"Of all the relationships her girls must cherish throughout their lives, those sibling bonds were the ones she hoped would see them though to the end of their days."

"Here they were, engaging in something so unremarkable in the grand scheme of things - a conversation between sisters in a bar on a Sunday evening - yet it seemed to Audrey to be one of the most vital, precious things in the world."

"If I could have given my life for you, I would."

Well. This BROKE me. I have never wanted to hold my siblings quite so tight as I did crying over the ending of this book.

This is a story about grief, about how a family can love each other with everything they have but completely and utterly fail to understand each other as they plug in the gaps of their knowledge about each other, as they tell half truths and as they all try to protect each other from harm. It is incredibly well done!

The story is told from the point of view of three main characters - sister Lily and Jess, estranged for 28 years, and their Mum Audrey. Hannah Beckerman does an absolutely astounding job of showing how immovable the logic of a child and logic born of emotion can be, and how unquestionable we find what we believe are the core truths of our lives from childhood. These are things that are almost impossible to change or influence - to even talk about. And when we all naturally misunderstand each other ever so slightly with each conversation, how do we keep our loved ones close?

Audrey desperately wants to see her girls as sisters again, to see them end the estrangement that has marred their family for almost 3 decades. This book follows that journey, as the three women try to face up to the truths they think they know about one another, about their shared history and about themselves. It is heartbreaking, uplifting and beautiful.

There is no doubt here, as you can see in the quotes above, that Hannah Beckerman can write beautifully. However, she also writes with a heart, a level of emotional intelligence and understanding of those complex and yet life-defining relationships we all have that makes this novel one which will not only stay with you for a very, very long time, but will also have you questioning everything you think you are SO SURE of in your own life. That is great literature - that ability to change you, to reflect the hardest and yet most simple of truths back to you so you can inspect them objectively for what they are. This book does that, and it makes it look easy.

Read this book!

I found the characters of this book frustrating, and found myself shouting at them to be honest with each other but that isn’t necessarily a bad thing. They all have their secrets and they all had their reasons for keeping them to themselves. But keeping things to yourself can make them 100% worse and make you come to your own conclusions.
It was a little slow going at the start but I’m so glad I kept going. I would definitely recommend this book to others.

Thanks to Netgalley and Orion Publishing Group for an advance copy of this novel.

A beautifully written emotional read which will stay with me. It is an exploration of how secrets from childhood can fester and mould relationships as adults, and the family dynamics.

This family certainly had its’ share of tragedies: cancer, suicide , families not speaking to one another , martial affairs, neglected children , secrets and lies. A book that has few joyous events . No family can say tragedy has not visited them and some families more than others . This book is an example of that . A sad read exposing what often happens when we perceive events from actuality. It happens so often when families do not encounter the harsh realities of life and play the blame game. Facing problems head on is the best solution . Discrepancies and falsehoods can be addressed immediately instead of festering for years. This book deals with so many issues. The book became repetitive at times and I often found myself wondering how a ten year old could cause such hardships for her family and why an intervention or counselling did not occur after the tragedies happened. So many options available now to handle grief and help move on.

An emotional story about two estranged sisters and their mothers want for them to be close and the story behind it. Sad and good characters. Thanks for the read

A truly beautiful and utter heartbreaking story which makes you feel utterly bereft yet knowing that better things are to come.

This is a fantastically written emotionally charged belter of a book.

Enjoyed the author's writing style but I wasn't as riveted as I thought i'd be and I found myself coming back to the book rather than wanting to keep reading. Perhaps it was just a little too emotionally intense for me. I would read more from the author in the future.

Audrey is determined to bridge the gap between her daughters Lily and Jess who have spent the last 30 years not talking to each other. But after so many years of silence and secrets can the damage ever be repaired?

I love the premise of this novel, the cover is gorgeous and I had heard countless great things about it, so I wanted to like this book, I really did... But whilst it's very well written and beautiful in parts it just didn't hit the spot for me. The 'if only I could tell you' secret was drawn out to long then after the big reveal you are hit again and again with the worst scenario's life has to offer. I did love the choir sideline story it was uplifting and joyous! There are many triggering topics within the pages illness, miscarriage and suicide among others. I think this would make a brilliant book club read as it is incredibly divisive but ultimately touching.

