Nicole Chung's All You Can Ever Know is a fascinating tale of a common situation: children of colour being raised and adopted by white parents, cut off from their birth culture and floundering in a white culture that doesn't wholly accept them. It was a fascinating and wholly intelligent look into the unexpected and far-reaching impacts that can have on a child and it really opened my eyes to the lives of people I know who have gone through the same lived experience. It is conflicted and multi-layered and confused, evoking the tension of a young person who is just trying to work out who they are in a world that often doesn't have the answers.

Born prematurely to Korean parents, who had emigrated to America, Nicole Chung was adopted by a white couple. Growing up in a small town in Oregan in the 1980s, Chung faced discrimination and racism that everyone around her, including her adoptive family, struggled to see or fully understand.

From the beginning, Chung's adoption story was framed by her religious parents as being destined by God and that her birth parents made the ultimate sacrifice in order for Nicole to have a better life. As she grew up, Chung began finding this version of events less comforting and more confusing.

It felt like only half of the story and Chung wanted the whole story.

It is while pregnant with her first child that Chung makes contact with her birth family. She needs more details about her premature birth than her adoptive parents can provide.

As suspected, the reasons for her adoption were more complicated than her parents portrayed. More complicated than they, themselves, understood.

Chung gives voice to her complex and, often, messy and conflicting emotions about being a transracial adoptee.

Chung writes about these complexities in a way that is sensitive to the experiences of her adoptive parents and her birth parents and siblings.

All You Can Ever Know is a moving and thought-provoking memoir about transracial adoption, race, identity, motherhood, and family in all its forms.

While every adoptee's experience is different, there are so many aspects to the experience and responses to them that resonate with other adoptees, that reading a memoir like this can be very helpful, sharing experiences helps us understand.

And the more there are like this, the more anyone thinking of participating in this practice, might do well to be informed of those varying responses, and to check not just their own motivations, but to do an empathy check; to ask themselves, how might it feel to be the shoes of a child as they become a teenager and an adult, when they come to realise they are not the person you tried to mould.

It's common for some adoptees to grow up believing they haven't been affected by the pre-verbal trauma of post-birth separation. At the time the author was born, it was still widely believed in many western countries at least, that babies were a blank slate, you could mould them into the child you wished for. Although, her family had a larger clue in that they were white Americans of European extraction and their child Korean, though born in America.

"Family lore given to us as children has such a hold over us, such staying power. It can form the bedrock of another kind of faith, one to rival any religion, informing our beliefs about ourselves, and our families, and our place in the world. When tiny, traitorous doubts arose, when I felt lost or alone, or confused about all the tings I couldn't know, I told myself that something as noble as my birth parent's sacrifice demanded my trust. My loyalty."

Nicole Chung shares her experience of being an only child in her family, a caring and loving family, but an over-protective (in certain respects) one none the less, by that I mean holding a form of unconscious protectionism against the idea of a child reconnecting with their biological family. It's an attitude that isn't about actively preventing them, but about never doing anything to support or facilitate that contact, or having sufficient self-awareness to look at defensive responses to the idea and realise that there were unresolved issues there. It's a classic problem, where the one person (usually the mother) you might turn to for support, instead of sympathising, can feel threatened and therefore may act in ways that undermine the process.

It's that awkward, near impossible dilemma of the child needing an empathetic understanding ear about a subject that is at the core of their very being, intersecting with a parent being pierced with the reminder of one of their chief vulnerabilities (infertility or the thought of a child they thought was their own (like a possession) wanting to do something they think may risk their bond with them).

"This may be all you will ever know, I was told. It wasn't a joyful story through and through, but it was their story, and mine too. The only thing we had ever shared. And as my adoptive parents saw it, the story could have ended no other way."

Nicole follows the clues she has, and discovers she has a family and siblings, but also discovers information that prevents her from having a complete reunion. The timing of when the contact happens coincides with the birth of her first child, initially an upcoming event that was part of her reason for searching, emboldened by the request for medical information, given she was an ailing premature baby herself, but as the two events move closer and almost collide, it becomes almost too much, the roller coaster of setting off down a path of no return.

The contact she does make is ultimately positive, in particular with her sister, with whom it is as if she has gained a very special friend, indeed she has and the birth of her daughter also awakens the desire for her to connect with a language and culture that is completely foreign to her. It is a reminder that the next generation born, is not born having been separated and conditioned by the two families involved, grandchildren often embrace them all, from their perspective it is simple to love family in any shape, form, colour, nationality.

