn't seem to have any emotional connection to any other characters. Comes across as spoilt, whiny and annoying.

I had high hopes for this book. 
It's just a shame it fell flat. There was no humour it was actually a sad read. 
I do believe Jami was trying to represent single women by their own choice.
But what came across was someone who didn't care.
The blurb says Andrea was living life entirely on her own terms. But isn't that what we aim to do in life anyway?

I hope if you do decide to read this book, you understand and possibly relate to it more than i did.
I do believe it had potential it just wasn't for me.

Andrea, the protagonist of this short but perceptive exploration of the trials and tribulations of a single woman in New York navigating her way through family, relationships, career and often ill-advised life choices, is not always likeable and in fact is downright irritating at times. We meet her in a series of vignettes which jump about in time so our picture of her develops in fits and starts. In spite of not liking her very much I nevertheless found this an intelligent and entertaining book, sometimes amusing and occasionally deeply moving. I don’t think it amounts to very much in the end, but it’s enjoyable and often insightful and overall a good fun read.

"As per usual I am a having a hundred feelings at once." This tight, true novel captures in brief, powerful anecdotes what it feels like to be a woman, living in New York, and feeling many conflicting things at once. I'm not sure what I expected when I started reading—maybe something more cliche and fluffy?—but it wasn't the raw and powerful ride that I actually ended up on.

Andrea gave up her career as an artist to work for an advertising company. Now in her late thirties, Andrea hates her job, she drinks a lot, she has sex with men she ends up hating, and she has a strange relationship with her mother. As people around her seem to find happiness and success, Andrea still doesn’t know what she wants in her life. 
The story alternates between the past and the present as Andrea revisits the events that affected her life: the death of her drug-addicted father when she was a teenager; her relationship with her brother, her sister-in-law, and her mother; her relationship with men, but also her relationship with art which she gave up because she couldn’t see a future in it. Sharp, honest, and humorous, this is a novel about family, love, friendship and finding a purpose in life. An emotional journey of a woman as she struggles to find her own identity and to release her dreams.

Thanks to Netgalley for my ARC. I don't think I'll be able to get this book out of my mind for sometime. As a 40 year old, it really touched on some emotions and feelings that I've had. I had to keep reminding myself this was not a memoir, it read that well.

As a single woman in her late 30's, early 40's, you think of things differently. You view friendships, family relationships, works differently. This book tackles all the questions that women face. Sometimes you act like an adult, other times you feel lonely, abandoned. 

I really enjoyed this book. I couldn't put it down!

I personally had mixed feelings about the book, because it takes some time to enter the mood and the spirit, but if you take some time to think about everything after finishing the book, the first opinion might change. It is a pleasant, quality and thoughtful lecture that challenges stereotypes, especially literary ones. 
The character is an anti-hero and there is no happy ending. Andrea doesn't give up her boring life and job to start doing art and there is no relationship to fix. It is like how life can be, without any embelishments and great expectations. An interesting writing, not pretentious but not simplistic either.

An entertaining read and at times laugh out loud moments. Lacks substance but a good light read.

I loved this book but I can understand why it wouldn't be for everyone. If you've ever been at a point in your life when everyone else is getting married and having children and you don't want to follow that path, this is a story you can relate to. It's very internal and to me, it rang true. The voice of Andrea is so well developed, the book almost felt like a memoir. It raised relevant questions about what society expects of women and how we are labeled when we don't fit into neat categories. Sadly, I missed Jami Attenberg when she was in my city for this book tour. I hope she'll come back. I look forward to reading more from her.

I enjoyed reading this book, liked its sharp tone, city setting, difficult narrator and the overlapping chapters. I think the format of the book was its best feature, with chapters examining cross-sections of time and exploring varying themes. Oddly, I can't remember much about the narrator a month after reading the book, though the empathy I felt for her family is still present. 
If you enjoy reading shorter writing and magazine format articles this is a great novel for you. Not chick lit, but about the slow changes of character and accretion of relationships that come with age.

We all grow up, but we have in us all the children, teen-agers, young adults that we ever were.  “All Grown Up”, by Jami Attenberg is a tender account of a woman growing to adulthood in New York City, and a clear-eyed reflection on all of the women she has been along the way.

Hmm I didn't like it. Sorry. I really wanted to but I was left not just disappointed at the end, but angry. On the plus, at least I DID actually finish it. So, let me explain my whys.

First of all the book was totally misleading to me. I was expecting something a bit more sassy with pazzazz, maybe some honest--slightly brutal--humour. Instead, I got brutal and honest and none of the humour. It was beyond depressing. I was wondering which one of us would kill ourselves first. 

If Andrea--the main character--is determined to live her life a single woman then great for her, but it's not great. It's miserable. She wants to make it clear that she's chosen this path but she's utterly bitter about it and resents anyone with a bit of happiness, with something that drives them, something that she doesn't have. And says she doesn't want. But then why are you so miserable and angry, Andrea?

You wanted to do art, and then you didn't, and your reason was that if you don't do it, then you'll never be rejected. Okay, I understand--I don't AGREE because that's not actually living, but I understand why you'd do that--what I don't understand is why the hell are you resentful of it then? It was YOUR decision. Stop whining about it. Stop pining after it. Just pick up a goddamn paintbrush and do it if you loved it so much. Or shut up about it. 

You're filled with such self loathing that you drink even though you tell yourself you won't, and you sleep with almost every guy you meet even though you tell yourself don't. Why do you do this to yourself? You do it to yourself and then you complain when things go wrong. It makes no sense.

