I was really excited to be approved this on Net Galley as the blurb made me expect a novel about what it’s like to be queer and living in Palestine/The Middle East. However when reading the novel it’s more about how the protagonist deals with her sex addiction. ⠀
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I did really enjoy the storyline with her mother, we see a lot of the structured patriarchy rules imposed on the protagonist, how she takes up too much space, how she shouldn’t draw attention to herself, she is wrong for being queer. Watching the protagonist flashback to incidents like this as a young girl helps you understand why she has such a complicated relationship with her mother. ⠀
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I also found it interesting when reading about the many dates that the protagonist went on and how they put up with being in toxic relationships because they either didn’t feel like they deserved better or they didn’t want to end the relationship and be alone which felt very realistic and well done. I won’t spoil anything but I was also really happy to see that this protagonists story ended well and I felt really satisfied by the ending. Overall I really enjoyed this book, however i did find that it was much more about having a sex addiction than it was about coming to terms with being queer when knowing that your parents wouldn’t be supportive.

Absolutely brilliant debut, shorter than I thought it was going to be, but that makes it no less spectacular. An addictive read I didn’t put it down until I was finished. A painfully honest read, it’s the story of a bisexual Palestinian woman, about the struggle between her faith, family and sexual identity. A really interesting and addictive debut, I’ll be looking forward to many more books by Zaina Arafat in the future

Thanks to netgalley and the publisher for a free copy for an honest opinion

This one didn't work for me at all and I only read around 13%, but I think that it was very much a case of wrong reader, right book. Thank you to NetGalley for an advance reading copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

DNF'd @ ~50%

Putting this one down because I didn't recognize the extent of the themes within this book and it's sadly not working for me on the edge of a book slump.

I loved the complexity of this story and how it approached relationships in a very different way. I also really appreciated the way Arafat implemented the cultural background of the main character without making it an incredibly heavy component of the story.

It did throw me, however, how much of this story explores toxic relationships. In particular
(view spoiler). It was an interesting and, honestly, an uncomfortable dynamic for the reader (which I was not anticipating on picking up the book).

There is a lot in this book to unpack.

Poetic coming of age story

“I lament what she’s given up for me. Our mutual sacrifice creates wounds that may never heal. I will carry sadness for her pain, and also for mine. In receiving love from others it will always be hers I crave most.”

The unnamed protagonist is a young Arab woman born to Palestinian parents, who grew up in the US. The family has ties in Lebanon, West Bank, and Jordan, where they visit regularly. The story is told in the first person. The protagonist is fresh out of College, trying to find her way in the world, grow up and establish a career. She is also attempting to come out to her mother as bisexual. The relationship between her and her mother is quite strained, mostly owing to the circumstances of her parents’ relationship and them leaving their home country. The protagonist has a hard time in relationships, in a sense she enters them too quickly and has trouble leaving even though she knows they are not right for her.

I am torn writing this review, unsure whether to give three or four stars (I finally decided on 3.5 stars and rounded up). I absolutely loved the language in this book, it was beautiful and poetic. I did find the protagonist very egomaniacal, however, which was a bit off-putting. I enjoyed the cultural ties to the Middle East and her growing up in the US where she often felt foreign, and the resulting self-divide. Overall, I thoroughly enjoyed this novel and am hoping for many more from the author.

This was one of my favourite books of the year. I've never read anything that flowed so beautifully and had me so hooked on a book that read largely like a memoir. It left me thinking about the characters long after I had finished.

I first heard this book being discussed on a Book Riot podcast back in 2019, and was immediately intrigued. This book is about a young Palestinian-American woman, wrestling with contradictive facets of her identity - culturally, sexually and in terms of her need for love. The action mainly centres around the breakdown of a relationship and a stay in rehab for love addiction, but also looks at her childhood, her relationship with her mother and her time spent in Palestine.

This is less a story and more a character study of a bisexual woman looking for validation and affection from others, and who is unable to stop herself growing obsessed with those who offer her these things (or who may potentially, if she were to win them over). Although fictional, this reads very much like a memoir. Deeply rooted in many of her anxieties and desires is her relationship with her mother, who is embittered as to how her life turned out and is overly critical of her daughter.

