This is the first Kerry Fisher book I have read and I have to say that I am pleasantly surprised. I really and truly enjoyed it. An nice and easy read, the pace was steady, the story emotional and the ending heartwarming. Although I wouldn't classify THE MOTHER I COULD HAVE BEEN in the Mystery/Thriller genre, it does has an element of mystery to it. But I would shelve it with the contemporary, general fiction or even chick lit.

THE MOTHER I COULD HAVE BEEN is Vicky's story. She grew up not knowing her father and when her mother remarried to a man who didn't particularly like his new wife's daughter then went on to have two more children. Whilst her mother played happy families with husband Ian and children Joey and Emily, Vicky felt like the odd one out. Her mother always seemed to have more time for her new family rather than she did for Vicky.

2009. When Vicky graduated university, her mum rang at the last minute with the excuse that Emily had taken a fall and she was at the hospital; that she was sorry but wouldn't be able to make her graduation. Angered that once again her mother proved she didn't really want her, Vicky decided that when it came time for her to have a family she would show them the love and attention she had always wanted but never received. She would give her children what she had missed out on.

Then when her flatmate's family invited her to join them on a trip to Corfu, Vicky jumped at the chance to escape her troubles with her own family. But two weeks into the holiday, she begins to feel her presence really isn't wanted particularly when she overhears her friend Liv tell her mother she "didn't think she would be spending the whole holiday with us"!

So Vicky makes her escape and finds herself at beachside bar run by the charismatic Freddie. On a whim, she asks him for a job in exchange for board and lodging and by the end of the day Vicky had moved herself into the attic room overtop of the bar. The locals loved her, the tourists also loved her and soon Freddie did too. It wasn't long before Vicky left the attic room and moved in with Freddie. Together they enjoyed a free spirited relationship and when Liv's family left Corfu, Vicky found herself not wanting to go back home. So she stayed.

Then one day, Vicky is enjoying the solitude of a secluded beach the locals frequent...but not generally tourists...when she meets William. They spend a glorious day and evening together and he walks her home to the bar, giving her his number should she ever wish to see him again. Despite being with Freddie, Vicky can't stop thinking about William and before long she moves out of the room she shared with Freddie and moves in with William.

Vicky and William fall madly in love and they love their life in Corfu, and aren't looking to return home to the UK in the foreseeable future. That is, until Vicky discovers she is pregnant and everything changes. After a scare in her second trimester, Vicky and William decide to move back to the UK with William's family where she is welcomed by his mother and father.

When Vicky gives birth to baby Theo, she is filled with doubts about her abilities, which are more often than not, highlighted by William's mother Barbara. Vicky trusted Barbara to know best as she hadn't a clue on how to raise a child, but soon those subtleties turn into nastiness and Vicky finds herself at loggerheads with not just Barbara, but William too, who doesn't seem the least bit interested and tired of her constant complaints about his mother. Not only that, Theo didn't seem to like her and would scream whenever she came near...and yet he would calm in Barbara's arms.

But one Christmas, when Theo was 2, was the last straw. Barbara once again asserted her authority over Vicky for little Theo's attention and when he took a tumble with his new gift, Vicky was shocked to hear Theo cry "Don't want Vicky! Want Mamma!" Vicky was incensed and confronted Barbara about teaching him to call her "mamma". But Barbara brushed it off as "Theo's choice...short for grandma". When she tried to talk to William about it, he was more interested in his phone than what was going on and told her to calm down. Furious, Vicky changed into more comfortable clothes, jumped in her car and left...and she never went back.

She had intended to return...but every time she tried she found she just couldn't face William or his mother in what would be another "battle of wills". In the end, she stayed away for about six months before she decided to speak to William face to face. But when she approached the school where Barbara had insisted on Theo going to, she saw William kissing a tall blonde woman...and even worse, Theo seemed to love her too! It seemed their lives had moved on without her...and she wasn't even missed. Not even by her son.

So Vicky turned her car around and drove away.

Devon, 2016. Caro Campbell and her husband Gilbert ran a small holiday business with their son Fergus. Caro had a daughter India who, for all intents and purposes, was a complete pain in the proverbial! That woman would find fault in anything and everything! Caro loved both her children but India could never see it.

