The Great Sex Rescue is for all women struggling to understand why sexuality in Christian marriage can be so difficult and heartbreaking. It's for all men wondering why their loving wives are not interested in or even dread sex. Sheila, Rebecca, and Joanna explain and demonstrate how evangelical teachings on purity, modesty, sex, and marriage have twisted healthy sexual ethics into something poisonous, resulting in marriages where women specifically are deprived of the bonding, pleasure, and intimate connection as God intended. They give us back the truth and joy of sexual intimacy as a mutual knowing, mind, body, and soul. This book is so engaging, heartwarming and filled with hope that it will draw you in deeply. It is scripturally based and theologically sound, seeking to build up and strengthen marriages. It is has been thoroughly researched and the data is presented with exceptional scholarship. This is the book we all needed so badly and never knew!

Many readers will be familiar with Sheila’s personal and blunt style from her popular blog, To Love, Honor, and Vacuum. For over 17 years, Sheila has shared her wisdom about Christian sexuality and marriage in her numerous books, podcasts, blog, and speaking engagements. She is a champion for equality between men and women in the bedroom and advocates for sexual pleasure and enjoyment as part of a Christian marriage.

Now she is joined by her daughter Rebecca, who brings a fresh and fiery perspective on gender equality, and Joanna, a statistician who no doubt serves as the brain behind the book’s research.

In The Great Sex Rescue, Sheila, Rebecca, and Joanna ask the question, “Do our evangelical resources for sex and marriage point readers to healthy relationship dynamics or unhealthy ones?”

To uncover the effects of evangelical teachings, the authors surveyed over 20,000 women. Then they followed up their survey with focus groups and one-on-one interviews. Next, they analyzed secular peer-reviewed research on what leads to healthy marriages and healthy sex lives. From these findings, the authors developed a rubric to rate harmful or helpful messages in three areas: infidelity/lust, sex as pleasure, and mutuality. Finally, they applied their rubric to the top 13 best-selling evangelical sex and marriage books to uncover problematic teachings.

The Great Sex Rescue calls Christians back to a healthy, biblical view of sexuality. Each chapter is organized around a problematic teaching paired with a part of the authors’ definition of great sex—that sex should be personal, be pleasurable, be pure, be prioritized, be pressure-free, put the other first, and be passionate.

And they don’t just leave you with the problems—they give you a path forward.

The book provides ample opportunities for readers to apply what they learn. There are check-ins and practical conversation starters for couples, as well as application exercises to correct faulty thinking. At the end of each chapter, the authors provide a rescuing and reframing section which gives the Church a better way to talk about these issues without causing harm.

The authors’ attention to evidence-based treatment and empirical research is commendable. Frankly, empirical research is largely ignored in most Christian non-fiction books. Unlike other Christian resources, this book is not just based on anecdotes, personal experience, and opinion; it is based on data and research.

I also applaud the authors’ nuanced approach to sexual values. They both embrace orthodox Christian values about sexual purity and fidelity while criticizing the extra-biblical messages about sex that we have taken for granted. The authors suggest ways for Christians to talk about sex in a much healthier way that still affirms biblical teachings about sexuality.

Sheila, Rebecca, and Joanna don’t want to challenge a biblical sexual ethic. They want to encourage us to take a deeper look at the books and the messages that have become ingrained in our belief system, and to examine the damage caused by those beliefs.

The Great Sex Rescue is a long overdue correction to Christian books on marriage and sex. With both biblical truth and evidenced-based research on sexuality, Sheila and her co-authors tackle the myths that keep many Christian couples from enjoying true passion and intimacy.

The Great Sex Rescue is a book that sees and validates the pain caused by so many misguided and abusive Christian teachings about sexuality. It is a book that provides hope and healing for Christian couples looking to correct their faulty beliefs and experience true sexual intimacy as God intended it—pleasurable, mutual, respectful, and uniting.

We cannot thank the authors enough—especially Sheila—for their courage to speak out against evangelical sex teachings and speak up for women. They are a brave and powerful voice in the Christian world. I now have a Christian sex book that I can wholeheartedly recommend to my clients, friends, and readers.

