I found this book quite a frustrating read but for the right reasons. Witnessing the budding affair between Vanessa and Strane is enough to make any parent scream. He's so disgustingly clever at convincing her that this is different, that she is special the only one who understands him. The fact that as a reader you know Vanessa is still in contact with him just made me even angrier. Everyone lets her down, the school, her parents the whole system I could almost understand how the seduction had become the great love affair in Vanessa's mind. 
My disappointment came when I didn't really feel that Vanessa had truly accepted Strane for who he was. The whole section with Henry felt unnecessary to me and just made the novel feel overlong and repetitive which was a shame as had it been shorter it would have packed more of a punch.

My Dark Vanessa is one of the most uncomfortable books I have ever read, but it is intended to be that way. Told in dual timeline, you flicker between Vanessa’s teenage relationship with her 45 year-old English teacher and her adult self being called to take a stand against the abuse he committed.

The complexity of Vanessa, as well as the supporting characters, was the highlight of this book. Vanessa’s (very) slow development of how she views the relationship unravels new but believable parts of her character throughout. We’re kept very close to Vanessa’s mind, with less dialogue and plot than you might expect, but the book doesn’t lag for a second. 

In fact, the writing is so painfully close that I had to take multiple breaks whilst reading it. It doesn’t shy away from graphic realities and disgusting truths about abuse, it serves it up raw. As a result, some may find this book too hard-hitting, but if you think you can power through the troubling nature of it, I would recommend it.

I delayed writing the review for this book for quite a while since I was still sorting out my feelings about it and trying to wrap my head around the “controversy” that surrounded it for some time on Twitter. My Dark Vanessa is a very intense book and one that deserves time and needs time. So, now that I’ve had some of that, I can’t wait to write out my thoughts. Thanks to 4th Estate and NetGalley for providing me with a copy of this book in exchange for a honest review.

My Dark Vanessa is a book perfectly fit to its specific moment in time where we are not just trying to out sexual abusers, but where we’re also re-examining what it means to be a victim, how one finds themselves in a situation where wrong and right become muddy. This was the exact situation we were in when I read this novel in March 2020 and I saw its relevance almost every day. We are currently in a very different, important cultural moment and although it is not linked to sexual abuse specifically, it is about power relations, about control, about who gets to tell the story and who gets believed. These broken power structures are so deeply ingrained in our cultures that even when you're looking straight at them you can't always name it. Reading books such as My Dark Vanessa, although fictional, give me a chance to redirect my gaze. And it's not comfortable, but it is necessary.

Vanessa is in her early thirties and so far she has just about held everything together. Nothing is quite right, nothing ever was since then but it's ok since nothing has gone entirely wrong either, as long as she keeps telling herself it was love. My Dark Vanessa is a novel about power, youth, judgement, fear and shame, but also about love. The overarching theme, in my eyes, is story telling, however. Who tells our story? Who has the right to it? And what if someone tells you your own story and you don't recognize it? I don't want to discuss too much of how Strane and Vanessa meet, how the end up entangled and what it means. There is no surprise in it, no shocking betrayals or unexpected twists. Russell  does not pretend it is extraordinary, the story she tells, but she manages to highlight the sheer damaging confusion of it all. Is Vanessa complicit? Should she not have understood all the references to Lolita, should she not have taken the escape options available to her? And why can she not let go? 

Vanessa is a fascinating character because she is difficult to read about. You'll find yourself feeling bad for not liking her, for not warming to her older self. And then you'll find yourself feeling such a strong, protective fury for the younger Vanessa that will take your breath away. My perspective of Vanessa switched throughout the book as you learn more about her past and present and as I kept finding points of similarity with her. So much of her is recognizable for anyone who has been a young girl, been a teenager in love with books, been a woman searching for herself. And you see all the traps that were laid out, the ones that you accidentally avoided and the ones you walked into with eyes wide open. Vanessa tries to work through her story and it's a hard journey to take with her. 

Kate Elizabeth Russell has written a brilliant novel, one whose writing is key to making the story work. My Dark Vanessa made me feel physically ill while reading. Russell would have written something so innocuous it could have been overlooked and yet it began the spiral of deep unease in the pit of my stomach. With every further step Strane had Vanessa take, the unease would become acidic and threaten to spill over. It didn't make for a "fun" reading experience, but it was visceral and I think that is very important for a novel like My Dark Vanessa. When writing about sexual abuse and power relations, it is so easy to slip into sensationalism or virtue signalling, but Russell wrote something deeply emotional that will stick with me for a very long time.