I found a lot to keep me invested in this story. I loved the sections where the narrator travels to Palestine, and how she struggles with her dual cultural identity. I also really enjoyed the narrator's voice - this is written in a very accessible way, but there is some really poignant prose. I found the rehab experience interesting to read about as well. What I struggled with was how callously the narrator treated her partner at the beginning of the story, and the flippant way that she discusses her infidelity. This is a moral-compass issue for me, rather than a criticism of the book itself. I just don't enjoy being in the presence of people who think fulfilling their own emotional needs is paramount, no matter the harm or hurt it can cause others. From there, it was difficult to like the character, but not difficult to read her journey - at least she was putting in the work to heal not only herself but hopefully her actions towards others.

I think the very fact that Arafat was able to engage me in a story of someone I would usually not want to read about (a cheater, that is...not someone bisexual or Palestinian!), to the point of rooting for her to improve herself, her self-image and her relationships, shows how I was impacted by the writing in this book. I think this was such an interesting debut, and I'll be looking out for this author in the future.

Commissioned writer via The Skinny:

"Arafat’s writing is fresh, witty and packs a heavy punch as she manages to pull off her narrator’s emotional exorcism – no easy task. Most impressive is the tumultuous relationship between the narrator and her mother, who isn’t willing to accept her daughter’s queerness and lifestyle. Rather than casting the mother as a villain, Arafat instead paints an intricate portrait of familial obligation, a troubled past and a tender, complicated relationship. You Exist Too Much isn’t a happy novel, but it is a cathartic, disruptive and enjoyable one."

Full review: https://www.theskinny.co.uk/books/book-reviews/you-exist-too-much-by-zaina-arafat

I really enjoyed this book. The young Palestinian-American protagonist felt so achingly real to me - the somewhat autobiographical nature of the novel is clear, I think her experiences will resonate strongly with readers. A big trigger warning here for discussion of eating disorders. My only criticism is that I preferred the first half of the book to the second - I felt that the relationship breakdown was more interesting than the recovery.

I enjoyed this but think some things went over my head. I found it quite funny but wasn't always sure I was meant to. While the ending did feel like an ending I'm not sure it was particularly strong and I'm not sure how I think it should've been handled. It was just a reiteration of a point I thought had already been made. I had equal amounts of sympathy and frustration for the main character. Experiencing the world through her eyes was definitely a very different way to see things.

My thanks to netgalley and the publisher for a copy of the book in exchange for an honest review.

Compelling and absorbing this rambling narrative roams all over the place, moving between memories of travelling to Palestine, a trip to rehab for love addiction and a fraught relationship with her mother, this is the story of a young bisexual Palestinian-American woman. At times I had to reread a sentence or two because we had shifted view again and I needed to orient myself but once I got used to this it was fine. I found the story as mercurial, frustrating and engaging as the protagonist herself. I particularly enjoyed the stories of her travels in Palestine and Jordan, finding them an evocative glimpse into a world I don't know and yet feels familiar to someone raised in Belfast during its conflict. An interesting and engaging read.

With thanks to the publisher and Netgalley for an ARC in exchange for a review.

Reading the description of this book, I thought it was going to be a guaranteed 5-star read so I was disappointed to find that it was just OK.
Our protagonist is a Palestinian American with a mother whose expectations would be impossible for anyone to meet. However our main character's bi-sexuality is something her mother cannot abide clearly stating she would rather disown her daughter than accept her as gay. And yet we get the sense as readers that her mother knows she is bi-sexual and chooses not to see it pretending that her daughter is 'normal' and her suspicions are unfounded.
Not only are we reading from the perspective of a main character grappling with her 'forbidden' sexuality, she is also a love addict who seeks out those she knows she has no chance of attaining and putting them on a pedestal so high they are no longer fully-rounded human beings.
We read on as the protagonist gets herself further and further into a mess clinging on to toxic relationships and driving away those with any potential of being something meaningful. When she goes into love addiction rehab, it is hard to believe she is really willing to make the changes necessary and quickly falls back into old habits when she leaves. I felt the sections in the rehab clinic were pretty pointless as they didn't seem to lead to any kind of redemption for the protagonist. By the end of the book, I just didn't care whether she forgave her mother or not, whether she found true love or not or whether she simply learned to break the cycle of her damaging behaviour.
While the writing is OK, it is very simple and is the sort of writing I would expect in a Young or New Adult novel which is not my usual reading fare.
In summary, this was not a book for me. Perhaps a young person navigating the line between a parent who doesn't accept who they are while trying to make their way in the world would find this book revelatory but it fell flat for me unfortunately.