On New Year's Eve, India had left her three children - Ivy, Rowan and Hollie - in Caro's charge with strict instructions that she must follow to the letter. However, it was New Years and Caro was entertaining guests whilst the children were watching television in the den. By the time India and her husband returned early, Ivy was drunk and Rowan and Hollie had fallen asleep in the den in front of inappropriate TV programmes. India was livid and accused her mother of being disrespectful to them and their wishes. Some weeks later, Caro received a letter from her daughter cutting off all ties with them since they "could not be bothered to respect their wishes". Caro is gutted. India has always been difficult but she still loves her, though India fails to see that.

However, the business has been suffering recently and Fergus suggests hiring someone to manage it so he can get on with doing the hands-on work of redecorating the cottages. Enter Vicky her and dog Lionel.

Vicky is soon at home at Applefield Cottages, and although she says little, she is good at her job and it isn't long before Caro finds they cannot do without her.

When an investigator knocks at Caro's door one day looking for Vicky, bringing news she does not want to hear, Caro begins to see the cracks in Vicky's demeanour as the young woman breaks down and opens up to her. Soon the two women become fast friends and while both of them are mothers, both find themselves in a situation they can see no way out of.

THE MOTHER I COULD HAVE BEEN begins as Vicky's story but ends up Caro's as well. It is moving, it is tragic, it is heartbreaking, it is emotional. A story about life, love and loss. About motherhood and relationships. It is filled with raw emotion, devastation and heartbreak but by the end it is so heartwarming you will be left with an afterglow.

There were times I could have gladly slapped Vicky, but for the most part, I could understand where she was coming from as for much of my life I have felt like the odd one out or unwanted. So I could relate to how she was feeling...and although I didn't agree with her walking out on her son, I could totally get why she did. Had I been in her situation with a mother-in-law like that I probably would be tempted to do the same thing. Vicky had no self-esteem, no confidence and no real value of herself. Is it no wonder she could easily be manipulated?

The two people I could not stand the most were Barbara and India. Both were filled with a jealously so fierce though they reacted in vastly different ways. Sometimes I wondered how Vicky could not see through Barbara's subtleties...but then she had no self confidence and she trusted Barbara. And William? I could have gladly throttled him for being so indifferent and uncaring to Vicky's emotions. So what if he thought she was being over-the-top? His job was to protect her and Theo. He only served to drive a wedge between himself and Vicky.

I really loved the backdrop of Corfu and found myself wanting to stay there! But the story I really enjoyed was Caro's. I don't know...I think I found Caro an endearing and heartwarming character. I could feel myself enveloped in her arms and the love radiate from her...I don't know why her own daughter couldn't.

THE MOTHER I COULD HAVE BEEN has such heartwarming moments it made this book such a feel-good read, despite the heartbreak at the centre of both stories. Vicky may not have been entirely likable all of the time, she wasn't an emotional person and kept her feelings hidden, but she had a deep love for her son that she truly thought he would be better off without her. She had so much love but didn't know how to show it.

As Vicky's and Caro's stories intertwine, THE MOTHER I COULD HAVE BEEN draws us in from the first pages and keeps up engaged right up until the last, as we journey through tears and joys, regrets and heartbreak, loss and second chances.

I thoroughly enjoyed this journey and will not hesitate to take up another of Kerry Fisher's. I urge you to pick up a copy of THE MOTHER I COULD HAVE BEEN - you will not be disappointed.

I would like to thank #KerryFisher, #NetGalley and #Bookouture for an ARC of #TheMotherICouldHaveBeen in exchange for an honest review.

The Mother I Could Have Been by Kerry Fisher is really a contemporary story that does have some romance here and there. The book is an emotional one that follows the life of a young women over the course of more than a decade.

As Vicky Hall is about to graduate her family is not around yet again. With a mother who had remarried and is now involved with her step siblings Vicky has felt like she is an afterthought for years and vowed to herself to form her own family in adulthood.

Instead of heading home after graduation Vicky decides to take off on a vacation where she meets William. The two have a wild fling that ends up in pregnancy that sends Vicky home to the UK with William and his family.

