I can almost guarantee I will enjoy anything Holly Bourne writes (whether it is YA or adult) and this book was no different. All of her books have serious themes but she manages to inject them with a bit of humour and wit that make them also enjoyable. It was hard to read at times and dealt with some really difficult issues but it is just so important that this type of book is read so that it can help people understand.

Thank you for the review copy!

Thank you so much to Netgalley and the publishers for this arc. I’m a massive fan of Holly Bourne’s writing, so was eager to read this and wow. Is it possible to fall in love with a book, because that’s exactly what this reading experience was like.

Trigger Warning: there are themes of sexual violence in this book.

This follows April, a 33-year old woman who works with a charity that offers people advice (sort of like the Samaritans). She works on the ‘frontline’ which involves dealing with women who’ve been sexually abused. This job is particularly emotionally exhausting for April who is dealing with her own breakup with the toxic Ryan, who raped her twice during their relationship and since then she struggles with sex, especially penetrative. The book opens with her ranting about hating men yet still fancying them and desiring a relationship with one. She goes out on a date with Simon, an absolute moron, which ends in disaster. Following this April decides do a social experiment and takes on the cool girl facade and creates another version of herself called Gretal. As Gretal, she represses her April-ness, and is the ideal woman. Gretal begins dating Joshua, who falls in love with Gretal. But is it the Gretal-ness he is besotted with or is he actually different from those toxic men?...Has April actually met a nice guy for once and will she be able to realise that in time...

This books looks at the painful experiences of dating in your thirties, dealing with sexual trauma, mental health and the different fragments of one’s self. It explores the cognitive dissonance as women create this facade in order to conform and please men that doesn’t match what they feel and want internally and the pain as this gap widens and this is reflected in Bourne’s writing style which looks at the idealised version of what April wishes would happen and she really wants to say versus what actually happens. I love Bourne’s writing style. I love the Gretal persona and the way it gets it’s own narrative in blog posts that satirises self-help relationship books. I especially loved the conversation April has with Gretal which demonstrates her conflicted psyche and these different fragments of her self. This is a beautifully written story, well-observed and nuanced take on the difficulties of overcoming trauma and dating in your thirties without reducing to cliches, an equally harrowing yet moving read about giving others a chance and the importance of love in its many imperfect forms. Hands down one of my favourite reads of the year. I can’t recommend this enough. 5/5

This book feels like essential reading for anyone my age (30s), or just any woman, really. It deals with some hard topics (trigger warnings for rape, coercion and sexual abuse), but in a truly commendable style. April's struggles with self-blame and self-esteem will be all too familiar for a lot of women, but that's why this book is so important. It tells the story of so many women, bringing things to the forefront that we all to often push to one side.

I also love the dressing down of the manic pixie dream girl myth, done subtly and successfully. It deals with all of this with an impressive level of pragmatism and raw emotion all rolled into one and avoids the sentimentality of the standard boy-meets-girl story.

This book deserves all the success it will inevitably and rightfully get.

Pretending isn't a bad book, but it's not the greatest either.

Bourne's novels always discuss important subjects, such as different forms of assault, toxic relationships, mental health struggles, and, to put broadly, feminism. And this is so important. Her novels have opened a wider discourse and conversations with people, offering a new perspective, and has provided an accessible and new space to discuss the trauma, and advise on how to seek help/recognise negative behaviour.

And this novel did that. This novel follows the protagonist April, who works as part of a charity on the front-lines, helping people with their struggles. This can range from helping them dealing with their rape, alcohol abuse, or suicidal thoughts, etc. And while April is working there, she finds herself dealing with the trauma and the effects of when she was raped a few years beforehand.

The novel does a deep dive in to April's trauma, her coping mechanisms. Part of this is her deep distrust and hatred of men. So April forms the stereotypical, satirical alter ego of 'Gretel' who is basically - what she thinks, and what we often see in various forms of media - the mans perfect woman. April thinks if she becomes Gretel, she will be free from being harmed by men: she has the control.

