I haven't read too many self-help books, but I have read a lot of self-help material on the internet. If that is anything to go by, then this book could be considered radical because none of the articles I've read online talk about patriarchy, and there is no doubt that that system is rigged against women. So, my congratulations to the authors for not shying away from addressing this elephant in the room.

The book has been written in a friendly, easy to understand language, and is not full of scientific jargon. It also gives names to certain behaviours – like Human Giver Syndrome, Monitor, etc. – to make them easier to identify and recall.

There are exercises at the end of each chapter, which one may or may not find useful.

A very interesting book. Its a little textbookish for me although it has some great anecdotes. I did find it useful and am trying to destress my life now. It is well worth the read.

I have read many, many books over the years on how to deal with anxiety, stress and related pressures of being a working mother and daughter, also as a single parent. Life can throw curveball after curveball at us and many of us crumble under the weight eventually. I know I did. It took a long time before it finally defeated me and I did recover eventually but how I wish there had been a book like this one around back then. I have always suffered with anxiety and depression but during my working years when I was a single parent, a mother of 3, caring for my invalid mother too, I had never heard of the word "burnout" and naive as it may sound, it never really occurred to me that this was what was happening to me. I realised I was tired of course, but never considered the actual toll life was taking on my body and my mind. This book is extremely well written and sheds awareness and insight into what has become a sad characteristic of the age we live in. I highly recommend it.

I thought I'd give this book a try on a whim and I'm so glad I did. The science is absolutely fascinating and it's really helped me to look at things differently. It's style is so accessible and non preachy and explained so much for me. I will definitely be recommending it and referring back when I'm in need of a boost and need to get a sense of perspective.

Totally changed my way of looking at things!!!! After reading the first chapter and putting into place it’s methods, I was hooked. Easy to read and relatable, although I’m not really one for self help books I needed it and completely recommend

I dipped in and out of this book over several weeks and I always like a book that can back up it claims with science which this book did. There were a few things that I took away immediately and I can see myself referring this book over time.

Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for the opportunity to read this book I exchange for a honest review.

I first heard about this book on the Smart Bitches podcast and thought it sounded interesting, so when I saw it on Netgalley, I requested it immediately. I burned out last year and ended up leaving my job. Anything that would help with my recovery would be most welcome.
This book made sense. A lot of the stuff you get told to do to protect your mental health - meditate, take 'me time', colour in etc - and that sometimes it can feel like yet another thing you have to do. The advice in this book felt different. It helped me make sense of how I was feeling and gave practical suggestions on what to do about it.
The book differentiates between the stress and the stressors. It teaches you how to handle the stress. It's not a quick fix, but the suggestions do make sense. So far, I've tried a few things they've suggested and they have helped. Most of all, it's reminded me not to judge myself too harshly. Turns out, that's something I do a lot. It also turns out, I'm not along in that!
The book is aimed at women, but I'm going to buy a copy for my husband because I think it is useful for men too. There's a lot about the patriarchy, but the definition of the patriarchy is such that it's not about railing against individual men per se, but about the patriarchal society that has pushed us all into unrealistic roles.
I think this is one of the most important books I've read in years. Thank you Netgalley for the review copy. As I say, I will be buying a print copy of it anyway.

I really wanted to enjoy Burnout, as it seemed to be the book I’d been searching for. However, I just didn’t get on with it. I think I was expecting something simpler and easier to follow. Whilst I appreciate that it is science-based, the language seemed a bit wishy-washy, and studies were mentioned but with no information on size/corroboration/further research etc. (Although, having just read Ben Goldacre’s ‘Bad Science’, I was probably hypersensitive to this). It claims not to be a green juice/exercise/mindfulness solutions book, but one of the first things it suggests is that you exercise for 60 minutes a day, which seems a bit unrealistic for someone who has so much going on that they’re suffering from burnout... I found the metaphors overly long and contrived - I’d lose myself and have to re-read huge sections to see if I could understand and absorb the point being made. Overall it felt disjointed and I didn’t come away with any practical solutions to rectifying my stress levels. I may try to read it again at some point in the future, to see if it clicks then.

Not exactly an eye-opener, since I was already considering a lot of the stressors and consequences it lists as, well, logical—but in that regard, it was also good to see that “ah, so it’s not just me seeing weird things where there isn’t anything.” The concepts of Human Giver vs. Human Being especially make a lot of sense when you think about how society tends to view, and divide, and force a lot of things on women. (Not that men don’t have stressors and burnout either, but the book is labelled as being about women, not as a more generic book about burnout; and I doubt that being seen as “human givers” is the main cause for men anyway.)

