A lovely graphic memoir exploring themes of asexuality, mental health, growing up and carving a place for yourself in the scary real world, told with undeniable tenderness and care. On top of it all, you have the lovely illustrations accompanying the already great text, which makes the story come to life.

Thank you Netgalley and publisher for opportunity to read this book.
It was an amazing journey. As ace person I find stories as this really important to share with the world. The art is so pretty, and it's like the perfect mix of information and graphics.
Love it!

I received an e-copy of this memoir on netgalley in exchange for an honest review.

Damn, this hit hard.
This was like opening up my head and seeing how I feel (minus the OCD part). I don’t talk about this type of thing because I feel like being asexual gets dismissed which this memoir captures. Don’t get me wrong, I’m never going to be someone who shouts about my sexuality (i feel weird saying that when referring to being ace) and I’ve never used the label because it freaks me out but learning that it’s real and other people feel the same is so powerful and important.

This memoir shows the authors journey in believing that she was just ‘behind’ compared to peers, thinking being friends with someone means they love them and trying out relationships but feeling incredibly uncomfortable with any physical contact. Eventually the author finds someone who loves and accepts them (and is ace too)!

This book not only discusses discovering asexuality and accepting yourself, but also getting that ‘happy ending’ in a relationship where how you feel is accepted and your partner doesn’t pressure you into anything.

I feel like this is something that everyone should read. If you’re a teen (or any age really) who hates physical contact, doesn’t have any desire to have sex or just generally wanting to understand asexuality more, read this! This shouldn’t be the only thing you read on this topic but this is a great place to start.

This is basically what I wish Loveless was.

I related to a lot of the experiences in this memoir and I feel like it shows very truthfully how a lot of us feel. Even if I have never necessarily been uncomfortable with physical contact, I got the pressure one feels when somebody confesses to them.

I can't speak for everybody but this memoir was quite relatable in my opinion and the artstyle is cute.

However, I'd probably recommend for you to read it physically because some of the images and words were too blurry on my phone, or that could have been the arc format 🤷🏻‍♀️

Overall, if you're on the ace spectrum or curious, I'd defo recommend to give it a go, it's a graphic novel/memoire type of thing so it's a pretty quick read.

I love graphic novels and this was a funny and heartfelt one. I will definitely be rereading this one soon!

How to Be Ace: a memoir of growing up asexual is perhaps an incomplete title. This is indeed about author Rebecca Burgess‘ growing up asexual, but it is also about their dealing with severe mental health challenges, not only OCD, but also phobias and severe anxiety. It is about the experience of someone who is not only asexual, but also specifically sex-repulsed and highly ambivalent about physical touch/ affection in general. This is an honest, earnest, skillfully illustrated graphic memoir about a comic book artist who survived. Despite everything, the confusion of understanding themself and of learning what being asexual meant, in general, and in their own life, despite their serious mental health struggles and both intentional and unintentional cruelty from people around them, Rebecca survived and is here today to share their story with others. The topic of asexuality is still not well enough understood, even in LGBTQ circles, and is considered controversial by some. Rebecca’s own experience reflect that fact. So their story is a valuable addition to the available literature on the asexual experience and community.

I appreciated the efforts made at representing diversity in this book. While Rebecca presents as a white Briton, and as such, the personal part of their story can be very white, they have made an effort, when illustrating more general concepts, and showing the people around them and in media, to include Black and brown people as well. Obviously, as mentioned above, this book also does a good job representing a part of the LGBTQIA experience and mental health struggles.

I think this book could give a lot of hope to kids and teens who are realizing that they are ace, and for the adults in their lives who love them and want the best for them. Adults who are ace may also appreciate seeing some aspects of themselves represented in a memoir. I especially appreciate that in addition to Rebecca’s own story, they include resources at the end of the book, mostly online resources, but also a few books on the topic. Even for those without a personal connection to the topic, Rebecca’s story will certainly provide better understanding and empathy for the needs and experiences of those on the asexual/ demi/ graysexual spectrum. I also recommend this for the attractive art and the honest and heartfelt story.

"How to Be Ace" is a really touching graphic novel about one of the less visible LGBTQAI+ labels.

I liked the art style and how some pages were dedicated to educating the reader about aspects of asexuality.

