This is a long book but still I couldn’t put it down, I read in it two days and found it fascinating. I’m a big fan of true crime books but this one is a little different, being written mainly in Dennis Nilsen own words over a period of time.
The first part of the book follows his early childhood and his some what reasonings for his actions in later life, I don’t believe he was excusing anything in his written words, however at times I felt like he was trying to charm the reader to understand him. The second part is about the murders and his active life moving from prison to prison, where he meets all kinds of characters.
This is a very dark and brutal look into the life of a serial killer. While I enjoyed the book, I had to keep reminding myself this man was an evil killer who took a long time to write his story in his own words. His young self, lonely and outcast to an adult who became one of the UK’s biggest serial killers all in his own words.

I'm really in two minds about this book. The recollections from his childhood & early adulthood were fascinating as he explored what had led him to become the killer we all know. I often found myself laughing along at an anecdote, sympathising with him & the abuse he suffered or appreciating his eloquent reflections. The writing is intelligent & I found him disturbingly charming at certain points & often had to remind myself he was a serial killer.

However, as soon as the book reached the section on his murders & subsequent imprisonment it became very repetitive & I found my interest waning. This made up quite a large section of what is a very long book so put me off a bit & it only picked back up again as the book drew to a close.

I think if you have an interest in the British prison system as well as the psycology & human elements then this book would definitely be of more interest.

Ohh I loved loved this book! I've read alot about Dennis Nilsen over the years but this one is by far the best one I've read, it gave me thrills and chills it was very creepy, I've been looking forward to reading this book for a long long time and now I've read it i can say I truly loved it!

I struggled the entire time I was reading this book. This book is a collection of writings by Dennis Nilsen, a convicted serial murderer who died in 2018. He wrote this while in prison, but was barred from releasing it (and profiting from its sale) while he was alive.

The book was full of language and syntax that was more ornate and formal than it needed to be, and left me with the impression that the author wanted his readers to be amazed by how smart he was. Unfortunately, I simply found the style irritating. In addition, I felt as if the entire book was designed to offer an excuse for his behavior, and I found that quite off putting.

Thanks to RedDoor Books for providing me with an advanced reading copy via NetGalley.

A very well written, albeit uncomfortable read.

Fans of true crime fiction will definitely need to consider reading this novel as it's a fascinating insight into the mind of a serial killer. Imagine sitting across from Nilsen and hearing his account and you've got this book.

It's deeply unsettling at times, but you find yourself pushing through. I couldn't help feeling like I was being 'played' throughout - Nilsen is definitely trying to justify his crimes and draw sympathy from you as you read.

I find it really quite difficult to rate a book of this nature - do you give it a good rating because it's well written and is fascinating, from a true crime perspective, or do you lower the rating because the man responsible was only able to write a novel after committing unspeakable acts of brutality?

This book does offer more insight than any of the other books written about Nilsen, but then that is too be expected. It also makes you question the validity of his 'story'. True crime fiction fans will no doubt want to read this book and I do believe that there should be more books of this nature - simply from a research, understanding and prevention angle.

Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for giving me the opportunity to read this book in advance in exchange for an honest review.

This autobiography was banned from being printed by the Home Office until after Dennis Nilsen had passed away. This autobiography takes the reader throughout the entire journey of Dennis Nilsen's life from childhood to his passing and is written solely from his point of view.

It goes without saying that this book was a challenging read at times. Dennis Nilsen's crimes were awful and heartbreaking and this autobiography has reflected that within. I did find the first chapter on his childhood extremely interesting as I was trying to analyse it and piece together what could have caused Nilsen to do the things he did.

I don't really know what I can say about this book, it's hard to put my thoughts and feelings regarding it into words. The way at times that Nilsen described his crimes was unsettling and for me, it reflected the sort of person he was. But, at times Nilsen did show some(?) level of remorse for the acts that he committed, expressing the pain he felt for the loved ones who were grieving a loss.

The way Nilsen has written these accounts shows how articulation and intelligence and I am shocked at the amount of information that he put from pen to paper.

I have seen people say that they didn't like the fact that this book only dedicated one chapter to the description of Dennis' killings. I don't think for me that was a bad thing. I found it very interesting to hear about Nilsen's journey throughout the different prisons he spent his time within and it gave a fascinating insight into what life is like as a Cat A prisoner.

As hard to read as this book is at times I do highly recommend this to anyone who has an interest in true crime. This is the first book I have ever picked up that is written from the offenders point of view and I found the concept itself extremely interesting.

