We don't get to choose another path in real life but we have all thought about what would happen if...This is what this book is about.
A little girl sees variations of her life and those connected to her in sunbeams: those shafts of light that harbour twinkling dust particles. A great concept that we can all identify with. She has an accident where she dies, but has the choice to hop into a sunbeam where she survives and one where the accident never happened at all. Her life and those of her parents pan out on the various routes.

The story shows that her parents are always her parents although some of the neighbours' lives are not the same. There are other constants as well. Her father's employer goes missing and everyone suffers some kind of grief, loneliness and loss, the desire for children and family.

At the beginning, the 'alternative path' sunbeams is an enchanting experience but as the girl grows up she stops seeing them. Then we are left with fairly mundane lives concerning meeting people, getting married, committing adultery, yearning. It is a relief when she dies again. There are delicate touches of alternative history, such as Margaret Thatcher never becoming prime minister, Neil Kinnock being a popular prime minister instead, and electric kettles not being efficient in each world.

Eventually the lives become connected and fragmented and, unusually for supernatural stories like this, she goes to see a therapist to try to make sense of everything. The counsellor does a bit of sleuthing and discovers that things are not entirely in her imagination.

The ideas behind this book are engaging but the focus becomes clear partway through. This is a study of bereavement and how people deal with it - 'I live in a world of loss'. Sometimes escaping into the 'alternative path' is enough. Sometimes not. An original book in many ways, thoughtful and sadly fatalistic, the ideas will stick around after the book is closed. Recommended.

#NetGalley #TheFirstTimeLaurenPailingDied

A debut that confused but also intrigued me.
Lauren Pailing has always felt there’s something unusual about her. She sees sunbeams that nobody else can see and talks to her mother about things that haven’t happened. She talks about ‘other mothers’ and it felt like we might be going into creepy Coraline territory. I really was quite confused at the start, because when Lauren is 13 she’s on holiday with family friends and is killed. However, we then veer into what I suppose you’d call alternate universes where Lauren is alive or where the outcomes are different.
As I tried to piece together exactly what had happened in each I was muddled. As the voices of each character become clearer, and we develop the story of each it did get more easy to differentiate between them.
There is a common strand in each life - the disappearance of a family friend and the role his family plays in Lauren’s life.
I liked the fact that the answers to what was happening were not the focus. This was an exploration of loss and love, and how events shape us. It’s probably best to know little more than you’re given before reading this.
Thanks to NetGalley for letting me read this in exchange for my thoughts. I can’t wait to see what Rudd comes up with next.

Really original and thought provoking novel. I was really suspicious of this at first (sounds daft I know, but I tend to like stuff straightforward and without "tricks). However this book grabbed me by the scruff of the neck and dragged me in straightaway, Glad it did. I didn't put this book down one whole wet ausgust weekend. Loved it. Thanks so much!

This is Lauren Pailing’s story or stories as she returns slightly different in a new life, as do her family. I didn’t think I was going to like this book at all to start with, wasn’t keen on the simplistic style of writing, but then suddenly found myself engrossed and didn’t want to put it down! The idea of having more than one life is also appealing. I loved how there were similarities in all these lives and how the other people carried on into their own futures but in a sort of parallel universe. It was a fantastic read and I wish there’d been more lives to go through before the book finished!

Loved this book from first to last. It's original, well written and perfectly captures the idea of 'what if'. What if that hadn't happened? What if things had turned out differently? So many questions, so beautifully answered. book to make you think, make you smile and make you cry. Highly recommended.

Lauren is much loved in all of her lives and the people she leaves behind are affected in different ways each time she dies.

Lauren is also affected, her memories get jumbled, and confuse her and the people around her.

There is one constant in all of her lives, Peter Stanning, he disappears with no trace or explanation.

It's engaging to read this book and it's a really good concept. The story switches between different characters in the different timelines. This sounds complicated, but it is actually handled very well.

Enjoyable read.

An interesting and entertaining book. It is a quick an easy read as you won't be able to put it down once you get caught up in the worlds of Lauren Pailing and mysterious disappearance of Peter Stanning. Although it deals with alternate timelines and dimensions, it isn't scifi or fantasy. It is more similar to The Time Traveller's wife, Sliding Doors or Somewhere in Time where the inevitable fall down the rabbit hole into another world is a plot device and not the story.

Recommended for: a great summer holiday read.

