Due to a passing in the family a few years ago and my subsequent health issues stemming from that, I was unable to download this book in time to review it before it was archived as I did not visit this site for years after the bereavement. Thank you for the opportunity.

I'm not sure how I should feel about this one, the premise sounded amazing and I was excited to get into it. However, there was a lot going on that impacted my enjoyment of the book and a lot that I wasn't a fan of.

All We Could Have Been ended up being a rather conflicting read for me and I think that will be the case for a lot of people. On the one hand I love the ideas, I loved the discussions. But on the other hand the characters grated on me the more that I read. Overall I would recommend it but I’ve no idea who I’d recommend it to, which is one of the weirdest feelings I’ve had about a book.

Unfortunately, I have not been able to read and review this book.

After losing and replacing my broken Kindle and getting a new phone I was unable to download the title again for review as it was no longer available on Netgalley.

I’m really sorry about this and hope that it won’t affect you allowing me to read and review your titles in the future.

Thank you so much for giving me this opportunity.
Natalie.

In this book we follow our main character Lexie who moves around a lot. This is due to the fact that five years ago, Lexie’s brother didn’t pick her up from school so she walked home, to find him being arrested by the police for a crime that he had committed. Now she must move to protect her identity so that people don’t find out that she is related to him but finds herself missing the life that she used to live.

It’s senior year and has had to move again! But this time she finds herself more settled in to her new life including make a friend named Ryan. Ryan makes her believe that she belongs and Marcus who makes her feel special just by looking at her. Every time that she has to start a new school, she gets more and more anxious and introverted and so is glad that she can finally find herself by being with Marcus and Ryan. They make her feel that she is alive but eventually must learn to love herself rather than looking to others for that validation.

This book deals heavily with PTSD and anxiety so please consider these trigger warnings before heading in to this book. She finds herself missing her brother even though he did something so vile and that she does not approve of but has a hard time distinguishing between the brother that she grew up with who chased spiders away and the brother that committed the crime that she and others are so ashamed by. Because of her brother, she is hiding away from the world but finds it hard to not love the brother that she does.

Overall this book was great for what it tackled but please be careful of your state of mind whilst going into this book as this did take a toll on me mostly for the anxiety triggers.

3 out of 5 stars.

I'm not usually a fan of YA but I rather enjoyed this tale of a girl whose brother commits an horrific crime and has to deal with the aftermath.

Is it flawed? Yes. I find that most YA writing tends to lack a certain depth and I'd put this in that same category. Still, there's plenty of food for thought here which .makes it better than most.

Thanks to Netgalley for the ARC without obligation.

All We Could Have Been was… heavy.

Rarely do I find a book that leaves me more thinking to do rather than sharing my thoughts about it. T. E. Carter does just that in this one. Right from the beginning until the very end, it leaves me mulling things over. Then, I wonder about all the other family members of criminals out there. What are they feeling? How are they dealing with the fact that their loved one did a horrible crime? How are their relationships with the perpetrators of crime? With their neighbours, extended families…? How are they coping? What futures and possibilities have been made impossible for those left behind? This last question is the essence of this book.

With murders, you tend to think about the victim’s family. The ones left behind. What about the perpetrator’s family? All We Could Have Been revealed it can be tough, will-breaking, panic-attack-inducing kind of life. Couple this with the usual anxieties that come with high school and its unforgiving nature towards ‘freaks’, ‘non-normals’ or people who just don’t belong in a neat, well-defined group, things gets really tough especially because you’re in your teens. This is supposed to be when you’re starting to try and find your own identity. It’s a luxury that our main character, Lexi, is denied because she’s always defined by what her murderer brother did.

There is a positive message of taking control when you can and let things you can’t control just be. About accepting your slice of life especially when it seems that you’ve been handed a crappy piece. There’s also a healthy dose of mulling over the unfairness of life and struggling to make peace with it. Sulking, mulling, and pondering are essential processes to get through to the other side, after all.

Somewhere along the way, I suddenly wondered why the author chose the POV of a teenage daughter, instead of the mother or father. It’s probably because this POV is one that most readers may find the easiest to relate to because of the familiar teenage social life environment. Imagine the mom’s or dad’s POV? It would be majorly depressing and heartbreaking. This book also would be much heavier than it is now. Also, some messages might not have reached some readers because they just can’t relate.

