Firstly I need to tell you this book is explicit and the subject matters of child grooming and sexual abuse aren’t sugar coated – it’s raw, brutal, disturbing and extremely uncomfortable reading from page one until the end.

My Dark Vanessa is not just dark it’s almost total blackout and readers of a delicate nature should avoid at all costs.

Vanessa is our narrator and doesn’t hold back in her thoughts, feelings and memories.  Now aged 32 years old and barely coping with life, working in a hotel as a concierge and drifting from booze, drugs and meaningless sex she takes us back to her childhood when she attended a prestigious boarding school and at age 15 met and “fell in love” with her English teacher, 45 year old Jacob Strane.

 Watching Vanessa’s decline is like putting a fork in a microwave and being unable to stop watching the sparks fly before completely exploding.  You know it’s coming, you know it’s going to be bad, but you just can’t take your eyes off it.  I felt deeply sorry for Vanessa,  it was impossible not too.  Even as her behaviour was becoming more and more erratic I felt myself holding my breath, hoping things would work out for her.

Even through Vanessa’s words the reader is under no illusion that this is 100% predatory child grooming and it’s impossible not to feel sorry for Vanessa and disgust at Strane’s behaviour.  One of Strane’s earlier comments to Vanessa is that he is going to ruin her and there is no doubt he does exactly what he said he would as we watch her life and future fall apart in the hands of this twisted paedophile.

“His hand slips out from under my skirt and he slides like liquid out of his chair and onto the floor.  Kneeling before me, he lays his head on my lap and says, “I’m going to ruin you.”

Whilst all the above is shocking and uncomfortable to read, it’s Vanessa’s refusal to face the truth of who the real victim is especially when several other students come forward accusing Strane of molesting or assaulting them that makes the reader feel the most disturbed.

My Dark Vanessa is a powerful and deeply thought provoking debut novel which will leave a mark on you as a reader and as a human being.  The writing is utterly spellbinding and beautiful and the author has written an exceptional story which will stay in my thoughts for a long time.

I didn’t like this book. I have daughters and just found it disturbing. Not for me I’m afraid. 

Many thanks to netgalley and Kate Elizabeth Russell fir the advanced copy of this book. I agreed to give my unbiased opinion voluntarily.

This book was simply not for me. I have two teenage daughters so I found the content very disturbing and it actually made me feel a little ill.

ow. This was quite a read, and I’m still not sure what to make of it.

It’s arresting, I’ll give you that- in both senses of the word. Kate Elizabeth Russell’s book is a modern-day Lolita, from Lolita’s viewpoint: that of Vanessa, a girl who was groomed by her teacher, Jacob Strane, when she was in school and refuses to acknowledge the damage it did to her, or the fact that he was guilty at all.

For those reasons alone, you might imagine that this is a difficult book to get through. And you’d be absolutely right, but Russell’s writing is so striking and powerful that it’s also difficult to put down.

Vanessa’s viewpoint is that she is not the victim. According to her, she entered into the relationship consensually. She’s still in love with Strane, and believes that the other girls coming forward with stories of abuse at his hands are lying. Because Strane is the good guy, and she’s the lover that he aged out of, even though she’s now drifting through life, surviving on alcohol, cigarettes and meaningless sex.

Obviously, this isn’t true. Vanessa was abused, but the conviction and pride with which she tells us her thoughts is striking and shocking. It’s rare- no, pretty much non-existent- for you to read about a grooming victim who doesn’t see herself as having been abused, and it’s deeply unnerving.

Russell also takes us through a blow-by-blow account of how it happened. She is agonisingly methodical in how she recreates Vanessa’s seduction at the hands of Strane: the precocious girl, just realising the power she has over men. It’s difficult to read because it’s difficult not to see yourself in Vanessa as a fifteen year old: hopeful, full of hormones, naive and trusting. She believes she’s special, and who doesn’t want to think they’re special?

This book isn’t for the faint-hearted. Russell goes into pretty graphic detail about their relationship, and the many ways in which Jacob Strane ruins Vanessa’s life afterwards- and that of her parents. Vanessa’s slow realisation that perhaps Strane’s behaviour wasn’t right after all inches the story forward by degrees, but really the book is about power and the horrible things that happens when people abuse it. Disturbing: a powerful read, but not one I much liked.

I didn't actually finish this book. The reason I waited so long to write this review was because I did plan on going back to it when I felt ready, but I think now I'm just not ever going to be ready to finish it. But I read enough of it to feel okay writing this review. The reason I couldn't finish the book was actually the very reason I think it's such a good book and would recommend it to people (with trigger warnings).