I'm actually not sure what I made of this book. When I see different strands, sliding door style, I want definitive answers and for them to be pulled together somehow. Yet these strands were so very different. We meet Lauren Pailing, only child of a middle class family who live in a cul de sac with their lives intwertwining with their neighbours. Lauren sees visions through rods of sunlight - although she doesn't realise that is what she's doing. She learns to keep things to herself as it makes her mum sad to know she sees "other mummies". Her glamorous mum, Vera, doesn't question this too much. With much misgiving Lauren goes on holiday with her friend and her family, and has a fatal accident. Or does she? We see Lauren returning to a life that is almost the one she left behind, but her parents are that bit less sociable and glamorous. We also see Bob and Vera trying to go on in a world where Lauren died. the strands are told skillfully and while there is overlap it is seamless. Through every strand is the story of Peter Stanning, her dad's boss, who disappeared without trace. As a talented artist Lauren, as a child, drew comic strips about the situation. In one life she met the Stannings and what she reports in another life helps push the case forward. Would this have happened without Lauren having died the first time? Very complicated, but the Stanning story gives a common theme, and I was really hoping for a happy ending. #netgalley #laurenpailing

I know it sounds crazy but I don’t know if I enjoyed this book or not. I was going to give up several times but there was a pull to find out about Peter Standing and that was dealt with in the end in a poetic way in some respects. I think the problem with this book for me is that I am not sure about books that flit from one era and characters all the time. This may be because I read late at night and find it sometimes hard to retain all the information if the story jumps about. On saying this I really enjoyed each character as they were portrayed in their individual chapters and got to grips with the story and how it unfolded. I could not imagine how Lauren existed in her worlds but as the story unfolded the author did this in such a clever and interesting way that I got it in the end. I have read some of the reviews on Amazon which is something I don’t usually do and the other readers are correct in reminding us of the movie Sliding Doors and this is a great way to depict the book. Maybe a film in the future – that would be great. On saying all the above I am pleased I carried on reading this story and it was told in such a lovely way that I would read it again and maybe get more from it another time

The description of this book made me think of Life After Life by Kate Atkinson and, after finishing, I can see why the description made it seem that way. But it is quite different. Not only in the author's writing style but in the execution. The story kept me hooked and the writing was easy to read. I could definitely have read and enjoyed this on a beach (unfortunately there is no beach in my future for quite some time).

Much of what kept me interested was the relationships and, I suppose, what is now known as the sliding doors effect. Albeit rather than underground doors sliding closed it is literally death that causes that splinter. What would happen in another life if something was just slightly different. Although not a comedy I did stop and laugh at the thought of Schrödinger's rabbit. And by stop and laugh I mean sit up and cry with laughter. It was just so random and lighthearted. 

Overall the book has made me think about those around me. Who would they be under different circumstances. Within the story there are various storylines that characters fit into - the same characters yet with different paths. At the core the characters are the same yet circumstance has changed them from who they would have been. 

A really interesting and engaging read. 

I received an egalley from the publisher through netgalley.

Enjoyable reading. An unusual and interesting concept of a story written, but with different versions. I found I had to read large portions at a time or I found I was losing the thread.

I had read so many amazing reviews about this book that I was very much looking forward to reading it.
The concept of the story is intriguing and different. I found the first part up until Lauren's first death easy to read but after this it is hard to keep up with all the different story lines as its not just Lauren who has different lives after her first death.
At the end of the story I was left wondering what the point of the story actually was.
I was given a copy of this book by NetGalley and the publishers in return for my honest and unbiased review.

Although I enjoyed this book I do not quite understand the plaudits this book is receiving. The storyline of the different worlds and how the characters continue with their lives after the major event of Lauren dying was slightly confusing at first but does become more clearly defined as you read on, but I felt something was missing from the whole story that meant I could not give this book more stars. I did not really care for any of the characters but found myself wanting too, but again there was just something missing. I would recommend this book but to those who enjoy more of a sci-fi book than a generalised read.

Not quite sure how to categorise this book as it lightly touches a few genres including sci-fi, drama, & mystery.

An interesting premise exploring alternating worlds and timelines interlinked by and with the main protagonist. The concept of the 'sunbeams' worked well initially as it opened up the idea of the alternating worlds allowing a glimpse into the other worlds. It's a shame these were not featured predminantly in each timeline/life as it would have worked as a good anchor holding them altogether.

There are three timelines explored with Lauren's life, giving the whole book a 'Sliding Doors' feel to it. As it is told by differing POV's by the main characters, and many within more than one timeline, it can feel a bit choppy to read. There were also introductions to some characters and then never heard from again, which is a shame as they seemed more interesting than the ones that were kept (the university friends and flatmates could have been featured more).

Each life/timeline is interlinked by the same missing person's case but honestly, this felt a bit like a last minute addition and gets lost in the general story. Rudd attempts to tie up the loose endings on the missing person case and why it features in each scenario at the end of the book, but it feels rushed and unconvincing.

Generally speaking, Rudd's writing is good and engaging but there are aspects that could have been fleshed out more, making this book more colourful and vibrant. The characters felt a little flat to me but the concept and general descriptions were really well done.

Lauren Pailing is thirteen when she dies for the first time. She not only lives on in the memories of her loved ones, but also in parallel lives glimpsed through strange beams of light as a child. Details about Lauren’s family, friends, and the world around them are slightly different in each life. The only constant in all her lives is the disappearance of a man called Peter Stanning, and Lauren’s interest in solving the mystery of what happened to him.