“Human giver” has to be understood here as a person whose existence is seen as being devoted to others, and only others—and if they dare listen to themselves and take care of themselves for a change, shame on them, how dare they! I’m sure that if we take the time to think about it, a lot of us will have to acknowledge that it’s true (and is not only limited to obvious forms of giving such as volunteering etc.). I can clearly sense the discrepancy myself when I mention that I don’t want children and don’t want to devote my life to them, for instance: at some point I can cross out the “you’re so / what’s wrong with you” cases on my personal bingo, whereas the guy next to me who doesn’t want kids either gets a milder reaction. Or all the usual crap about getting your bikini body (‘tis the season right now, huh), about being pretty, about changing your body: the media don’t tell this to women because people are genuinely concerned about their health, but because that’s how women are supposed to present, and if they don’t—shame on them. I wouldn’t necessarily have linked this to Human Giver Syndrome, not just in passing, but in hindsight, it stems from the same source.

(And no, the solution isn’t for us to all become selfish monsters, but for a redistribution of the giving, i.e. women are human beings too, not only givers; and men are just as able to give as well. So if everyone gives a little here and there, it balances out. Makes sense.)

Again, nothing exactly new for m; however, seeing it in writing, seeing words put on my thoughts, allowing me to formulate them better, is something that I think can help in general. When we can word a feeling (or anything, in general), my take is that the “thing” becomes more tangible, more like something we can act upon. In that regard, I believe this book can definitely be of help.

The book is well-researched, as far as I can tell, with suggestions, self-help exercises and other ideas outlined. While they may not all be convenient, or applicable, or ground-breaking (exercise is good for you = who doesn’t know that by now?), what was most useful to me was the reasoning behind it, because once I understand the causes-and-consequences chain, then it makes sense and I can more easily devise my own techniques. For instance, now I can specifically explain why I’m always more productive, sleep better, and generally feel better when I walk back home from work (a 40 minutes brisk walk), even when the day was physically tiring and I would expect additional physical activity to tire me even more: this was/is all part of my own unconscious attempts at “closing the stress cycle”. Now the whole thing makes so much more sense.

(Basically, dealing with the stress and dealing with the stressors are two different things. The symptoms of stress—adrenaline, etc.—are hard-wired in us as old, old reactions, back when “stressor” was likely to be some wild animal threatening us—and so, we’d need to run. And once back to safety, after the run, that was “completing the stress cycle”, with our bodies being able to come down from the whole thing, and we’d be fine again. But you can’t do that anymore in a lot of situations now: if the stressor is your jerk of a boss belittling you at work, you can’t very well run away or smack them… so the cycle isn’t completed, and the stress, well, just stays.)

Now, to be honest, I didn’t always agree with the writing (the blog-like tone would work in a review or an article, but not in a book, I think) or about some of the quotes (Cassandra Clare… really?). Sometimes it threw me out of my reading. I would also have liked a little more science in it, or rather, a somewhat more scientific writing—so that ties more with the aforementioned tone in general for me, and not with the research itself.

Conclusion: 3.5 stars. A lot of things I already knew/suspected. Some things I didn’t and that now make more sense. Some things we’re still a long way of getting out of our lives (Human Giver Syndrome), but once you get how it works, at least you can start. Also, beware: “Jane Eyre” spoiler in Part III.

When a book like this arrives at exactly the right time and you know it’s going to be an absolute treasure! It helped me look at myself in an uncritical and realistic way, to improve the way I deal with stress and "stressors" to hopefully have a less stressful life.

A snappy book filled with what's become common sense coping with the crazy world we live in, without ignoring the drain that ingrained patriarchy has on women. So light a candle and burn the existing system down.

All women need to read this book.

It was written in a really easy to read way but still backed up by science and I felt by the end that I was equipped to take on the world. There were definitely chapters and sections that I preferred but on the whole I really loved the book and have been quoting parts to all my friends - especially the section on the bmi.

I really recommend this book.

Thank you to netgalley for providing me with an arc.