I have to say I think I was most impressed with this one after starting off not thinking highly of the main character and coming full circle by the end. The ups and downs over the course of the years passing kept the pages turning and wondering how it would all work out in the end for the characters.

I received an advance copy from the publisher via NetGalley.

The Mother I Could Have Been is a heartbreaking story by Kerry Fisher. This novel will totally consume you and have your emotions scattered all over the place. This novel examines the relationship between a parent and child and how their decisions and actions impact the future.

As a child, Vicky Hall never had the sort of family she wanted. The least important person in her new step-family, ignored by her mother in favor of her two younger half-siblings, Vicky was always an afterthought. Sitting alone at her graduation ceremony at the age of twenty-one, she vows to create her own family and her own life, one which is full of the love and attention she has always craved.

Vicky messages her mum with, “going travelling this summer, will be in touch.” So off to Greece with her roommate, Liv and family for the summer. Liv would be staying in Greece for two weeks and then going back to the UK to start her accountancy job.

A meaningful quote from Vicky:

“I’d discovered that breaking off contact with people I cared about was less painful than living with them loving me less.”

Then at twenty-two, Vicky meets William and falls pregnant in Greece that summer, it isn’t planned. But the two of them believe they can make it work, showering their child, Theo with the love which they believe should be enough. They move into William’s home with his mother and father to save money. Both William and Vicky find work, and William’s mother, Barbara becomes Theo’s nanny.

But Barbara encourages Theo to call her Mamma, and to cry and scream when Vicky comes near the baby. Vicky soon believes she is not a good mother, and does the unthinkable… She leaves, walks out on her two-year-old son.

“He was better off without me.”

What kind of mother does that?

The novel then alternates to another mother Caro, and older mother that has problems with her grown up married daughter, India, a selfish demanding woman that only wanted things done her way.

The Mother I Could Have Been, is a story of dysfunctional families, painful memories, actions and consequences, love and loss and finding your way out where you can be at peace with yourself. The characters are so well-developed and give emotional depth to the scene. This novel is so well-written and will have you re-evaluating your own life.

Many thanks to the author, Bookouture and Netgalley for my digital copy of this novel.

The Mother I Could Have Been
by Kerry Fisher
282 pages
Publication date: November 22, 2019
Publisher: Bookouture
4 ⭐⭐⭐⭐

First off let me start by warning you that before you start this emotional read make sure you have a box of tissues ready. Because you are going to need them as you dive deep into the mother daughter relationships. The author has such a way of writing that you feel all of the characters emotions as you alternate chapters with the pov from Vicky and Caro.I hated a lot of the characters but they are what makes this story what it is. I really struggled getting into this story at first. But it does get better, alot better so hang in there. I think this book would make a great movie with all of the explosive family drama it has . I wanted to drag Barbara , Vicky's very mean and controlling mother n law through the book and punch her in the face. As like most people when I first started this book I was like how can any mother just up and walk away from their child . But between Vicky's mother and her mother n law the poor girl didn't stand much of a chance. Many thanks to the Publisher , the Author , and NetGalley for a ARC copy of this book in exchange for an honest review. And as with any book you read PLEASE leave the author a REVIEW. Reviews are very important to authors and is what keeps them writing.
#TheMotherIcouldHaveBeen #NetGalley

First of all let me start . This book was so emotional . It touched me so much. I found her writing to be like Jodi Piccoult.. I felt emotionally connected to the characters and I highly recommend this book. Well done.

Kerry Fisher gets better with every book. Her characters are so well described that I felt I actually knew them . Highly recommended

I just love reading books by this author and her books just amaze me. So when Kerry's new book came out to read I had to find a cosy corner, turn my phone off and open my kindle then, become apart of this book. Oh You will need a Big Box of tissues for this one.
The Mother I Could Have Been by Kerry Fisher was just an OMG amazing book. Kerry always writes with passion and is always beautifully written without,

I highly recommend this book. Well, all her books and a box of tissues. I read this latest one in two sittings and it just took my breath away.
WoW just amazing.

Big Thank you to Bookouture and NetGalley, for providing me a digital ARC of The Mother I Could Have Been by Kerry Fisher for review.

