My Dark Vanessa is the book everyone's already been talking about for months, and it's not hard to see why when you read it. Centred around Vanessa, who is picked and groomed by her school teacher when she's fifteen, we follow her life after and see how the relationship in her formative years defines her life.

This is literary and beautifully written, with clear allusions to different poets and writers throughout. It's well tied together, perfectly crafted, but, oh, it's hard to read in places. This is a descent into the mind of someone who has been used and crafted by an abusive relationship as a teenager, and so every interaction she has is muddied and twisted into something dark.

This felt like an important read - it explores the idea of victimhood, love and agency. How do you conquer something when you feel like you welcomed it? How do you get over abuse without becoming a victim?

I feel like this is going to spark some excellent discussions and would make a brilliant book club read. It was definitely hard going as a reader, because of the subject matter, and because you're sitting in Vanessa's mind, knowing exactly how and why she's doing things, and you're desperately sad for her, hoping she'll break the cycle and escape the past. This isn't an uplifting book, but it's an important one. The writing was skillful.

An uncomfortable read as we discover the mechanics of grooming.

A woman in her thirties reflects on a past 'affair' when she is contacted by someone involved in an historic sex abuse case. She has always considered it an affair with an older man, who also happened to be her teacher. The book mainly focuses on how the relationship developed with sections of how her life is in the present.

The theme ultimately is about power. The teacher is thirty years older than his student and manipulates the child - young woman - into doing what he wants while pretending that she is in control. He cannot help himself and will never do anything against her will. 'Are you sure you are ok with this' is the type of thing he frequently says. He makes her believe that she is different to other teenage girls, mature, special but also dark like him. What they are doing is illegal and she will be as much to blame as him, she has the power to destroy his career and his life. Just her.

She enjoys the power over him. Flattered that someone finds this introverted and lonely girl different, talented and attractive is what she finds the most appealing thing. Never at any point does she think of him as attractive in return. She notes his grey hairs, his protruding belly and the thick body hair and no other pleasant features. In her mind he worships her and that is exhilarating and the most sensuous experience she has known in her short life. Eventually guilt, shame, victimhood and accountability are considered.

The subtle details in this account of grooming make this a gripping if slightly sickening read. There is sex and some of it is gratuitous made even more so by the fact that it is abusive, albeit unacknowledged as such. The story would benefit from being a little shorter as the parts following her move from the school (thus the end of the grooming and relationship) are a little aimless and lack the tension of the earlier story. The character's habit of chewing inside her cheek is overused to the point where is becomes trite and a tad irritating.

There is no doubt that this book is of its time in as much as the investigation of historic abuse and how we, as a global society, consider these situations. But, unlike Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov, which is consistently referenced, this book will not become a classic in that way. Valuable nonetheless, it is worth reading for the discussion it provokes.

I read this book after all the controversy. I know people have their own opinions on all that so I wanted to read this purely for what it is & to judge it on literary merit alone. Suffice to say this book blew me away. The writing is concise, piercing & beautiful. KER handles this incredibly painful & problematic subject with grace, bravery & sensitivity. Her characterisation is flawless. I feel I have learnt so much from reading this book - about my own history & that of those around me. This is a stunning tour de force & I am waiting with bated breath for whatever she writes next. A must read.

I have previously (twice - about a month ago) written a thought-through review for My Dark Vanessa, only for it to evaporate into the ether. This one, then, will be shorter.

This is an intelligent novel exploring the concept of a student-teacher relationship. It would be easy, as many novels have done, to create a lily-white young victim and a monstrous predator. And to an extent, that is what Vanessa and Mr Strane are, even though neither sees the relationship quite that way.

There are multiple time lines, one with Vanessa at school as her relationship with Mr Strane takes off. Then she is at college, and now, several years later, she approaches middle age as some of Mr Starne's former students feel he deserves to be exposed.

