I do not usually read memoirs. It’s just not usually my cup of tea, but I have always loved graphic novels. When I saw How To Be Ace by Rebecca Burgess, all I needed to know was it discussed Asexuality and I was quick to request it.
I myself am Asexual and am constantly looking for books that give a voice to asexuals and this book does that perfectly. Burgess takes you into a look at her life growing up as asexual, but not knowing that Asexuality was a thing.
From the first chapter I was enthralled. I wanted to shout about this boom from the rooftop and force everyone I know to preorder it, but I controlled myself and read the whole thing before I settled upon my opinions with this book.
This book is so IMPORTANT. I’ve never read something that shines so amazingly on Asexuality. It gives people who aren’t Asexual a look into what it’s like to be Asexual and the struggles that Burgess and a lot of other Asexuals deal with growing up. The book also gives us information about different forms of Asexuality which is very insightful, for a lot of people are not aware of the fact that Asexuality is different for everyone who’s Ace.
Of course on top of how insightful the book is into what it’s like to be Asexual it also gives a look into the life of someone who has OCD. I feel it’s very important to see that because a lot of people don’t understand exactly what OCD is. On top of that it also is very insightful with anxiety. Anxiety is another thing that may be exhibited in different ways by different people, but this book really helped to shine a light on what life is like for someone with anxiety.
One thing that really helped bring Burgess’ memoir to life was her amazing artwork. I loved her artwork throughout the graphic novel and it really helped bring to life all these things she had to go through. It helped add things that normal novels wouldn't have been able to.
In the end I ended up giving this book a 5 out of 5 stars and I think this is a book everyone, Asexual or not, should read.

Thank you to Jessica Kingsley Publishers and NetGalley for providing me with an eARC of this book in exchange for an honest review!

<i>How to Be Ace: A Memoir of Growing Up Asexual</i> is a nice, informative graphic novel about the author's, Rebecca Burgess, asexual life. Personally, I know the basics about asexuality but I have yet to consume a story with an asexual main character. Stories with asexual characters are still not as present as is knowledge about asexuality. So I hope that this graphic novel will spread the word about asexuality so that those who feel as excluded as Burgess did may finally come to terms with themselves. Burgess also struggles with OCD and anxiety which is also featured in this memoir. Mainly, Burgess shows her humanity. She asks important questions like: Why is one's life only complete after finding a partner? Overall, Burgess shows how one life with asexuality could be. I hope many more will follow afterwards.

Goodreads Rating: 4 stars
NetGalley Rating: 5 stars

A wonderful, if relatively brief, memoir about growing up asexual and the struggles of trying to fit in with a society that is very much *not* asexual. Burgess also details her mental health struggles throughout her life, especially her college years, which made this all the more relatable. There were no groundbreaking revelations in here, but there was still the encouraging realization that you should listen to your brain and your body when it comes to relationships of any sort. While it won’t magically fix everything, feeling comfortable and confident about your own feelings means that you can search out the kinds of relationships you want, and know what you want, rather than trying to uncomfortably sexualize yourself to fit norms that are definitely not for you.

Recommended for anyone who falls under the ace umbrella and, of course, for those who want to learn about the struggles that ace folks go through, and how it can affect their day-to-day lives.

This is a book that I wish had existed in my teens as it would have made navigating my 20s a whole lot easier. I loved the representation so much. As an ace with anxiety and endometriosis, I’ve never seen so much of myself reflected in one book.

How to Be Ace is also relatable, enjoyable, supportive and educational. (But not too educational!) It’s also incredibly inclusive as the author makes it explicitly clear that asexuality is a spectrum – not a one-size-fits-all. And within that, there’s a clear message that all ace identities are equally valid.

As it’s a graphic memoir, How to Be Ace isn’t preachy at all. It’s just personal, relatable and supportive. There’s even a list of helpful resources at the end which was great to see.

This is a lovely graphic novel depicting something that is rarely represented, I love how raw and honest it is and how it touches on real-life experiences. The art is really cute however I found the writing to be hard to read in some areas, the words were not easy to read in some parts of the book.

I loved this graphic novel memoir! Ace representation is so important, and I'm so happy that I got the change to review this as an ownvoices ace reviewer. I always find it interesting to read other people's experiences with asexuality, because it is truly a spectrum - and I'm glad that this graphic novel acknowledged that and mentioned how other people can experience asexuality.
I had things in common with and differences with the author, and I found that really interesting. I want there to be even more graphic novels and stories like this so people all over the ace spectrum can see themselves represented!
This is a really important graphic novel, and I liked that it also discussed the author's experiences outside of just being ace. I got a good idea of who the author is, and I thought that it had a good amount of development for the length and format but I would have loved even more!
I wanted a little bit more from the art, but I did like what was there.