I really enjoyed Zaina Arafat;s You Exist Too Much. Going into this novel, I think knowing that it is told in vignettes made me hesitant to actually start reading, as sometimes this very 'literary' structure can seem disjointed and keep the reader at a real distance from the characters and the story. However, Arafat worked the flashbacks into the main plot wonderfully. Every flashback had a specific purpose that was identifiable, that really rounded out the themes that Arafat was touching on, and presented a much fuller picture of our protagonist's life, and how they ended up in this situation.

In You Exist Too Much, a young Palestinian-American woman checks herself into a rehab facility following the realisation that she has a love addiction. That's the basic plot, but this novel touches on so much more than that. Arafat has crafted a story that intricately interrogates a young woman's identity. At the centre is her queerness, with all the messiness that accompanies a clash of sexuality, culture, and religious beliefs. In my opinion, the exploration of sexuality and obsessive/destructive behaviour is very well done. I have seen some criticism that Arafat's characterisation plays into stereotypes of the 'bisexual cheater.' However, I do think it is a bit more nuanced than that. The protagonist's love addiction is intimately tied to her relationship with her mother, and really, this is the crux of the novel.

So we can say that You Exist Too Much tries to do two things: tell the story of a girl and her relationship with her mother, and tell the story of a girl struggling to overcome love addiction and find a fulfilling, healthy relationship. Both stories overlap, however, my main criticism of this novel would be that Arafat has included both narratives at the expense of fully fleshing out one of them. Something is missing. The protagonist's relationship with her mother is constantly referred to, however, it still feels underdeveloped. This seems to be part of a recurring theme in this novel. Arafat touches on the ways that the protagonist, as an American born Palestinian woman, feels disconnected from her culture, her family, and the Middle East; however, the synopsis indicates that this is the central theme, when it is often sidelined in favour of the discourse on sexuality and healthy relationships. This is fine, but the expectation was of a much deeper look at this feeling of culture-clash. What was included, I loved, but I do wish there was a deeper exploration. Similarly with the mother-daughter relationship, for such an important dynamic within the protagonist's life, it doesn't get the in-depth attention it deserves. To this end, I think this novel would have worked really well as an intergenerational novel with perspectives from both mother and daughter.

Thank you NetGalley and Little, Brown Book Group for this copy. This full review will be posted on Goodreads and The Story Graph, with a shortened version on instagram, @_dizzyreads.

This was a brilliant story of a young Palestinian-American woman trying to fill the void left by a cold and resentful mother with unhealthy relationships and obsessions.
Our narrator has grown up with a beautiful mother who everyone gravitates towards, and her mother repeatedly tells her that she isn’t enough. Not beautiful enough, not charming enough, and not enough to shake the resentment her mother feels at ending up in a far less exciting life than she’d envisioned for herself. Her mother was certainly never going to accept her coming out as bisexual, something which she feels is shameful.
This fraught relationship with her mother has led our narrator to destructive behaviours in her relationships - lying, cheating, never accepting love for what it is. When her latest relationship breaks down she finds herself at a rehab centre diagnosed with a love addiction - but will she ever be able to break the pattern of infatuation with unattainable people?
This is quite a short book which flows very quickly - moving from moments in the narrator’s life in the US past and present, and the same in the Middle East. I found the exploration of the narrator’s heritage, sexuality and relationship with her mother fascinating - it was very easy to relate to the mother/daughter relationship which meant I had quite a lot of sympathy for her, despite her often appalling behaviour towards other people.
Not a light read (although sometimes quite sexy!) I found certain aspects a real eye opener whilst others were completely relatable regardless of sexuality or culture. A great read. Actual rating 3.5.

Firstly thank you to Dialogue books and Netgalley for the opportunity to read this novel.
I was drawn to it because of the content - I enjoy reading things from perspectives that greatly differ from my own, either in gender, culture, sexuality or all of the above. I found the novel opened strongly with the supermarket scene. I felt quickly immersed in our nameless character's culture from the very beginning, understanding the strict gender and sexuality norms and importance of appearing as such. I felt for our character and the impact that this had on her identity, on not being able to live her true self in her home country, amongst her own family. It appeared that when she moved to America she was able to live more of her true self. I found the lack of name for our character aligned with her confused identity. The one she has herself vs the one she shows others and the way she has to hide herself. It was a very symbolistic idea and I thought it was a good one to make.


Throughout the novel the character makes many questionable choices, from a psychological perspective it would appear that she is looking for 'love' or affection any which way she can get it, which is questionable as to whether thats due to a lack of love she receives from her own mother who seems quite unattainable to her, which in turn is her usual focus of attention. It raises many questions about childhood issues and the impact that these may have on our lives and decisions as adults. All of those I found interesting and thought provoking.

