I was expecting a personal development book when I requested this from NetGalley. Instead it's more academic, and science based. I still found it interesting, particularly the content on social media. The author does offer guidance for dealing with effects of comparing ourselves to others. While dense at times, it's an overall useful guide to exploring how comparison can be useful and harmful.

Apples and oranges: we are in the habit of comparing things, and it's so deeply ingrained, it's a survival-of-the-fittest thing that affects the way we think and what we do, or fail to do. This sounds so obvious, you might wonder why anyone needs to read a book about how we judge things. How do I compare this book to other books on the market? Is it a self-help book? It's that, yes, and it's more. Would I buy copies for loved ones who are hung up on comparisons of themselves to others? Yes. Unfortunately, those most in need of this book are least likely to read it. (I hope to change that.)

The science of any book is usually the best part, and Robert Prior delivers with case studies and textbook information, along with what it means for us in the way we think, feel, behave, and achieve. He defines "upward" vs "downward" comparison, terms I hadn't heard before, and explains how inappropriate comparisons "can completely blight our lives." Again, this may sound obvious, but Prior opens our eyes and clearly shows us how we can improve our decision making and overcome mental, emotional, and behavioral mistakes that arise from faulty comparisons.

Upward comparisons with people who are "better" at something can inspire us to improve - "if she can do it, so can I;" or "I'm good at this, but he shows me how much higher I can set the bar." Healthy, goal-oriented people thrive on being surrounded by the best.

Downward comparisons have us judging others to be worse-off or less accomplished, which can make us feel better about ourselves. It's one thing to tell ourselves "it could be worse," we could be unemployed, bankrupt, in rehab, in a wheelchair, in prison, dying of cancer, or self-publishing books that nobody will buy, and so on. If we keep making downward comparisons, we risk lacking empathy for others and having an inflated ego.

"Academic research confirms that comparisons can create problems for our psychological well-being, with issues of inferiority and/or superiority most commonly cited," Prior writes in Chapter 10. Having cited studies that show social media has detrimental effects on mental health, he offers "behavioral techniques we can use to reinforce our cognitive actions and increase the probability of success."

"The Role of Social Media" is a timely and relevant chapter to start with. Prior cites a number of studies on FOMO (fear of missing out), Nomophobia (no mobile phone phobia), and the signs and triggers to watch for in those who are suffering these new DSM-5 level conditions. No, Prior doesn't mention the manual for labeling mental health conditions--"Work assessing the effects of social media activity on our mental health is still in its infancy," he writes. Our comparison-generating inventions outpace our resources to measure their impact on our mental well being. In particular, Body Dysmorphic Disorder sufferers compare themselves to photo-shopped and carefully chosen images other people post on social media. "It is our perception that matters and that perception can be completely divorced from any 'normal' sense of reality," Prior writes, so that even successful people fail to see their success. Damaging thoughts and destructive behavior can be the result of a comparison related disorder.

Chapter 5, "The Target Self," shows us specific ways we can overcome harmful thinking. Aiming to "be happy" is not one of the objectives--for several reasons, Prior explains--one being that happiness is a consequence of other things, including a better use of comparisons. There's an actual "Happiness Research Institute," where the emphasis in on the "happiness of pursuit" rather than the pursuit of happiness.

Stronger, healthier, happier selves: we get there by using comparisons in better ways. "Those that are better than us will be sources of learning and inspiration rather than triggers for envy and self-loathing. Equally important: no ego-boost by using downward comparisons to those who are not as good as us in certain respects. As I read this book, I kept thinking how the flip side of feeling inferior to others is the delusion of finding others to be inferior, and either extreme is a result of making unjust comparisons--which sounds so "Captain Obvious," but Prior spells it out in ways that may jar us into perceiving things more clearly than we do now.

"Everyone has strengths and weaknesses," as we should all know. "But one thing that separates the secure from the insecure is that the former are much better at accepting their weaknesses, not allowing them to dominate their lives, while making full use of their strengths."

Half of this book helps us check our perspective and question our perceptions, and helps with goal-setting and ways to overcome incorrect thinking. The second half shows us how we as consumers fall for comparisons--and how to recognize misleading advertising. Living, buying, working, sporting, investing: it's all covered!

While just about every self-help manual offers the same old information packaged in a new way, this book does deliver on the promise of the cover blurb: "From eating to investing, driving to buying and working to dating,'' we can "learn how to tackle the mental health problems comparisons can cause as well as ways to turn them to your psychological, physical and financial advantage."

Now, to get those most in need of this manual to read it--and internalize the message.

THANK YOU to NetGalley and BooksGoSocial for a review copy of this book.
#ThePowerofComparison #NetGalley

This book is highly informative and I highly recommend it. The insight is based on solid information on how and why we compare ourselves to others. It also shows how that comparison can be inaccurate but still forms and sways our self perception. Really enjoyed this book. I received this book from NetGalley for an honest review.

A stunning book with insights you never knew you needed - what I call invisible paradigms made visible. In a nutshell, the book helps you realise how much you compare up (to your target/ideal self) and feel bad you are not superman/woman yet - and down - looking down on others to feel superior. It then suggests why you should not do this and what to do instead.

The last section is the only place I feel the book is weak. Entire books are written on getting people to install habits and yet the advice here is akin to 'repeat thinking new thoughts until you have changed'. In some ways, it can be that easy but it is also that difficult.

I would suggest an additional step - make a huge list of all the reasons you want to live

a) without negative comparisons
b) of all the ways upward and downward comparison can be useful (and they are - but you will have to read the book to find out why.)

All in all, this is up there with Addicted to Unhappiness, Growth Mindset and The Love Based Mindset. Superb.

This book was quite informative!

“Where there’s social interaction there will be comparisons and where there are comparisons there will be effects on our psychological well-being.”

From how social media accentuates the comparison syndrome to the art of constructive thinking and self worth, this book delves into our current reality, shedding light on a number of relevant topics.

I would definitely recommend it!

I would like to thank the Publishers, NetGalley, and the Author for sending me a copy of this book.

Combining scientific studies with practical advice on overcoming persistant comparing, this book offers a thorough look at how often we all compare ourselves to others around us. While I sometimes felt the author was overreaching beyond his topic (nutrition advice in a section on how we compare our weight and eating habits to others?) this was overall a very informative read!

Recently, I've been ever so slowly dipping my toe into the land of self help books. This is either a gem or I'm a newb, but either way the context of this in my daily life has already "hit different," as the kids say. As humans, we really can't help but compare ourselves to others. I'm glad this book is out here to try and help us with not going too far with that.