The thing here is that Vanessa was certainly a consenting partner - and there are suggestions she might even have initiated the relationship. And it seems that Vanessa was starting a pattern, having a relationship with another tutor who, ironically, seems to be a friend of Mr Strane. Vanessa does not see herself as a victim and is appalled at the idea of joining some kind of class action against her former (and perhaps continuing) lover.

Strane, on the other hand, is a very disturbing creation. He plays power games. He asks Vanessa to role play a father-daughter scenario. He is always Mr Strane; there is never even the slightest hint of equality. And he maintains contact, and maintains this domineering contact even as Vanessa is an adult. As the journalists circle, looking for blood, Vanessa and Mr Strane send each other text messages.

My Dark Vanessa is a creepy and unsettling read that makes one question some aspects of the Me Too movement and, most of all, question how we should respond to a victim who refuses to see herself as such.

My Dark Vanessa can not at all be described as an enjoyable read, but it is a thought provoking and compelling one. It tells the story of Vanessa and her relationship with her teacher when she was fifteen years old. Rather than playing the victim she truly believes what they had was special. But when other confessions from other girls start to come forward Vanessa realises she might not have been as special or unique as she thought. It’s an interesting viewpoint to give on a very hot topic at the moment in the height of #MeToo. Vanessa’s narrative makes for a hard read as she defends and pines after her abuser. The plot brings up important discussion points on the ideas of rape and the views of society – as well as highlights the failing of the school systems at that point in time. The teacher Strane is a well-developed character – we hear all of his manipulation and justifications through her and as a reader we beg her to see sense and leave him.

The book itself changes perspective between flashbacks of the past when Vanessa is fifteen and the present where she is in her thirties and still trying to move on. My only criticism here was in the Kindle edition I read it was a little hard to tell the time jumps as they seemed to occur randomly within chapters which made it a little jolting. Perhaps a heading with the date for each jump or a simple ‘Now’ and ‘Then’ would have helped this out a little. In general, the book also seemed a little too long, although the story was engaging, we could have done with a little less of some sections - particularly towards the end. I felt the ending was a little disappointing – a missed opportunity but perhaps that is what makes the book feel realistic – there is no neat fairy-tale ending to tie it all together.

Although emotionally hard to read in places the book is engaging and flowed easily. You are easily drawn to see Vanessa’s point of view and you feel her pain throughout. Some parts of the book are triggering and uncomfortable but that’s to be expected with this subject matter.

Overall, My Dark Vanessa is a dark, uncomfortable, powerful and compelling read – just make sure to read the blurb before deciding if it’s for you. Thank you to NetGalley & 4th Estate for the chance to read the ARC in exchange for an honest review.

It’s difficult to review this book as I felt uncomfortable reading some parts of it but had to keep on reading to find out whether Vanessa would come to any resolution about what happened to her. It’s such a complicated, many-layered novel, a little long perhaps but brilliantly written. It’s gripping despite the often harrowing subject matter. This book probably isn’t for everyone and at times I questioned why I was reading it but decided it was because the writing was so good and I cared deeply about what happened to Vanessa. I so wanted her to be okay. It’s a powerful and absorbing read and it makes you think. The narrative works very well all from Vanessa’s perspective and at times I thought, ‘How can she think that?’ but of course she was just 15 and what happened to her coloured the rest of her life. A difficult, impressive read.

Quite a difficult story line to read to be honest, but sadly that’s part of life. I thought it was well very put together and well written.

Thank you NetGalley for my complimentary copy in return for my honest review.