However I'm afraid that I found myself quite disconnected from the character rather than truly interested in the outcome for them - although I understand the symbolism, this may have been because they were nameless and had no description really for me to focus my imagination on. Alternatively it may have been what I felt was a complete lack lustre attempt by the author to make the character's trip to love addiction therapy/rehab believable. The rehab clinic said our character was a 'success story' yet we didn't see any of the proof of this. She spoke about her mother and opened up slightly.. but then pretty much the moment she was back home she went back to her old ways.

The three characters in her group were interesting with deep troubles to discuss themselves, but they were very surface level and didn't add to the main story. In fact, besides the mother and Anna, I couldn't think of many characters other than the main character that really added to it or its outcome in any hard-hitting way.
Characters seemed to pass through the pages as we passed through time, names and locations appeared in dream like states without any real connection between the paragraphs before and after.

I found the novel fairly plotless, rather depressing and pretty much a rambling of someone's inner thoughts rather than any type of story line. There was a bit of a resolution in the last few pages where the characters life seemed to be improving but for the most part it was just like listening to someone thinking about their past. It had some pockets of beautiful writing and really hard hitting emotional issues, but on the whole reading this book was rather a joyless experience.

"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results"
The majority of the novel is spent with the narrator moving from one to another relationship - with both men and women - without finding what she wants. The problem is that she is searching for "unattainable love as a quest for the familiar, a quest for home, for a homeland that doesn't exist. A quest for a mother".
Born in Palestine and then moved to USA when young, she seeks self-validation and love as her parents generally ignore her or are disappointed in her life choices. The contrast is made between an Arab world where cultural restrictions would mean she would have her love life and social life dictated to her and the USA, where there are no rules and relationships are self-governed. Lesbian is seen as shameful in a male-centred Arabic world. No judgement is made on which is better, and the Western way seems fraught with psychosis, self-interest and transitory connections.
The pieces where the narrative interested me were her interactions with her Palestine family and the visits to the West Bank. Unfortunately these were far and few between and as a reader I got tired of the narrator's parade of short relationships.

An educational and raw account of living as a queer Palestinian in America, I thoroughly enjoyed this book from start to finish. With its indulgent mix of funny and desperately sad, the story follows our protagonist over a number of years as she tackles love addiction and a toxic, homophobic mother with whom she has a codependent relationship.

I found the narrative excruciatingly honest and the development of the main character to be realistic and intense; the woman at the end of the book was so different from the woman at the beginning.

The prose was really engaging, I was sucked in from the opening paragraph. I adored the contemplative and introspective world in which she lives. The reader is able to see deeply into the soul of the protagonist and has a front row seat to her discretions and motivations.

A stunning book; I'll definitely be looking for more from this author.

I loved this so much. I felt moved by the narrator's story, her incessant moves between countries, between states, between lovers; her flawed relationship with her mum, her craving for belonging and her misdirected appetite for love and life. I found all the characters loveable, despite all of them being flawed, and the format of the novel was wonderful - dynamic, ever moving, going backwards and forwards between places, times, memories.

I didn't know what to expect from this novel, but the storytelling is incredibly compelling. I had no defence, it pulled me right in.

We follow a young Palestinian-American woman who is exploring her sexual and cultural identity while struggling with the demons from her past. We are propelled from love story to love story, but all of them hurt and none of them stick.

This novel explores so many complicated subject without scruples and with a lot of thought. It might seem like we're propelled into a "Sex and the City" kind of tale with a bit more hurt and rehab than you would expect from the TV series, but it's actually so much more than that. All the while our narrator is likeable and easy to relate to and understand, even if you have almost nothing in common with her. That I feel is the strength of good writing. Zaina Arafat has done her main character justice.

An added bonus is that this novel doesn't only take place in the US, it also takes place in Palestine which brought back memories to my trip there in 2019.

My review might seem a bit more disjointed than it normally would be, but I loved the novel. The storytelling. The setting. The hard-hitting elements. I hope you will too.

I recently read a review that described this book as describing the story as something different to what it actually delivers, and I couldn't agree more. Although it was an interesting story, I found most of the book about partying and bed hopping rather than the depth I expected of a young American of Palestinian descent struggling between expectations of her and who she actually is. It was a good read, however, not what I was expecting to read.