I really enjoyed this book, as it was filled with so many practical tips for self-improvement, relating to habits, emotions, productivity, and relationships. It is easy-to-read and feels like something I will refer back to in the future.

Ah yes, New Year’s Resolutions – and as the intro says, come February most of them will be long forgotten or guilty regrets.

This book is about change, and understanding the ways that you can help yourself make those changes you want in different areas. Three sections – Self, Results, Relationships – have three chapters each, covering topics including emotions, productivity, decision making, and communication.

The underlying theme is that better understanding of how your brain works will help figuring out how to work with it, not against it. I find psychology the closest thing we have to an instruction manual for ourselves, both absolutely fascinating and a huge dose of “why does no one tell you these things?!”

A lot of it was familiar from other reading, things like the ‘lizard, monkey, and human’ brain layers (the former controls e.g. breathing, the middle is our survival instinct, and the latter is what lets us use computers – to paraphrase badly!). But it was an excellent reminder of why life feels like such a struggle at times: under enormous stress this past year (as have so many of us been), it was hugely comforting to read that this pushed me into survival mode, so of course logical and creative thinking became so, so much more difficult.

I enjoyed the early chapters best, that covered more general topics applicable to everyone. The more specialised areas, such as leadership and relationships, felt a little more distant. Still globally relevant, but a little harder to connect with? I did like the use of an example or two, but sometimes it made the entire topic a little one faceted.

The language used is fairly intellectual, while still staying accessible. It’s not pop-science, but nor is it an academic paper. It suited me well, not talking down while at the same time challenging me to think and expanding my knowledge – without being too dense to even attempt!

Change is hard. There are a million books out there trying to push you through those New Year Resolutions, but I think starting with a ‘this is how the brain works’ is an absolute essential first step towards success in any area!

I was thrilled to start this book but I just found it harder and harder to read it is probably because I have been so busy

I really, really loved this book! I have to admit, I started reading this book a bit reluctantly because it’s always difficult to confront your past decisions and understand why we do the thing we do. However, I was incredibly pleased with how much I loved this book! I highlighted practically entire pages in my kindle because there was so much relevance to my life- why I’ve made and repeated bad decisions and gotten stuck in ruts of bad patterns and negative self talk.

Not only does this book go into the science of why we make the decisions we do, it also gives practical advice on how to make good changes to improve our lives. I will absolute be returning to this book again and again for advice and for help in reversing some of my own bad patterns in order to improve my relationship with myself and others. I recommend this book highly for anyone who desires to make positive changes in their life!

Based on the title I was expecting this to be a self-help book along the lines of books with similar titles that provide vague suggestions and end feeling like a very long infomercial for some program the author is running. I was PLEASANTLY SURPRISED! As a Licensed Professional Counselor I found the information very relevant and this could easily be a book I would recommend or lend to my clients. I like that there were real activities that the author explained and then gave examples of instead of a rough description with no application like books with similar titles. I read other reviews where people discussed the activities being tedious and time consuming but I feel that this is necessary to create real life-long change rather than a brief spurt of motivation that fades away faster than a drunken New Years resolution. 

My only issues are that the title, while attention grabbing, is going to attract more of the self-help feel good group of readers and miss the more professional readers who will also find it very useful. I also wish it were being published in the United States as I have not found it available anywhere other than a bookstore in the UK where shipping will be as much as the book. Hoping to see an American publication soon but will plan to splurge on a couple copies from the UK store if not available. It is that worthwhile!

Amazing! I adore this book and really need to get a hard copy so I can continue to refer to it as time goes on. 

This book was so much more than I expected. It covered how to change, why we struggle to change, how to assess whether we actually do need to change, and how to better understand and manage our relationships with others and with ourselves.

This book brings together so many subjects that are close to my heart. It balances the neuroscience with a trauma informed approach. It brings in attachment and methods to help us change our styles.  I cannot express enough how much everyone should read this book and keep it with them!

This book is insightful and empowering, and has left me with lots more to explore further. Highly recommended.

I recommend this book to everyone who's ever asked themselves the question posed in the title.

Even though the book is very science heavy (neuroscience and psychology), it is easy to read and understand. The book is very well structured, and always starts with basic explanations so it's easy to follow along. Different chapters focus on different aspects of our life - our personality, emotions, relationships, leadership, communication etc. The book is very inspirational as it validates that you are not alone in feeling unable to change, it explains why do you actually feel so, makes you realize that you CAN actually change, you've just been doing things in scientifically not the best way possible up to now. It offers much better understanding of yourself and your behaviors, as well as reasons behind everything. It was very interesting to learn how brain functions and what's actually happening in there that causes our responses, choices, emotions, behaviors. There are also real life examples presented in the book and actual techniques how to effectively change in all areas of life.

I will definitely reread this book in the future!

There were a lot of interesting scientific facts about various topics such as breaking habits, why we pick the partners we do, and productivity. Some areas were more helpful than others. Due to the title of the book, I thought this would be more humorous.

Why The F**k Can’t I Change? by Dr. Gabija Toleikyte 
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️/5 

This was a really great book that brought together the scientific, neurological and psychological powerhouses behind why we keep the habits that we want casted out of our lives. 

Reading this made me become drastically aware of how comfortable and set I get in my ways I am, but also, it really highlighted to me just how much my brain really puts a barrier between myself and my goals. It was a bit of an eye opening experience. 

I believe because I now have an understanding of the processes behind the scenes and I feel as if I will only be able to combat the things I want to achieve at a much more successful rate. 

As a Psych major, I was absolutely fascinated by this read. The content was easy and approachable - meaning it’s not set at a academic level - and the book really sets out to give you a full and comprehensive understanding of everything you need to know on this topic. 