My Dark Vanessa puts you in the head of Vanessa who at 15 has sex with her English teacher and build within her the idea of this grand love story. However 32 we see the effects this has had on her life and when other women come forward to say that they have been abused by the same English teacher Vanessa focuses in on her life to question all that has happened.
This book is not an easy read. It does not shy away from the details of what happens to Vanessa. There is not let up from her thoughts and feelings as you are constantly in her head. This does make for compelling reading.
My only criticism is that the book is maybe a touch too long.

https://medium.com/@LexBrookman/recommendation-my-dark-vanessa-by-kate-elizabeth-russell-6286013b9cab

My Dark Vanessa is really strong stuff. It is a powerful novel about a girl who is brainwashed into believing that her abuse is love. Vanessa's affair with Jacob Strane ruins her life while he is free to abuse vulnerable girls again and again. This book made me so angry about what was done to Vanessa, and reinforced over the years. It as if Vanessa has been poisoned by her teacher, and cannot live a normal life. The Vanessa that she ought to have been has been killed, emotionally. It is so well realised and really puts you into Vanessa's head and heart. Five stars.

#Gifted: I obtained this arc for free via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

*Trigger Warning*

This book contains references of rape, death and drug use.

Personally what drew me to the book was the fact I have spoken to some older men online over the last couple years who made me question how good natured they were.

It was a disturbing read (I found myself only wanting to read 10-20 pages over a day) yet well written. A traumatic topic openly addressed.

The chapters move between 2000 and 2017, which ultimately meet up by the end of the book. It’s this kind of back and fourth that brings out a strong reaction in the reader. It had me thinking about the strangeness of adolescence: the juxtaposition of being a child but constantly told you’re the now and future…

Vanessa, now an adult, dealing with the rape of her fifteen year old self.

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

This book has been on my radar for months so I was interested to find out if it would live up to it’s advanced praise and it certainly did. My Dark Vanessa is not an easy book to read. It is dark and it is disturbing but it is also essential reading which will leave a lasting indelible impression on it’s readers. The book follows Vanessa both in the past, when she was 15 and had an intimate relationship with her english teacher, Jacob Strane and also in 2017 as a 32 year old woman in the midst of numerous allegations against powerful men and also against Strane himself.

My Dark Vanessa is incredibly complex in the way it portrays Vanessa’s story. I recently read an article in The Guardian featuring the author, Kate Elizabeth Russell and I think it gets straight to the point of what I think is so powerful about this book. Russell talks about not giving in to the pressure to create a ‘likeable victim’ which, to be honest, Vanessa is not. Vanessa is difficult to warm to, stubborn and generally unsympathetic to abuse victims, all of which makes her character hard to empathise with. But the point is, why does a victim’s personality or likeability make any difference whatsoever to what has been done to her? It’s an interesting question and one I’ve been thinking about a lot since reading this book. I liked that My Dark Vanessa is entirely from Vanessa’s point of view and never crosses into the perpetrator’s psyche. Strane is a detestable man and his manipulation and grooming is so obvious to the reader, but Vanessa’s perspective shows us how insidiously clever men like him are in the way they make it seem like everything is the victim’s choice, assigning them the allusion of agency to lessen their own disgraceful behaviour in their minds. It is so crucial to witness this behaviour in a way that, whilst uncomfortable and anger-inducing, is also so very important.

I could go on and on about how well written and nuanced My Dark Vanessa is but honestly I would just say – read it. It is so current, challenging and deserves a huge amount of praise and attention for starting a very difficult conversation.

Unfortunately this was a DNF for me 😕 I got to 25% and really, really struggled with the subject matter.

A 40 something teacher grooms and seduces a 15 year old girl from his English class. The subject matter, the personalities, the denials, the innocence taken, the repercussions were all a little too much for me. From the get go, I really wasn't sure I would continue and it just left me feeling really uneasy, uncomfortable and tbh a bit horrified at the thoughts of it all, which I suspect is the whole point.

I absolutely commend the author's writing though as the subject matter came through vividly and piercingly depictive and graphic and it takes a talented writer to evoke such emotions in me as this book did in the quarter that I read.

Brilliant, brilliant read. Really disturbing but unable to put it down. Not an easy read and uncomfortable at times but a must read. Highly recommended.

'If I never met Strane, I probably wouldn't have ended up all that different. Some boy would've used me, taken me for granted, ripped my heart out. At least Strane gave me a better story than that.'

