Very interesting subject and absolutely a topic that needs to be discussed more but it felt a bit long winded and repetitive, despite covering a wide range of areas. I feel it could have been more condensed but still have the same impact.

<i>Thanks to Netgalley and the publishers for an advanced digital copy in exchange for my honest review</i>

'Rough' is a book that everyone should read - and that's something I rarely say. Women of all ages need to read it, so they can identify abusive behaviour in their relationships. Men need to read it so they can stop being abusive.

This was a fascinating, yet heavy read. Such an important subject rarely covered in such detail, very well handled. A great read.

I thought I would be able to finish this quicker than I did. Instead I found I needed some breaks. Not necessarily because I was triggered but because this is such a heavy topic that I couldn't just sit and read it.
This spoke about things I didn't expect. Including the legal and social side of sexual encounters and how they affect our response.
But also the importance of language used. Especially around LGBTQ community. There is still so much work to do to improve regarding this.
The main conversation around consent and how we need to normalise the conversation about our boundaries with sexual partners is important.
I felt that despite talking about how pornography plays a role in the issues Thompson didn't sound judgemental towards the consumers or sex workers. Just presented some facts and possible ways to work through the issues.
Overall I really learnt a lot.

Rough is a revolutionary non-fiction work exploring the narratives of sexual violence that we don't talk about. Through powerful testimony from 50 women and non-binary people, this book shines a light on the sexual violence that takes place in our bedrooms and beyond, sometimes at the hands of people we know, trust, or even love. Rough investigates violations such as 'stealthing,' non-consensual choking, and non-consensual rough sex acts that our culture is only starting to recognise as sexual violence.

The book explores the ways in which systems of oppression manifest in our sexual culture - from racist microaggressions, to fatphobic acts of aggression, and ableist dehumanising behaviour. An intersectional, sex-positive, kink-positive work, the book also examines how white supremacy, transphobia, biphobia, homophobia, and misogyny are driving forces behind sexual violence.

Rough is an urgent, timely call for change to the systems that oppress us all. It's time for a societal shift. As individuals with agency within our sexual culture we have the power to remodel our behaviour and this book shows us how.

When a book is released by a millennial female author, often it's met with blurbs about how 'vital' it is. But I truly believe this is a vitally needed, important book about consent, rape culture and violence in the bedroom. A hard but ultimately rewarding read, which refreshingly includes LGBTQ+ stories in the narrative, I believe Rough is a triumph.

This is a fascinating book and it makes me glad I am an old married woman. The rules around sex and dating are now so complex that it is a minefield and women and non binary people seem to be the victim of the confusion. The book explains about consent and the withdrawal of consent and the rights around sex and intimacy. There is a lot of research here and an honest analysis of the effect of pornography and of what actually constitutes sexual assault.

Many women do not want the sex they have, do not enjoy the sex they have and often feel coerced into acts they are uncomfortable with and yet they do not complain or believe they have been wronged.

Ms Thompson contrasts the negotiations we go through when arranging a night out with a friend. Dinner, a movie? Dinner first? Red or white? Yet when it comes to sex we think negotiations are too complicated and do not speak our mind. The majority of women who experience forced sex do not even call it rape. Unacknowledged rape has not been extensively studied but it is believed 60% of female university students have experienced unacknowledged rape. And a third of British women under the age of 40 have been subjected to unwanted slapping and other violent acts.

I think there is a lot in this book to get people thinking and perhaps be a starting point for a conversation if there is a new relationship on the horizon. It is not an easy read but it is vital if we are to move forward in a world where women and non binary people and their views really matter.

I was given a copy of this book by Netgalley

One of the most comprehensive and inclusive books detailing women's experience of sex. All women, including trans women, disabled women, BAME women are given a voice.

Recounting personal experiences of sexual assault, trauma, and confusion, the stories we read about are stories women everywhere will relate to. Fear, violence, guilt, male entitlement, authority's inability to show empathy and the law's restrictive remit all mean too many women have stayed quiet for too long.

Change needs to come with a completely different approach to sex education. To treatment of victims/survivors. Challenging porn as unrealistic and damaging. Giving everyone a voice. Stopping the victim blaming culture. The toxic masculinity culture. Change will be incremental but there is hope for change as more women value their bodies, and learn to speak up with a resounding no when anyone, anywhere, makes them feel unsafe/uncomfortable.

