This book is described as a heart warming and uplifting book about saying goodbye, its been described by others as a lighthearted look at grief. The story is told from the perspective of Jen, who loses her sister Kerry in an accident at the start of the book, and Jen's husband Ed - who battles to hold his family together in some way as his wife falls apart- not forgetting the other family who are punctuated throughout as the supporting cast.
Unfortunately I found this book to be quite slow paced - lots of things happened but not much happened at any pace, and if anything I felt the grief was absolutely overwhelming - I can imagine were I to lose my sister that my grief would be overwhelming too, but as a disconnected reader peering in at this story I really struggled to stay connected throughout the book to Jen because she grew a bit tiresome (& the image of Kerry was a bit of a stretch for me too). I wish we had had longer at the beginning with the sisters together, so that the relationship bond had been more cemented in our minds from the outset.
The writing in some parts is outstanding, and in the main is descriptively really well thought out, but I think there needed to be more layering, or more character substance.
Thank you to Headline books & NetGalley for provided me with a copy of the book in exchange for an honest, unbiased review.

Really enjoyable, could have been quite a clichéd or predictable plot but in reality it was heart warming, thought provoking and very enjoyable.

Jennifer’s sister Kerry is, quite simply, the love of her life. So when Kerry’s life is cut tragically short by an OAP driving with a dodgy windscreen wiper, Jennifer is unable to cope. Why did she survive when Kerry died? How is she meant to live in a world without her sister? And will she ever find a way to say goodbye?

So, this is my first book by Emma Cooper, and I requested it on NetGalley after seeing other reviews comment on how it was surprisingly light in tone. This unusual premise really stood out to me - a lighthearted take on grief is something rarely explored, and so I was eager to see how it worked. And for the most part, I was quite impressed - there was so much humour and levity in these pages that it did end up being surprisingly uplifting, and I was definitely left giggling quite a few times!

Unfortunately, although its humorous moments were very well written, ‘If I Could Say Goodbye’ broke the unspoken rule of emotional writing - show not tell. I was told all about the amazing bond between the two sisters, but I couldn’t feel it. I think part of that is because Kerry dies only a few pages into the book, and so you don’t get the chance to see the relationship for yourself, and it’s instead mainly told through flashbacks - again, being told not shown. This meant I struggled to connect with the book or it’s characters on an emotional level.

So altogether, it was a real mixed bag for me. I loved the humour and lightness, and thought that it was a really unique take on grief and how it affects how you live your life. However, the emotional element of the novel was lacking for me, which was a real shame as an emotional connection would have made it much stronger of a read for me. However, Cooper is clearly a skilled author, and I wouldn’t hesitate to read more of her work.

Disclaimer - I was fortunate enough to be provided with an advance reading copy of this book by NetGalley. This has not affected my review in any way, and all opinions are my own.

This is my first read by this author and it certainly won’t be the last. I was utterly swept up by this heartwarming journey. You really feel the raw pain that Jen is going through and her husband Ed is an absolute diamond. Beautiful book.

This is my first read by this author and it certainly won’t be the last. I was utterly swept up by this heartwarming journey. You really feel the raw pain that Jen is going through and her husband Ed is an absolute diamond. Beautiful book.

This is my first read by Cooper but I know it definitely won't be the last! A genuine story that is heart-achingly sad but really funny at the same time.

What Cooper managed to do with each character is so unique in the way they were all relatable and realistic. We go between the point of view of Jennifer and Ed, a married couple who are so easy to relate and root for. Their relationship is such a good and honest one, which makes what happens to Jen so incredibly sad.

The subjects of love and loss broke my heart. The desperation that Ed felt as Jen's life began to unravel was incredibly painful. Ed's stepping up to try and juggle everything after Jen's struggle is brought to light in such a way that you wish you could go in and help him.

Although there is a lot of humour and moments of happiness, but the big overriding theme is about loss. And this book makes it clear that even though everyone goes through such terrible loss, life simply goes on. It can be hard, yes, but you have to push through.

Emma Cooper’s books always tug at the heart-strings, and just reading the blurb, it was clear to see that this was another one that would have me reaching for the tissue box. If I Could Say Goodbye is a heart-breaking look at Jen’s struggle to deal with witnessing the death of her sister. As she battles to deal with the guilt she feels about Kerry’s death, Jen’s behaviour becomes more and more reckless as her mental health spirals.