The subject matter of the book is very heavy and the fact that it jumps back and forward between adult Vanessa and teen Vanessa was an excellent choice because it shows perfectly how damaging these relationships can be. Right from the start, we know that she's not okay, that this relationship--in spite of her denial--has caused her lasting damage.

I've seen and read movies and shows and books that romanticise the teacher/student romance thing. Or even just the older guy dating the teen girl thing. And they're always shown with adults playing the teenagers so the wrongness of it isn't so visually apparent or they're told just from the teenagers perspective where it's putting you into their shoes in that moment when they're caught up in how they're feeling, when they're believing all the things these older guys are saying and believing that it's okay without the distance that is needed to highlight why those relationships are usually so messed up. Why an older guy telling teenage you how beautiful you are and how mature you are and doing things with you that you're not nearly mature enough for, especially not with an adult, is wrong and creepy instead of flattering and that even if you are "mature" and "wise beyond your years" the fact that this man is pursuing you instead of someone his own age is all kinds of red flags.

I guess what I'm saying is that the book, as far as I read, got it right. It felt wrong right from the start, it never felt romantic. It made me uncomfortable reading it because I've been, and known, the teen girl who doesn't see why that older guy taking an interest in her like that isn't right and it took becoming an adult myself to really see that. 

That's why I think the book is important. It shows the relationship in hindsight. I'm rating the book 3.5 stars because it doesn't feel right to rate it higher when I couldn't finish it, but I do think highly of the book in spite of that because the writing and characters and execution of the story were great and the reasons I couldn't finish it had everything to do with me and not the book itself.

Sorry; I tried, but really couldn't connect with this book, I didn't particularly like or care about the protagonist and when a different book appeared in my hands... I never did get back to this one.

I received a free ebook version of this through Netgalley. Thankyou to both Netgalley and the publisher for allowing me to read this! My review is still honest.

Woah. This book is a dark one, and if you're sensitive to the topics of abuse of pedophilia in any way, I would steer well clear. However, if you feel you can handle it, this is one of the most complex books I think I've ever read, and it is well worth the read.

My Dark Vanessa is, in a nutshell, the story of a young girl realising that the great romance of her life, the relationship she had with her teacher when she was 15, was actually a tale of abuse and manipulation. Vanessa has never thought of herself as a victim, and the way this treats the themes of victimhood and how clever abusers can be is really thought provoking and enlightening. It shows grooming in a way so you understand how it isn't clear to these young girls what's happening to them. There are moments in this that made me tear up, feel sick and disturbed, feel hopeful. It's a rare kind of book that can make you feel so deeply and widely.

The writing style in this was beautiful and very accessible. It's an adult literature book that reads almost like a young adult in terms of how easy the writing style is to read. I did feel the pacing was a little off, but it wasn't a major issue in my opinion. I was very impressed with this one.

It took me longer than anticipated to finish this book because it was a really tough read. The tale of a 15-year-old girl who falls for her English teacher was complicated and nuanced but also deeply unsettling. Shows the true impact that early trauma can leave on a person and very much relevant in the wake of the "Me Too" movement.

I ended up putting this down a few times because I wasn't quite clicking with it, it was perhaps a bit too slow for my personal liking, but eventually I did pick up again and finish. The writing is extremely accomplished and it's certainly hard hitting. In the end though the slow pacing and the loose ends made me lower my rating - I also didn't quite believe Vanessa in regards to how she ultimately viewed Strane.

This was at once an easy and very compelling read and yet a tough one. It shows the painful and long-lasting effects of manipulation and abuse. The book flips back and forth between times, from the 2000s when Vanessa’s is fifteen, manipulated into a relationship with her English teacher to 2017 when other girls come forward with their allegation of abuse by him.

I’ve read articles about abusive relationships and I know the definition and origin of gaslighting but having to read how Mr Strand manipulates Vanessa for years, how he lies and twists the reality of events was a whole other level. It’s infuriating and heartbreaking seeing him control the narrative of her life. The amount of bullshit he comes out with is staggering. Trying to make Vanessa believe she was the one who chased him, that she was the one to initiate it and she keeps having to remind herself that no, it was him. I don’t think I have hated a character as much as I hate Mr Strand. What makes it worse is the support that everyone in power gives him while humiliating and abandoning his victims. They find fault in the girls, calling them emotionally troubled, attention-seeking girls with a crush.