This should be on the curriculum. Things have changed and it's scarcely talked about or reported in the media.
This book says it all and needs to be discussed. An incredible but hugely distressing read about sex and violence, which have become two things that often go hand in hand nowadays.

Frightening, thought provooking, excellent.

Despite being excited to read this, it is not a well structured book for me.

It is not positive about sex, which it should be if it is relating to the nature of the title. I was disappointed, and it dragged for me due to inaccuracies and bias within it pages.

This book was incredible. Thought provoking, sensitive and at times - deeply challenging - I really do think this book should be added to school and university curriculums as I believe it does have the potential to influence positive societal change.

I received an advanced copy of this book from Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.

I really wish this book had been around when I was a teenager or in my 20's. As it is, at 44, I still took away a huge amount from it. Rough is about the way sex has changed and how violence has become the norm for so many. This book explores our collective attitudes towards sex and sexual violence and how we have been conditioned to see it as normal and not speak up. As a woman who sees myself as a sex positive feminist I was shocked to see how even I am guilty of accepting the unacceptable in certain contexts. Parts of this book blew my mind.

Thompson writes in an natural, easy to understand way, there is no finger wagging or shame in this book - its just an important look at how we all need to be aware of how we are being manipulated and gaslighted by stealth to put ourselves in dangerous and damaging situations in order to fit a certain narrative.

I took a lot away after reading Rough and have had some difficult but essential conversations with my partner around sex. I'm am also gifting copies of this book to my son and daughter so they can learn from it too. Rough is essential reading for any parent and reading it could be the best gift you give your child.

Rough is a revolutionary non-fiction work exploring the narratives of sexual violence that we don't talk about. Through powerful testimony from 50 women and non-binary people, this book shines a light on the sexual violence that takes place in our bedrooms and beyond, sometimes at the hands of people we know, trust, or even love.

This is a book that definitely should come with a TW. The book is very well written, backed up by facts and statistics and as a female, shocking to read. This is a first for me by the author and one I enjoyed and would read more of their work. The book cover is eye-catching and appealing and would spark my interest if in a bookshop. Thank you very much to the author, publisher and Netgalley for this ARC.

An interesting, thought-provoking read which highlights how many people have what can be described as that grey area where an encounter isn't exactly an assault, but isn't entirely consensual either.- because someone may not say 'no' but that may partly be because, for whatever reason, they don't feel they can.

Definitely worth reading and a useful opening on an important topic that probably doesn't get anything like as much attention as it should. I'm quite sure there are many people who engage in some 'rough' activities without it even occurring to them that their partner may not feel quite so comfortable about it or that their partner doesn't feel comfortable about saying 'no'.

When I initially started reading Rough I was floored by how well written and well researched it was. It is full of quite striking statements and statistics and will go a long way to educating many in regards to consent, sexual assault and the many forms it can take.

However, there are quite a few flaws within the book, the main being the main trope that's being fed is white cishet females being assaulted by white cishet males. Very little time is given to other forms or types of assault outside of 'the norm'. Yes of course we live in a time where these type of assaults are hugely problematic and frequent but this does not need to minimise the huge amount of assaults that are carried out against cishet males and members within the LGBTQIA+ community. While these assaults are acknowledged, it really is just a passing mention to cover bases.

Secondly, the cishet female is almost expected to be in the role of victim immediately, casting a sense of fear towards any possible interactions. Sex isn't portrayed in a positive manner within the book in except say maybe a few pages of the book, a burdening sense that all possible sexual partners being dangerous is constant.

Finally, while the book tries to appear to portray a kink positive approach, it's clear from reading through that there are strong opinions held on what is 'normal' and what is very much 'taboo'. There are clear lines drawn at various sections of the book between people who have 'normal' sex and this apparent underground BDSM subculture.

Overall, I feel disappointed as I honestly feel this book will help a certain section of people and it did definitely open my eyes to some situations. I just wish that the author had been more inclusive and open and looked at the broader demographic which are effected.