As hard as Jen’s experiences are, it is Ed’s story that really got to me. He is grieving too but with the additional pain of watching Jen derail and not knowing how to help her. At times his utter bafflement adds a light touch of humour, but it gets more and more heart-breaking as the book progresses and he starts to realise how Jen’s behaviour is affecting the kids. I know from experience how hard it is to watch the people you love suffer and not be able to do a thing about it, and Emma Cooper captures this beautifully and gently.

If you have read Emma’s previous books, just keep your eye out for Ed and Jen’s trip to the cinema – I think there is something there that you will enjoy.

I love the way Emma writes, great characters and she really makes you sympathise and empathise with them.
I really get to understand how they feel.
Jen loses her sister in an accident and this is a story about her love and her loss.
Heartbreaking

Emma’s previous novel, The First Time I Saw You was emotional and one of my favourite books of the winter months, so I must admit I prepared myself to have my heartstrings firmly tugged by this book. It’s probably no secret to people who read my blog that I am a crier, I cry at the slightest thing in books particularly when I become completely involved in the story. This book, If I Could Say Goodbye, ticked my cry box, and boy did I cry! I had carried this book around for a few days, but did not pick it up to read until about 4:30am this morning, and everything stopped, I couldn’t put it down, and even needed my husband to make lunch because I just could not stop reading! Him working from home since the start of lockdown really does have some benefits!

This book follows the story of Jen and her husband Ed following the death of Jen’s younger sister Kerry. Jen is wracked with survivors guilt, and it takes her further and further from her devoted husband Ed, and their two children Hailey and Oscar. The story alternates between Jen and Ed and you get a multi-dimensional view of both of their thoughts in the situations that take place, but you also get a strong impression of what an impact Jen’s grief has on her young children. I really felt for both Hailey and Oscar, who were affected in different ways as their mother took a step back from them while she was lost in her memories of her sister Kerry. Ed was such a beautiful character, and was so supportive and understanding. I also adored that he turned to YouTube to find out how to braid his daughter’s hair!

This book was so powerful, and poignant, but although the loss and grief experienced was almost painful to read, there were humorous moments that brought a light to the darkness of the prose. It was such a beautifully written book by Emma Cooper, filled with effortless and almost poetic prose in such an emotive setting.

I discovered Emma Cooper earlier this year when I was utterly enchanted by The First Time I Saw You, a book that I loved so much that my Mum, my Grandma and my aunt-in-law (who also doubles as my Grandma’s next door neighbour) have all now received gifted copies and each adored it just as much as I did.

I was therefore very excited to learn that the author had another book out, and I virtually leapt onto Netgalley to request to review. The problem is – I loved The First Time I Saw You so much…..would this live up to expectations?

The short answer. Yes. Although I would say that it didn’t sparkle quite so much for me. What the author manages to do once more however, is to admirably take a tragic subject – in this case death and grief – and to pull something quite beautiful and ultimately hopeful from it. I’ll admit to reading the blurb and expecting it to be an emotionally heavy read. But there is a lightness and wit within the writing which manages to strike the perfect balance between humour and emotion so that, far from being a tough read, I found myself transported and completely immersed.

One of the great strengths of this author is the brilliant characterisations and the building of relationships between them. Both books (and I know that I’ll be reading more in the future) have found me becoming invested in the characters and their stories. In this, the two dominating relationships are between Jennifer and her sister, Kerry and with her husband Ed. The scenes between Jennifer and Kerry are laced wonderfully with humour, and demonstrate the closeness between the two sisters. More emotionally laden are those with Ed. He represents life, and moving on and their relationship charts many changes throughout the course of the novel.

I thoroughly enjoyed my time with If I Could Say Goodbye. A wonderful life affirming novel with a huge dollop of (unexpected but perfectly pitched) humour. Whilst I didn’t love it quite as much as The First Time I Saw You – it is only a hair and whisper away. I very much look forward to reading more by this author.