How to Be Ace is a memoir about what being asexual can be like. I found it less focussed on the "growing up" part than it sounded, instead showing various situations, feelings and internal struggles relating to asexuality that are mostly removed from age.

Content warnings include: aphobia, OCD, anxiety and panic attacks, depression; mentions of endometriosis.

The "growing up" part is not the only part of the title I found unfitting. This is a memoir, not a guide or educational nonfiction as the "how to be ace" implies. There are short passages about more clinical definitions and varieties of asexuality (and I think it was absolutely necessary for them to be included! I wouldn't have minded more of that) but the book mainly focusses on the author's personal experience with asexuality.

For the most part, asexuality as a label and part of a community isn't mentioned. Instead, it shows more insight into what it can be like not knowing the label exists, the prevalence of constant microaggressions asexual people face in today's society, and how that can affect us. It also shows quite well how confusing it can be to be asexual in a world where sex and being sexual is seen as a core concept of human behaviour.

Another big chunk of the book was mental health, specifically OCD and anxiety, as well as panic attacks and depression tied to it and other circumstances (and yes, partially tied to the lack of acceptance of asexuality and being driven to feel like something is wrong or broken because of it, too.)

The artstyle felt a lot more analog than digital. It wasn't my most favourite, but I obviously won't hold that against the book. What did bother me though was the font got really hard to read sometimes, especially smaller side comments that aren't part of the "main speech bubbles". There were some passages I absolutely could not make out.
I liked how some of the more abstract concepts and feelings were illustrated on page, making the book accessible to young readers and conveying emotions quite skillfully. However, it wasn't always clear what was supposed to be an illustration of feelings and what was something that actually happened.

My biggest issue with the book was that transitions were seriously lacking. It switched from educational passages to personal anecdotes, from describing scenes or interactions in detail to skimming over years without much pause, just like it skipped between topics and focus without warning. Sometimes even the timeline was unclear to me, because it switched back and forth and only a fraction of the time does it mentioned when it takes place. I also found it hard to anchor the author's age in real time, up until the last third when suddenly year numbers appear.

Overall a nice memoir that doesn't forget that it's just one experience among many. I do think it can give allosexual people an idea of what being asexual can be like, can make other asexual people feel seen, and maybe even give someone who is questioning some perspective.

I recevied an ARC and reviewed honestly and voluntarily. I am asexual myself.

Every day the LGBTQ+ community becomes more and more mainstream, awareness becomes more commonplace, and queer people are more accepted than ever. This doesn't mean that things are perfect, and hatred towards the queer community is still incredibly prevalent, though more and more people are becoming open to learning about our community, and learning to accept us for who we are. One of the parts of the LGBTQ+ community that is often overlooked, however, is the ace community, people who fall under the asexual and/or the aromantic umbrella.

How To Be Ace focuses on the real life experience of its creator, Rebecca Burgess, who is herself asexual, and seeks to normalise asexuality. The book follows Rebecca through her teenage years and into her early adult life, showing the difficulties she experienced navigating a world obsessed with sex.

The book does a good job of highlighting just how much of western society puts a focus on sex and physical relationships, something that most people probably wouldn't even realise until it's pointed out to them. It shows what it's like for an asexual person, who has no interest in being sexually active and even feels discomfort at physical attraction, to exist in a world where movie and TV push romance, where songs are about finding love or having lost it, where if you're not in a relationship people will constantly ask you when you're going to find a partner. Rebecca shows that whilst these things might seem small or inconsequential to others, to a young ace person it can be a constant, painful reminder that they're different.

This difference is one of the main focuses of the book, and we get to see Rebecca trying to figure out what this difference means. She's told by others that she simply needs to give things time, that she'll eventually feel sexual attraction, or that once she 'gets over' having sex things will be okay. This advice leads her down the path of thinking that there's something wrong with her, that she must be broken in some way, or that she's not 'normal'. Sadly this is a journey that is all too common for ace people, and one that needs to stop.

That's the beauty of this book, it tries to normalise the experience of being asexual, to teach those who might be unaware of asexuality that it's a real thing. Rebecca, like most ace people, are left feeling alone and 'wrong' until they discover that they're part of a bigger community, and that there's nothing wrong with who they are. Books like this are important for helping raise awareness of the ace community, both for those who are members, and those who aren't. For members of the community it can help them find their community, and for others it helps to educate.