I could relate to a lot of aspects of the author's experience since I am also not the most socially-adept person so it was a really interesting read for me to see how similar she felt to me in certain social situations.

Personally, I had a much easier time realizing my asexuality and coming-out so it was really sad for me to read about how others may have had a much harder time with it, doubting their own feelings and thinking that there is something wrong with them.

I would definitely recommend this graphic novel to people wanting to learn more about asexuality and asexuals trying to relate to other asexuals.

Really loved this. There's so much here that I relate to [both good and bad] and also a lot that I don't [I'm aro and ace so my experience is a bit different] but it's still great to see how other ace people feel and all the things that we share and that also make us different. A great book to read if you're ace and also very informative if you're just trying to learn more about it. I really hope we get more books like this in the future!

As with any memoir, some parts were more relatable than others. I think it's a bit misleading to title the book "How to Be Ace" when in fact I'd say it's more about the author's struggles with anxiety and OCD than her sexuality, but it's compelling reading nonetheless. The art isn't the best I've ever seen but it's not bad. I think the book will inevitably end up being compared to Gender Queer by Maia Kobabe and it's not going to win that comparison in my opinion, but there's plenty of room on the shelf for two different graphic memoirs of the asexual experience!

How to be Ace: A Memoir of Growing Asexual by Rebecca Burgess is a fantastic graphic novel. We follow Rebecca as she reflects on her experience in school, college, and post-grad life as she explores her sexuality. She describes how she was never interested in sex and felt pressure to conform to fit society’s narrative. We also see Rebecca experience OCD along with panic attacks and the impact this had on her daily functioning.

I appreciated seeing the author work through her identity and mental health, along with her personal growth. My favorite illustrations were the depictions of a weight being lifted when the author discovered she was not alone in her experiences. It was so powerful and freeing.

I am so happy this graphic novel is out in the world for people to feel seen and heard, as the author expressed in the book there is a lack of asexual representation in the media. I recommend everyone check out this quick and impactful read.

*4.5 Stars*

This memoir is tells us about the author growing up as an asexual woman, from high school to after she leaves uni.
It also dives into mental health issues and bullying and more.

I really like this. By now, we all know there's not one asexual experience but loads of them, and the more they're being told the better it is. As an asexual woman myself, I saw a lot of me in this memoir but, also, just as much that was different from me. And I loved that.
I also loved the drawing style and the little "lessons" in between chapters.
It was also very well organized and such a very fast read.
I will definitely be buying of physical copy and will be on the lookout for more books from this author.
A must read for anyone and everyone in and out of the LGBT+ community.

Let me be uneloquent for a second because... WOW. I feel overwhelmed at how represented this made me feel, and it's the loveliest feeling in the whole entire world.

How to Be Ace is a memoir about Rebecca's journey with her sexual identity and her mental health. She has never felt sexual attraction and she doesn't necessarily care about sex or being intimate with someone. However, these feelings are the ones that are "promoted" by her peers, the media, and society in general. I completely related to Rebecca and the feelings we shared, growing up feeling I was weird since I didn't have the same interests as everyone around me and, like Rebecca, I had to fake it.

This graphic novel illustrates her journey, her thoughts, the ups, and downs and it was a humbling experience to be able to read it. To see myself in her words, and the relief she felt when she discovered asexuality existed.

This was far more complex than I am perhaps making it out to be, but I highly recommend it. If you also identify as a-spec, if you want to understand asexuality or what it means to be asexual, please read this. I wish this was mandatory reading and I wish I had this as a teen.

I knew I needed this in my life since I stumbled upon the artist's Instagtam. Just these single pictures made me feel SO SEEN and I shared them with everyone. The whole book is just like that - a warm hug from an online friend saying "I see you, you're valid."

Rebecca Burgess does an amazing job of connecting a deeply personal and relatable story with information about what asexuality is, how it's a spectrum and different for everyone, and how difficult it is to be ace in our society. It's a beautiful graphic novel and I'll definitely recommend it whenever someone asks for ace rep recs or to understand asexuality better.

We can never have enough ace stories. Not until all a-spec people know they are valid, not until people don't have to stumble upon a description that will explain their life randomly on the internet after years and years of wondering why they are broken (I've never met an a-spec person who found out about aro/ace spectrum anywhere else), not until we don't have to follow every coming out with a PowerPoint presentation.