My Dark Vanessa is a brilliant and terrifying novel that I have been  recommending for four months now. It will grip you and you will have to occasionally take a forceful break away from it, but it is a rewarding reading experience.

This review will be live on A Universe in Words from 6/6/2020

I love her writing style Its an amazing debut novel and I know I will be following the author very closely from now on. 
This book is a rollercoaster of emotions, You can see how she’s been groomed and how she’s been shamed and emotionally abandoned by her parents and let down by her friends. As in a way they all know what’s happening but don’t care enough to properly help her. 
As the story is told by Vanessa POV so we can only see what she wants us to. I definitely needed to know more about Henry P. And what happen to Jenny and other people who try to be there. 
Her voice is intense and relatable (all the women around me have experience a way of sexual abuse, very sad I know) I felt her pain and anger, the distancing from her own feelings and foggy memories being transformed into lies and doubt. 
This book is not for the faint-hearted. It’s raw and very real. Read under the warning of sexual abuse, child pornography, drug abuse, teenage grooming. Isolation and abandonment. 
As I read the arc I don’t know if this book comes with warnings or help lines, help websites I hope it does as this is a great story that needs to be read It might help other people come out and free themselves from the trauma.

Tipped to be one of the biggest releases of the summer, My Dark Vanessa is as dark as its title suggests. A powerhouse of a book which tackles taboo topics and lays them bare, leaving no stone unturned. I was contacted by the publisher and offered a chance to review this book last year, before it even appeared available for request. I'd seen the hype, I immediately accepted. But I'm a bad reviewer and I left this one on the shelf until now, close to publication. I knew this one was going to be tough, dark and disturbing and it definitely lived up to that expectation.

So, what is this disturbing, controversial subject matter? It's about a relationship between a 45-year-old teacher and his 15-year old pupil. The pupil is Vanessa Wye, and the story is told from her point of view as an adult looking back on the past when her old teacher Strane has just hit the headlines after a different girl has accused him of abuse. Vanessa then takes the reader back to her time at a prestigious boarding school, and the relationship that developed between her and Jacob Strane.

Their story is strangely fascinating. It's easy to see how Vanessa was drawn into Strane's web as he appears to single her out, make her feel special, making her feel that she has control in their relationship. "I have power. Power to make it happen, power over him."  It's enticing and exciting for a lonely and susceptible young girl discovering the power of her own passion. "He fell at my feel before he even kissed me. Can you imagine what that felt like, being fifteen and watching a grown man sink to his knees?"

But from an objective reader's standpoint, you can't help but notice alarming signs of a pedophile grooming. Vanessa is at a vulnerable point in her life when she meets him; alone in an isolated location, separated from her parents and recently estranged from her closest school friend.

Russell doesn't try to paint anyone a villain or victim in this novel, instead she explores these concepts and questions where a relationship becomes abuse. "I'm not a victim because I don't want to be, and if I don't want to be then I'm not. That's how it works. The difference between rape and sex is a state of mind. You can't rape the willing..."

Her character has lived with the aftermath of the relationship for the entirety of her adult life - the two actually kept in touch and attempted to reconcile their relationship over the years - and so Strane's hold on her has never let go. In the second half of the novel, Vanessa reveals more about her life following her time at boarding school and it's clear to see the devastating effect her past has had on every element of her - the failed career, relationships and a mild obsession with the magical age of fifteen, the beauty of youth she can't retain.

It's difficult to review or recommend this book because of the subject matter and graphic content throughout. It's not a comfortable read, it's certainly not a book you'd read for escapism. At some points, it's a little slow. But it is a thought-provoking piece of literary fiction, unlike anything else I've read, and it deserves all the hype it's receiving. It's an incredibly accomplished debut - a book almost twenty years in the making - and the author has created something insightful, compelling and powerful.

This book was pretty revolting, and I mean that as a compliment. Our protagonist is a mess, her one great love a predatory pedophile who targeted her from a position of power. I genuinely felt repulsed as I read this book, which I think is a compliment to the author. Even now (about 5 weeks on) I feel rage at thinking about the storyline. I think it could be a true story, I know that there will be those who read it and are able to identify someone who this happened to. It definitely made me think.

My Dark Vanessa was an extremely difficult and dark book to read but also a must read. I had to keep putting it down to walk away and process what I’d read but at the same time didn’t want to put it down. It was incredibly well written and has got into my head. The subject matter means it can’t really be called an enjoyable read but it is a book you want to keep reading. 

Thanks to NetGalley and the publishers for the ARC in return for an honest and unbiased opinion.