I received an ARC copy of this book from Net Galley in exchange for my honest opinion of it. I really had a hard time getting into this book and just could not finish it. How sad for Vicky that her own mom didn't attend her graduation because she was too involved with her new husband and kids. I had a really hard time just trying to understand some of the words and phrases used.

I was given an ARC from netgalley in exchange for an honest and Independent review.
I have to be honest and say I struggled with this book. I just found it so difficult to get into and engage with the story and the characters. But I persevered and then at 40%into the book, for me, the pace changed, the plot developed and I was fully engaged and could not put it down. I shed a few tears as I found it quite emotional reading about mothers and their relationship with their children. .
I have read a number of other books by the same author which I loved and overall this was a great read, just not 5 stars due to the slow start.

Many thanks to Bookouture and Kerry Fisher for the opportunity to read and review this book. The Mother I Could Have Been was a heart warming emotional read. There are a lot of strong complex female characters in the book, most of them mothers whose lives are connected. A book based on motherhood, the good , the bad and the damn right impossible.

EXCERPT: I could have put my head on the table and cried. I'd held my babies close when they were born, my mind full of the fun we'd have, the places we'd see, the idea that we'd be this solid unit, each one of us standing firm, providing fortification against the outside world. It never occurred to me that we'd all turn on each other.

ABOUT THIS BOOK: As a child, Vicky Hall never had the sort of family she wanted. The least important person in her new step-family, ignored by her mother in favour of her two younger half-siblings, Vicky was always an afterthought. Sitting alone at her graduation ceremony at the age of twenty-one, she vows to create her own family and her own life, one which is full of the love and attention she has always craved.

When Vicky meets William and falls pregnant in Greece that summer, it isn’t planned. But the two of them believe they can make it work, showering their child with the love which they believe should be enough.

But when her son Theo is two, Vicky leaves him in the care of her mother-in-law, walks out of her front door and drives to a hotel where she takes a room for the night. She doesn’t return.

It’s unthinkable.

What kind of mother does that?

The kind who is hiding a story you can never imagine.

MY THOUGHTS: What mother hasn't doubted her own capability as a mother? Doesn't look back with regret at some stupid decision she made, or some inappropriate reaction to something her child has done that she would take back if she could? Mothering has to be the hardest job in the world.

And the most rewarding. But when you're young, and perhaps without a network of support, it is a daunting job. It's daunting enough when you have that support. I felt sorry for Vicky, but I didn't like her. At first.... I came around.

I have to admit I bonded more with Caro, and loved her story, even though I couldn't see how the two could be connected. But they were. Beautifully.

Fisher has a great way with words. She says about people what we all think at times, and says it in exactly the way we think it. Her characters are so real they could walk off the pages and into our lives. We feel their emotions, their fears, their disappointments, their joys.

An emotional read.

****

#TheMotherICouldHaveBeen #NetGalley

THE AUTHOR: Kerry Fisher is an internationally bestselling author of six novels, including The Woman I Was Before, The Silent Wife and The Secret Child. She was born in Peterborough, studied French and Italian at the University of Bath and spent several years living in Spain, Italy and Corsica. After returning to England to work as a journalist, she eventually abandoned real life stories for the secrets of fictional families. She now lives in Surrey with her husband, two teenage children and a naughty Lab/Schnauzer called Poppy.

Best advice ever received: 'This is fiction, we can skip the boring bits.' Lynn Hightower, UCLA Writers' Program.

DISCLOSURE: Thank you to Bookouture, via NetGalley, for providing a digital ARC of The Mother I Could Have Been by Kerry Fisher for review. All opinions expressed in this review are entirely my own opinions.

For an explanation of my rating system please refer to my Goodreads.com profile page, or the about page on sandysbookaday.wordpress.com

This and other reviews are also published on Twitter, Amazon and my webpage

I loved this book. Kerry always writes very well. The characters in her books always come alive. A heartbreaking story, I felt so sorry for Vicky who seemed to be carried along by circumstances.