Jennifer Jones' life began when her little sister, Kerry, was born. So when her sister dies in a tragic accident, nothing seems to make sense any more. Despite the support of her husband, Ed, and their wonderful children, Jen can't comprehend why she is still here, while bright, spirited Kerry is not. When Jen starts to lose herself in her memories of her sister, she doesn't realise that the closer she feels to Kerry, the further she gets from her family. Jen was never able to say goodbye to her sister. But what if she could?

This read is extremely emotional and bursting with very raw, painful emotions too. It is clear from the plot description this is about grief but I was not anticipating the sheer desperation and pain that Cooper captures so magnificently. Despite the pain I still found myself enjoying this.

Onto realism, and this has aspects that are not particularly believable. I suspended disbelief and could get on board with them but some of it I found ridiculous. Despite this, I found myself immersed in Jennifer and Ed's story. Their love is stunning, it was so refreshing to read about a couple who love each other, I loved getting to know them, learning about their history and following them as they navigate this very difficult path they are on. Jennifer and Ed make this read and it would not have been the same with anyone else.

I do not think there is much else I can say about this. 'If I Could Say Goodbye' features a realistic couple whom you will find it hard not to love and a raw, heart-breaking story that I found myself completely immersed in. This is a very special read.

Thank you to NetGalley and Headline for an advance copy.

Jen’s story is a hard one., she’s on a difficult path following the death of her beloved sister and with her deep feelings of guilt because of Kerry’s death. And it’s the aftermath of Kerry’s death and Jen’s struggles that is the main premise. There’s some really heartbreaking moments; when Jen moves back home to her mum and dad’s, Ed and Nessa’s heart to heart and the ending..

You follow Jen’s story as her mental health declines, stuck in the grief., But this is a love story, the story of the love each sister feels for the other. I really felt for Ed - as he started off in the story as the sort of comic relief given the heavy subject matter, but as it progresses you see the impact on him as the remaining parent and concerned husband. The author does a great job in showing how mental illness can affect all those involved, and that makes it even more heartbreaking. This is an important story to tell.

I enjoyed this book up to a point but couldn't quite feel the reasons for the intensity of the love between the sisters. Beginnings of it were there - Jen named Kerry, she was the miracle baby for the whole family - but Kerry felt like an impossible being - unconventionally beautiful, in a relationship where she was blissfully happy, beloved of everyone. She felt more one dimensional at times as she was idolised by everyone. Maybe that was the problem. Or maybe that was Jen's perspective of her. I don't know but something missed the mark with this book. Maybe it's just me not being able to imagine that sibling love can reach that level of devotion usually reserved for spouses of many years, rather than siblings. It is probably my problem rather than Cooper's but, given this is my opinion, this is why I feel I must give the book the rating I have.

A beautiful story about life, loss and grief, about overcoming the past mistakes and looking forward to what the future might bring.
Very well written and I’m really looking forward to read more books by the author because it’s just a must read book that I will recommend to all my friends

Jennifer Jones' sister is dead.

Kerry, the little sister, born to the family who adopted Jen, died trying to save her from an oncoming car.

But why was Jennifer spared? A question that haunts her. And now, Jennifer is no longer living her "perfect" life. She is no longer herself,  turning to risk taking behaviour. Her husband Ed and her two children are struggling to understand Jennifer's behaviour and grief. She imagines situations which may lead to her own death. And most worryingly she constantly lives in her memories seeing and hearing Kerry speak to her.

Nessa, Kerry's fiancee is also struggling.

The book tells the story of how Jen comes to terms with her sister's death.

This book is so well written from the viewpoint of both Jen and Ed and it is at times difficult to read.

I enjoyed this book immensely and recommend it.

Wow this book was a rollercoaster read for me. Heartbreaking story of love, loss and letting go..It was beautifully written, i loved the characters just wanted to be there with them all the way through and willing a happy ending. Made me cry in places.
Loved it

What an incredibly emotional read this was for me. I found myself having a good old cry at 4am over Jen and her family’s story. It begins when Jennifer is adopted by a childless couple and four years later gets an unexpected little sister. Kerry is a determined, mischievous and curious little girl and the pair are incredibly close. In adulthood, the two are still inseparable. Jen now has husband Ed and two children while Kerry has a long term partner in Nessa, who she is hoping to propose to. When a terrible accident happens while the sisters are on a shopping trip, Kerry is killed. Now Jen needs to find a way to carry on living, but the survivor’s guilt and grief are very strong. As Jen starts to lose herself in her memories of her sister, it becomes clear that Jen can’t let Kerry go. Yet, by keeping hold of her sister, will she end up losing her own family?