'Maybe I'm so deprived, I misinterpret innocent favouritism as sexual interest. Maybe it's all in my head.'

Dark, gritty, and disturbing, 'My Dark Vanessa' blew my mind with the psychological foreplay, staying true to its name. Vanessa believes her enigmatic English teacher didn't force himself upon her at the age of 15, which is technically true. But the level of manipulation Jacob, this pedophile teacher is capable of, is beyond comprehension. When a story comes into the limelight, where another student is 'groped' by Jacob, Vanessa is forced to revisit what actually happened with her only to realize that she was indeed brainwashed into believing that she was his one true love and their chemistry was real.

The highlight of this story is how the lives of the survivors of such an abuse revolve around the same incident and they are incapable of letting it go because without it, their lives have no meaning. Vanessa has been taunted all her life for her 'affair' with a teacher, she was a social outcast and her parents did very little to pull her out of it. Eventually, she set down on a path of self-destruction, ruining the chances of a brilliant future. Vanessa strongly believes that what was between the two them was real and meaningful and as a reader, for a little while I 'had' to look at this story from her perspective, which again makes a lot of sense.

Nonetheless, Vanessa is severely affected by the entire incident, leading to a dysfunctional lifestyle and repeated mental breakdowns. This story will hurt you, again and again, but will also make you want to keep reading, in hopes of justice of some sort. The author draws multiple parallels from 'Lolita' by Nabokov, reminding us of Humbert, a selfish and cruel pedophile, hopelessly and mercilessly in love with Lolita.
This is a book that will wreck you, so pick it up only when you're prepared (though, you can never be prepared for certain kind of people this world holds). 'My Dark Vanessa' is a glimpse inside the head of a 15-year-old child and later, a 30-something-year-old adult, traumatized from one incident but also incapable of detaching herself from the memories and the toxicity.

This is an uncomfortable yet gripping read looking back from a grown woman's point of view looking back on an unhealthy and abusive relationship with her teacher 17 years earlier.  It is a book of out times relevant to all the experiences of women revealed jn the me too movement.   
Personally I found the subject matter difficult to read but I know that it is thought provoking and will open up many a discussion in book clubs everywhere.

An enjoyable and provocative read. However having read "Putney" a few years ago, I felt that outclassed it and dealt with similar issues in a more compelling way. Neither were pleasant reading experiences but that one out of the two stays with me. This one did offer interesting perspectives but it has not stayed with em in the weeks since finishing it.

I knew nothing at all about this book when I first turned its pages and had no idea that the nauseating subject matter would disturb me so much or stir up such intense emotions within me.  I found it immensely uncomfortable and stomach churning.  At that point,  I almost put this book down never to finish it, but members of my book club urged me to keep going with it and I did.  This reaction is unusual for me and is a testimony to the depth and power of the writing.

This is an extremely well written book, so much so, that the reader really gets inside the protagnist's head and can see the world from the victim's perspective.  Did I enjoy it?  Hmm!  I don't think I would use the word enjoy, but it most definitely was an excellent read and one which will stay with me for a long time yet. 

Many thanks to Netgalley for a copy of this ARC for which I have given my voluntary and unbiased review.

I found this a very difficult book to read and review.

The subject matter is extremely difficult to engage with and is obviously very dark. It's therefore hard to say I enjoyed reading it.

However, the writing is good and the author handles the subject carefully. She cleverly shows us how Vanessa is groomed without knowing it, then realises that she has been abused.

The fluid timelines help to show the lasting impact of the experience, offering a realistic insight into victims' lives.

It was a well crafted book but not one I took pleasure in reading.

My Dark Vanessa is a very intriguing novel. It’s a dark (as the title would suggest), disturbing, and very convincing portrayal of a teenage-teacher relationship, from the beginning, and its effects for so long afterwards.

The novel tracks Vanessa from her time at the boarding school where she was groomed for sex by teacher Jacob Strane, and their ensuing ‘affair’ – though it is of course more of an abuser-abusee relationship, seeing as Vanessa was only 15 years old when it started – through to Vanessa’s adulthood trying to come to terms with what happened to her. Because everything is told from her point of view, we really get to know Vanessa’s thoughts and feelings, and we see why she is so taken in by Strane and how he manipulated her so effectively, maintaining his hold over her even as an adult. I think this is partly why I felt the story was so realistic, or at least I imagine it to be – because we can see how something like this could really happen.

It’s so interesting to see how blind Vanessa is to Strane’s abuse of her, even as an adult. In certain scenes, where she meets someone who has been through something very similar, she completely refuses to awknowledge Strane’s guilt, despite now being old enough to realise. It demonstrates how taken in she is by him.