How To Be Ace has an engaging story, but that's not the important part, it's the push to help others like Rebecca that makes it special. This isn't a book that I'd recommend for the story, as good as it is, but as a resource to normalise asexuality, to allow younger people to learn about the ace community and to treat those who are a part of it as regular people.

This comic had everything to please me: graphics that I adored, a heroine in which I found myself a lot on certain aspects and the idea that we are dealing with the question of asexuality.

And I really loved the graphics. Just like following the course of this woman's life from adolescence to adulthood with all the questions she asks herself. The OCD that this creates for her, her anxieties, her misunderstandings, her fears ... I did not experience exactly the same thing when I looked for myself as a demi-aroace lesbian woman, yet I found a number of similarities with my own story.
But I have one regret: that it stays on the surface. Being myself well informed on the subject it is true that I would have liked the subject to be a little more in-depth but at the same time, for a person not knowing or in questioning, this comic is perfect to answer the questions that we can ask. All the more so with the pages at the end of the chapters which explain various things vis-à-vis asexuality and aromanticism.
And however, despite this little hint of disappointment, I appreciated that we finally see her as a couple, to show that a person ace is not necessarily to shun couples relationships. Just like the page explaining that an ace person can have sex.

In the end, although I would have liked to dig a little deeper into the subject, I still like the way it's treated and I find it a good title to address the issue of asexuality.

This was a very fast, easy to read graphic memoir that I think would be great for ace people who feel alone or like there are no other ace people, and for non ace people to help understand how it feels to be ace.

the art style in this was so cute and colourful, and while the novel dealt with difficult topics, i think it did so in a very straightforward, easy to understand way. I also appreciate that while it is a memoir, it is told in a way that is almost like fiction, and yet also is an informative source for understanding asexuality.

I think this would be a great starting point for people who know nothing (or very little) about asexuality, and I could see this being a good resource to have in schools.

Thanks to netgalley for sending me an early copy of this graphic novel in return for my honest thoughts

4/5 stars

Thank you to Jessica Kingsley Publishers and NetGalley for providing me with an eARC of this book in exchange for an honest review!

Trigger warning: This book mentions alcohol, anxiety, bullying, OCD, rape, and sex.

How To Be Ace: A Memoir of Growing Up Asexual follows Rebecca Burgess’s adolescence as they navigate a culture obsessed with sex before they ultimately come to understand and embrace their asexual identity.

I really loved how this memoir was a graphic novel. It did a great job at illustrating Burgess’s emotions through each experience they encountered. The end of each chapter also had a page that discussed answers to questions like: What is asexuality? What’s the difference between sexual and romantic attraction? It made the information easy to understand and wove in perfectly with how the chapters were structured.

For readers who may be unfamiliar with asexuality or want to become better allies, this memoir shows how each person’s experiences are unique and that sexuality is a spectrum — there is no one size fits all definition for anyone. I enjoyed reading about Burgess’s progression as a artist and how they developed in their friendships, education, family life, career, and eventually, a relationship.

Burgess’s story is a personal and important resource for an underrepresented community. After reading everything, I really loved how the clear message from Burgess was that life isn’t perfect — there will be struggles, sacrifices, and successes — but it’s most significant to understand and accept who you are.

As someone who has never dated or been in love—and also never had a powerful drive to experience either—I felt so affirmed by reading How to Be Ace.

Not gonna lie, when I first read the title I was a little apprehensive about the possibility of upholding a monolithic idea of what being asexual “means.” (Spoiler alert: there is none.) But this book did not subscribe to that notion, and I loved that it touches on different ace identities and experiences, if only briefly.

This is a heartfelt graphic memoir exploring Rebecca Burgess’ experiences as an asexual person with obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD). They speak about transitioning from high school to college, attending art uni ("Art uni always consisted of students only materializing when they felt like it!" —this made me laugh), struggling to find work during a recession, and having phobia-related panic attacks.

Above all, Burgess champions the visibility of ace people by sharing the joys and struggles of being an asexual person in a society that does not recognize or have much knowledge of asexuality—which leads to ace folks being stereotyped, misunderstood, marginalized, and assaulted.

They speak about the overwhelming fear, panic, and sorrow of having no language or point of reference with which to understand oneself. They share tidbits of information about asexuality—including identities that fall under the ace umbrella, ways in which ace folks have and enjoy sex, and the difference between romantic and sexual attraction. They (literally) illustrate the importance and uplifting excitement of having ace representation in media. And they describe how they fell in love (with another ace individual): underscoring not only the difficulties, but especially the singular joys that are unique to ace relationships.