This is my second book by Emma Cooper and after reading this she has been bumped up to my list of favourites - those authors where I know I’m guaranteed a great story, emotional impact and believable characters. She has the talent to combine a big emotional punch, with a sprinkling of humour which isn’t easy to do. I honestly fell in love with these characters and their relationships with each other. Jen is a very organised and capable woman, who loves spending time with her family and creating a beautiful home. I loved her with Ed and the way the author has created a balance of the romantic and the mundane into their relationship. There’s enough of a love story to draw us in, but we see the normality too as they get the children ready for school, do the grocery shop and get involved with school activities. Underneath the daily grind though is a strong love and passion for each other. Yet it is becoming tested by changes in Jen. Ed has noticed that Jen doesn’t seem as organised as usual and is often staring off into space. Then at other times she is almost over-excited and far be it from him to complain about more sex, but well, he wasn’t complaining exactly... it just isn’t like his wife. He worries, but labels these changes as part of the grieving process. He doesn’t know what we know. Jen can still see Kerry and talk to her, she’s fuelling the recklessness he’s seen such as daring Jen to leap off a cliff into the sea. There’s a point when Ed realises that this isn’t just getting lost in memories. For Jen, Kerry is as real as he is or even the children and what will he do when this starts to affect them?

This was a tough, but loving and humorous portrayal of the journey relationships take when one partner is struggling mentally. I found the alternate chapters between Jen and Ed so effective because we can see the same events through both sets of eyes, sometimes with very conflicting results. I was so torn because I loved both of them, I wanted them to be together but I could understand each viewpoint. Ed wants his wife back, the person he fell in love with and his best friend. He wants to be a family, but wants to protect their children too. Jen has a heartbreaking dilemma. Does she follow medical advice and take the pills that might make Kerry disappear forever? She feels like she’s killing her sister again. The psychiatrist who sees Jen and diagnoses complicated grief understands what she’s feeling. This is survivor’s guilt. Jen wonders why she survived and Kerry didn’t. Kerry saved her life by pushing her away from the oncoming vehicle. In Jen’s mind she’s already killed her once.

This was a tough read because I struggle with complicated grief. In 2007, as regular readers will know, my husband died from pneumonia as a complication of Primary Progressive Multiple Sclerosis. It had been coming for some time, but for the final year of his life I was his carer for 24 hours almost every day, unless I had a Marie Curie nurse. He was dependent on me for food, drink, medication and all bodily functions, even breathing. Three months before he died I agreed that he needed to be admitted to a nursing home from hospital. One of our carers was injured and I couldn’t have managed. I knew when I made that choice it was very likely he would die. For a few weeks afterwards I would see him out of the corner of my eye, sitting in his wheelchair looking out into the garden. I could also hear the mechanism of his wheelchair and a little beep it used to make. I realised that this wasn’t really Jerzy, this was me being unable to let go. In therapy I talked about survivor’s guilt and how I felt I had killed him by sanctioning the nursing home. I knew rationally I couldn’t have done anything else, but emotionally it’s been very hard to accept my own choice. I also have multiple sclerosis but in a milder form and I discuss choices and possibilities at length with my new partner, because I would hate him to go through the same thing. Reading this was emotional, I did cry, but I also felt less alone with my experience.

The author has taken a really tough subject, but made it warm and humorous. I love the way Kerry is often doing things she did as a little girl like standing on her head or blowing bubblegum. She also sits in the oddest places and actively tries to make Jen laugh. The wider family were lovely too, willing to support and help out with the children or Jen. Her mum is always full of good sensible advice and their acceptance of this peculiar phenomenon is brilliant. The final scenes choked me up. They made me sad for what I lost back then as well as for Jen. I was desperate for her and Ed to make it and come back together as a family. The night I finished the book I was an angling widow! My partner and my brother went night fishing, so I was alone for the final chapters. I had a good cry on the dog - he’s very absorbent. I found myself very thankful for the new chance of love that I’ve had with my partner over the last couple of years. All I wanted to do was hold him close and tell him how much I loved him. This is an honest story about how complicated grief can be, but never lets us forget that where there is grief there is always great love.

