I have read quite a few books about AIDS - both fiction and nonfiction - and I am always hit afresh with just how awful this time period was and the impact it had on society.

Living and Loving in the Age of AIDS by Derek Frost is a firsthand account of what it was like to be a young gay man during this period. He talks about the fear and the anger but he also celebrates the community of his friends who were all struggling/fighting the same fight and how they came together to offer comfort.

There are moments in this book that feel like you are taking repeated punches to the gut, mostly when Frost drops into the chapter the next person who died, then the next, then the next. It felt relentless to read so I cannot image what it felt like to live through.

It sounds so obvious to say but the more I read about this time period the more I am confronted with individual stories. It is hard to imagine everyone's individual lives when so, so many were killed by this horrific illness. More exposure to the stories of those who died is needed.

Living and Loving in the Age of AIDS - A Memoir by Derek Frost is available now.

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What an amazing book
This book taught me so much that I didn’t know.
It is such an important book
It made me so emotional many times

Such a brave book to be realised. People sharing their experiences, stories and memories. I found this book totally captivating. So interesting.

This book is so powerful and so honest. It is a really interesting book and one that I truly believe everyone should read.

Unfortunately, I did not finish this book. I felt the title was misleading as what I did read had little to do with the AIDS pandemic. I understand from other reviews that the second half of the book does tackle this however I could not get that far. Thank you for the opportunity to read.

It can always be tough to review a memoir as it’s hard to comment on someone’s life and what they have chosen to include within their works.
I do think Derek Frost does include a great deal of emotion and empathy into this work, while also discussing from a personal standpoint what this means and how the AIDS crisis effected them.
Derek Frost and his relationship with the honestly discussed within this book and I would personally thank Derek Frost and his partner for all the work carried and all those they supported during that time in the heart of the gay scene.
An important read for all to learn more from a personal perspective.

Derek Frost presents his story in a beautiful lyrical voice. I felt like I was sitting at a poetry slam event and listening to the flow and cadence of his words.

“...a necklace of perfectly groomed white sand fringes an azure bay.” (Loc. 142)

Frost moves back and forth in his timeline just as if he was telling you his story in person. He takes us on the journey from diagnosis to the search for a cure. How this disease affects them as a couple to how it affects the world. We get to feel the joy of meeting a healthier Benzeman which brought tears to my eyes as frost shares his joy of this day.

I think what I got the most out of reading Derek Frost’s journey is when we work together we can make miracles happen. This is not a story of sadness and despair, but of hope. The power we have when we work together. Frost shares his life without fear and with an openness that allowed me to learn not just about AIDS, but about people. Thank you.

I received a free copy of this book and I am writing a review without prejudice and voluntarily.

If one ever wondered what an A-List, wealthy, couple of gay men in a long-term relationship did during the late 70s through the horrible years of AIDS before and then after the cocktail of drugs to manage the disease, and into the new millennium, then this is the work for you. The importance of this element of gay men and allies in the fight to raise money for worthwhile causes can not be denied. Derek Frost and his husband certainly put their wealth and notoriety to good use in founding of AidsArk, a worldwide effort to get the lifesaving drugs to individuals throughout the world.
However, the writing comes off as a vanity project. Frost uses his diary to recount the activities being done. Many times this is often just a listing of famous people, places, and activities during the glamorous lives of these two. I came away thinking how fortunate these two men were to have found each other, maybe bit envious of the life. The work is interesting when it examines the conditions in other countries where they pursued AidsArk's efforts to expand the drugs accessibility to those in need.
My thanks to Net Galley for this electronic copy in exchange for an unbiased review.

Living and Loving in the Age of AIDS is Frost's memoir of his life before, during and after the AIDS epidemic. It is a beautiful, powerful, tragic, and yet ultimately hopeful love story. It is a personal history of the epidemic that affected so many queer people, about love at a time when the popular opinion was that queer love was nothing more than lust.

Frost describes an almost idyllic sounding life prior to crisis. Both he and his husband have privileges that many other people don't, like the ability to travel, interesting careers, and financial security most of the time. I've noticed some reviews saying that readers gave up in this part, but really it's worth pushing through, because the comparison between the first part where they have everything, and the onset of the AIDS crisis that takes so much from them, is really powerful. Before AIDS, queer people, or at least certain demographics of them, were feeling more freedom, like the world was progressing, life was getting better, and then AIDS set everything back. This book masterfully expresses the pain and shock of going from liberation, love and freedom, to AIDS, death, stigma and judgement. There are so many names and personal stories that really bring home the horror of the crisis and emphasise how we geniunely lost almost an entire generation of queer men. There is a lot of anger and sadness in this book, but also a lot of love between Frost and his husband, between them and their friends and family. There Frost's own spiritual journey, J's medical journey, and the hope they both held on to.

Learning about the founding of AidsArk, the charity the two of them set up, is interesting. I remember in early noughties as a child learning about AIDS charities in Africa through my church but didn't have much of an understanding of it then. I feel like this book really deepened my understanding of exactly why, even after the development of life saving drugs, the crisis continued in many countries.