Meet Vanessa. When she was 15, she began a sexual relationship with her English teacher. Other's might call it abuse, but Vanessa knows they're wrong. Mr Strane didn't abuse her. He loved her. At least, that's what she's thought for the last 17 years. But now it's 2017, and Strane has been accused of sexually abusing another former student. Forced to question everything, Vanessa must revisit her past, and face up to the fact that what she thinks of as her great love story might actually have been something far more complex.

Wow. What a book! This is honestly one of the most challenging, confronting and complex books I've ever read. But it's also one of the most important, given that it focuses on what is arguably a very timely and relevant issue. Indeed, this is a very nuanced and unique perspective on the 'me too' movement, and the cases that may not fit the black and white labels of rape and abuse, but instead fall into the grey in-between.

Vanessa is a complex character; a young woman who isn't entirely likeable, and initially appears to have a somewhat questionable sense of morality. But as the novel develops, and you learn more about her past experiences, it becomes clear that so much of Vanessa is based upon and informed by the abuse that she experienced. When viewed through a different light you see how she is in fact a vulnerable woman who struggles everyday with the aftermath of the trauma she experienced. I also felt that she represented an often overlooked element of childhood sexual abuse - the fact that sometimes, you miss it when it's gone, and that does not make you a bad person. Vanessa's entire identity is based around Strane, her experiences with him, and perhaps most importantly, how he made her feel. Her relationship with him took place during such formative years that it of course she will struggle with forming an identity that is distinct from the abuse she experienced - if she moves on from who she was, then who will she be?. As such, it felt incredibly authentic to have her struggle with positioning Strane as an abuser - if he is an abuser, what does that make her? Does she have to be a victim? Why do others not see her agency in what happened to her? Is there something wrong with her for still wanting him, for missing him? All incredibly valid questions that are often overlooked, and I think for that reason alone this book is incredibly important.

Another real strength of this book is that it forces you to question yourself and your beliefs, and those small excuses that we as a society have grown so skilled at - but she said yes, she's nearly old enough, she had an orgasm, she wanted it... So many times throughout the book Vanessa excuses the abuse she experienced, and I think the one that stood out for me most was when she said that what happened to her wasn't 'rape rape'. How many times have you heard of survivors being questioned over how hard they fought, or how much force was used, as though only truly violent rapes qualify for being referred to by such a word? It really made me reflect on how we as a society almost seek out ways to excuse abusive behaviour, and also the impact that has on victims and how they position themselves in relation to their past.

Overall, I was thoroughly impressed. Russell has created a truly astounding book, that is difficult and challenging but also incredibly important. This is a book that will make you question yourself, your beliefs, and the beliefs of those around you, whist also making you reflect issues relating to abuse that are often overlooked. Perhaps the most important question this books raises is this - are those who are abused always victims, or do they have agency in their decisions? By having Vanessa be an active participant in her relationship with Strane, Russell creates a narrative that is uncomfortable and often unspoken, and in doing so forces the reader to truly challenge themselves. This is a book that needs to be read - there are no easy answers to the questions it contains, but perhaps because of this, it is a book that has the potential truly make a change in those reading it.

Disclaimer - I was fortunate enough to receive an advance reading copy from NetGalley. This has not affected my review in any way, and all opinions are my own.

This book... wow.

I know I will never forget my experience of reading this.

My Dark Vanessa is dark and twisted but so important. It follows Vanessa at different stages of her life - at school at 15, at college a few years later, and then as a thirty year old trying to make her way through life.

At school she had a relationship with a teacher and in this book we see her deal with the impact this has on her life. Can she come to terms with what the relationship actually was, or does she continue to see it as a loving and meaningful relationship, her first love?

5/5 - it disturbed me hugely but I could not put it down.

It’s quite difficult for me to talk about this book, because it deals with subject matter that I find very difficult. Not because of any personal trauma, but because of stuff I have had to deal with in my professional life which has led to any kind of sexual abuse being a big trigger for me.