The story is well paced and I never fond myself bored, despite some parts of the story developing fairly slowly. Kate Elizabeth Russell’s writing flows so well that you forget you’re reading the inner thoughts of a fifteen year old.

My Dark Vanessa is a great debut and one which gets me excited about future releases from this author.

Talking about abuse is never easy. But how do you tell a story of abuse when you don’t realize you have been abused (even many years later)?

You tell a “love story” instead.

“My Dark Vanessa” is a disturbingly powerful read that focuses on the victim’s side of the story — except Vanessa doesn’t consider herself a victim. And this is why it’s so uncomfortable when we get to read from Vanessa’s point of view as an adult, her life in the present, the memories from the past, and the repercussions of being abused as a teenager. We are in her head.

Being in Vanessa’s head is not easy. It’s uncomfortable, painful. It makes us feel a wide range of emotions, from sadness to anger. Even frustration sometimes, a sense of injustice. Powerlessness, perhaps?

Can we help Vanessa? Well, we can’t. Because “My Dark Vanessa” is not a fairy tale. It’s a raw depiction of grooming, an awful story of a teenager who had been manipulated and brainwashed by a predator. That’s what’s powerful about this book. We get to experience the abuse through Vanessa’s eyes.

We all want to be “special”. We crave someone who sees what’s unique in us, who understands us, who “gets it”. Vanessa saw that in Strane.

The hardest part is to accept that despite being fictional, this story is also very real and raw.

For a book that is so hard to read, I surprisingly couldn’t put it down. It felt a bit longer than needed and I thought some details were unnecessary (too many rape scenes as well). Overall it was well written, the pace was appropriate, and you really get into Vanessa’s head.

A very horrifying and harrowing read. Because of the subject matter this was very difficult to get through at times, it’s really something that plays on your mind. I didn’t enjoy it reading it one bit, but it’s one of the best books I’ve ever read and is something I know I’ll think about often. It's a book I would recommend to everyone but at the same time caution anyone who picks it up to be aware of the content and make sure you read the synopsis first because this book hits unbelievably hard.

I’ve really struggled to articulate what it is I do and don’t like about this book. I’m usually so forthright and confident but I can’t quite figure this one out. It is a dark, uncomfortable and provocative novel that shows the 2-sides of sexual abuse and the misuse of power by adults. .

One side you have Vanessa, 15 years old, poetic and innocent. She is given power by her 42 year old English teacher Strane and becomes engulfed in the secret that they both share. Then you have Strane, who knows that he is attracted to young girls. He’s created a fantasy where Vanessa has seduced him and innocent Vanessa starts to believe that she has. 

I think it’s an important book to read although the ending is leaving me frustrated!

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this one. When I think I’ve made my mind up on this book, it changes! 

At this moment, I give it 3 stars.

I found the content of this book at times very difficult to read but I felt compelled to finish it. It gives graphic descriptions of how a young adolescent is groomed by a teacher so that ultimately he can sexually abuse her.
Vanessa feels unloved by her parents and not one of those girls who fits in with the gang but when her teacher singles her out and makes her feel special she is delighted.
Praying on her weakness he continues to groom her for his own satisfaction but little do they both know of the consequences it will have on both of them in later life.

This story was very intense and raw. Difficult to read at times. Kate Elizabeth Russell does an amazing job at depicting the horrific abuse Vanessa went through. Including the mental manipulation that even as an adult in her 30s she still struggled to live a somewhat regular life and struggle to accept what really happened. The power imbalance between Strane and Vanessa still in affect over a decade later.

The characters Strane and Vanessa felt so real. In Strane’s case disgustingly real. The way he always found a way to pass all the blame onto her. Making her feel guilty for questioning his behaviour.

“The power you hold over my life is immense. I wonder how it must feel to go about your day, masquerading as an average college girl, all the while knowing you could destroy a man with one well- placed phone call. But I still trust you. I wouldn’t send an incriminating letter if I didn’t.”

Even when she finally says it out loud to him.

“Well, it’s your fault, you know,” I say. A pause. “Ok.” “Everything wrong with me originated with you.” “Let’s not do this.” “You created this mess.” “Baby, go to bed.” “Am I wrong?” I ask. “Tell me I’m wrong.” I stare up at a water stain stretching across the ceiling. Finally, he says, “I know it’s what you believe.”

Strane even puts so much doubt into her mind. That it’s her fault if someone else shows interest. That she caused it. She is to always be blamed.