Ultimately, this book is a story about love, hope, and survival. It is an important telling of queer history that the next generation of queer people needs to learn about.

Living and Loving in the Age of AIDS is an intimate, personal, moving account of living through the AIDS crisis in the 80s and 90s but also a memoir of Derek and J’s love story, their lives pre-AIDS and lives up until today. Author and renowned designer Derek Frost and his husband Jeremy 'J' Norman have been married for more than 40 years. Both the Embassy Club, London’s equivalent of New York’s Studio 54, and Heaven, described as Europe’s largest and most iconic Gay club, were their creations, and both made them leaders in the great celebration which accompanied gay liberation. Every night they danced alongside many other young people and there was only joy and sweet pleasure. Tragedy, however, followed quickly on the heels of celebration and AIDS was soon among them. As their young friends died, J also became infected. He was diagnosed as HIV+ in 1991. He fought for six long years to stay alive and every detail of that harrowing time is recorded in the diaries Derek kept then. Luckily, it was the large medical advancements in this field that allowed J to not only survive but thrive. Incredibly, these years were filled with equal measures of isolation, fear, engagement and happiness.

It details how they helped to save more than 1,000 HIV+ lives globally, through their charity, AIDS Ark, and about the rich journey that describes their intertwined lives. This extraordinary book tells the story of a couple working in the heart of the gay scene in the midst of the AIDS epidemic – battling a positive diagnosis, whilst still keeping their now 40-year-old love affair alive. It is a touching and deeply inspiring read made possible by the strict diary entries Derek made decades ago in his youth. Series’ like Russell T Davies’ It's A Sin have fed people's appetites to learn more about the truths surrounding the early years of the AIDS outbreak, and the large numbers of young people who died. I found it a compelling, at times heart-wrenching but always hopeful autobiography written with the care, compassion and humanity that can often be missing when LGBT+ topics are explored by those who are not part of the community themselves. A rich, poignant and vivid read not only about the lives of two pioneers but a story of progress and the thanks that all LGBT+ allies owe to fearless heroes such as Derek and J for pushing the boundaries of what was deemed acceptable at the time. Highly recommended.

This book is not about the AIDS epidemic in the way we are used to. It celebrates as much the lives as it griefs the deaths. As records of personal experience with the AIDS crisis are rare, I find this book would always be important, but it is particularly because “almost exclusively these records have focused on dying rather than surviving”.
While the main event may be the fight of Derek Frost’s partner (Jeremy, called J) with the disease, we are also given the context of their lives around it; another thing that I find sets this book apart. This seemingly off-topic beginning to the book may turn readers away at first, but I encourage you to keep reading.
We read about the aftermath of this fight: the AidsArk charity (founded by Derek and J); this book was initially a tale about the organization. This book is, I think, the story of AidsArk and the life (of the founders) surrounding it.
There was a bunch of new things I found out still (about AIDS, queer life, and much more), and I find Frost’s takes on queer culture and queer experience important, bringing nuance and alternative.
The chapters at points feel disjointed, but I think it also illustrates what living through that period and experiences was like - after all, think about this: while the first mention of AIDS is at page 60, by page 120 you’ve lost track of the body count.
This book is a love letter: from Derek to J, to AidsArk, to lost friends, to lost lives, to people still fighting, to Life itself, to Remembrance.
Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for an eARC in exchange for an honest review.

Living and Loving in the Age of AIDs is a very personal memoir by distinguished designer, Derek Frost which was published at a time when the world faced another global pandemic, Coronavirus (Covid-19). The book is a reminder of the pandemic that came before that, the HIV/AIDs epidemic of the 1980s/90s.

Frost’s memoir tells the story of his life with his partner/husband J, a businessman and the creator of The Embassy Club (London’s answer to New York’s Studio 54), as well as the iconic gay nightclub, Heaven. The pair met and fell in love more than 40 years ago and have experienced an amazing life together, not without its highs and lows. Luckily, this book has a happy(ish) ending and the couple remains together to this day.

The author writes from a quite privileged viewpoint and he makes it clear that he understands how many amazing experiences he and his partner have been part of during their time together. Readers will, however, eventually learn about all the work the couple has done to, in some way, pay back this privilege to those who need help.

The first section of the book showcases the interesting and exciting lives they had before the AIDs epidemic which despite the sadness which then came, is a continuing theme throughout the book with the pair truly living every moment like it might be their last. While Derek himself remains negative throughout the memoir, unfortunately, his husband J tests positive for HIV/AIDs.

The next section of the book is created using diary entries and memories which track their years during the horrific pandemic, from the drugs and health issues to the friends they lost along the way, they somehow never completely lost hope that help was on its way.

The memoirs third section then shows the reader Derek’s own emotional and mental journey as he strived to support J as best he could.