The Great Sex Rescue is designed to correct the harmful expectations in marriage that popular Evangelical Christian marriage books have (perhaps unintentionally) taught. Based on faulty research and opinions, many Christians are taught things that don’t match up with the Biblical principle of Love One Another.

There are many dimensions to intimacy, and this book reframes and rescues many of them, but especially those related to sex and purity. Including duty, respect, faithfulness, pleasure, and much more.

I would recommend it for anyone (both men and women) who’ve been married for any length of time. I would also recommend it to anyone 16+ with a note that it should be discussed with someone trusted. If they’re allowed to read the second half of Judges, then they should be okay with this.

There are some “try this at home” sections meant for married couples only, and some extremely dangerous/hard situations that will need processing. But it also has some extremely beautiful situations, too. The kind that proves Good Men exist and can be found! Excellent role models for those teen boys to look up to and follow after.

Rather than dooming them to ‘Every man’s battle’ and their wives to constant doubt and fear, set them up for success by teaching them to value the whole person. That makes managing expectations in relationships much simpler.

I received an advance copy of the book, but have also preordered 4 copies. I chose to review it here. All thoughts are my own.

I've been waiting for someone to write this book.

I only wish it had existed 11 years ago so I could have read it instead of the Christian marriage books (like Sheet Music and For Women Only) that caused me years of pain and anxiety.

Personally, I found this book more affirming than eye-opening as I had already done a lot of the work through counseling and other reading to learn truth/unlearn lies. However, it has helped me articulate what messages hurt me and made my marriage so much more complicated than it needed to be. It has also helped me to think through ways to avoid passing these messages onto the next generation.

I would highly recommend this book for anyone who has grown up in church and is now married or engaged. I would recommend it to anyone who has read any previously released material on marriage from Christian (primarily evangelical) authors or organizations. If you grew up in evangelical purity culture, this book is for you. If you are a pastor, youth leader or parent - this book is for you! It is not only helpful, I believe it is essential and necessary to advance the Evangelical conversation on sex. I am so thankful to Gregoire and co-authors for doing the work to bring us this book.

This book challenges so much of what the modern church (or at least best selling Christian authors) teaches on sex and marriage. It shows the reader some of the problems in the current evangelical culture, and offers hope and life-giving solutions.

Based on a survey of 20,000 respondents, the statistics are interesting but not over-done or boring. It was easy to read, yet held my attention.

The modern church is in desperate need of the message in this book. I am thankful to have found it, and will be sharing it with others.

Are the best-selling Christian books on marriage and sex are causing more harm than good? What happens when these books are used in premarital counseling and marriage small groups or conferences in churches? How can we do better? These are the questions that Sheila Gregoire and her co-authors set out to answer in their book, The Great Sex Rescue. Sheila is a long-time Christian blogger and speaker on marriage and sex. She, along with Rebecca Gregoire Lindenbach and Joanna Sawatsky, read the best-sellers, surveyed over twenty thousand women, and conducted interviews and focus groups to learn more about how the messages in these best-sellers have been received. In their book, they share many stories of pain and hurt, but also stories of hope when couples are able to overcome faulty teaching and turn their marriages around. This book can and should start some important conversations around how the church views and teaches about sex. I think every adult should read this book. Let’s think about what we’ve been taught and believe and change the conversation for the better.

I recently read The Great Sex Rescue: The Lies You've Been Taught and How to Recover What God Intended.
It's. SO. GOOD.
The authors do a deep dive into Christian bestselling books' teachings about sex, men and women. Yes, there's a lot of really great, empowering content in those books. There's also a lot of unhealthy information that may be framing the way you approach sex and sexuality. Yikes! More importantly, we can change the conversation with some crazy-simple-empowering statements.
I was personally interested in the topic because I think my own feelings about sex have been strongly influenced by the Christian culture - in some amazing ways and some really terrible ways. I'm confident that I'll keep coming back to this book time and again to reframe my thinking and be more empowered.
If you're curious and interested in reframing how we approach sex in the Christian world, check out this book! (If you preorder, you get some fun bonuses, too!)