Thank you to NetGalley and the publishers for this ARC in exchange for an honest review.

Wow, this is a very difficult book to review!
I wouldn’t want to glamourise any of the abhorrent things that Des Nilsen did on his murderous rampage during the 70’s and 80’s, but there is no denying that he is a wonderful writer.
This very personal, almost diary entry like, account of his life, is brutally honest, candid, frank and harrowing.
It is obvious to me that his troubles began at a very early age when he suffered sexual abuse at the hands of his Grandfather. Had he received the love and care that a child should receive, I believe he was intelligent and capable enough to have led a very accomplished life.
If you are interested in true crime or psychology on any level, then there is no doubt that this book will fascinate you.
Worthy easily of 4 stars.

This was the autobiography of serial killer Dennis Nilsen
It covers all of his life including his time in prison. It was fascinating learning more about him and his troubled childhood.
He seemed a very intelligent man and wanting to expand his knowledge even in prison. He also appeared very lonely to me. Of course that is no excuse for the awful things he did!
If you love true crime this would be perfect for you

Very weird book.

Dennis Nielsen’s autobiography written whilst in Prison. It’s hard to know what is true and what is fiction. Was he abused by his grandfather as a child or has he projected this in order to make his crimes seem more palatable to him.

First few chapters covers his early life, his army life and civilian life in the 1970s. He paints a picture of himself as being a repressed homosexual male with a disturbing paraphalia that spills over into violent murders.

The chapter based on his killing spree is chilling. Not much detail given but the air of detachment to these fellow human beings is chilling. He tells us “what he can remember” which isn’t a lot and tries to make out this was his mission in life. No real apology for what he’s done and victims are disregarded if they don’t fit into his own story.

He seems to think he is an intelligent human being but is constantly being bought back down to earth. The remaining chapters are him moaning about how he is treated in prison, he comes across as thinking he’s a Robin Hood character in prison to buck the system. He was obsessed with getting his autobiography out during his lifetime which was blocked by HM Government as criminals aren’t able to profit from sales. He continually moans about how he is treated in the UK tabloid press and their false stories.

Nowhere does he take real responsibility, just glib little apologies, almost as if he thinks the families will read his trite book. A truly bizarre step into a psychopaths head with no compassion for anything else

“All my life, I'd been searching for the answer to the question, 'Where had grandad gone?' and 'Where was I going?'”

What was written before in an endeavour to comprehend such one-of-the-kind case becomes dim right next to the book, eventually meeting its readers, by Dennis Nilsen himself. And it is a final piece in the story of the most notorious British multiple murderer simply because nothing can be said more on the subject of his deeds and their nature. In this autobiography you won't find any outspoken and gut-wrenching details of killings and everything that happened after it, as if it still isn't so clear and well-described already in many sources. Well, by paying too much attention to it, you will for sure miss the whole point. And that's why I have so much enjoyed reading it. Because of the story that stands before man's actions and his life that carries on afterwards. I appreciate it the most.

Fascinated far earlier, as I have read famous 'Killing for Company' by Brian Masters, I can say now that it's nothing compared to the personal experience of Dennis Nilsen through his words that are unshortened and not taken out of context, also with his great sharp mind and its percipient remarks. And I believe — with his sincereity and intent to help to understand himself and to make own decisions and find the truth without imposing or biasing. That's why he never once had criticised or blamed someone in the book, even such people who deserve that in some way. Mainly because he understood that it's about what had been already done and impossible to change. And also because he never had a place for the hatred in his heart.

His story is told not due to some kind of attention to his persona or justification as well. Dennis Nilsen had a right and maybe even a purpose to do it, so he had made his best. And these memoirs can be useful too, as soon as it's obvious that such crimes must not be repeated in the future but there is a way to prevent them.

Therefore, personally, I really liked meeting Dennis Nilsen, who is, undoubtedly, a man of intelligence, with a sense of humor and some writing skills too. And as for me, I not only noticed his resistant optimism and demeanour but the great human tragedy behind that. And how, step by step, every event in his life just occurred to bring him closer to his fatal end.

This book gives you an insight into the mind of serial killer as this book was written whilst he was in prison and is only being published after his death, it does describe his killings and talks about his life from northern east Scotland to joining the army and his short stint in the Met. some of the book describes some of his fantasies and can be seen as quite sexual but does have hints of paranoia as he berates Brian Masters who wrote the book about him not long after his Trial.

I was not expecting this to be as long as it was. The ebook given was 849 pages long and most of it was rambles and who cares.