All We Could Have Been makes readers examine their boring, sometimes annoying normal life and make them realise that they take it for granted.

This story was captivating. I’ve enjoyed T E Carter’s work before and this was no different. It is equal parts compelling and heartbreaking. It follows Lexi’s struggle to deal with the aftermath of an event and manoeuvring through school life. The relationships between Lexi and her friends and family were so genuine.

It was alright, but felt very lacking if i'm honest, and i think the problem is that sadly this book wasn't a book for me, like others might love this book! but i'm going to keep quiet on this front because it wasn't for me, but it doesnt mean i should have a negative opinion about it

I was gripped from the start, everything truly dragged me in and I couldn’t put this book down. From start to finish I was thrown down a hole of emotions that truly shook me and made me want to continue on reading.
I laughed.
I cried.
I got angry.

I truly felt so many different emotions that I didn’t want a break whilst reading this book.

I truly loved this book.

"Five years ago, Lexie walked home from school after her older brother failed to pick her up. When she entered her house, her brother sat calmly, waiting for the police to come arrest him for the heinous crime he had just committed.

Treated like a criminal herself, Lexie now moves from school to school hiding who she is—who she's related to. She struggles with loving her brother, the PTSD she now suffers from, and wanting to just live a normal life. But how can she be normal when she can’t even figure out how to just live?"

As much as I really believed in the characters of Lexi, Ryan and Marcus as soon as I met them, it took me a little bit longer to get into the plot. I just wasnt 100% sure where it was going... at first. It was about half way in that I became invested and really liked the plot and understood fully where it was going. I think it fit in well with the YA genre. Some of the characters were very immature and irritating, which I think was the point. This book certainly made me think about right and wrong and about not one family whose life was ruined but two.

Great YA title with a well drawn main character. I sped through it and was actually surprised there was no explicit content, although there is a little bit of swearing. I did feel a bit lectured at at times, as if the writer did lots of research and thinking about people in this situation (no spoilers!) and wanted to cram everything in. So there is plenty of internal voice but I wanted more of the other characters too. I like the hope in this book and it was very readable.

Unfortunately, this book wasn't one for me. I DNF'd this book at 20% and just can't seem to pick it back up again. I absolutely loved T.E. Carters last novel but I just really struggled to connect with the characters in this and understand them. Thank you for the opportunity to share my honest review. I'm sure there are people who will love this book, however, it just wasn't for me!

I struggled with the character responses to what should have been a gripping mystery. There wasn’t a single character I could invest in.

All We Could Have Been didn’t come across as very realistic to me. Lexie constantly spoke in metaphors, making her the second most pretentious YA character I’ve come across (the first prize going to Augustus from The Fault In Our Stars), and the way the other characters reacted to Lexie’s past wasn’t authentic. I’ve known people who have been related to murderers and if anything it’s caused them to be pitied and wrapped in cotton wool, not treated as though they themselves have slaughtered whole families on a whim. It didn’t annoy me enough to rate it any lower than three stars, but it was pretty bland and didn’t do anything for me. I’ve heard that T.E. Carter’s debut is more successful than this book, so I might give that one a go instead.

All We Could Have Been - T E Carter

Well this was a lot more than I bargained for.
This is a tragic tale that covers pretty much everything from murder, OCD, PTSD, self harm... School issues... Did I miss anything? Probably.
I got around to reading this around the same time that I decided to bing old episodes of My Favourite Murder (where my fellow murderinos at?) because I am a basic white girl who is fascinated by true crime. Basically this was a horrible, tragic GREAT time for me. Essentially what this is is the story of this that get left behind after someone commits a crime - it's a story we need telling more often.

Five years ago, Lexie walked home from school after her older brother failed to pick her up. When she entered her house, her brother sat calmly, waiting for the police to come arrest him for the heinous crime he had just committed.
Treated like a criminal herself, Lexie now mov es from school to school hiding who she is—who she's related to. She struggles with loving her brother, the PTSD she now suffers from, and wanting to just live a normal life. But how can she be normal when she can’t even figure out how to just live? This is a powerful look at the assumptions we make about people. Lexie's emotional journey to separate her brother's horrific act from herself is stunning and heartbreaking. This is Lexie’s story and journey—not her brother's—and it will stay with you long after you turn the last page.