I'm so grateful that this book exists 💜

TW: aphobia, panic attacks, OCD

We live in a world where every time you stop and look around, you will find something that is sexualised that shouldn't be. The idea that 'sex sells' has taken over in media, marketing and Western cultures in general with such a huge emphasis put on how much we should embrace this to be considered 'normal'. This has occurred since the beginning of time, however, it has accelerated exponentially in recent years and we have been completely surrounded by and have no escape from this rampant and ubiquitous sexualisation from noon till night. Teenagers, in their formative years, begin talking about the opposite gender and sex but those who are asexual feel as though there is something wrong with themselves as they are simply not interested in it. It's high time more people knew what being ace actually means and it be treated like other LGBTQ+ statuses.

How to be Ace is, at its heart, a memoir detailing the struggle Rebecca Burgess went through in order to understand why they were different from others around them. It begins with school life where they were bullied terribly for this individuality. It's highly relatable, and I feel this should be an imperative read for all children and also adults wrestling with the idea that they could be asexual. It is a humorous and honest account of growing up and navigating the world as an ace. This is an important book which helped me feel less alone and is reflective of many aces experiences. It is a graphic novel which will resonate with youngsters right through to adults such as myself, especially as people take this journey to self-identity at different times in their lives. I know it would've certainly helped me to understand myself more had I had a book such as this in high school. Highly recommended. Many thanks to Jessica Kingsley for an ARC.

I am asexual and do not think it is hyperbole to say that this book will change lives.

I'm now in my 40s, and if there had been an easily accessible book like this in my teens or 20s I know I would have felt so much less broken, damaged, and alone. Even now, with the online resources and community we have, it's so easy for ace people to feel like there's something inherently wrong with them no matter what age they are or where on the asexual spectrum they fall.

There were lots of things I identified with personally that made this an extra special read for me (like our love of the same manga series and that we're both neurodivergent) but anyone, ace or not, can find something to relate to here and educate themselves on the wide spectrum of ace feelings and identities.

The fact this book exists is going to bring so much support and comfort to so many people, and I hope that every library and bookshop will keep a copy in their permanent collection. It really is that important.

This graphic memoir focuses primarily on the author's time in college/university and her first few years out of school. The main topics she delves into are her process of learning about asexuality and recognizing her lack of sexual desire as valid and her anxieties/OCD. This could be really educational to teens who are asexual but don't have the words for it or, like Burgess, are constantly told they'll have sex someday and their feelings are invalid. It is also an important read for teens and adults who are allosexual but who want to learn about asexuality. The author acknowledges that her experience of being ace may be very different from other people's experiences, and that asexuality is an umbrella term that may encompass other identities as well.

The content of the book was excellent, and I appreciated the additional resources at the end as well. My only issue with the book was that I occasionally had difficulty reading some of the scrawled writing, especially when it was particularly light or blurry.

This book comes out tomorrow!! I think this is going to be a very important story for a lot of people. Rebecca burgess wrote a graphic novel memoir about her experience discovering her sexuality and learning more about herself and relationships, as well as dealing with OCD and going to therapy.

As someone who has recently started using the asexual label, I have really been interested in finding more stories involving asexual rep. I do experience romantic attraction, and I’m married, but have no interest in sex. I am lucky that I haven’t had too much of a struggle with my sexuality, but I have felt a lot of guilt, and felt like something is wrong with me.

How to be Ace was really great because of course the asexual rep, the OCD rep, and the artwork. I really enjoyed reading this story and I think it would make a big impact for anyone who sees them-self in this story but also be important for everyone to read and learn more about it. I think asexuality isn’t talked about too much and a lot of people don’t understand it, and I think it was explained really well here! Since it’s a graphic novel, it’s a quick read so I really recommend to pick this one up if you can!

I’m so glad more books like this are being published. I can’t imagine how different my life might had been if I had found out I was ace sooner. I was really glad that this discussed how there are many different ways to be ace, since I think there is a lot of similar stories/rep so far. I was also really grateful that it showed an ace relationship, as most books have one ace and one non-ace partner, and I don’t think I’ve ever read something that showed an ace/ace couple. I think this author did a good job of mixing memoir and information. The art style was not necessarily for me, but I think this is a graphic novel that will be vital for both ace and non-ace readers alike. I did also like that it touched on aromanticism, tho I wish it had talked a bit more, since ace and aro identities often get conflated.