This book is thirteen chapters long, and only one is dedicated to his crimes and then a further eight are about his time in prison. He spent five years killing and he only gave us one chapter? That's clearly why the majority of the readers are actually reading, nobody cares that you put on plays in prison. So boiling it down to one chapter, which was pretty generic felt like a ripoff.

The rest of this book is just him talking about the sexual abuse he suffered as a child by his grandfather, his weird sexual obsession with his brother, Olav, the rest of his sexual fantasies, and his boring time in prison. Who knew he could make prison sound so boring? I'm fascinated by the workings of prisons but his constant chapters on it nearly put me to sleep, countless times.

I'd give this book a miss unless you love reading about self-obsessed serial killers, who drone on about the simplest of things.

TW for the book: it uses the slur g*psie, and mentions a fair amount of homophobia.

Fascinating insight into the mind of a serial killer.

Dennis Nilsen potentially lays bear his thoughts and feelings. I say potentially, because we honestly don't now if there's truth in here - how much might be bravado or artifice. That's not to say Nilsen comes across well - he's a deeply flawed human, who does express some regret for his actions but at the same time he details his proclivities and murders in quite loving detail. I do feel like some of the sexual fantasies could have been cut/edited for length - worrying to think he might have been getting off thinking about people reading it.

I would have liked maybe some annotated notes or something. You're not always sure you're being told the truth (I'd bet it wasn't at some points), although I understand that the premise is to present Nilsen's words completely unedited.

Utterly fascinating for any true crime fan.

This book was banned from going into print by the Home Office until after Nilsen had passed away.

Covering everything in detail from his careers with the British Army & the Police, from how he killed his first victim to his life in various prisons. It's hard to imagine that someone with so little regard to a human life could be so gentle when it came to nurturing animals, his dog Bleep & his prison companions budgies Hamish & Tweetles.

I thoroughly enjoyed this book & it was a fascinating read into Nilsens mind & his 'passion' for men.

A highly recommended read!

Many thanks to Netgalley for my ARC in return for my honest review

I have read a couple of other books on Nilsen previously, one just recently, but to read one by Nilsen himself is another thing altogether. In the many years he was locked up, he had plenty of time to contemplate and to write his memoirs, and he revised them too. I was amazed at the number of pages he wrote during that time, just incredible. I’m not sure who he thought would have the time to read it all. With that aside, it is a fascinating story and he seems to have quite a detailed memory, as you can tell by how he describes his various stories throughout.

He reminds me of Jeffrey Dahmer, with how he really wanted to keep his victims with him longer, because he was so lonely. But he would eventually end up having to kill them when they wanted to leave, then he had the problem of disposing of their bodies. Dahmer had similar problems, but after he had made his visitors unconscious by drugging them and eventually tried different means to keep them that way indefinitely. That never worked out, and he ended up with another dead body to deal with. Nilsen’s autobiography is certainly a good read for most true crime fans as it gives an inside look at how they think and look back over their crimes. Advance electronic review copy was provided by NetGalley, author Dennis Nilsen, and the publisher.

This book is written by Dennis Nilsen, an infamous serial killer who lived in London in the 1970's and '80's. In this autobiography, he delves into the psychology behind his murders and his life before, during and after them. He gives a fascinating insight into the psyche of someone considered a monster. He is articulate and surprisingly humorous at times, which is something not expected of such a criminal. Highly recommended.

They say some people are victims of circumstance. The obverse of this is that some people become predators of circumstance.

Dennis Nilsen needs no introduction, the Brian Masters book 'Killing For Company' has entered into the hall of fame of true crime classics. Whilst that book is indeed well written and convincing in its theories, it is good here to read the mind of Nilsen in his own words.

Those seeking titillation and graphic detail will be somewhat disappointed. Nilsen does cover the period of his crimes but the bulk of this book (culled from thousands of pages of autobiographical writings) covers his life in prison and his problems with lving within the strictures of the penal system.

Nilsen is clearly a sharp mind with a vocabulary to match and his trade union activities in civvy street still burn strong during his life inside prison.

Nilsen presents his life story in what appears to be a neutral fashion, without artifice or guile. He says his life has been marred by guilt for his victims and seems to invite death as the only thing that will help the families of the victims to obtain some form of closure.

He covers a lot of the tabloid coverage he received and makes efforts to counter the prevailing view of his pereverted goings-on inside prison. In fairness to him, he does make lucid and well argued points about how low tabloid journalism was in the 80's and 90's and the way they would print rumour as fact and misrepresented known facts to alter the context.