This was quite honestly one of he most beautiful books I have read for a long time. Focusing on love, loss, and how to finally say goodbye... this book is full to the brim of heartbreaking moments, and moments of complete and utter love. It honestly made me quite emotional at times which just shows how perfectly the author portrayed the characters and their individual stories. A must read!.

Thank you to Headline and Netgalley for giving me access to the ARC of If I Could Say Goodbye by Emma Cooper in exchange for an honest review.

I really enjoyed this book, despite the odd grammar mistake due to being an early edit. It is an emotional read, and it takes a very special book to make a reader feel such empathy for the characters in a book. It is written extremely well and I will definitely look out for more books from the same author.

The story follows Jennifer Jones and her family after her younger sister, and best friend, tragically dies after pushing Jennifer out of the way of an oncoming car. Jennifer struggles with the loss of her sister and feels immensely guilty because the car was heading for her and therefore she feels that her sister's death is her fault.

As time passes and Jennifer's grief and guilt takes a firmer hold, she begins seeing her sister and having imaginary conversations with her. The closer she feels to her sister, the further she is pushed away from her family - her loving husband Ed, her gorgeous children, and her parents - who all suffer as Jennifer struggles to battle between hanging on to her sister and hanging on to her family. She has to let go of one of them, and that's what this story explores. Who will she choose?

The story is told in both Jennifer's perspective and her husband's so we can both experience first hand the grief and turmoil Jennifer goes through, as well as the impact on her family as a whole.

Jennifer’s younger sister Kerry dies in an accident, being hit by a car, saving Jen’s life at the same time. Jen’s whole world changes. She loved her sister so much, Kerry was her best friend, and now she’s gone. Jennifer is racked with survivor’s guilt and it nearly split her and her whole family’s lives apart. Will they manage to survive those dark moments?

The characters that Emma Cooper has created are absolutely brilliant, and not only the main ones, but also the children, Jen’s parents or Nessa and her daughter. They all feel real and relatable. I loved Jen and Ed’s relationship – it was so raw yet it was so clear that they were perfect for each other, and it broke my heart more than once to see how Kerry’s death affected their marriage.
I liked Jen. Even though there were moments she was too much for me with her behaviour, even though her actions were sometimes hard to understand (yes, I know she was grieving! I know she had problems!), I fell for her and her pain. Sure, sometimes I wanted to shake her, to remind her there are people loving her around her but nevertheless her grief was so well written, the author has got into her head so well that I simply couldn’t not like her.
I also adored Ed. My heart went to him so often – you know, I could somehow relate to him as I also have seen my own husband dealing with me in my darkest times, so I really could understand Ed’s feelings. He was so strong, so brave and he loved Jen unconditionally. His chapters were sometimes heart – breaking but they also added so much lightness and humour.

The book was a bit on the slow side and there were moments that it dragged a bit, though when something happened then it left me with open mouth, so not bad then  What I also would love is a bit more time with the two sisters together – you can say there was incredible bond between them and I would love to see how they worked together, not only read about it but see with my own eyes.

It’s actually a very powerful and emotionally strong story touching upon grief and mental health and the way it affects whole families and single person. It’s sad beneath the surface but the author manages to sneak the funny elements to the story as well, thus creating a very well balanced tale that is neither too depressing nor overly hilarious, and I think she has found the magic middle. I think the author has really well dealt with grief and even though it was sometimes overpowering, it was done in such a way that I always sympathized with the characters – though feel warned that maybe sometimes it’ll be too much for you as it’s a bitter – sweet, raw and honest description of dealing with grief.

It’s a beautifully written book, folks, really. Emma Cooper has a way with words, she has proven this already with her previous books and she also doesn’t disappoint with „If I Could Say Goodbye“. There is lightness to her writing, it’s easy to follow yet there is also enough depth to it, and she can beautifuly and with sensitivity write about feelings and emotions – I could feel the grief and sadness that Jen exudes but also the desperation and uncertainty of Ed. There is joy in her writing, there is also sadness and yes, I had some problems with getting into the book, no idea why, but on the whole it was a captivating story that had me invested in the characters’ lives. Truly recommended!