This is the book I needed 15 years ago! I hope this becomes the new Christian best selling marriage books. I have read the majority of the marriage books the authors discuss in this book. And I can confirm from personal experience that their messages are harmful. What I love is how In The Great Sex Rescue they don’t just point out what other authors do wrong but also point to a new message that is good. They show the problem and provide the solution. I really liked the “check in” parts of the book that give you questions to pass and reflect on. And the better phrasing’s are the end of each chapter. In reading the book I can tell they truly care about men AND women, believe that God is good and loving, and believe that sex can be good and intimate for both genders. This will be my new favorite wedding gift to give to other!

Here it is on goodreads which is linked to amazon https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/54232794-the-great-sex-rescue?ac=1&from_search=true&qid=suvVrOFDbo&rank=4

Based on a survey of 20,000 Christian women, this book tackles so many misconceptions (based on lopsided data) rampant among Christian evangelical teachings. The most important part was the "reframing" section at the end of each chapter since there is so much faulty teaching to undo.

I have followed Sheila’s blog, To Love, Honor, and Vacuum for several years. Coming from a background of legalism and purity culture, and being reluctant (loads of shame, feeling I was betraying my family and possibly the church, false guilt) to fully embrace the way she wrote about marriage, sex, and what it means to be a woman, I just periodically checked in. Over the past year or so, though, my sweet Savior has been gently leading me into a freedom and secure identity in Him alone that I never thought possible. When I heard Sheila was writing a book about sex, and that she had surveyed thousands of women in research for said book, my interest was piqued. I started devouring everything on her blog, reveling in the truths she and her team were shouting about marriage, sex, respect and equality. I was appalled to really dive into what the books that were lauded to me as the end-all, be-all of Christian marriage advice had actually done to my self-image, my confidence as a woman of God, and my trust in my good husband’s heart. Blog, podcast, the book was the next logical step. I pre-ordered and signed up for the launch team.

I’ve been married for nearly 14 years, have a good man for a husband, and though we’ve had our minor conflicts surrounding sex over the years it has always been GREAT. I really didn’t think the messages we both received about lust, women as stumbling blocks, porn, etc had affected our relationship until I read the book. I realized, even though I don’t believe those messages anymore, even though I trust my husband and feel secure in his love, I still have habits in ways I relate to him that are based in those views: That I could cause him to turn to porn by saying no to sex, that sex is something I owe him (even though it’s something we BOTH enjoy and he has always made my pleasure and orgasm a priority). As I read the book I found myself wanting to scream in anger, cry in frustration, and laugh with joy shouting “AMEN, SISTER!!!” “The Great Sex Rescue” will always be part of my freedom song.

There is no other book like this one speaking to the evangelical world. I will be recommending it to friends as often as I can: married, engaged, single. It’s message is life-giving and swelling with freedom for women who’ve been under the burden of these teachings for too long.

“Several hundred women, apparently, can be ignored. We hope the voices of twenty thousand will make people listen.”

The Great Sex Rescue was helpful in ways I didn't even know I needed it to be. I grew up in purity culture and heard so many harmful teachings about sex, marriage, men and women...at church and in the home. As I stepped into adulthood and marriage, I realized that a lot of what I had been taught was wrong. I disagreed with the messages of "all men lust", "women are responsible for not being a stumbling block", "virginity is the most important thing you can give your husband", and so many more that are addressed in this book.

I figured that The Great Sex Rescue would be informative, but more life-changing for others rather than myself. I have a great marriage with a wonderful man. Our sex life is amazing. And I didn't know how much I needed this book. The most groundbreaking moment of this book for me was in the research the authors conducted and shared--that even if I don't believe or agree with those harmful messages, it still has an impact on my thoughts and ability to trust my husband. This was the most shocking thing for me to realize--it was like a lightbulb flashed on in my brain. I've dealt with body and self esteem issue most of my life, as well as trust issues, anxiety, and paranoia regarding my marriage and sex life (even though my husband is an honorable, honest, trustworthy man who has NEVER made me feel less than, unwanted, or like an object). I never knew WHY I had these issues until reading The Great Sex Rescue. I know so many have been (and still are) abused and manipulated as a result of evangelical teachings and culture, and, comparatively, my experience has been very mild. Still, now I feel like I can truly begin to heal and call out the mindsets that are lingering from the harmful teachings I grew up with. I can only imagine how much more life-changing this book will be for those who have deep trauma.