I adored the watercolour illustrations and only wish that there had been more panels devoted to education and information (maybe explicit use of the terms “sex-repulsed” and “sex-indifferent”), and perhaps intersectionality of race and culture (though I understand that this is the author’s autobiography and they are speaking to their own experiences).

Bottom line: Real, poignant, and affirming—we STAN challenging heteronormative ideals of intimacy!

CW: bullying, anxiety, OCD, rape

I really enjoyed this book, a coming of age journey that points out the lack of education about asexuality. I'm a big fan of graphic novels for providing an accessible way to learn and this book does that perfectly. I liked that this story was about both mental health and sexual identity. The author provided content notes at the beginning of the book, which is always appreciated.

3.5 stars

<i>Thank you NetGalley for providing me with an eARC in exchange for an honest review.</i>

<i>How to Be Ace</i> is a graphic novel memoir about the author’s experiences with asexuality and mental health. A combination of person reflection and educational information, this graphic memoir showcases some very underrepresented identities.

I thought <i>How to Be Ace</i> was deeply reflective and almost painfully relatable. The author captures some experiences and feelings about sex and sexuality that are very rarely talked about—it was comforting to finally see someone explicitly express a lack of interest in sex. I also thought the detailed descriptions of anxiety and OCD were well-done—honest with all the unpleasant but real details left in, but written in way that wasn’t insensitive to the reader.

Overall, this was a fantastic memoir/educational piece for asexuality and OCD/anxiety. At some points it was a tiny bit slow and disjointed, but I immensely enjoyed the representation. There were some great discussions about the ups and downs of asexuality; this would definitely be a great piece for someone to either relate to or learn from, regardless of their sexuality.

Content warnings (thank you to the publisher for providing these at the beginning of the book!): mentioning of bullying, anxiety, OCD, rape, sex, and alcohol

Asexual is not something you need to hide for or to be ashamed of.
This graphic novel takes you on a journey about asexuality and how to come to term with it.

I loved it 💕 the explanations, illustrations, the struggles they are real and it’s awesome how it comes together in this novel 📖💕🙌🏻 Well done.

Definitely something I recommend reading 💕💕💕

A bit more memoir than I was expecting, but good to see ace representation and be able to watch one person thinking through things and gaining self-understanding. I wish the informational bits in between the chapters were longer than a few pages each, and included more about the ace spectrum and different kinds of ace experiences. Also has a well-done and realistic portrayal of anxiety and OCD. The art was friendly and engaging. There is nothing in here that wouldn't be appropriate for a teenager. The mom is a great model for support and acceptance. This would be a good one for someone to stumble across in graphic novel section and realize it might apply to them, as a way of discovering a new idea.

How to Be Ace by Rebecca Burgess is a beautiful story of being human. The art is gorgeous and I applaud the author for boldly and creatively exploring identity and self. This book should be honored and read widely.

When Rebecca was growing up they weren’t interested in talking about relationships and sex like the rest of their classmates. They didn’t understand why sex was such a big deal but assumed they’d “grow into” it when they got older.

They tried to have relationships but it just didn’t feel right. They thought that something must be wrong with them.

It wasn’t until they were at university that they began to accept that being different was okay and that they didn’t have to pretend to be like everyone else.

Rebecca’s story takes the reader from the bullying they experienced in childhood through to managing their mental health. Information about asexuality is scattered through the graphic novel, with insights into what relationships can look like for people who identify as asexual.

There was a greater focus on mental health than I had expected. I didn’t personally learn anything new about asexuality from the panels that provide information but they do give readers a good introduction. I anticipate that being able to follow Rebecca’s journey from struggling with their sexuality to their eventual acceptance of who they are will be helpful for readers who can relate to her experiences and provide new understanding for those who don’t understand asexuality.

There are resources at the end of Rebecca’s story.

Content warnings include anxiety, bullying, emetophobia, OCD and mention of sexual assault.

Thank you so much to NetGalley and Jessica Kingsley Publishers for the opportunity to read this graphic novel. I’m rounding up from 3.5 stars.

I really enjoyed this autobiographical graphic novel about growing up ace. I'd recommend it to anyone: for ace people, there's some really positive representation; for people wanting to know more about asexuality, the author does talk a bit about other people's experiences and other identities which fall under the ace umbrella; and for anyone else, it's just a really great story about growing up, figuring out who you are and looking to find a place to fit in.

How to be Ace, deals with a lot more topics than I first realised that it was going to, including anxiety and OCD. I felt that though the text and visuals it dealt with growing up and trying to understand yourself or find yourself very well. With a real emphasis on self-love and I definitely feel that we could all do with a little more of this especially at the current moment. Thank you so much to NetGalley and publishers for giving me the chance to enjoy this.