But this isn't as easy as April thinks it is, and this all pans out throughout the course of the novel. In conversations with herself, her friend, her therapist, her newly met friends at a boxing class for other survivors. While that is all very in-depth, I found the novel to be lacking something...

Originality. I think if this was the first novel of Bourne's I read, it would get a much higher rating. But to me, this feels like the adult version (or the finalised draft) of Bourne's YA novel before this, The Places I've Cried in Public mixed in with her first adult book (which I dislike), How Do You Like Me Now?. They all just feel interchangeable. The characters, the plots, the narrative style and their discourse.

April feels like the same character as the other protagonists in Bourne's other novels. Very cut-and-paste like. And while this a novel about the female experience, I don't think it does it justice when every male character in Bourne's novels are also the same cut and paste dry cardboard characters.

I don't know how I feel judging this based on her other work, but at the same time, having read the majority of the catalogue I am familiar with Bourne's writing style and thus have a critical eye and opinion on the development of her writing. That I can't ignore. Bourne, the more and more I read, just seems like she knows how to write the same characters and stories over and over. . . and that doesn't insinuate good writing to me. (Basically just copying herself).

So it's a really hard one, because the message of this book is important, and it has some really great moments that explore issues that all women can (sadly) relate to. But then, I find it lacks putting across the emotion it could have done, due to the not-so-greatly written characters (this novel could've had a wonderful supporting ensemble, but Bourne gives them a moment of screen time, tries to make them look *layered* and then moves on) and plot.

So this one is a 3 stars for me. I don't entirely hate it. It's decent. But I'm not head over heels for it.

Wow, what a powerful book with a unique story, one that needs to be written about more. Dealing with rape and so frankly is something that needs to be addressed more, I sure there will be a lot of people this could help.

Powerful,emotional and thought provoking. Rape - a woman's worst nightmare, but have we ever wondered how a victim of sexual abuse can move on in new relationships, can put the experience behind her/him? April was the victim of inter -relationship rape and cannot trust new partners to treat her differently,her self esteem is zero. In a new relationship with Joshua ,she puts on a new persona of Gretel, determined to be in control. As the relationship develops,can she maintain this, or will truth out? Brilliantly written, hard to put down, i could not wait to see if Joshua was a nice as he appeared or if they lived happily ever after.

Unfortunately I did not get on with this book and therefore cannot rate it very highly. I really struggled to connect with the characters and storyline from the outset.

Sadly this was a DNF for me, I couldn’t get on with the way it was written. It might well be an age thing (being older) or perhaps I just need some positivity in my life right now, and this felt like it was the opposite. It was my first read by this author, so perhaps I should try one of her others.

Thank you NetGalley for my complimentary copy in return for my honest review.

“I hate men. There, I’ve said it. I know you’re not supposed to say it…”

April hates men, as we learn in the very first sentence (and soon find out the reason why). April is kind, funny, pretty, successful in her career at a charity – just your regular 30-something millennial woman. But all the men she meets on dating apps end up revealing themselves to be awful, eventually. So she makes up an alter-ago, Gretel, who she imagines is just the kind of girlfriend men want..

You would think it would be near impossible to have a book tackle difficult, traumatic issues while at the same time being hopeful and uplifting, but that’s precisely what Pretending, Holly Bourne’s new novel, manages to do. Fierce and sad, funny and and hopeful, I sped through this book, and thought it was even better than her debut, How Do You Like Me Know? I'll definitely be looking out for her next novel, whenever it comes.

Pretending was one of my most anticipated releases of 2020, and it did not disappoint!! I'm a huge fan of Holly's writing; she has a real talent for tackling gritty topics with wit and relatability, and this one was no exception.

The novel follows April, a woman in her thirties working on the frontline for a young person's advice charity, and recovering from her own past and sexual trauma. Throughout 'Pretending', her dating life takes a turn as she pretends to be someone she is not - Gretel, the perfect woman. With no flaws or baggage, Gretel is the ideal candidate for a relationship, so when she begins to date Joshua, she becomes Gretel and abandons April.