My Dark Vanessa is graphic, that’s one of the first things to say about it. It is also an incredibly strong portrait of what happens to a 15 year old girl when she is steadily groomed and abused by a teacher, a man in a position of power over her; a man in in loco parentis.

Vanessa is a bright young woman who wins a scholarship to a boarding school. She finds the new environment a bit daunting and is slow to make any friends. Jacob Strane is 42 years old and an English teacher.

He singles Vanessa out for special attention, flatters her writing and commends her poetry. Sickeningly, he lends her Nabokov’s Lolita which will become their ’special’ book. Vanessa is wooed and beguiled and believes herself to be in love even as this predator is physically abusing her.

My Dark Vanessa is an exploration of what happened to that 15 year old girl, told through her own voice and spans the period when she was at boarding school together with a shift to the present day, when we meet the 32 year old Vanessa who is a complete mess. She drinks, smokes dope and sleeps with wildly unsuitable men. Any thoughts of an academic or postgrad career vanished long ago and now she works as a hotel receptionist in a dead end job.

Somehow, Vanessa has managed to hold onto that childhood belief that she was in love; that she was special, that anyone else who said they had been abused by Strane had no idea what they were talking about.

Because Strane, accused of abuse when Vanessa was his pupil and who got Vanessa to take the blame, has once again been accused. 17 years later, he stands accused by another former student of abuse and Vanessa is still making excuses for him. Vanessa is a mess though. She has conversations with herself and others where she plays out variations of the truth to try them out for size. She kept a blog, naming no names, where she tried to write out what has happened to her. But she can’t admit to herself what somewhere deep down she knows to be true, that her life has been a lie. She has to believe in a love affair, even though a part of recognises that’s not what really happened.

The strength of this book is in the writing and in the way that Vanessa is portrayed. Time and time again as she thinks about her relationship with Strane, she strains at recognising the awfulness of this situation, only to be unable to face it and to retreat into the ‘love affair’ version.

Sadly, Strane is not the only predator she meets and unlikeable and chaotic as she is, her most awful moments come when she is asked to stand witness for other women in condemning Strane. It is then that we see her sense of alienation and self-delusion hanging by a thread.

A couple of years ago, Sofka Zinovieff wrote about child abuse in Putney – a nuanced, delicate book that was incredibly thought provoking. My Dark Vanessa is much more of a blunt instrument and as such is quicker to rouse a deep visceral reaction and I experienced real rage as I read it.

Verdict: My Dark Vanessa is brutal, nauseating, anger- making and important. It shines a light on the subtleties of coercive control in abuse cases like this where the age gap is so substantial and young girls are so used to sexual imagery around them in ads, and songs. I could not say I enjoyed it, but I found it powerful and challenging and most importantly, truthful.

I found this quite a difficult read the story of Vanessa being groomed and sexually abused from the age of 15 by her English teacher at boarding school. The story is of how this abuse affected her into adulthood and she did not achieve her full potential in the academic world.

I did find half way through that the writing became repetitive and seemed to lose it's way a bit. Having said that I would recommend the book..

Thanks to NetGalley and 4th Estate Books for the ARC for which I have given my voluntary and unbiased review

This was a lonnnnng book. I lost interest about halfway through and had to force myself to keep reading. I felt nothing much for any of the characters which was a shame and I think that’s why it took me so long to read. It probably could have been half the length and packed an even bigger punch.
Obviously the subject matter is a difficult one and it’s not a ‘enjoyable’ book but I thought I would be hooked and truly invested in the story but, sadly it wasn’t what it was hyped up to be.

I don t know how to review this book as it’s subject matter is very disturbing but the writing is brilliant. The way the story has been split between young Vanessa and grown Vanessa is very clever as she doesn’t see herself as a victim but as a reader you just want to protect her. I like the fact that Vanessa doesn’t want to be involved in the Me Too movement as she sees her relationship as love and not grooming/child abuse. This throws up conflicts and moral dilemmas which caused me to stop and think.