“Vanessa, stay away from him,” he says. I screw up my face, fake indignation. “What are you talking about?” “Be a good girl,” he says. “You know what you’re capable of.”

Throughout the book there are moments Vanessa knows the truth. But it’s like she is too afraid of what that truly means. My heart broke for her. She was so young and he preyed on her. Using her insecurities. Even up until the end. He never gave her a chance.

“I just really need it to be a love story. You know? I really, really need it to be that.” “I know,” she says. “Because if it isn’t a love story, then what is it?”

I can’t say I enjoyed this. This isn’t the type of book you enjoy. It’s a,book that leaves you uncomfortable. A book that stays with you. It’s so well written.

Throughout the book I just wanted to take Vanessa away from him. Protect her. Help her see the truth. Get to the point of acceptance. To where she can start to find a way through it. To stop letting him ruin her life.

Vanessa Wye is a fifteen year old student at a prestigious prep school when she firsts sets eyes on her new English teacher Jacob Strane.

Strane is Forty Five, a whole thirty years difference in age to Vanessa, and yet he still wants her, and she (she believes) is strangely drawn to him also.

When Vanessa enrols in an after hours English club to improve her overall school profile, she does so with an ulterior motive, of getting closer to Strane.

At first Strane is subtle in his pursuit of Vanessa, pointing out paragraphs in books for her, bringing her his 'favourite' texts to read, and then he becomes bolder, placing a hand on her knee when she's sat at his desk, telling her he'd like to kiss her goodnight after a school Halloween party.

He knows that he has gotten inside Vanessa's head, Vanessa of course thinks that she is the one pursuing Strane, that he cannot possibly be interested in her, an ordinary fifteen year old girl with no friends.

Of course, that is precisely why he is interested in her.

Seventeen years later and Vanessa is working in a hotel when she hears that Strane is being accused of sexual abuse by another former student at the school Vanessa went to. Vanessa cannot believe what she's hearing. Strane wouldn't hurt anyone.

Their relationship was consensual, and loving. She is sure of that.

Until she isn't.

As more allegations come to the surface, Vanessa is forced to rethink everything about the past seventeen years of her life, and she may not like what she discovers.

My Dark Vanessa is a brilliant, hard hitting and thought provoking novel that will unsettle the reader, but must be read.

My Dark Vanessa is a book that has been on my radar since early 2019.  At the time, a 2020 publication date felt soooo away!  The more I heard, the more I wanted it.  Well... it's 2020 and I have now finally read it.  What did I think?  Did it live up to the hype I had created?

Vanessa Wye is 15 years old when she enters into a relationship with Mr Strane, her English teacher, who is 3 times her age.  Vanessa sees their relationship as love where as readers, we see that she has been groomed by the predatory teacher and is being abused, both physically and psychologically.   When other girls come forward with their stories of abuse at the hands of Mr Strane,  Vanessa is adamant that she is different.  She wasn't abused, she was in love.   Wasn't she?

My Dark Vanessa is a deeply uncomfortable read and whilst I didn't want to put the book down, I also had to put it down to give myself a break from it.  It is not an easy read; its actually quite dark and disturbing.   As a reader, you see first hand the manipulation and gaslighting that Vanessa is subject to over the course of the novel, as it flashes back and forth between the past and the present.   The effects of the abuse are still present several years later, as Vanessa often relies on drink, drugs and meaningless sex, unable to move on from him and the memories.   As you can imagine, some scenes between Vanessa and Mr Strane are graphic and stomach turning and I felt physically ill.   I did find that putting *those scenes* to one side, the novel is well written with some verses striking a particular chord with myself.  However, if we turn back to a negative note, I thought the ending was quite rushed and didn't seem to follow the same style as the rest of the book.  It felt a bit - oh.. that's it?  I could have read at least another 100 pages..

The infamous novel Lolita is heavily referenced in the book, and the title of My Dark Vanessa is in fact taken from a poem from the same author.  There seems to be an inference that readers will be familiar with Lolita, which I wasn't.  Personally I don't think it took anything away from the story, however if you are familiar with Lolita (perhaps you've read it fairly recently), you might be able to read further between the lines. 

My Dark Vanessa is not really a book I would wholeheartedly recommend to a friend as something they HAD to read, as I felt SO unsettled and uncomfortable by it.  On the other hand, I cannot deny that it is one of those books that will get people talking.  My Dark Vanessa is going to be a book that pops up a lot in book clubs as its ripe for dissection and discussion.

Now, if you will excuse me, I need to go read something a bit more.. nicer.