Pretending is a hugely impactful exploration of what it means to date as a woman in a world where men have little respect for the women that they are dating. It looks into sexual trauma (in intricate and well researched depth) and the impact it has on every aspect of a woman's life long after the event has passed, and also delves into the pressures of working on the front line in a charity. I learnt a lot from both of these themes, and found some of the passages surrounding April and her trauma - and the trauma of other women - deeply 'moving. The themes of this book are timely and incredibly relevant, and are written with care.

One of my favourite reads of the year so far.

Holly Bourne’s writing focuses on women’s rights and mental health, and “Pretending” is the latest in a line of novels which centre on a female protagonist, working through her own issues on men, singledom etc. 

April is a young woman who, on the surface, has her life ‘together’. She has a boyfriend, a flatmate and a job that she loves, working for a charity supporting domestic abuse victims/survivors. Scratch that, though, and we discover she’s at the tail end of another abusive, short lived relationship with a guy who can’t handle her PTSD, her job is becoming increasingly stressful and she just wants to find the One while fearing that she will never be loved.

In a moment of desperation, and thinking she’d get her own back on all of the men who have ignored her opinion, pushed aside her requests to be treated tenderly, not texted her back or even pretended to acknowledge her existence as a valuable human being, she signs up to a dating app as Gretel - the ultimate MPDG(Manic Pixie Dream Girl).

Pretty soon she scores a big fish on her hook, and Gretel and Joshua hit it off. She’s funny, aloof and always busy with a big adventure, and that makes him even more interested. Meanwhile, part of her job which calls for her to answer queries from people over email, is showing that her responses are becoming less measured - she’s angry and wants to punish All Men for the way she’s been treated, and all women around her. 

I’ve been struggling with how to review this book. I liked the writing and I thought the characters were pretty good, but I found it hard to relate. I realise this is a product of being a bit older, and more settled, than April/Gretel. It’s not that I thought her actions were uncalled for, I just felt that I spent a lot of time encouraging her to see that Gretel is her - just the amped up version everyone displays for the first couple of times we meet people. I wanted a bit more exploration in what her actions did to Joshua - how her aloofness impacted him in the same way that the last few douchebags did to her, and while this is touched upon, I was surprised at the way the story was told. 

I also struggled with the message. Was it that we’re only truly happy in a relationship? Do we pretend to be someone else until the right person comes along and we can let our guard down? Or is it that she found someone she was comfortable with when she started looking after her own mental and physical health, as she joins a boxing club for female survivors of domestic abuse. I really loved those parts, the women in them were sharply drawn and I felt myself shouting at her again to stay there, to connect with those women and build her confidence up, rather than rushing away to meet a bloke because you feel you should. 

Ultimately, it boils down to the fact that this book told me nothing new - women every day are harassed and impacted by men. I’ve been winked at, groped, followed and dismissed pretty much every day of my life, as have my fellow females, simply by virtue of being female. As is the case with books on this theme, I found myself wishing that it wasn’t preaching to the choir again, but there was a way to encourage men to read these, to stand up and be allies for all women. I hope that if I was in the position that April is in, this would allow me to see that there is a way, a need, for me to love myself before committing to another relationship - that there are meaningful relationships outside of ‘significant other’ or ‘better half’. It’s a cliche, sure, but it’s really important to feel comfortable in your own skin before sharing your life with someone else - however you identify and whatever your sexuality. If I knew someone who was thinking about this and grappling with their search for The One and ‘failing’, I’d direct them to Holly Bourne as a way to gently provide options, without being too forceful about what you should and shouldn’t be doing.

Found it very hard to 'get' the heroine and thus immerse myself into the story - the pacing just felt off, too intense but also dragging at the same time. I felt I had been reading this book for ages, but my ereader said I was just at 5% which made me pause and really think about this reading experience. Even when April is 'revealed' as to why she thinks/behaves the way she does, it was still hard to get behind her because it just felt too much, for lack of a better word... Unfortunately wasn't able to appreciate this one

Holly Bourne is one of my favourite writers EVER. I love her YA novels, and her first adult fiction novel, How Do You Like Me Now? did not disappoint either. When I heard about the premise of Pretending, I HAD to get my hands on it.