So, some may find it unsavoury to read the writings of serial killer but, when someone is as articulate and reflective as this, there is some value in listening to what the man had to say.

Highly recommended.

Narcissistic, introverted, insular, & paranoia; all hallmarks of a psychopath and by his own admission, Dennis ‘Des’ Nilsen displayed all of these signs by his early teens. Like most serial killers, Dennis has himself marked down as anal intellectual, a psychopath so warped with self-indulgence that upon being sentenced to life for the murder of 12 innocent men and boys, the institutionalised serial killer decided to write about his life and ‘struggle’ on the inside. Co-written with longtime confidante Mark Pettigrew, This book offers a remarkably fascinating insight into how those killings are comprehended and understood by the killer, first hand, and in retrospect.

From a young age, Nilsen has a macabre fascination with death and warped sexual fantasies which may or may not relate directly or otherwise to several cases of sexual abuse admitted on Denis as a child and young man. In childhood, his relationship with this grandfather, sexual abuse by him (we only have the authors word) and his death, seems to have marked the young boy with an ingrained perversion of passive male bodies and necrophilia. It’s a warped juxtaposition and one that subsequently, is the reason we are reading this book. As a young man, Des seems to start life quite respectably, 11 years as an army cook ( he became a trained butcher), and even a year in the police force, before settling for life as a militant civil servant. What’s striking throughout this book is that Nilsen explains his necrophilia fantasies, incest, and psychopathic tendencies with such blatant ease. Little recognition (even in hindsight) of his heinous acts is quite astonishing considering that between 1978 and 1983 Nilsen murdered, mutilated, and dismembered 12 gay men picked up on London’s gay scene procured for his perverse sexual passions. Less ambiguous than Brian Masters ‘Killing for Company’, ‘History of a Drowning boy’ is a curated collection of Nilsen’s autobiography written whilst he was in prison and offering a frightening first-hand insight into the mind of a serial killer. Fresh off the back of ITV drama DES, this book is sure to fly off the shelves when published in February of 2020

Dennis Nilsen died in prison in 2018 and often fought the law to have his autobiography published whilst still alive, his level of narcissism was unbounded.

‘History of a Drowning Boy’ -Dennis Nilsen
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

“There are no monsters in this world; they’re just people. There are strong people and there are weak people. I think I’m a amalgam of the two. Judge for yourself”.

As a ‘True Crime’ enthusiast, I was eager to request this Autobiography of Britain’s prolific serial killer, Dennis Nilsen, upon its availability on NetGalley. This memoir is certainly not for the those of a sensitive disposition- spanning 18 years; it gratuitously recounts sexual abuse, sodomy and murder.

As with most serial killers, this Autobiography outlines the process whereby the victim becomes the victimiser; Nilsen replicates the abuse and trauma he suffered as a child, referring to it as a ‘ritual’, only the key component to his adaptation, in order to *temporarily* fully satisfy his depraved desires, is ultimately death. He tries, in vain, to logically justify his decisions- citing loneliness. Most concerning are his ramblings of lucid dreams that equally disturbed and motivated him to commit more acts of violence. These anecdotes starkly contrasted his eloquent and (for the most part) cohesive writing style, thus further giving credence to his psychological imbalance- this is despite his protests that he was legally sane.

Following his arrest, Nilsen describes the willingness to be caught and then details the countless years of aggression and often mistreatment he suffered whilst frequenting several prisons within quick succession. (Due to disdain and targeting from other inmates that were repulsed by his horrific acts).

‘The History of a Drowning Boy’ provides unprecedented, unbiased insight into the psyche of Denis Nilsen, in his own words, without being subject to alteration and propaganda by the media. Although he is not, by any means, a reliable source- as he could quite easily fabricate and manipulate his story, I don’t mistrust that he endured an unfortunate childhood of rejection and most prevalent of all; fear of a further ostracised existence due to his sexual orientation.

Many thanks to NetGalley and the respective publishers for the opportunity to review this ARC.

I would like to thank netgalley and the publisher for an advance copy in exchange for an honest review. I first saw the trailer for the mini series with David Tennant and decided to do some digging before watching. That is how I came across this book, Dennis Nilsen wrote himself and sent to his friend and next of kin. While the book could be considered hard to read for some as it goes into very explicit sexual detail, it is a glimpse inside the mind of Dennis and what made him tick. With chapters including family life, life in the army, police force, then on his killing spree, ending in multiple chapters from all the years he spent in prison after prison, you won’t want to put it down. While I don’t condone by any means what Dennis did, it was well written and provided an insight into the life of Dennis Nilsen from the man himself.