This book is so necessary, especially now as more and more people are calling out the harmful affects of purity culture and other popular evangelical teachings. The Great Sex Rescue couldn't be more timely, and I can't wait to see how it changes so many lives. Not only do I recommend this book, but I plan to purchase several more copies to give to friends and family. Thank you, Sheila, Rebecca, and Joanna!

As more and more scandals come out about well known Christian leaders, The Great Sex Rescue is a very much needed resource that challenges harmful messages propagated by popular marriage books. Sheila, Rebecca, and Joanna conducted a survey of 22.000 Christian women. The information they gleaned will have readers shaking their heads. Readers are validated in the harmful messages they have been told in the past, and then given truth, straight from the word of God. The Great Sex Rescue is eye-opening, encouraging, and challenges the church to do better.

Wow. This book is so needed--I wish it had come out twenty years ago. Readers will appreciate the relatable tone of the writers, the references, and the biblical responses to messages women have been being given for years from well-intended but completely misguided Christians. This isn't solely for "problems," either. It's about rediscovering and/or developing true intimacy between a husband and wife. It's about honoring each other. It's about reclaiming sex as God intended it. Something beautiful and safe and wonderful. Something raw and honest and intimate. The authors are spot-on with their assessment of the unfortunate misinformation perpetuating problems in Christian marriages. I highly recommend this novel--it's enlightening, liberating, and has the potential to save or enhance every marriage it touches.

Rarely do I read a book that shakes me to my core and totally changes my paradigm. The Great Sex Rescue, however, did just that.

After I got married nearly 16 years ago, I was looking for books on sex. How to do it, how to enjoy it, how to not feel guilty for having it (raised in the culture where any discussion about sex for any reason was not permitted, sex was just a base male need that we put up with having to satisfy and that women can use sex as a weapon against their husband to punish them for literally anything), I was desperate to figure this subject out. I mean desperate.

So I read everything I could get my hands on about the subject published by Christian sources. Some books left me more confused. Several confirmed my upbringing that sex is only enjoyable for men, if a woman receives pleasure just consider it a bonus. That the only goal in sex is to orgasm simultaneously and that a woman reaching climax through any means other than penetration is taking the easy way out. Then there were the books that made sex a duty for the woman to endure so she can be loved in the way she wants from her husband, that not having sex for pretty much any reason is disrespectful to her husband, and that men NEED sex regularly while a woman doesn't need it.

All of the reaffirmed to me how bad of a wife I was being. I questioned myself constantly if I was giving my husband enough sex. If I was pleasing him enough. If during the times I was dealing the trauma of my past and I would literally shut down during sex (in the effort of transparency, let me just say I was raised in a home that dished out every form of abuse except physical and the trauma of that lingers to this day. And yes, I've been in trauma therapy. Unfortunately, there will always be fall out in various forms from the abuse depending on what's going on in life and stored body memories and all that) if that was dishonoring to him/living in the past/not being respectful to him.

The Great Sex Rescue is the resource we need to combat the lies, misinformation and silence of the church and Christians from the past. Looking at what we've had for "Biblical" resources until now, the book breaks down the harmful and down right hurtful teachings we've been either receiving or espousing ourselves through the years. So many "Christian" resources basically treat women as the receptacle for their husband's needs and pleasure without giving any thought as to how that degrades and cheapens us as human beings.

I have spent years trying to find balance in the teachings about sex. I was scared to look at secular books because I do not ascribe to that world view. And now, finally, a voice of reason on this topic. A voice that says that women should receive pleasure from sex. Women are not the vessels that men have to fulfill carnal needs. That men can control themselves. That women aren't responsible for a man choosing to use pornography. That a wife isn't at fault for her husband choosing to cheat on her. That sex is good, and right and should be pleasurable to both parties involved. That incredible sex for women can and should happen. That a good sex life is crucial to a good marriage, but that you can't have that without true intimacy and respect flowing both ways. That yes, we can heal from the horrible teachings we've had thus far and change the future for our children.