After a string of disastrous dates, April has had enough. With her self esteem at rock bottom, she adopts the persona of Manic Pixie Dream Girl Next Door "Gretel" and takes a new approach to dating. Why be yourself when you can be perfect? When Gretel begins to date Joshua, things are almost too good to be true. However, April begins to realise she is developing real feelings despite a fake persona, and she soon she has to confront the question of whether Joshua is in love with April, or with Gretel...

Don't be fooled by the jokey premise, Pretending is a raw take on dating after experiencing sexual assault. It also examines the politics that now come with heterosexual dating. In particular, with the rise of swipe right apps, relationships are now viewed as disposable, with parties favouring quick hook ups over building a meaningful relationship.

I read Pretending a few days ago and I haven't been able to read anything new since, as I cannot stop thinking about this book. It's fair to say that potential readers should be aware before diving in that there are some aspects of the story that WILL be triggering, and that they should be mindful to practice self care before, during and after reading. April's story is going to resonate with so many women who have experienced sexual violence in a relationship. I hope Pretending opens up a much needed conversation about the support we offer to survivors, as there are more of them than you would think.

With such a heavy topic at its heart, Holly Bourne ensures her trademark wit and razor sharp observations are scattered throughout and there were so many times I was like YEP, nail has been hit firmly on the head. With this gift, its no wonder Holly is becoming a rising star in both YA and adult fiction.

Even though I read Pretending in April 2020 I know I will be reading this book again very soon.

Really enjoying Holly's adult books, she just keeps getting better.

April has been hurt by men her entire adult life. After being hurt AGAIN she decides to become Greta and take some of the power back. The theory is Greta is powerful, she doesn't care what men think, if it's not working move onto the next one. But here comes Joshua, he's different... or is he...? How will he feel when he meets Greta. The boundaries between April and Greta begin to blur until April doesn't know what's happening.

This really got into the mindset of women who are dating in today's world. It has huge trigger warnings for rape. It's an empowering book which talks about emotional trauma and healing. I loved, LOVED the boxing club - I wanted to know more about those women and see those friendships develop or even mentioned in the last chapter. I loved the female friendships and the Dawson Creek episodes - can so relate!! This is a hard story to read but yet you do get swept along. I didn't like Greta's textbook chapters and some of the early bits did read like a trauma textbooks, but this was just setting up April's world and what she deals with at the charity. Holly has definitely found her niche. 4.5 stars.

April hates men. Doesn't just dislike. Hates them. Passionately. And as she dives into the reasons why, you can't really blame her. But you know who doesn't hate men? Gretel. Gretel, the Manic Pixie Dream Girl who is always everything that men want just at that minute. She's sexy when they want sex, but not a whore. She's funny, but not funnier than them. She's successful and financially independent, but don't make more than them. She's cool and nonchelant and doesn't care when a guy doesn't text her back. Oh, and yeah, she's also not real. As April channels the power of Gretel in the hope she can get some revenge on men for the things she does, she ends up taking things a little too far, until she can't see a way out.




Despite having quite a long catalogue of mainly YA books to her name (this is only Bourne's second forray into adult fiction), this is only the second novel of Holly's that I've read. And the first one didn't leave me overwhelmed (that was It Only Happens In The Movies and you can here my review here). But she's such a hyped author and her books sound so amazing to me that I actually have quite a few on my shelf/kindle to read. 

I'm still a bit undecided how I feel about Pretending. 

Firstly, the pacing was off. It took me probably up to about 40% through the book before I felt it properly picked up and was going somewhere, and before that the plot was sort of just dragging it's feet. It took me ages to get to 40% and then after that I finished the rest of it in one day. But then again, at the end, I felt it wrapped up too quickly. It was like well here's the big climax moment at the end aaaaaand that's the end. No come down after. 