I found this a very enjoyable, original, and moving story. This book appealed to me as I’m really interested in the idea of parallel lives and different versions of reality. For some reason I was expecting something a little lighter, despite the word ‘died’ in the title! The characters are so wonderfully written, that I felt grief and loss alongside them. However, it’s certainly not all doom and gloom; endings lead to new beginnings and second chances.

The story splinters into a several parallel versions of Lauren and her loved ones’ lives. There are enough strands to keep the story interesting without becoming confusing. The story is carefully plotted, with a satisfying and thought-provoking ending.

This novel is a touching and interesting take on the idea of parallel lives and the deep affect one person can have on the lives of everyone around them.

Thank you to HQ and Netgalley for the opportunity to read and review this title.

Gottfried Leibniz came up with the multi-verse idea several hundred years ago arguing that if a world was possible without contradicting the laws of logic it would have to exist. He went on to say that God chose one world, our world, as the best of all possible worlds but, of course, to have a best world you have to have a lot of alternatives.

That is approximately where Lauren Pailing starts. In 1975, she is a child of some very suburban parents called Vera and Bob who live in a very suburban cul-de-sac and who are, honestly, pretty boring. Lauren is the exception because when she looks into beams of light she sees alternative worlds. If one shines on her directly she gets headaches and feels ill so, arguably, these alternative universes operate logically. The alternatives are not dystopian. For example, she sees her mother in an attractive dress which she does not own.

As long grows up she learns to keep secret what she sees in a light beam because other people don't understand it and everything built along until the early 1980s when unfortunately she dies in a road traffic accident. Except, she doesn't die but switches into a parallel universe with her mother and Bob but everything is slightly different, queue weird music. The story goes on in parallel directions and the original Vera overcome with grief commits suicide and then she bounces into a new universe with a new baby called Hope or, perhaps, that was just a bad dream. I think there's a hint here that this universe switching is carried on in the female line!

This all gets quite complicated with at least two parallel stories and events move on quite quickly as well as Lauren goes to college moves to London realises that drugs play havoc with her beams, Robert finds two new loves, people in the story start to have children of their own and it all begins to get more than a little confusing. There is a problem here in that events become a little mechanical and it's hard to become attached to Number One Bob and then find your reading about Number Two. Vera, in some world or other, seems to get a bit friendly with the postman and somebody called Peter Stanning seems to have disappeared in most of the universes. There are lots of other circumstantial events and, eventually, one of the Laurens gets to see a nice psychotherapist. Finally, it sort of joins together when it is revealed that Peter Stanning died fairly normally after stumbling away from the revelation that his wife wanted a divorce. He died in a ditch in the land of a reclusive farmer which is why he wasn't found.

As you can probably tell, my first problem with this novel is following it through and staying interested in the characters. At times, you are in soap opera territory and, maybe, it needs an uncompromising edit. Kate Atkinson explored something similar in Life After Life but there was more sense of purpose there and the real world didn't just seem to be tacked on. There is a second issue around that as you get a kind of Wikipedia run through the years from Lord Lucan disappearing to Live Aid but only as wallpaper.

However, this wouldn't be a bad book to take the beach. There is plenty in there to think about and next time you find yourself looking at a million dust motes in a sunbeam you might think about Lauren Pailing and what your own alternative universe might be like!

The premise and and the promise of this story persuaded me to request this book. Liking it to Life after Life should have raised a red flag to me as, although well received, didn't appeal to me.
Sliding Doors scenercio seemed attractive but from the outset I couldn't warm to the Lauren. Whereas Sliding Doors worked, I felt this novel failed. Not for me unfortunately.

This is one of those stories where multiple versions run in parallel - a more complex Sliding Doors or Life After Life. Lauren Pailing lives different versions of her life, and the story is also told by both her and the people around her, so that we see the different scenarios play out through different eyes. It’s skilfully done and the author makes it easier to follow because of the different narrators. Ultimately it didn’t quite grip me enough to be a page turner, but it’s an interesting premise.

This book follows Lauren's life from early childhood through to adulthood, I found the first third of the book slow to begin with, and definitely enjoyed the latter 2/3 more. This had an interesting premise about parallel worlds, and how they may be almost the same but with small details that changed between them.

The First Time Lauren Pailing Died is a hard book to put into a specific genre but I’m inclined to go with family/relationship drama.
Lauren is thirteen when we first meet her, she is an only child and because of this her mother is very protective of her. Lauren sees sunbeams and in them her family but not as they are now. Lauren’s mother reluctantly lets her go on a two week holiday with her best friends family, here is where her first life ends and so did my attention on the storyline. The only thing that seemed a permanent character was Peter Stanning, her Father's boss, who went missing. I spent a long time waiting for something to happen with him as that was where the story i felt was leading up to and I was right but it was nothing like I thought and a bit of a let down to be honest.
Yes this is a beautifully written story but for me after the first part it fell short of my expectations. The cover was a great 70s nostalgia kick for me and I liked that and on the whole the book was ok but I felt if I didn’t read it in big chunks at a time I’d forgotten where I was up to with timelines and characters.
I would like to thank Netgalley and HQ for this ARC I received in exchange for an honest review.