Thank you to NetGalley and publishers for this ARC

Beautifully beguiling, Nolan has the ability to elicit a powerful emotional response from her readers.

Raw, intimate, spontaneous, heartbreaking. This may be a work of fiction but there’s a distinctly autobiographical feel to it, some of which may be lent by the very authentic reading of the audiobook.

The unnamed central character speaks from the heart as she, not always in chronological order, recounts the story of her toxic relationship, her obsessions, struggles with addiction, sex, alcohol, self-harm.

The feeling is akin to reading an extremely personal diary. There isn’t a clear plot, the characters are what stand out, overall the narrator herself, and as the book progresses we sink further into her life and struggles.

She is at times exasperating - but in a way that you want to hug her as a friend, shake her and tell her what to do, but ultimately decisions must be our own.

Towards the end it got darker but ultimately it ends on a hopeful note.

Although I’m not sure I’m anything like the girl in this story, it had me reflecting on all my past choices and things I’ve done.

Thanks to Netgalley and the publishers for allowing me to access an advance copy of this audiobook in exchange for my honest opinion.

Audiobook...great narrator, but a story that was difficult to really engage with.

Our story focuses on an unnamed narrator, and it chronicles her relationship with the emotionally abusive Ciaran. She pulls no punches in her unflinchingly honest exploration of their relationship and the way it impacts upon her and her behaviour.
From when she first meets him at an art gallery she is determined to put on her best face and entice Ciaran in an attempt to feel worthy of his affections. His behaviour towards her - and, in particular, his callous focus on his ex - was pretty objectionable. Seen only through her eyes it's difficult to see whether we are getting the full picture, or if she is presenting her version of Ciaran. However, what was clear was that she exhibited such a low sense of self in her interactions with Ciaran that I was desperate for her to wake up and see the damage being inflicted.
For me, it was difficult to really find anything to help me empathise with our narrator initially. I found myself frustrated by her rather questionable decisions, and her seeming reluctance to admit to herself that she was, in part, responsible for what happened between them. I wanted her to find her self-esteem and walk away from someone who thought so little of her...and I was so desperate to have some reason for her behaviour that I found it hard to keep reading on occasion.
Towards the very closing stages of the book it seemed as if things started to slot into place. After a particularly unpleasant incident with Ciaran that had me shocked, she moves away. She falls into another questionable interaction, and ruminates on the idea that she is 'brave' for travelling alone. This leads her to consider her bravery in deciding to stay in a relationship that was so evidently not good for her. I never felt as if I got answers, but at this point I felt a little closer to understanding her and her decisions.
I wish this was a book that I'd felt more invested in, because I think it will resonate with some readers. I'm grateful to NetGalley for granting me access to it prior to publication, and this might be one to return to at another time.

I adored this. It took me a while to get into it. The lines about consent and rape where so poignant. So topical and so important. I couldn’t stop listening.

This is a descriptive story about a young woman learning about herself and the relationships she finds herself in with unsuitable partners that she sometimes becomes obsessed by and her self-abuse as she describes her feelings. It’s an emotional and troubled story...very descriptive emotionally.

I fell head over heels immediately with the main character and her flaws and I did not want her to leave my side. As she isn't named in the book I will refer to her as M.

M is deeply troubled on many levels but she is acutely aware of this. The book chronicles her journey with many challenges including self harm, alcoholism, body image issues and toxic and abusive relationships. This book is painful and honest and raw and is one that will stay with me for a while. Nolan weaves the story so gently and carefully that subtleties of the toxic occurrences roll over you slowly as you progress through.

While this is a book with a lot of heavy hitting topics there is a sense of hope and growth that slowly builds throughout. I definitely was able to see certain aspects of myself in M and am sure many others will feel that closeness.

I listened to the book as an audiobook and it worked perfectly as it is mainly a monologue of sorts. The narrator's voice and flow suited perfectly and it is already one of my top audiobooks of 2021.

Scott Fitzgerald famously observed that there are no second acts in American lives. But the unnamed narrator of Acts of Desperation, after an episode of obsessive “love” and betrayal, turns a moment of weakness into a second act which vindicates her self-hood and demonstrates that there can be a whole range of betrayal, while still retaining a form of faith in love.

Lauren Coe reads the novel very well, her voice quite similar to Eimear McBrides reading of her own The Lesser Bohemians.

In 2012, the narrator, a female of about 24 who dropped out of Trinity and works in a hip burger place, is unhesitatingly eager for a relationship with Ciarán, an “exceptionally beautiful” man, making a precarious living as a reviewer in Dublin. He is also somewhat exotic in having a Danish mother.

The narrator’s passion quickly turns obsessive. “There was no religion in my life after early childhood, and a great faith in love was what I had cultivated instead.” Blind to his many faults, even the miserliness so minutely detailed, she enters a very one-sided relationship. However, a serpent in this Paradise is Freja, Ciarán’s former girlfriend (though maybe more “girlfriend” than “former”) and the first act of desperation takes place over a Christmas when she returns to her parents in Waterford. Her increasingly frenzied attempts to establish contact at a distance and the worry about some accident and then the hope that there was a misunderstanding are conveyed so authentically.

Later, with betrayal coldly confirmed, she is so mentally displaced that she dreams in detail of killing Freja and, on waking, is not dismissive of the idea. And Dr Google is consulted about “obsessive love.” We also learn of episodes of obsessive fasting and cutting as a teen.

But a casual, lonely text to Ciarán kicks off act two and this time the narrator moves in with him and, while initially remaining obsessed, observes Ciarán almost as a laboratory rat, detailing all his behaviours.

She also begins to outwit him, firstly by covertly drinking a bottle of wine before the one bottle the anti-alcohol Ciarán permits her for an evening. “Nothing works like drinking does.” Later, comes the observation that it had been a full year, of her 24 years, since she had spent a full evening with anyone but Ciarán.

She increasingly realises that the sex is all that holds her to him. “Then we went to bed...the friendliness of a body’s smell and softness overcoming the sour rest of him.” As she increasingly develops her independence and resumes and initiates social contacts, the tables turn. “I had chosen someone who was by nature indifferent, and made it my project to make him love me. And she had succeeded.

Ciarán is then introduced to desperation, including one grossly amusing sexual episode where he unwittingly comes into close contact with the narrator’s lover of a few hours before.

The story, while its bones have been the basis for many books, is compellingly told, moving at a fast pace, interspersed with calm, philosophical, and often biting interjections from the narrator five years later, in Greece. It’s absolutely a page-turner and gives a vivid sense of what Dublin was in fairly recent times for a woman in her mid 20s unafraid of acting on her desires.

Unlike some bestsellers of the past few years about women being subjugated by partners, the situations here have credibility and an awareness that the narrator is slowly rising from the depths and will breathe freely again

And love is not inextricably linked to desperation, as the narrator notes (with a nice use of semi-colon) five years later: “Being in love feels like nothing so much as hope; a distilled, clear hope which would be impossible to manufacture on your own.”