Other than that I think I'm maybe just not a fan of Holly's writing style. I found myself skipping paragraphs of text cause I was bored and trying to get to an interesting bit. 

What has really stuck with me after finishing Pretending was the feeling of London in the middle of  a heatwave feeling I got from it. Somehow, the constant heat, the clammy offices and tubes, these details were intengral to the story and how I visualised it in my mind, and I can't put my finger on why but it really enhanced the story. Much more so than if it was winter and freezing. 

However, my favourite bits to read were when April was interacting with her friends. Particularly Megan, and the boxing group she attends. Holly writes female friendships really well, that support that women have for each other. I also did find April quite funny and enjoyed a lot of the banter and flirting she did.

I'm not 100% sure how I feel about April as a character. Obviously what she did wasn't great, but she has her reasons, and I think my reasons for not clicking with her more are down to the writing and not her as a character or her motives. 

BUT

And this is the big but...

This book is so needed. To see how men react to women's truama, the unwillingness of victims of rape and sexual assault to call it 'rape' because 'it wasn't that bad', the not realising that what happened to them was actually sexual assault. This is what is so needed about this book. I am all down for more books, calling out men, society, rape culture, sexism, the power dynamics in relationships, the way women are 'supposed to act'. This is what I think this book does a brilliant job at addressing, and why I still recommend it and think everyone needs to read it. Unfortunately for me, the writing style and other aspects of the book let it down, but I think it's so important to get everybody to read books like this, to see how what we've been taught and pressed upon us isn't necessarily true or right.

Overall, this was a 3.5 read for me. I will be reading the other books of Holly's that I already own, but I fear I may not click with them again, despite her promising story content.

I loved this book. It tackled some really important issues surrounding rape and PTSD, and didn't pull any punches, which was refreshing, gut-wrenching and eye opening. It's not all serious though, there are some laugh out loud moments and the relationships in the novel felt authentic-I warmed to the characters pretty much from the off. If you like your books to have a ton of heart, depth and great characters, then you'll love this.

Pretending is by far the most important book I’ve read so far this year. In seeing this advertised almost instantly my interest was piqued. I’ve had Holly’s other adult novel for a while and after devouring this in a few sittings it’s definitely been pushed up my list.

This book is the book all women need to read whether you’re in your teens and just starting to think about boys or whether you’re in your 30s contemplating where your life’s taking you. Holly has literally listened to all of us young and old. All our thoughts, feelings and insecurities are mentioned. It’s such a raw and incredibly real book, even though April is a work of fiction she could be any one of us. There are parts of her story that will resonate with many women.

I had mixed feelings about this book. It is, at times, a really moving story of the survivor of a sexual assault. It also portrays the complex emotional responses a survivor might go through, and the spiral down, triggered by another bad dating experience.

I loved April's relationship with her roommate, and the boxing club she joins sounds awesome. But some of the feminist aspects felt a little heavy handed - I felt like I was being yelled at, on topics I wasn't even disagreeing with. I wasn't always convinced that April's workmates would really have taken her 'I'm okay' pleas at face value, considering where she had come from, and considering the work she was doing.

I read it quickly, and it's very readable, but lots of it is really dark, so it may not be the best reading material for this Covid-19 lockdown.

I liked this book okay - I liked how realistic the setting and main characters were, I really feel the author knows London and has experience of the situations that are described, however the choice of name (Gretel) is just...it took me out of the story and made me find it unbelievable.

Holly Bourne’s writing will always draw me in, I relate to her stories a lot, and I enjoy that she’s going down the adult fiction path, but yeah, the name just jarred for me and took me out of the story.

After loving Holly's earlier work (The Spinster Club series) I was excited to learn she was branching out to adult. I read her previous book How Do You Like Me Now and got through it but didn't enjoy it. So, I decided I wanted to try again but within a few pages, I knew this book and protagonist wasn't for me.

While I know that some people will adore this book, I think I'll stick to her YA titles for now! Thanks for the opportunity to read and review.