Cover Image: Why the F*ck Can't I Change?

Why the F*ck Can't I Change?

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Member Reviews

This book is thought provoking but a bit inconsistent. It covered key concepts but wasn’t terrible clear at times and I’m not sure it introduced any new concepts. An. Ok read but I wouldn’t recommend it unfortunately

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Doesn't answer it's own question...

There is really nothing new in this book. It has been covered before in various other similar publications. Which is a shame because the author portrays this work as a new take on motivation, willpower and distraction.

The cost benefits exercises, for example, are the same two pro-and-con columns. There appears to be no advice about dealing with physical or mental inertia. Which are huge obstacles to change and that people find difficult to deal with.

Finally, like many similar books there is a lot of medical/science padding which adds nothing

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Due to a sudden, unexpected passing in the family a few years ago and another more recently and my subsequent (mental) health issues stemming from that, I was unable to download this book in time to review it before it was archived as I did not visit this site for several years after the bereavements. This meant I didn't read or venture onto netgalley for years as not only did it remind me of that person as they shared my passion for reading, but I also struggled to maintain interest in anything due to overwhelming depression. I was therefore unable to download this title in time and so I couldn't give a review as it wasn't successfully acquired before it was archived. The second issue that has happened with some of my other books is that I had them downloaded to one particular device and said device is now defunct, so I have no access to those books anymore, sadly.

This means I can't leave an accurate reflection of my feelings towards the book as I am unable to read it now and so I am leaving a message of explanation instead. I am now back to reading and reviewing full time as once considerable time had passed I have found that books have been helping me significantly in terms of my mindset and mental health - this was after having no interest in anything for quite a number of years after the passings. Anything requested and approved will be read and a review written and posted to Amazon (where I am a Hall of Famer & Top Reviewer), Goodreads (where I have several thousand friends and the same amount who follow my reviews) and Waterstones (or Barnes & Noble if the publisher is American based). Thank you for the opportunity and apologies for the inconvenience.

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"Why the F*ck Can't I Change?" by Gabija Toleikyte is a thought-provoking and informative book that explores the reasons why we struggle to make changes in our lives, and offers practical advice on how to overcome these obstacles. The author, a neuroscientist and behavioural coach, takes us on a journey through the human brain, explaining how our habits and behaviours are formed and offering strategies for breaking free from them.

One of the strengths of this book is the author's ability to explain complex neuroscience concepts in an accessible and engaging way. The use of relatable case studies and practical tools makes the information easy to understand and apply. The author also provides a refreshingly honest and relatable perspective on the challenges of change, acknowledging that it is not a quick fix, but a process that requires effort and commitment.

The book is divided into chapters that cover different aspects of change, including emotions, productivity, communication, relationships, and brain health. Each chapter provides actionable steps that readers can take to make meaningful changes in their lives. The author emphasizes the importance of taking small, incremental steps towards change, rather than trying to make sudden, drastic changes that are unlikely to be sustainable.

Overall, "Why the F*ck Can't I Change?" is an excellent resource for anyone who wants to make positive changes in their life but is struggling to do so. The author's expertise in neuroscience and behavioural coaching, combined with her accessible writing style, make this book a valuable tool for anyone looking to understand why change is hard and how to overcome the obstacles that stand in the way. Highly recommended.

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I read this book over many months and found it inconsistent in terms of flow and ease of reading. However it did give me some key concepts to reflect on and I am grateful for this. I have a better understanding of how my brain works for/against me and where my emotions fit in. I have had a major change in perspective on how my brain supports me when I am in a thinking mode opposed to task orientated mode.

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This is a really interesting non fiction about why it is so difficult to change things about yourself. It has a good blend of science, scenario examples and tips on how to change, taking the science into account. There will be a topic for everyone from trying to change bad habits, improve performance at work, dealing with emotions and communicating effectively. It is written well, in a really accessible way and I think is a great resource at learning to understand yourself.

Thanks to Netgalley for providing a digital ARC in exchange for an honest review.

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The cover jumped out at me and that along with the title made me want to give this a read. This is not your regular self help book. However I could relate to this book a lot. Thank you net galley for my copy.

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This book is divided into 9 chapters, and every chapter starts with what you will learn and ends with a summary. The first chapter is about habits and how they form, why they are hard to change and why just stopping bad habits does not work. The second chapter focuses on emotions and the 8 major types while chapter three is on personality and your own values and separating those from other people's values. Chapter four is all about productivity, memory, attention span, and procrastination, and chapter five covers brain health and neurotransmitters. Chapter six is about decision-making including emotional and rational decisions and biases while chapter seven is about dissonant and resonant leadership, task-positive and default mode networks, and how to become more resonant. Chapter eight is focused on relationships, attachment styles, healing trauma and the inner child, and 7 core principles for building a solid and lasting relationship. Lastly, chapter nine covers effective communication, arguments, steps to express yourself effectively and to listen in an empathetic non-judgemental way, internal communication, harmful interactions in relationships, and ways to introduce positive communication. The book concludes with a hypothetical example to show how the ideas in each chapter can help make lasting change and includes a list of references and future reading for each chapter.
The book has a lot of practical information and exercises to do such as only changing one thing at a time and making a list of benefits and reasons for the new habit for each area of your life to breathing exercises and writing things you are grateful for. The book also includes lists such as tips to get a better night's sleep to a list of low-effort activities to change your brain chemistry when you are stuck in a dark place as well as things to not do. There was also the task of writing down the qualities of a leader who inspired you compared to the qualities of someone who brought out the worst in you to help understand the difference between resonant and dissonant leaders. The book can at times feel dense because it discusses areas of the brain and processes that occur, but the examples and metaphors make the book clearer. However, since the book is so neuroscience heavy, I would not recommend it to those who are looking for a quick self-help read.