The fourth and final part of the book comes after ARVs are readily available in the UK for free. This is the part of the book where you see Derek and J paying back their privilege and the immense luck they had in keeping J alive. Derek writes about their work in setting up AIDsArk, a charity that helped provide those life-saving drugs in countries where they are not readily available, thus saving the lives of other HIV/AIDs patients.

Derek Frost’s memoir explains the history of the AIDs epidemic for those who are not aware or not fully aware of what was happening and what milestones were hit. He also briefly explores other issues and rights that the LGBTQIA+ community were campaigning for such as equal marriage rights. The memoir is understandably sad and emotional due to the loss that happened during this period, however, Frost writes in such a way that also highlights the hope and queer joy that was still in their lives as they continued to live and love in the time of AIDs. A great read for anyone who wants to read about one couple’s journey through the unknown of the pandemic or those who have recently watched Russell T. Davies’ It’s a Sin and which to learn more about the HIV/AIDs epidemic.

An easy 5 stars for me. As a younger member of the LGBTQ+ community, I live in a world that reaps all the benefits of those who came before us and fought for our rights to not be seen as less than, and yet sadly many in my generation don't seem to know the history and know the pain, heartbreak and struggle that came with being gay merely a decade or two ago!

I can't even begin to imagine what it would have been like to live through this awful epidemic, and be treated so unfairly by the people who were meant to be there to help. I want to thank Derek Frost for his honesty and vulnerability in telling his story.

Massive thank you to Netgalley and Watkins for the eARC!!

Thank you netgalley for the e-arc

Pub date: April 13, 2021

This book is slightly difficult to get into, but it is very worth it. The first part is very superficial, it’s about Frost and his lover “J” and all of their rich friends clubbing and doing coke and going on fabulous trips to exotic places. But after I finished the book, I completely understood why the first part was like that. As the reader we had to experience how glamorous and exciting their lives were, and just how awful they would become in a few short years. I don’t think the impact of the Aids epidemic would’ve hit as hard in this story if we didn’t have such a clear picture of what the Before was like.

This book is a quarter memoir, a quarter history, and a half love letter. It’s the author expressing his pent up rage towards the government and the doctors who failed to save so many of his friends, his worry over his partner during the years where there was no cure and being Positive was basically a death sentence, and most importantly it’s a reminder to all of us that we can never forget how hard the queer community fought to save themselves because no one else would.

A love story, a tragedy, a tear jerker, compassionate, and a call to arms for equal access to care. A brilliant book and a terrifying insight into the plight of the gay community in the time of HIV and AIDS.

As a heterosexual I have always been aware of the stigma attached to HIV but I never had to experience it and this is a window into that world. What a terrifying and isolating place to be, that is unless you have someone to love you. The relationships described here are all centred on love, for each other and the wider gay community.

I was on the edge of my seat and keeping my fingers crossed like in any good thriller or romance and I won’t spoil It for you be revealing whether true love prevails.

I found some of the detail about medication and fund raising a bit confusing and can’t imagine having to navigate it at the best of times, let alone if you are ill.

The delightful details of the country living idyll became even more special for me as I live very nearby and so could appreciate the restorative power of nature that they were experiencing too.
Thank you for sharing this with us, your readers.

This book made me tear up multiple times, get angry and feel thankful that things have changed even though there is a long way to go still.
As someone who's uncle has told me numerous personal stories relating to his friends who died of AIDS in the 80s and 90s it hit me when the author was listing the names of those he loved and lost. The deaths seem never ending and like there is no end in sight, who will be next and for Derek will he loose the love of his life.
Dereks partner lived and eventually became his husband, they set up a charity to help provide medication to those in need and have saved over a thousand lives. It's a book of survival and love that will sit with you even after you've finished.

I received a free copy of this book via netgalley and am voluntarily leaving a review.
4.5 Stars

I've been told that this gets better - but to be perfectly honest, I didn't bother to persevere long enough to find out. The first few chapters need a much tighter edit. I understand that a certain amount of setup is necessary to understand what their lives were like prior to the AIDS crisis, but it really didn't need this much of it. The introduction was promising, personal, but after that it becomes waffle. Too many chapters that are just lists of names and business ventures - it reads like one long facebook post.

I'm glad that this book exists, but I have read far better memoirs, and far better explanations of what it was like to live through the AIDS crisis.

I thought this was such an interesting and important read, and just a fabulous account of a life, and one that's been so well lived. It's hopeful and full of love. And it also, most importantly, gives the author's account of the HIV/AIDS epidemic - the struggles, the stigma, and the shocking number of deaths. There is also information at the end about HIV and AIDS around the world today, and the numbers, and care available, are still, in some places, unfortunately, shocking. A recommended read.

An outstanding book that is so important given the ease with which the AIDS epidemic has been forgotten by many people. The stories of these brave people should be required reading and are all the more poignant given the current pandemic.

I had to persevere and stick with the book to start with, I kept having to re-read segments to make sure I fully understood. The description doesn't match the content of the book 100% which is why I had to re-read and concentrate to make sure I could keep going. Overall, a very worthy and important read.