This books is a helpful tool for those who counsel others. The author provides a biblical and gospel centred perspective empowering parents to shepherd their family, pointing them first to their need for the Savior and dependence in his grace alone. 

Thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for the ARC, and the opportunity to post an honest review.

This is a fantastic resource for counseling within the church! I will definitely be referencing and recommending!

Christian families struggling with suffering and sin need help! Bob Kelleman in this reference book for ministry leaders and counselors, enables and equips them to relate God’s Word to specific family counselling issues. The first four chapters lay the foundation of the book and are the strongest chapters in my opinion. Here are some things that really encouraged me from the book.

Bob begins by giving us five marks of grace-focused families (dedication, discernment, devotion, discipline, discipleship). He journeys us through Judges 13 and Ephesians 1-6 to show us the need for each of these in every grace-centered family. Parents need strength and wisdom from God. They need to give children what they were designed to receive: holy love! Under parental discipline, Bob encourages parents to model their discipline on the Heavenly Father’s discipline, which is personal, purposeful, painful and potentially productive. Parents also need to model their faith before their children and teach it both in formal and informal settings (Deuteronomy 6:4-5).

Bob then shows us what parents and children are designed by God to thirst for: honoring love and holy love, respectively. But often, parents receive dishonoring distance, thus experiencing grief and shame, while children don’t receive parental holy love, thus experiencing exasperation and discouragement. He writes, “Family sin starts with the failure of parents to offer their children holy love and continues with the failure of children to offer their parents honoring love.” Then from James 4:1-4, Bob shows us two types of heart sins resulting out of our sinful nature and two sinful responses to our family. We fight when we demand that others fulfill our illegitimate misdirected desires or when we mishandle our unmet legitimate desires (heart sins). When we don’t get these, we respond with either manipulation or retaliation (sinful responses to family). These responses show our idolatry, carnality and spiritual adultery. I thought this exposition of the heart was brilliant!

Bob then lays out a family counselling approach that addresses both family suffering and family sin. He then gives us four compass points for Biblical family counseling:

Sustaining: Like Christ, we care about each other’s hurts.
Healing: Through Christ, it’s possible for us to hope in God together.
Reconciling: It’s horrible to sin against Christ and each other, but through Christ it’s wonderful to be forgiven and to forgive.
Guiding: It’s supernatural to love each other like Christ, through Christ, and for Christ.

This then forms the basis for the rest of the practical section of the book. Sustaining and healing help suffering families deal with their pain, while reconciling and guiding help sinning families deal with their hardened hearts. In the practical section, Bob develops 22 Biblical family counseling competencies that both comfort those who are suffering and confront those who are sinning. This book is full of hope for those who are without it.

To be honest, I enjoyed the first section of the book more than the practical section. The material, though, is brilliantly organized. The content is Biblical and practical. Overall, I was encouraged and challenged to apply these principles both in my family life and informal counselling sessions. As such, I am glad to commend this book to you, especially if you are in some sort of counseling ministry in the church. 4/5 stars.

*I received this free book from Baker Books via Net Galley, but was not required to write a favorable review.*