Perhaps the most important thing about the title of Rebecca Burgess' new book <em>How to Be Ace: A Memoir of Growing Up Asexual</em> is the word memoir. This is by no means a guidebook for what it's like to be asexual. As with many things, there is no one way to experience something <em>especially</em> a sexuality. In the end, this is just Burgress' story.

<b>As a memoir</b>

I'm actually rather fond of memoirs. I appreciate them in any format, really, and graphic novels are definitely quite fun. Since <em>How to Be Ace</em> is a memoir, however, it's not exactly as educational as I maybe would have liked. Part of the reason I pick up books like this, after all, is to broaden my understanding of things I do not personally experience. And while this is certainly a great read, if you're looking for something more in-depth about Asexuality, this probably isn't the best book.

That said, Burgess does include a list of sources at the end of the book that are definitely worth checking out.

<u>You Can Learn</u>

Of course, this book wasn't meant to be wholly an educational resource. Instead, it's a look at various experiences the author has lived through as a result of being asexual. I think the most important takeaway <em>anyone</em> can leave this book with is understanding society has negatively impacted the ace community in many ways. One of the worst existing in the way these people are often overlooked.

You see, even within the LGBTQ+ community, there is an obscurity to this kind of sexuality that results in microaggressions and feelings of ostracization. And, at the end of the day, the world needs to progress to the point that mistreatment and obscuration of asexuals is no longer the norm. The best way to do that is with building awareness.

While this memoir is not going to educate everyone on all the aspects of asexuality, it is a great start to building awareness.

<b>As a Graphic Novel</b>

I loved the artwork in this. And perhaps I am biased as a result of my love of this book, but I think this format was the better one. I honestly don't think that the book could have been better in another format. There was so much to appreciate about the artwork, especially the way emotion was portrayed.

You spend pretty much the whole novel in Burgess' head, experiencing a brief look into the experiences Rebecca faced. It's certainly not everything, but there's definitely a lot to learn from reading this book.

<b>As a Story</b>

Books like Burgess' are so important, but they are not the only books on the topic you should read. One memoir is not going to educate anyone nearly enough on a subject they have not experienced for themselves. Even your own experiences likely won't be enough. While I loved reading this book, it's very clear to me that there is a lot more reading to be done on the subject matter that it addresses.

And that's a good thing. This is a great starting point. I hope to read much more in the future.

<em>I was provided a free copy of this book via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.</em>

This review will be live on the Reader Fox blog on October 21, 2020.

I got an ARC of this book.

I got super excited because ace rep. That was all I needed to get this book. I am ace and I so rarely see ace anything. I was really hoping that the Burgess could get the definition of ace right, since that is the main issue I have with ace rep. Burgess was able to do that so I was so happy. That was my main criteria for good rep, sadly.

Burgess mentions that asexuality is varied and there are different ways to be ace. She very much focuses on how she doesn’t want to have sex or do sexual things, that is how her asexuality works. That is not how my asexuality works, but she allowed for my asexuality to exist so I was still able to see myself and see different ways of being ace. So the ace rep was pretty awesome.

My biggest issue with the book is it feels like it is more about OCD and anxiety than it is about ace. So much of the book is about Burgess handling her mental health and learning to cope with things. I can get why they are intertwined, but it made it feel less like an ace memoir and more like a mental health one. It isn’t bad, but it isn’t what I was looking for. I wanted to see ace as the main identity and main focus of the book. So it being overshadowed by OCD (which I would have LOVED a full OCD memoir by Burgess. Her art and her story telling would have been fantastic for this) made me like this book less.

The art was great. I loved how personable it was and how it was approachable. I worried when I read that she was an art school person. Art can make or break a graphic novel. Thankfully Burgess’s art matches her story telling. It worked well together.

Overall, not a bad book, but not what I was really hoping for. It had the right definition of ace (and even allowed for kinky aces to exist!), but it felt like it focused more on OCD than on being ace.