It’s hard reading how Vanessa desperately clings to the romantic fantasy of her abuse, but she’s so entrenched in his manipulation she doesn’t see it as abuse. Her recovery is messy, she clings to the romantic story, ‘I just really need it to be a love story’ because if she stops believing that she can’t carry on believing that the man who wrecked her never loved her, that what he did was never out of love.

This is a powerful, moving and painful book. It’s not a book for everyone but I think it’s an important one and I highly recommend it.

this book was not for me and I DNF fairly early on - my fault for not reading the premise of the book tbh and nothing to do with the authors work

My Dark Vanessa is written in such a way that it's almost impossible to put down.  This book may trigger some people and it might help people come forward with their own stories of abuse.  But I absolutely loved it.  One ofmy favourite novels of 2020.  More please.  5 stars

My Dark Vanessa by Kate Elizabeth Russell is the debut novel from this American author, published by 4th Estate. Translated into over twenty languages, My Dark Vanessa has become a Sunday Times and New York Times bestseller. (Trigger warning: this novel and review contain references to mental and sexual abuse by a teacher towards a minor.) Inspired by her own experiences as a teenager, Kate’s novel focuses on a schoolgirl and the abusive relationship between herself and one of her male teachers.


SYNOPSIS

2000

After 15-year-old Vanessa Wye loses her best friend’s attention to a new boyfriend, she finds herself alone in school and under pressure from her mother to ‘fit in.’ She joins a writing group to improve her poetry and makes a new friend in her forty-five-year-old English teacher, Jacob Strane. For the first time in her life, she’s complimented on her looks and her fiery hair; for the first time in her life, she feels truly seen. He singled her out; he chose her over everyone else. Before she even understands the attention she’s receiving, Strane puts his hand on her knee, hidden under a work desk, but in front of the whole class. She is fifteen when they first have sex.


She loves him and he loves her. She finds solace in the copy of Lolita he gifts her, others have had a love like theirs before, but she knows society would never understand. As he said ‘It’s just my luck that when I finally find my soul mate, she’s fifteen years old.’


2017

Vanessa obsessively refreshes the Facebook post. How could this woman, another one of his former students, openly accuse Strane of sexual assault? That’s not what happened; Strane admitted to touching another girl’s leg years ago, but that’s all it was. He’d never loved anyone like he’d loved Vanessa, never had and never would. Surely it was just someone getting caught up in the #MeToo movement, because she was the only one for him. What they’d had was exceptional because she was special. It had to have been love because, after a life revolved around him, if it wasn’t….what was it?

 

REVIEW OF MY DARK VANESSA
My Dark Vanessa by Kate Elizabeth Russell has been on my wishlist since mid-2019 due to the plethora of incredible writers whose quotes blanket the rear cover. When a debut novel is loved by the likes of Louise O’Neil, Stephen King and Sarah Pinborough, it’s hard to ignore. There was some controversy around the time of its publication that the content of this fictional novel echoed the contents of Wendy C. Ortiz’s 2014 memoir Excavation (which I have since added to my reading pile), which is when Kate stated:


“I would like to share with my readers that My Dark Vanessa, which I’ve been working on for nearly 20 years, was inspired by my own experiences as a teenager. I have previously discussed the relationships I’ve had with older men and how those relationships informed the writing of My Dark Vanessa. But I do not believe that we should compel victims to share the details of their personal trauma with the public. The decision whether or not to come forward should always be a personal choice. I have been afraid that opening up further about my past would invite inquiry that could be retraumatizing, and my publisher tried to protect my boundaries by including a reminder to readers that the novel is fiction. ”


This highlights the scariest thing about this novel; that this experience is not as unique as you may think.


After so much exposure, it can be hard for a book to live up to the hype, but My Dark Vanessa does that and then some. The general content and devastatingly sharp, evocative writing means this isn’t an easy read (their first sexual encounter led me to have to put the book down and take a few hours out), but it’s a voice I haven’t read before; following Vanessa from absolutely refusing to accept the truth about her relationship and seeing herself as a star-crossed lover, through to admitting that the relationship that shaped her life was much darker.


‘I need it to be a love story. I need it to be that.’


As well as eloquently explaining how Strane focused in on his most vulnerable student and managed to create the false image of her being in control on their relationship, the book also hits on some very prevalent points of growing up as a teenage girl.


‘Somehow I sensed what was coming then. Really though, what girl doesn’t? It looms over you, the threat of violence.