So. As you can see, pretty heavy stuff.

Here we have Lexie, who has spent pretty much her whole teenage life running away following an incident involving her brother which isn't revealed until around halfway through the book. She has OCD and PTSD resulting from this incident (spoiler alert, because I feel like it needs to be a trigger warning, the incident is murdery) both of which are really well represented and part of the addictive nature of this book is the exploration of Lexie's feelings towards her brother which were just FASCINATING. Like, your big brother who you've always looked up to and have a great relationship with just turns around and does the unthinkable and what do you do with that? It's such an interesting discussion and rather than a lot of fiction about criminals, it focusses solely on those that were left behind and how they have to try and rebuild their lives. I'll be honest, I'm actually quite surprised about how Lexie is treated by people when they find out. Like really? Would you hound a teenage girl out of her home and school because her brother did something horrific? I don't know, that was my only real gripe with this. That might just be my own naivety though having never met someone who has been touched by murder or any other crime-related incident. I just think it was maybe a bit... I don't know unbelievable that people would do that to a child but *shrugs*. Other than that, I thought this was a delicately handled and raw discussion on the various victims of crime.

In other news, this book also did an amazing job at ace representation which I've not ever really come across before and greatly appreciated. More of this too please.
Overall, this was an emotional, hard hitting and interesting concept that was done sensitively and I absolutely loved that it wasn't about the person who committed the act, in fact, we don't even really meet him and he doesn't take up too much page space, this is completely Lexie's story and how she is trying to put her life together. If you're a fan of true crime and emotional character driven stories, definitely give this a go.

4-5 stars! What a heartbreaking, thrill ride! I truly was immersed in this book from the very first page. It left me shocked, sad, chilled, and very thrilled. A great YA book, for those who love the thriller/suspense/social thematic type books. Well written, in a way that evokes emotions.
I will be highly recommending to the members of Chapter Chatter Pub!

Lexi moves to a yet another new school, hoping against hope that this time she will be able to live a normal life. A life where her brother's crime wouldn't catch up with her. Is it too much to ask?

This was an intriguing read, looking at the fallout from reprehensible crimes on the family of the perpetrator. Society tends to apportion blame and guilt to them, sometimes as much as they do the perp themselves. Even other adults were quick to point the finger at Lexi, who was only a child when her brother's crime took place. The pacing of the story was good and I liked the fact that the romance aspect wasn't 'instalove' for once. Overall, I thought it was a thought-provoking read.

Thanks to NetGalley and publishers, Simon & Schuster UK Children's, for the opportunity to read an ARC.

Lexie is used to running. Each year she starts a new school, under a new name, in an attempt to get away from the inevitable bullying when people find out about the awful thing her brother did.
We learn that when Lexie was twelve her brother forgot to pick her up from school. She walked home. She recalls blood, lots of it. And since that time her brother has not been part of her life - although his actions, and the consequences of those actions, permeate every part of her being.
So often in a tragic event, the focus is on those who were lost or the perpetrators. People are suspicious of the family members - how could they not know?
We watch Lexie try to deal in her own way with yet another new beginning. She starts to form tentative friendships and, eventually, makes the decision to tell people the truth. Sadly, not everyone reacts as she’d hoped.
This tried to explore how important it is to feel comfortable with your decisions, but it didn’t quite work for me. The group Lexie allied herself with didn’t seem like young adults (perhaps their petty immaturity was intentional), Lexie herself never really felt like a fully-developed character (again, she’s a work in progress so perhaps this was intentional) and it seemed to send a rather odd message that she only felt strong enough to start addressing some of her issues once she’d had sex.
Thanks to NetGalley for granting me access to this in exchange for my thoughts. Based on other reviews I’ve read, this wasn’t really the book for me but I’m looking forward to reading his first one.

A bit of a letdown after Carter's fantastic first book; I struggled to care much for the protagonist, and I didn't find her to be memorable, and it just was a bit eh