After her mother remarried, Vicky always felt left out & when her mother misses her graduation ceremony she decides she's better off on her own. She goes off with her friend to Greece. When the friend returns to life in the UK she stays on working in a bar where she meets William. It is love at first site. When she becomes pregnant they return home but William's mother never takes to her. Before long it seems like William's mother has taken over. Her child, Theo, screams whenever she comes near & after a particularly grim Christmas she goes off to cool down & never comes back.

Caro loved her children but no matter what she does she can never live up to her daughter India's expectations Along with her son Fergus & husband Gilbert they run a holiday cottage business. When Vicky comes for a job there she fits in so well with the family- apart from India! Who after a row decides Caro is an unfit Grandmother & cuts off all contact between Caro & her grandchildren. When circumstances bring Theo back into Vicky's life, she has another chance to be a mum, but will Caro ever have that chance?

This book deals with the joys & pains that motherhood brings. It focuses on the feeling that no matter what you do, it is not enough. I really liked Caro & felt sorry for Vicky. India & her husband however, were unbelievably awful! It was a great read. Thanks to Netgalley & the publisher for letting me read & review this moving book.

This is the first book I’ve ever read by Kerry Fisher and it will not be my last. This is such a heartbreaking, moving, wonderful story of a girl who decides to disappear twice. I didn’t want this book to end.
In this emotional sorry, Vicki decides to go on a vacation with her friend, and stay gone. With perceived turmoil in her home, she chooses the relaxed atmosphere of Greece, getting into a relationship with William and ultimately getting pregnant.
Vicki and William move to his parents home for help with their baby Theo, and the stability his family provides.
While his mother loves Theo, she doesn’t love Vicki, and successfully undermines her parenting for two years.
Vicki decides everyone would be better off without her, again.

This story comes full circle in ways that make you laugh, cry, and hope for a better future for everyone involved.
I loved this book - 5 stars!

I received a copy from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

Please say that I wasnt the only one to read this thinking, ‘how could anyone walk away from their own child?’

Now before anyone reading this thinks I’m judging, I’m not because, even though the above thought kept going through my mind as though stuck on repeat, there are times where we have no idea what goes through someone else’s mind in one particular moment. Naturally, as the story progressed, the reasons behind Vicky’s departure became clear. But, just like Caro, another character who appears later in the book, thought, were those reasons a justifiable reason overall?

I could see where Vicky was coming from. Her sons grandmother even got my back up and yes, I had the urge to shout at the interfering witch through my kindle. Vicky had next to no confidence. She couldn’t even trust herself to make the right decision because she didn’t believe that those decisions were right. She doubted every move she made, every thought that crossed her mind – everything. I did feel for her as I could see that she was battling against her own mind and herself. In all honesty, I found it quite heartbreaking that Vicky felt so lost, like she couldnt reach out to her family in fear of judgement. Scary how powerful fear can be, isnt it?

I mentioned Caro further up in my review and, just like Vicky, she was also battling with herself because of the mislaid communication with her family, especially daughter, India. Again, it would be quick of us, as readers, to judge the situations in this book, and it would be so easy for us to sit and shout about how we would do things differently. Would we though? India was such an immature character who seriously needed to grow up and, even though I wanted to shout that, I was also able to see that the character had her own demons to deal with.

Kerry Fisher, as I’m sure you can tell, gave me a lot of food for thought with her latest book. It also goes to show that, whilst our eyes want to see one thing, our minds want to believe something completely different. Fisher highlighted how life isn’t always plain sailing and that people find themselves making decisions which will change their life, and the lives of others, for a good long while.

I’m going round the houses here, apologies. I appreciated the strength of the storyline and the sheer power and determination of every single character mentioned. Yes, they all had their flaws, but to them they were doing the best that they possibly could.

I thought Kerry Fisher absolutely nailed this book. It was suspenseful, relatable, emotional, intense, yet still an unbreakable novel which had the power of the entire world in its hands. I loved it.

This book was a great reminder that as a mother, most of us think we are messing up and doing it all wrong. And we're probably right about that a lot of the time. What I liked in the book was the theme that even when we think we are messing up, what is our actual mistake is distancing ourselves from the ones we love because of our own insecurities or perceptions about our mothering. The characters in the book weave together to show each other that their presence IS important, and that we need each other more than we realize. There were moments when I'd feel the heart of a mother watching her grown children and ache for them to have the connection that was missing. There were moments when I identified more with the daughters that were making the distance, and navigating the difficult road of being an adult, but managing relationships with parents as roles have somewhat changed. Parenting is hard, but the relationships that come are ones that you don't want to miss out on because of perceived slights. Family is hard, but worth it.