Thanks to Orion & Netgalley for sending me this in exchange for an open and honest review.

This book was both irreproachably painful and heart-warming in equal measures. It was a poignant story of a family torn apart by regrets, illness and suppressed feelings.

Sisters Lily and Jess have been estranged for thirty years. Their fractured relationship appears beyond repair, as dark family secrets, tied up in misunderstanding and grief, keep the pair at an impasse. Their mother, Audrey, is desperate to reunite her family before it’s too late.

The story was told from the perspective of all three women. A series of flashbacks delved into the family’s heartbreaking past and revealed the effect it had on their own families.

“If Only I Could Tell You” was an incredibly compelling read, with pleasant characters, clever twists and an interesting moral dilemma. It was highly emotional without being too melancholic, and I once I had started reading it I didn’t want to put it down.

This book was so good that I will be adding Hannah Beckerman to my list of newly discovered authors, for sure!

I received a complimentary digital copy of this novel at my own request from Orion Publishing via NetGalley. This review is my own unbiased opinion.

Beautifully written, with very likeable characters and a compelling plot. You get immersed in the story and want to read it as quickly as possible. You see every side of the argument, and probably quite a true account for many people . Definitely worth a read.

By the time I finished this book, the tears were running down my face. It’s beautiful and it’s message is so clear. Family and the ties that bind are everything. We have so little time to let loved ones know how we feel.
This book showed how not talking and sharing, created for Audrey and her daughters, a needless decades long estrangement and misunderstanding.
The story is told with such feeling and love. I could feel Audrey’s anguish at how at her daughters estrangement. As the the story unfolds, however, we discover things aren’t what they seemed to the siblings, to be.
Audrey sets out to heal the rifts in the time she has left. Will she succeed or will the sisters remain apart?
When the end came, it was beautiful. I felt like I was there, in the room with them. If there is one thing to take from this book, it is to love those close to you and ensure they know it. Must read book.

30 years of family secrets and lies caused the 2 daughters to not speak.
Mum has had enough and now mum is dying of cancer . Will the family reconcile.?
Prepare to sob your way through it .
Such a well written book and I will be recommending it to my friends and family .

Well I will apologise now as I’m not sure how much sense this review will make, I’m sat here with tears dripping down my face having just finished this heart-breaking yet heart-warning story.
Jess and Lily are sisters but haven’t spoken for nearly 30 years. What happened in June 1988 to make the sisters break their bond, to make Jess so angry that she won’t even be in the same room as Lily?
If Only I Could Tell You, tells you the answer to these questions over the course of the book, secrets are slowly revealed as Lily, Jess and mum Audrey slip back in time where memories are heart-breaking.
Lily and Jess couldn’t be anymore different, Lily is successful, she lives for her job and has what looks like the perfect family life. Jess on the other hand is a single parent, money is tight and she seems to be struggling to be happy. I didn’t particularly take to Jess to start with, she made me frustrated. Her stubbornness made feel quite angry sometimes and I just wanted to tell her to grow up and I couldn’t understand why she persisted on making things so awkward especially under the circumstances. All is revealed later though and gives you an understanding to why she is the way she is.
Audrey on the other hand I loved, even though she’s struggling her family are always at the front of her mind and she’s determined to get her daughters talking again. She’s full of determination, strength and love.
If Only I Could Tell You affected me in a way I just can’t put into words. There is a part of the story revealed about half way through the book that broke me, I had ugly snotty tears and having been in a similar situation with my daughter I felt the families pain, Audrey’s feeling of failure, a mother’s unconditional love and want to protect.
Although this is a heart-breaking story it is also a story that will fill your heart with hope and love and although I cried quite a few times the story is written with sympathy and understanding. Each character comes to life and I couldn’t help caring for them deeply like they were a part of my family.
If Only I Could Tell You is a wonderful story that I just couldn’t put down and when I really, really had to, I couldn’t stop thinking about the characters and their stories. It’s a story where you’ll desperately want to read fast so you can find out how it will end but it’s also a story that you want to savour with its beautiful writing and characters.
If I could give this book a million stars I would.