2.5/5 ⭐ rounded to 3

This was a bit of a disappointment. I imagine it will be helpful for certain people – cithet women who have experienced some form of sexual violence and haven’t yet come to terms with it/ become survivors. It erases men from the conversation in a way that’s very divisive and I found quite sickening. Yes, we still exist in a society where crimes of sexual violence have two perpetrators until you can prove one is the victim. Misogyny is definitely a thing. However, the lack of balance of perspective in this book is likely to add to problems, not help avoid them. Queer people are largely shuffled to the sidelines. Men are portrayed as one size fits all products of lad culture. It’s unrealistic and blinkered to the point where I don’t actually want anyone to take advice from this author.



Most frustrating of all, Rough feeds into the narrative that women are victims and – here’s the real kicker – cannot be anything else by dint of being women. This is not a narrative we should embrace. And while I endorse being able and willing to talk, set healthy boundaries and discuss what you want sexually – all of which is really important – removing any inference that sex is in fact fun and that’s why we do it, is not helpful. I agree that certain things need to change. Where the change needs to start is early on. We need to value boys and girls equally and allow them to grow in whatever direction they need to grow in without pushing too much gendered crap at them. Statistically, you are likely to still get the majority of males and females going in the directions they would always have gone in but at least it will be honestly. We need to teach girls early to value themselves, that their needs are as important, that sex is fun and that they deserve a safe, fun, pleasurable experience too. And that not wanting to have sex is also completely normal. There is no normal except ensuring informed consent, understanding boundaries and respecting them, and treating your sexual partners with respect. If we all started doing that – at home, in school, in the work place, or at leisure time – we’d all understand each other a lot better.



This was narrow, treated sex as if it was something sinister and fed a divisive narrative. And do not expect to find yourself represented if you are male, trans, gay or bi here. Do not recommend.

A vital exploration of the grey areas between bad sex, 'a weird night', and the many ways that sexual violence has become alarmingly commonplace. Detailed and informative on the interplay between the law, reporting, social media, and public perceptions. Rough is essential reading for both men and women, I wish I had read this in my teens.

I found the beginning of this book very difficult to get into, it was very heavy reading, full of facts and slow, I've given up on it now, I may revisit it later on.

This is a timely and very thought provoking book with a broad canvas to cover. The #MeToo movement has brought the issue of consensual sex and rape to the fore especially with the Harvey Weinstein case but it’s the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the sexual violence that women experience every day. There are 50 case studies and many quotes from academics, experts, bloggers and writers included and Rough was an informative read. But, sometimes it feels that nothing has changed for women since the 1970’s.
The author discusses the role of pornography as being a primary source of sex education for young people but I feel that it also normalizes some challenging behaviour and practices. There is, however, ethical porn, which seeks to redress the balance which is encouraging.
The book contains some startling statistics such as that 631,000 men have experience sexual violence and the only 4% of reports of sexual violence are found or suspected to be false. The author feels that there is more focus on the consequences of being accused than the aftermath and also that there is more pressure to consent to violent, dangerous and demeaning behaviours. This includes choking and a quarter of UK adult women have felt scared during sex. Even children as young as 9 have watched mainstream porn in the UK unbeknown to their parents which is scary when you think what they are watching.
The areas discussed include, racism, the fetishization of ethnic minorities, the disabled and people who are plus size. There is also a chapter on trans and non binary people with the former being denied access to services such as refuges as they’re not ‘real women’.
Rough was also an introduction to upskirting which is now illegal. Although it isn’t that long enough that the photographers considered it to be an acceptable way to harass female celebrities. Cyberflashing is also mentioned and the ease and anonymity with which it can be done.
But the book also discusses the terrible case of Grace Millane, the backpacker who was murdered in New Zealand with her killer lodging a defence that it had been rough sex that had gone wrong. I felt that some of the media judged her by her sexual tastes as if that somehow excused the terrible murder and the waste of a young life.
There are no easy solutions but this book is a conversation starter and, although a hard read at times especially with real experiences and sobering statistics, it will provoke wider discussions over sex and sexual violence.

My thanks to the publisher and Netgalley for an ARC

Wow this is a really fascinating read. This has opened my eyes to a number of things including some grey areas in my own history that I am now looking at through new eyes. Some of the facts and figures in this book regarding sexual violence on the disabled and LGTBQ community breaks my heart and I hope this book helps to open people’s eyes to what is happening.