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This book is a really insightful, reflective and interesting book to read if you've ever found yourself thinking "Why can't I change? Why do I keep making the same mistakes?"
It breaks down some of the common questions, behaviours and barriers to changing. Really interesting.

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I'm not big into self-help books or nonfiction but this was an enjoyable read! I appreciated it and felt mildly inspired to change my habits.

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Really interesting book which however reads very science-heavy and almost like a medical neuroscience textbook at times. The many mentions of the different parts of the brain each and every time can be a tad confusing, too. However, cannot fault the information and the wealth of knowledge in there. Kudos to the author for attempting to bridge the gap between medical speak and the layman's world

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This book has helped me a lot. I took my time reading it, by reading a small amount of it each day, so that I could fully understand it, and so that it would help me daily. The book is inspiring, transformational and empowering, and it is full of so much knowledge and information about how to change yourself, or should I say, upgrade yourself, so that you can be the best you can be, while still remaining yourself. I see it as polishing a diamond. You are already wonderful, but sometimes you just need a little polish to get rid of the dirt, and help you to shine again.

The book helps you to look at your habits, your eight types of emotions, and your personality, then it helps you with enhancing your productivity, how to boost motivation, brain health and decision making. Next, you are taken into exploring your leadership, how to strengthen your relationships and how to help you communicate better. This is a gem of a book, which will change your life, literally! Highly recommended!

Many thanks to the author, publisher and NetGalley for a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

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This book does a deep dive on the benefits of changing one’s habits, emotions, personality, productivity, brain health, decision making, leadership, relationships, and communication and explores the reasons why our minds and bodies behave the way they do, e.g. there’s plenty of references to the primitive mammal part of the brain that kept humans alive in prehistoric times.

The tone of the book is a mismatch with the trendy title. The information is provided in excessive detail, which will likely appeal to people who want more of the psychology and neuroscience background information, rather than those who prefer a streamlined delivery of the facts needed to affect the promised change. While each chapter ends with a summary, readers drawn to the profanity in the title may expect a jauntier, faster paced read.

My favorite chapters are the ones that dealt with emotions, brain health, and productivity. I liked the description of the addictiveness of dopamine. The author mentioned the study that showed how rodents altered so dopamine is delivered when a button is pressed will keep zapping themselves seeking the buzz until they die of starvation, which explains man’s desire for modern dopamine delivery devices such as social media likes and follows.

I voluntarily read and reviewed an advanced copy of this book. All thoughts and opinions are my own.

Thanks to Thread Books for providing an Advance Reader Copy via NetGalley.

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Covers some heavy science about the types of things going on in our brains when making bad decisions, habits.

The book offered many tips and insights. Would recommend to a friend

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I was excited to read this book because the front cover and title are so catchy. Reading other reviews people have said it was too academic however I disagree and found that nothing new was said and I couldn't past the whole 'lizard brain' analogy. I didn't think it was particularly insightful and it felt obvious in terms of what was being suggested however maybe that's the beauty of it! Sadly not for me as someone who reads 'self help' books fairly regularly. I dnf.

Thank you for the arc.

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Firstly it was the title alone that grabbed me for this book.
I didn't know what to expect but it was a lovely read and gave a real insight into how you live your life and how to start to make changes
This is a book I will keep re reading and referring back to over years and if any friends were stuck in ruts I'd recommend and gift it out.
It was lovely written by the author.

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This wasn't quite what I expected. The title and cover had me expecting a more low-key, dumbed down version of a self-help book for the masses. This book was a pleasant surprise. Despite it's flashy cover and catchy title it really provides an in-depth insight into the mind, how it works and how to overcome things automatic or engrained. Parts were a bit scientific for me, but I appreciate this author delving into the real science behind life's frustrations. Patterns that can't be broken, habits that seem to take hold despite them being destructive or unproductive. There were parts of this book I went back and re-read just to fully understand what the author was saying.
I think this book may be a struggle for those looking for another self-help book that is going to tell them to buck-up, set their alarm earlier, drink more water, cut our carbs and caffeine and take time to meditate... whatever may be this year's cure-alls. This isn't the book that will say those things. But if you really want the chance to change this I suggest giving this one a real try.

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After having read this book, I can honestly say that I would recommend this to someone seeking self-improvement-related books. The author does an excellent job at describing various parts of the brain and made it easy to understand for readers that may not have a background in psychology or neuroscience. I am a big fan of the prompts that encourage readers to put to practice what they have just read. If someone is seeking a book that not only provides advice on how to improve aspects of your life, but also allows you to leave the book with new knowledge and a better plan to tackles issues, this book is for you.

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I found this book helpful in some respects, and will put some of the ideas into practice in daily life, however I found it very science heavy, and found myself re-reading page after page when I was losing concentration. The title doesn't reflect the language in the actual book. 3/5 stars.

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