They drill the danger into your head until it starts to feel inevitable. You grow up wondering when it’s finally going to happen.’


My Dark Vanessa makes an incredibly compelling and thought-provoking read. I completely understand how some people may not feel a book such as this would be traditionally ‘enjoyable’ to read, and enjoyable is definitely the wrong word. Instead, this book is a chilling portrayal of manipulation in one of it’s scariest forms which is as important as it is unsettling. I cannot recommend My Dark Vanessa highly enough; this will be ranking high in my top books of 2020.

My Dark Venessa by Kate Elizabeth Russell is a very dark and disturbing read. The plot tells the story of the systematic sexual abuse of a child by a teacher and it goes on to describe the life the victim leads following her experiences. I find it troubling that there is so much emphasis on the child’s complicity, or rather, her perceived complicity. 

It’s well written and I certainly wanted to reach the conclusion but It’s not a book I’d recommend.

Struggled with my rating for this one. It started so strongly and the chapters written in the past, during Vanessa's relationship with Jacob, were especially strong, but I found it weakened as it went on and it wasn't quite as compelling. At first I thought it was a definite 4/5 but the more I think about it, the more I feel was missing. I found the end lacking - I was expecting the final 30 minutes of the audiobook to be another chapter but it was an author interview, so that was disappointing. There were a lot of loose ends, and that could be intentional as it's a messy subject but it left me a smidge unsatisfied. Probably a 3.5 but rounded down because my review has come off a bit jaded. Strong start, weak end, and some things that felt odd.

Beautifully written and beguiling, My Dark Vanessa is none-the-less a challenging book. As the narrative guides you through the muddy water of consent and exploitation, there was never any question as to who the victim is but with maturity and a shift in dynamics the reader is required to take a more nuanced approach as an observer.  Vanessa's story is one that will stay with you for some time.

A raw, heart wrenching and traumatic story, this is a dark and difficult read. It is also a powerful and important story. 

We have all heard the stories of teachers and their students, but hearing it from the point of view the student in detail makes it even more harrowing. Kate Elizabeth Russell has gotten inside Vanessa’s head so well it fells like you are read her private thoughts in her diary. Vanessa’s continued denial of being a victim is so heartbreakingly common.

A stunning debut by Kate Elizabeth Russell, but it may take you a while to recover.

This was one of my most anticipated reads of this year and it absolutely lived up to my hopes for it! It follows Vanessa both in the present day and in the past when she had a relationship with her teacher Jacob Straynewhile she was still a student. Vanessa hears that a woman who went to the same school has accused Strayne of grooming and abusing her and she wants Vanessa to also come forward. She is stunned because she believes her and Strayne were in a loving relationship. As the novel progresses it’s very uncomfortable to read how Strayne clearly groomed Vanessa, and to see how she viewed it as a mutual attraction. It’s also hard to read how she has remained friends with him in all the years since. Over the course of the book Vanessa is forced to confront what happened between her and Strayne and it’s devastating. This book is so stunningly written and it never shies away from the reality of what happened to Vanessa. This is a book that will really stay with me and I highly recommend it.

My Dark Vanessa starts off as the story of a 15 year old girl who “willingly” enters into a sexual relationship with her much older teacher but ends up being a powerful exploration of the complexities of such cases, how an abuser grooms a victim, the complex relationship between abuser and victim and also deals with the issues of power and consent. Alternating between timelines we meet a 15 year old Vanessa who is experiencing the events as they unfold and thirty-something year old Vanessa who is still dealing with the psychological fallout. It also explores how victims often create their own versions events in order to regain control of the narrative. I thought his book was phenomenal, exceptionally well written and heavily features other literary works that have featured similar pedophilic relationships. A modern day Lolita story (a book that is unsurprisingly featured heavily in the novel). This is a very dark and uncomfortable read and should come with a trigger warning. If you like your fiction to be fluffy and light this is one to avoid but if you like your fiction to be of the literary kind and to force you to confront your own thoughts and feelings on such subjects and to perhaps give a little insight into why some victims refuse to confront and report their abuse then this is the book for you!

Thanks to Netgalley and 4th Estate Books for this ARC which I have only just got around to reading but will definitely be featuring in my books of the year list!

This book was really excellent. Thought provoking, provocative, disturbing, dark - I was completely immersed and didn’t draw breath for the whole first half. I wasn't sure where it was going after a key moment and that made it cleverer too. A really brilliant read - great for a book club discussion.