(I received this book as an advanced readers copy in exchange for my impartial review.)

The character study of how different women approach motherhood had a touch of thriller to it and was an enjoyable read. I liked the way that each of the women’s stories eventually dovetailed; that was put together nicely. I also thought it was interesting how Vicky and Caro (and even Barbara) learned from each other. I did think that the book was rushed toward the end and seemed to end abruptly, but I appreciated the detail and thought that went into examining why mothers make the choices that they do for their kids, even when they may be misguided. For a full review, please visit my blog at Fireflies and Free Kicks Fiction Reviews. Thank you to NetGalley and Bookouture for a digital ARC of this book.

A stunning family drama. A girl who is a little lost and feels an outsider as her mother started a new family. Vicky goes to Greece on holiday and doesn't return. She meets a wonderful man and all seems a perfect new life for her as he welcomes her and the new baby into his family. A heart wrenching tale as Vicky leaves her baby at two years old. Who could do that and why. This story will break your heart and lift it too as you learn the story. Some truly unlikeable characters that add to this story. I loved it.

Thank you to NetGalley, Bookouture and Kerry Fisher for the Arc of The Mother I Could Have Been. My review is honest and unbiased.
Vicky had never felt that she didn't belong and wasn’t loved nor fitted in with her family growing up so she couldn’t wait to have her very own family someday.
Her wish gets granted when while on holidays in Greece she meets William and not only falls for him but falls pregnant too so he brings her to the UK to live with his family and his mother helps Vicky through a difficult pregnancy and everything goes well, until their son Theo is born!
Then one day, when Theo is two years old Vicky gets into her car and drives away leaving Theo behind ..... How could a mother abandon the most important thing in her life???? You’ll have to read this fabulous book to find out !!!!!!

I love Kerry Fisher books so I couldn't wait to dive into her latest novel, The Mother I Could Have Been. I experienced a wealth of emotions whilst reading this book; predominantly anger at the way Vicky is treated by her partner's mother, in fact I was absolutely raging and don't blame Vicky one bit for walking out. Of course I can say that as I am not a mother, but I'm sure many people wouldn't be able to understand her walking out on her two year old son, Theo.

Oh Vicky, what can I say? Vicky felt very pushed out when her mother had two children with her new partner; we'll never know how much was in her imagination but it affected Vicky so badly that she went to Corfu after her graduation and never saw her mother again. Vicky meets William in Corfu and I really felt that she was just searching for the love that she was missing from her mother. Be careful what you wish for, Vicky, as when she discovers she is pregnant she ends up moving in with William's family and his mother, Barbara, doesn't half like to take over.

I really wanted Vicky to stand up to Barbara, although William doesn't seem to manage it. I knew this was going to end badly when they let Barbara talk them out of the name they had chosen for their son. It gets even worse than that though, ending up with Vicky feeling like her son doesn't even like her, let alone love her. So many things happen that you wonder how Vicky managed to stay in Barbara's house for so long and I could even understand her thinking that she was doing the best thing for everyone by walking out and never going back.

For a change of pace we are introduced to Caro and her family and I wondered how she would fit into the story. Caro not only gives Vicky a job in the family business but she welcomes her into the family. Despite having a tumultuous relationship with her own daughter, who I wanted to shake some sense into, Caro gives Vicky the unconditional love she has been craving and finally helps her to see what she has been missing.

This kind of story would make an amazing TV drama; it has all the drama of Dynasty with Barbara in an Alexis Colby style role contrasting with Caro as the motherly Annie Sugden from Emmerdale Farm. Kerry Fisher has written an extremely emotive and highly explosive family drama that had me reading at the speed of light to find out how it would all play out. Heartbreaking and moving one minute and heartwarming and uplifting the next, The Mother I Could Have Been is very highly recommended.

I chose to read an ARC and this is my honest and unbiased opinion.