I’m not sure I’d go so far as to say this book has made me a better person (maybe a bit?) but I do think it’s made me a better feminist. I am so guilty of proudly feeling that I can ‘play with the boys’ at their own game, swearing and telling bawdy jokes, that being faced with a book about stressors faced by women, and how we marginalise ourselves, was something of an eye opener.

I shouldn’t feel so happy about someone pointing out how much more stress there is in my life than I knew about, but actually, the sense of relief, the nodding along – yes! Yes, it does stress me that (insert ton of stuff here). And that it isn’t acknowledged, and that I’m ‘delusional’ or hormonal or whatever if I try to point it out. There’s a whole chapter called ‘the Game is Rigged’ which summed up so much of what I feel, but hadn’t articulated. The underlying premise that boys are taught to be human ‘beings’, and girls more often expected to be human ‘givers’ – wow.

That said, the book is not just a long rant. It points out that we’re all holding on to a lot of stress without realising it, and that’s just never going to end well.

On a practical level, the opening chapter talks us through the difference between stressors – like the jerk in the BMW on the drive home, or the late request for a report at work – and stress. Often we deal with or at least move away from the stressor but we’re not actually dealing with the stress. The authors talk about ‘completing the cycle’ – letting our primitive brain acknowledge that we’re now safe. I want to reread this part already: I’m getting ‘dance around the living room’, but think there are other subtleties to pick up on here.

The rest of the book covers a lot of familiar ground with a fresh eye. The ‘Bikini Industrial Complex’, for instance, questions why we allow ourselves to be *so* obsessed with looks (even over health). There is some interesting discussion about the falseness of the fat/unhealthy message – did you know that it’s worse for your health to be slightly underweight than quite a bit overweight? Mind blown.

The only bit I didn’t really like was the whole ‘smash the patriarchy’. Not that I disagree (especially the way it’s described here – definitely not ‘anti man’ in any way, just pointing out how, yup – the game is rigged!) but just that I felt weary even thinking about it. Is life not hard enough without me having to be so proactive on this, too?! o_O

I’m hardly scratching the surface of just how much YES there was for me in this book. I said it’s almost certainly made me a better feminist – for myself and for others. But as it points out, if I’m nodding along with this for me, it’s an excellent way to see how much more the game is rigged if you’re not just female, but of colour, or not CIS/hetero-normative, or ‘able’ in the way that’s taken for granted. I hope I’ll do better for all of these categories now, not just stand up for myself more as a woman.

All of which is fine, but am I less stressed? It did help, really. I’ve spent my life pushing back on the role society seems to want for me – and yes, in little ways that includes ‘smashing the patriarchy’ (it is not, for instance, my role in life to get out of a man’s way on a pavement. I’m not talking politeness, just standing up to that inbred sense of entitlement that no one ever seems to realise they own. I don’t automatically tidy in the office any more, either, even when it’s my default). To get a bit of a ‘yes, that’s right’ was something of a relief. The caveman brain stress stuff makes a lot of sense, too. I have a ways to go, and I do think I’ll be rereading this before too long.

Recommended for women everywhere – and any man who has the balls to accept that the playing field is not, in fact, as level as we’d all like to think.

I did not find anything new or revelatory in this discussion about women’s life experiences. Nothing written here seemed to have any practical help. It may be that I am too old and cynical, have experienced nearly fifty years in the work place from the early seventies until now and wonder why so little has changed. Theory and practice are very different. However, the subject needs to be discussed so thank you to the authors for at least keeping the topic going.

This self help book is inspiring and gives really good advice to people suffering with burn out. I would recommend this book as I found it very helpful and informative. Thank you to the publishers and Netgalley for letting me review this book.

A great read- a fantastic add for anyone who suffers with stress or burnout.
A great book to always re- refer to for tips etc.
Thank you to both NetGalley and Random House for my eARC in exchange for my honest unbiased review

I really enjoyed the first half of this book and found it very interesting particularly in how it describes the way that trauma remains in the body. The second half of the book did not resonate as much with me. This book has helped me understand how to work the trauma process through so that it can be released.

I'm afraid I gave up on this book. It was too much science for me though I'm sure that may not bother other readers it became a put of for me picking it back up.
What I did read was informative and useful and I wish the authors good luck

An interesting read. I don't think I read anything new in it. Most of it I had heard before. It is definitely not groundbreaking as it claims to be.

Thank you to Netgalley for my copy.

I have to say I really struggled to get into this book and didn't end up finishing it.

I didn't feel there was any new information and it was telling me things I already knew.