Dr. Toleikyte is a neuroscientist and business coach. She has completed her Ph.D. at the University College London on the neuronal basis of memory and navigation. During her years of Ph.D. Gabija has acquired business coach qualification and worked as an internal coach at UCL for the senior academics and administrative staff. Combining coaching experience with neuroscience insights, Gabija has been able to develop unique seminars, and books where solid neuroscience research is presented in the context of the topics relevant for organisations and businesses.

I was given the opportunity it’s to review this ARC in exchange for my honest review. This book will be published on the 21st January in the US.

An interesting book well worth a read.

All about habits, how they’re formed and how you can train yourself to stop them. 
Great if you do want to stop a habit or if you want to make some changes.
Our minds can be complex and cause lots of our our issues.

Worth a read, very helpful

This book has a lot of good information on how habits are formed, how to break bad habits and most importantly, how to form new ones. There are several helpful exercises to help focus on what you really want and how to get there. This book is helpful for anyone wanting to make a change or even just wanting a better understanding of their own behavior.

I thought from the blurb that this would be slightly different lol, I was slightly underwhelmed. Although it was very factual and interesting, I’d expected something more self-help and less psychology course. I think it was definitely eye-opening just not my cup of tea.

The title gives a rather misleading impression of this book, which is very science-heavy and serious. It was written by a neuroscience and covers the neurological reasons behind things like why we pick partners that remind us of the worst parts of our parents or can never keep up habit changes. There are nine chapters, which cover topics like communication, leadership, habits and relationships. It goes into heavy science about the types of things going on in the brain that cause us to make bad decisions and such. There are suggestions to correct these, but none are quick or easy. For instance, if you want to stop eating pastries one thing to do is make a list of the things that are most important to you and then make a list of like 50 good benefits to giving up pastries (look good in jeans, save money you can use on hobbies, increase health, etc.). It's very science-heavy. I'm a science geek and I found myself really tired of it before I got far into it, but it was still interesting information. There are a lot of examples of people (and the author) to illustrate her teachings. A summary at the end of each chapter reminds you of all the key takeaways for that topic.

I read a digital ARC of this book for review.

Thank you to NetGalley for an advanced copy of this book.

Dr. Gabija Toleikyte has written a very important book with a very unfortunate title. The appearance might try for edgy and current, but seems from the title and cover to be imitative of The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck. Yes the Mark Manson book was a best seller and a big popular book, but that was 4 years ago. A book about change, shouldn't be derivative like that.

What the book offers is scientific evidence for why humans can't seem to get out of their own way. The science lingo might seem daunting, but the explanations are clear and many oh that's me and aha moments are had throughout. Plus the exercises and tools offered to get out or your rut are helpful and can be catered and adapted for most individuals. Don't let the cover fool you, it might seem the same as other books, but this book offers real hope for change.

This one explained how our brain works in relation to our bad habits. I found a lot of good practices in here that I want to apply to see if it helps with my own issues. You know a self help book is successful when there are practices in there that are unique to the individual and the reader actually wants to implement that advice. It was full of medical jargon but I learned a lot. 

Thanks to Netgalley for the early review ARC.

For some reason, because of the title, I thought this would be more humorous.  Probably because of the swearing in the title and a lot of books use that in a funny way.  I still thought that, even if it was funny, it would offer insights, and while it's not humorous, it did offer interesting insights.  I liked the chapters on Changing Your Relationships, Changing Your Communication, and Changing Your Personality. 

Changing Your Personality goes over how we get our personality, what biases are, and how to discover what your values are.  There's a 13 question survey to help you determine and document your values (you later use this in other chapters).  It also covers challenging 'shoulds' and letting go of other people's values. 

Changing Your Relationships goes over how to align your values and create a conscious partnership.  Each partner identifies their top three values (using a questionnaire from another chapter in the book) and then the partners figure out how to align these values to help reduce friction. 

Changing Your Communication goes over the best way to have difficult conversations and also covers the four types of interactions that are harmful.  The author discussing the ratio that is required between positive and negative interactions in order to have a fulfilling relationship, and offers ways to have more positive communication in your relationships.   There is a section on internal communication, as well, since how we talk to ourselves is as important as how we talk to others.

A fabulous book that everyone should read!
Our minds are often our own worst enemy and it can be difficult to understand just why we think the way we do. This book, written by a neuroscientist, sets out to explain this. Even though it is an extremely detailed book that explains the science of our brains and bodies it is not overwhelming. Everything is explained in a straightforward and easy to understand way. The book itself is organised in very clear chapters with an introduction and summary of each chapter to help focus the information.
There is so much in this book from explanations to exercises to help focus and calm the mind that I will definitely keep referring to it. A must have book to support mental health.

His book was written really well but it just wasn’t for me unfortunately..............................................

I really enjoyed this book. It was very interesting to explore each section. I read this with a notebook & pen to truly explore each section in depth. This book is not just a reading book, it's a workbook.

How can i even begin to describe how this book made me felt?
It opened my mind in every aspect possible, helping me overcome my fears about succesfully achieving my goals towards the behaviour i want to have in many situations and more.
I adquired a massive amount of very useful information about myself, from my behaviour to my past, that i can now use in my advantage when confronting different situations.
It's a game changer for people like me who struggle to change their behaviour and habits, i loved how the author constantly reminded that she was there for us and that it was fine if we needed a break from the book.
I feel like i'm a new person after reading this book, and i'm ver aware of all the new information i gathered and that will help me throughout the rest of my life.

I want to thank Gabija for writing this book the way she did, you helped me overcome everything i was afraid of, thank you.