I loved this book! It’s definitely Hannah Beckerman’s best one so far.
It’s a lovely read that is touching, emotional and thought provoking. Initially, I thought this story might slightly depressing as it deals with death, however it is actually an uplifting story. It will stay with me for a while.
I’m going out to buy a copy for my mum as I know that she will love it too.

This was a lovely story, although you can't help feeling that the 2 daughters would have had a shouting match many years beforehand and resolved the central issue of the plot between themselves. Worth a read though

A very readable book, confidently written with strong characters that readers will really emphasise with. The multi-generational perspectives were well-handled and, although the plot was fairly predictable, it carried me along well and I really enjoyed reading it.

This description for this book sounded to be very good but I just couldn't get into it. Sorry, it's not for me

I’m disappointed to say I really could not enjoy this book I tried but after 3 chapters I felt it was very slow and quite depressing - I apologise for not being able to give any further feedback and thank you for the opportunity of letting me try it.

Jess hasn't spoken to her big sister Lily in decades. Their mum Audrey has been diagnosed with terminal cancer with months to live. Their daughters have never met one another. All because of one fateful day in the girls' past.

From the beginning this book keeps you on your toes and plays with every single emotion you have.

Jess is a less than perfect person, extremely controlling, even deciding which university her daughter has to attend even though you get a sense that she doesn't want the same thing. She is so full of anger and resentment that she fails to see anything beyond the barriers and red mist she has created for herself.

Lily is the opposite, high flying executive desperate to keep her perfect life together for everyone to see but bewildered by her sister's anger towards her.

I was not expecting the reactions I had throughout this book. I didn't make it past the 40% mark before I felt myself blinking back tears and willing myself not to cry. There is one scene in particular where Audrey gets to fulfil something long held in her heart which will have you reaching for the Kleenex.

The characters I felt the most for however were the respective daughters, two teenagers caught in the middle of something they had no control over when all the time they just want to be a family. Their emotions are played out perfectly as is the slow and horrible progression of Audrey's horrible disease.

The secrets which I will not spoil are eventually told through several well spaced out flashbacks via the three women's perspectives and by the time you reach the end it all comes together and makes sense - and will make you cry buckets!

All in all I would highly recommend this book to anyone.

Thank you NetGally, Orion and Hannah Beckerman for an advanced copy in exchange for an honest review.

Oh my! I defy anyone not to cry at least once reading this!

I read this from beginning to end in one sitting, staying up way, way too late! It's ages since I've done that!

The story centres around five strong women across three generations of the same family. Audrey's health is failing, and she is desperate to mend the rift between her daughters Jess and Lily. But it's been going on for nearly thirty years and she doesn't know what caused it. Jess just stopped talking to her sister one day when she was ten years old. Audrey's two granddaughters, born just weeks apart, have never been allowed to meet. Audrey is determined to change all of that, she just doesn't know how yet. And she has her own battles to fight too.

Audrey is an immensely likeable character - I cared about her immediately. There were times when I cried for her, times when I cheered for her and one moment when I nearly burst with pride. You'll know the moment I mean if you read it.

Jess and Lily are initially less easy to warm to - Jess particularly. But this has a lot to do with her feelings about her sister, which make her seem hard and closed off. And it takes time for us to get to know her better. The back story is teased out, bit by bit throughout the book, and it's a long time before we learn the full story. But that didn't put me off, quite the contrary - it made me want to keep going to find out more.

This is a very different read from my usual fare of grisly crime thrillers, but I loved it. It's an exquisitely written book. The feelings of all the women involved, but particularly Audrey and Jess, are beautifully described. Similarly, the awkwardness of unplanned meetings is perfectly written. I loved that it features five strong women - there are men in the story, but it's the women who are centre stage here. The ending nearly broke me, but it was the right ending.

Just a note to say that there are some difficult issues realistically described and discussed here which might be hard for some people to read.