Secondly, I didn't like the plot itself. It was disjointed, jumping back and forth from the present when she's in her forties (just turned forty) to her past, mostly in her twenties, some in her teens and a few events in her thirties. I'm cool with time jumping, I'm cool with disjointed. But where is the POINT? Am I being dumb? I'm usually pretty good at working things out, the deeper meaning, the whodunits, the secret inner yearnings and desires of characters. I can do that. But I couldn't with this. It was just a rickety train ride, precariously cruising along with no destination. Not one I could see at least until I was about 70% or so into it, and it was only at that point that I had anything remotely nice to say about Andrea. And even then it just wasn't enough to feel like it was worth the journey.

Which brings me back to the main character. Andrea. I really didn't like her. The more the story went on, despite unraveling her story, her reasons and her darkness, I couldn't sympathize with her. Not entirely, because she spent a lot of the time being p*ssed off and bitter at the world. Whining about the hand she was given and I wanted to shake her and say GROW UP! I fistpumped the air when her mother finally said it. It was about time someone did.

She has a terminally sick niece who is lucky to live as long as she does, and Andrea does everything she can to avoid seeing her. She acts as if she doesn't exist, and to an extent I got why she acted like that--because she avoids any chance of getting hurt. She thinks it's easier to live that way but it actually destroys any chance of happiness. And I guess that's the whole premise of the book but the execution in my opinion was poor. 

And lastly, the ending. God that infuriated me. I felt cheated. Like I'd waited all that time for the punchline and it ends like someone chopped off the last paragraph. Like you're driving and suddenly slam on the breaks. Like when you
.
.
.
See what I mean?

It wasn't a bad book, but I didn't enjoy it. It left a bad taste in my mouth as if her bitterness rubbed off on me. I didn't get it. I didn't see it as a celebration of independence, of singledom. I saw it as a cry for help and I didn't understand why other reviewers enjoyed it. I must be missing something. Some would say it's because I'm not single--I mean I married in my teens so hmph yeah--but I'd then argue that I've read many books where the protagonist was entirely different to me and my lifestyle but that didn't stop me from getting them, or liking them. I didn't get the point. I saw what the point was in the end, but because it took all that time to be revealed I didn't really care at the end. 

I'm not against the author's actual talent, I would be open to reading other works of hers but I'd do so carefully and with more research before starting. 

So, sorry, it's only three stars from me, and that might be being kind in terms of how I felt reading it, but in terms of the quality of the actual writing, any less would be unfair to the author. 

Thanks for the review copy. And great cover by the way.

I wasn't sure what to expect from this book. I knew that I would like it--anyone who has heard of Jami Attenberg before knows that her writing is like a much needed thump on the back when you're choking. This book was also served up with a heavy dose of reality--about art, about love, about jobs, pretty much anything that falls under the large umbrella of "adulting." You can be a grown up and still be in the midst of figuring things out. You can be a grown up and not have 2.5 kids, a husband you might despise and a job that's succeeded in only paying off half your combined debt. You can be an adult and still be slightly miserable. So, instead of feeling more dread while reading this book as I had initially anticipated, i actually felt a sense of relief. I loved the hopeful undertones, the goodness that Andrea displayed, her hope that she could resume her art. My one pet peeve was that it almost felt like we as readers weren't trusted to remember what was going on in her life. Every time a new vignette was shared, we were reintroduced to characters as if we hadn't been eagerly reading along. I loved that this book was short (again it felt like a good slap on the back). It was a great read and one I will be encouraging many to read at the library and on social media. Thanks for the chance to read!

What a fun read this was! I can't say I've ever read anything like this, it's interesting, fast paced, awkward and above all...funny! Loved it, I am going to try and get my hands on Jami Attenberg's other novels now.

When I finished All Grown Up by Jami Attenberg,* I had this thought- people are either going to absolutely love this book, like super devotion to it, cult classic type love of this book OR people will absolutely hate this book and simply not get it. I think it might be that dividing line for readers of the book. Now stating that, I can say that I liked it, but a strong part of me didn't "get it." I got a strong "HBO Girls" type vibe off of this book and I don't get that show either, so I use that as a reference point.

The book is about Andrea, who is 39 and just about to turn 40. She is in a place in her life where she is comfortable where she is as a single woman living in NY. She has dad issues as she sleeps with many men trying to fill the space where her dad should be (her thoughts, not my analysis), often times not really into the sex or into the man she is with.

She struggles with abandonment from her mother who moved away, but seems to be having a fine life outside of NYC. Her mother is also demanding of Andrea as when she will have a baby and "grow up?"

Andrea though is in a place where she is content, but also wonders if she should be someone else at this point in her life. This is a sort of coming of age book as Andrea prepares to enter midlife. Is she fine with her life choices or is she just settling?

I turned 40 a few years ago and when I did, I had a career and have had it for 19 years at that point. I had a wife (still do) and had been married for a long time. I was not needy for my parents (even though I love them dearly). What I am saying is when I hit 40, I was in a place in my life where I wasn't seeking any longer, I knew who I was and was content with my life. So, I couldn't connect with Andrea's journey. Then again, I couldn't connect with a lot of people my age who I knew were still seeking who they were at 40.

The writing was great as Attenberg is a fantastic writer. The use of the first person narrative was an interesting choice I thought, especially in the opening where it is a pointed use of "you" before it slips into the "I" following.

I thought this was a fine book and I think a lot of people will connect with Andrea. It just didn't hit with me, but there was a lot in this tiny book. I gave this one 3.5 stars.

*I want to thank NetGalley for the advanced copy of this book. I received it in exchange for an honest review.