In a way, I am incredibly sad for what I read in the past and tried to follow. It didn't work out for me at all. It did nothing but frustrate me, make me feel like a bad wife, and then angry at myself for feeling used when I pushed through with sex when I didn't want to (so as not to be a disrespectful wife). Thankfully, my husband is the kindest, sweetest man on earth and he's assured me in the past that he wants me to enjoy our time together. That he doesn't want to cause me pain and that he's more than happy to stop if my trauma memories come flooding in randomly (he never read any of the popular books on the subject, which I think helped a lot). I am sad for the fact that I have missed so much these last 16 years. This book has helped me so much in reframing my mindset and defining our sex life and marriage into something totally more amazing than I dreamed possible. I am going to admit, it is going to take me a lot more work in regards to healing from my past, but, I know that it will be worth it. Not just for me, but also for us.

The Great Sex Rescue used research, real surveys from women (which I answered at least one of them myself) and the Bible to delve into the teachings of the past and how they don't work. Why they don't work and that yes, we can do and should do better. It also addresses pain during sex, what can cause it and that it can be fixed in ways no other church resource has. It affirms the humanity of women, doesn't make them subservient to men's whims and desires and espouses a mutuality that no other faith based resource has. This is a must read book for anyone who is married. This is a must read for any faith based counselor who counsels married people. This is a must for pastors and shepherds to have as a resource for a people who are desperate for the truth.

Finally, as a woman, I have been seen and my heart's cry to be recognized and value in society regarding the teachings of sex have been heard. While I have been exceedingly and abundantly blessed with an incredible husband who already thought this way for the most part, the longings I couldn't put into words have been finally given a voice. It is going to take some time, but I will put the false teaching to rest that resides inside my head. I pray this book reaches many and helps other women to realize their worth and value and that we don't have to settle for being second class anything anywhere, including in the marriage bed.

FINALLY, a Christian book on sex that praises mutual, loving, and rocking-awesome sex for both the husband and the wife. Finally, a book that encourages both men and women to be all they can be. One that refuses to imply that all men are just animals who can’t help it but have sex all the time (so wives, you better be ready for it). Where women are considered important and also created for sex to feel amazing.

This is an important read. It is needed in our churches. For a relationship struggling in the bedroom, this book will help the couple understand what is going wrong. It will not promote intimacy at the expense of the other spouse. It will not condone sexual assault. This book offers ideas to help a couple mutually spice up the bedroom scene. It also champions getting help if the issue is bigger than sex alone. Because of it advocating true Biblical sex (which cares deeply for both the husband and the wife), this book is also beneficial for any couple, not just those struggling with sex.

The Great Sex Rescue absolutely lived up to everything I hoped it would be. Like the authors, I hope it offers a real and deep conversation on what God intended for sex. It’s time to stop allowing Christian sex to be a one-sided release of male sperm into a female receptacle.

The Great Sex Rescue is the book that Christian circles have been missing until now! Authors Sheila, Rebecca, and Joanna used information gathered from a survey of 20,000 Christian women to confront the damaging teachings so many of us have been taught surrounding sex, intimacy, and marriage, as well as to critique some well-known Christian sex and relationship books.

If you've been taught that...

Lust is every man's battle
Sex is a duty that wives perform to keep their husbands from sinning
Men will always push boundaries
Women must be the gatekeepers to stay "pure" before marriage
Women need to be vigilant about what we wear and we do to avoid causing men to stumble
Marriage means that you can never say no to your spouse

....You need to read The Great Sex Rescue! And even if you haven't been taught any of this, even if you've learned from healthy sources, even if you have a fantastic relationship, I guarantee you will still benefit from reading it. Each chapter is full of stories, statistics from the study, little check-ins for the reader to do, and an Explore Together section to do with your spouse.

This is one of those books that I may wear out a highlighter (or two!) on. Here are just a few of my favourite quotes from The Great Sex Rescue.

