Thank you for the opportunity to read this book. However, it was far too violent a story for me personally to enjoy.

TW: sexual assault, abuse of all kinds, family violence, trauma

I was given the opportunity to listen to this book in exchange for my unbiased review thanks to NetGalley

This book was very hard to digest and stomach
One of those ones that will leave a lasting impression and the impacts of some of the triggers inevitable
The amount of trauma in the story is almost unimaginable. One small portion of that could break some people but this just seems to continuously get worse and worse for our main character Lilac
Despite the complete and utter depths of trauma there weaves a very loving and supportive relationship in Esther. This is the light you need to have some small fragment of hope in things. When it seems like the world has turned its back on Lilac and continued to kick her when she was down Esther is the small olive branch, the glimmer of sunshine, and a reminder of the importance and impact of human connection.

The plot is told by the main character: 14 years old Clare, an incredibly strong person, who cares heartbreakingly much about her loved ones. She lives in a small town in 1980s Texas, grows up in a highly religious and abusive family and neighborhood. The narrations starts with her first kiss with Esther, her neighbour. Sadly, right at the moment of that kiss Esther’s mom is bleeding in the hospital because of a gun shot. The novel starts with a kiss and a murder and develops thrillingly till the last few seconds of the audiobook.

Listening to this book was shocking, thrilling, at some points lovely and definitely eye opening. Musick described so many forms of abuse and violence in families and the neighborhood that I wouldn’t recommend this book for people who are very sensible for such issues, although he only implicitly described the actions and mostly did not write about them in detail. Leaving many things unsaid but imaginable lead to a heart touching, unpleasant reading experience, without using to much horror. I really appreciate his writing style; it made the important issues and events clear and left enough space to create a thrilling novel that needs to be read between the lines sometimes. The author addressed important topics and I was shocked and upset about knowing this is reality for way too many people in this world. Chad Musick wrote an incredibly good and important book with gorgeous character developments (not all though, but the important ones evolved greatly) and a stirring plot.
But I’m also reviewing the audio of the book and to be honest, I didn’t find the narration fitting. My first impression was that the narrator sounds bored and unenthusiastic, which doesn’t fit for a 14 year old girl and such a complex story. Though Ivy Tara Blair made it a bit hard for me to find into the novel, I enjoyed how she changed her voice for the different characters. It made it a lot easier to distinguish between Clare’s narration and direct speech of other people.

All in all "Not My Ruckus" is a well written, important novel that addresses major issues, but in order to do so writing about abuse and violence is needed, which is essential but maybe not fitting for readers, who aren’t capable of or don’t like reading about disturbing scenes. Consider the trigger warning, it has its reasons. Since I didn’t quite like the narration of the audiobook, I consider reading the ebook or paperback sometime in addition.

4.5 stars. Not My Ruckus is a beautifully written powerful story. The story takes place in the 80s and deals with topics such as undiagnosed disability/illness, abuse, family ties. The MC really grabbed my heart. She's strong and brave yet doesn't even recognize her abuse is just that, abuse, and it's heartbreaking. I was so invested in Lilac and Esther.

The abuse and violence is disturbing and unsettling but not described in graphic detail, much is implied. My heart broke for these characters.

The narration was great and really brought the characters to life.

I highly recommend Not My Ruckus.

I wish this book had come with a content warning, given the setting and the bio I expected homophobia to be a theme, but wasn't expecting the intensity of the sexual abuse and child abuse which were also core themes of the novel. It somewhat hindered my enjoyment of the book because I had gone in thinking it would be a coming of age romance, with some angst but moments of relief and the joy of a first love.

With that being said I keep listening because it was well written and had be invested in the outcome of Clare and Esther's future. Though intense the more sinister elements of the novel are implied as opposed to written in gratuitous detail. You still get that sick feeling in your stomach but not in a way that feels exploitative. It's just a lot and by the end near relentless.

Ivy Tara Blair was a fantatasic narrator and certainly a key element in what kept me listening.

There were a lot themes being explored in this book unfortunately I couldn't keep my interest in it. I found myself constantly looking at how much of the book I had left to read. I don't know if it was the narration or if I have perhaps read other books of this nature that explore the themes in a more consumable way but this wasn't a good fit for me. It's terrible to say I even felt bored in parts, the pacing seemed way off. Nevermind, you can't like them all.

Not My Ruckus takes place in the 1980s and follows 14yr old girl who is being raised in an extremely religious household in the South (USA). The MC is incredible, she is strong and brave and her character will stick with you long after you finish reading. The abuse she faces, and how she doesn’t even recognise it as such is truly heartbreaking.

This novel touches on many topics such as being queer in a small religious town in the 80s, having an undiagnosed disability and abuse of all kinds. The further you get into the story, the more disturbing it becomes as you find out just how rampant the violence and abuse is.

I wasn’t sure what to expect but Not My Ruckus is a beautifully written and super impactful story that will stay with me for a long time. Chad Musick has a real talent and I would love to read more of his work.

Thank you to NetGalley for providing a copy in exchange for my honest review.