It is a very personal account and kudos to the author for having the courage to share it and inviting readers to go along on the emotional roller coaster of a journey it must have been.

There is a profound sadness in her story though, those aspects of the human story that can't always be navigated or confronted, understood or forgiven. And so they are judged. And that is the risk and potential source of pain, that taking such a journey involves. An ongoing one.

For such a small number of pages, this book packs a real punch.

'All You Can Ever Know' is a memoir about Nicole Chung's life as an adopted child, and how having her own children causes her to reflect on her transracial adoption. Throughout the book, she not only details how growing up as a Korean child in a white family both attached and detached her to her birth family and their culture, but how re-discovering them as an adult altered her view of the world and how to raise her two daughters.

Chung writes powerful, spare prose that drips emotion from each line. You were peering into her innermost thoughts, attempting to understand truly what her life must have been like. You follow along with her discoveries, hurt when she hurts, celebrates when she celebrates. I can't say I've seen or read many books about the adoption process, but this one is an excellent start for anyone interested in the subject. I look forward to reading other pieces by Chung in the future.

Thank you for the opportunity to read 'All You Can Ever Know'.

This was an interesting autobiography of an American-Korean girl adopted soon after birth. The story follows Nicole's journey as she discovers information about her background and ultimately, meets her birth family.

Well told and a good read.

Ever since reading Kim Ji-young, born 1982 I've been fascinated with Korean history & culture and to discover more about family life and culture through Nicole's perspective tapped right into this.
All You Can Ever Know presents a warts and all story of an adopted child exploring her roots. It isn't a Disney fairytale but is fascinating and optimistic just like life.

All You Can Ever Know by Nicole Chung is a genuine book. Nicole was adopted by a Caucasian family and this is her story of finding her Korean parents of birth, finding a way to connect with them while being pregnant herself. Chung does an honest job of reflecting on her origin, the feeling of never being fully integrated and even when she finds her birth parents, never quite hitting the stride with her mother and yet deeply connecting with her sister. It's a personal book and it kind of stays at that level. You appreciate the honesty in her voice and the relatively simple way in which she narrates her life story. If you are looking to explore the experience of adopted children and how they grow up as adults or struggles with integration, this a reasonably good book for that. It probably won't be on my list of best reads but it was a quick read where you can share Chung's personal journey with self acceptance.

Thanks NetGalley for sharing an ARC of the book in exchange of a fair review.

All You Can Ever Know by Nicole Chung ⭐⭐⭐⭐

This is a really heartwarming memoir that brings to light an often taboo topic - adoption, especially interracial adoption. I've personally not been exposed to anyone I've known to be adopted or adopting so it's the subject matter is a little unknown to me. However this is a really tender, accessible, and cathartic retelling of a personal adoption story, that gripped me from the start.

The framing around Nicole's own journey to motherhood positions her adoption journey in a really engaging way. We see not only her perspective on how adoption has shaped her but how it's shaping her first steps into motherhood. It touches on some very heavy topics around abuse and bullying, but through Nicole's narrative voice you feel like you're in a safe hands - able to sympathise and see these challenges from a personal perspective in a way that means they add meaning to one's life. This is as much a memoir about her experiences as an adoptee as it is about the cultural sensitivies surrounding adoption.

The only slight criticisms are the sometimes repetitive narrative, though I can forgive that as it's clearly Nicole's voice, and the brushing over of her half sister Jessica. She's an interesting individual who's relationship with Nicole could have opened up another side of Nicole's journey to discovering her ancestry.

Thanks for the ARC copy Pushkin Press! I really loved this one. I'd recommend for anyone who is looking to get into memoirs as an accessible place to start.

All You Can Ever Know by Nicole Chung is about identity, race, motherhood, sibling relationships and the issues surrounding being adopted.

All You Can Ever Know is a memoir about adoption, race, and finding your place within family. Chung was placed for adoption by her Korean parents after she was born very premature. She grew up in Oregon with a white family, seeing few people who looked like her, and not knowing her birth family or true circumstances around her adoption. In this book, she charts her growing up, and then her journey to discover her birth family and explore her identity as an adopted Asian American.

This is a fascinating memoir that provides insights into cross-cultural adoption, in terms of the complexity of feelings and practicalities, and also explores Chung's emotions around motherhood and ancestry as they've been affected by her adoption. It is a tale of discovery, good and bad news, and the ways in which family isn't simple. Even for people who aren't usually interested in memoirs, this one is worth picking up, as it is highly readable and well-written, and tells a personal story that is eye-opening on wider issues.