"The "all men struggle with lust" message has taught us to trade trust for fear in our marriages, so it shouldn't be surprising when sex doesn't work. Jesus told us to look at the fruit to judge the tree, and the fruit of this tree is nasty. Women are made paranoid because they are told they can't trust the man they married, the good man who loves them. These books unjustly paint husbands as sex addicts and pathological liars, while normalizing ogling women. If this is the fruit, why have we kept the tree?"

"Defeating lust is not about limiting a man's encounters with women; it's about empowering men to treat the women around them as whole people, daughters of Christ. The key to defeating lust is not to avoid looking at women; it's to actually see them."

I could go on for hours, probably days (my husband can testify to this) about how much I've loved and appreciated everything about this book. But don't just take my word for it. Grab a copy and see it for yourself. Share it with a friend. Share it with your spouse. You won't regret it.

*I received a complimentary copy of The Great Sex Rescue through the author and NetGalley. All thoughts and opinions are my own. My positive review is not required.

Anyone in a Christian marriage has struggled in some form with the proper role and practice of sexual intimacy. Some of that is the inevitable result of the Fall. But a great deal of it is due to unbiblical teachings that are unresearched yet repeated without questioning. This book is the beginning of the answer to those unbiblical teachings.
By analyzing survey results from over 20,000 women and focus groups from subsets thereof, Sheila, Rebecca, and Joanna have crafted a scientific, empathetic exposé of the harm done within the church by teachings such as: sex is a man's need, not a woman's; lust is every man's battle; women need to unconditionally respect their husbands; and women need to give their husbands obligation sex to keep them from watching porn.
The authors, while Christians, don't dwell a great deal on the proper Biblical interpretations to combat these teachings, which would muddle up the clear presentation of the data.. It should be obvious that God intended marriage to be good, (even "very good") and that it is not His will for women to be harmed in their marriages. As a starting point for evaluating what kind of marriage and sex teaching we should be promoting in our churches, this book is excellent.
For individual couples struggling with the effects of the toxic teachings addressed herein, this book is 1) intellectually and emotionally freeing in the information presented and 2) practical in starting the healing process, with exploratory exercises and discussion questions for couples at the end of each chapter.
However drastic or subtle the harm to your marriage caused by misplaced teaching bearing the "Christian" label, this book is a must-read. Buy extra copies to give to newlyweds in your life.

Often we criticize porn for reducing sex to something merely physical and for disrespecting and objectifying women, only to receive the same messages, wrapped in Christianese and peppered with Bible verses, from the pulpits on Sunday, in marriage classes and bestselling Christian books. "Sex is a need women don't have". "Do not deprive." "If a husband doesn't have enough sex, he will be tempted to watch porn and cheat." But we as Christians deserve a better message about sex that puts Jesus at the center. And this book wants to start the conversation about how we can do better.

"Authors and pastors [...] say women need to understand men. [...] What we're saying in this book is that women do understand men. [...] What we need now is for men to understand women."

Sheila Wray Gregoire, Rebecca Lindenbach and Joanna Sawatsky believe that in order to have great sex, we need to dismantle misconceptions about female and male sexuality and replace them with the truth. Actually, they don't just believe that, but back up their claims with a massive survey of 20,000 women. In this survey, they could cleary see the effects of harmful teaching on sexuality in marriage as women that were fed these harmful messages were more likely to experience pain and suffer emotionally.

But what are these harmful messages? That sex is just for men. That women don't have a sex drive. That women don't need to orgasm or don't need foreplay and that it's normal they will engage in uncomfortable, unenjoyable sex because that is their marital duty. That men are unable to stay faithful and pure if they don't get as much sex as they want. That marital rape doesn't exist.

Sheila tackles each of these in a chapter and shows how these teachings release men from accountability and the need to cultivate self-control. How they harm and hurt women. And she provides a better way forward: what to teach instead, how to discover joyful intimacy for both partners and how to have these conversations as a couple. At the end of each chapter, there are suggestions for couples and questions for reflections in each chapter.

Biblical sexuality is worth rescueing and I am so thankful for Sheila for starting this conversation.

Wholeheartedly recommended for married couples and couples preparing for marriage as well as pastors, counselors and educators.