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The Lying Dutchman

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When a new volume in Graham Brack's Master Mercurius series, I know I'm in for an all-nighter. Once I start reading, everything else is on hold until I finish the last sentence.

The Master Mercuius mysteries are set in late 17th Century Netherlands. Mercurius himself is an academic, who would be more than content to spend his life exploring religious philosophy, even if that means putting up with bothersome undergraduates. He has no interest whatsoever in politics or crime, but repeatedly finds himself called upon by Stadhouder William of Orange to solve crimes and engage in espionage.

European politics during Mercurius' life is centered around the struggle between Protestant and Catholic versions of Christianity. Netherlands is a Protestant state, and Mercurius is an ordained Protestant minister. But there's the small matter of his later secret conversion to Catholicism and ordination in that faith as well. So when the Stadhouder calls upon him, Mercurius is often in the awkward position of balancing his personal convictions with the necessity of pursuing a Protestant agenda.

The books are written in first-person, with an elderly Mercurius dictating his memoirs to a not-always-enthusiastic amanuensis. Occasionally, their verbal scuffles during dictation leak into the tales of times long past. These leaks are part of a brilliantly comic tone that all the Mercurius volumes share. Mercurius has a gift for seeing the worst in everything and expressing it in brilliant and and sardonic language. (Warning: if you live with people who don't like having hilarious bits of books they're completely unfamiliar with being read aloud to them every ten minutes or so, barricade yourself in your room before you begin reading any Mercurius title.)

The Lying Dutchman takes Mercurius back to England, a place he visited once before on business for the Stadhouder and had hoped never to see again. Nonetheless, he's in the land of drizzle, unpalatable social norms, and even more unpalatable food, where taunting and harassing the Dutch is considered a lively and wholesome pastime. His job is to "lose" a crucial document pertaining to the struggle between King James II and Charles II's illegitimate son the Duke of Monmouth in hopes that the document will be discovered by someone appropriate in England who will share the document with James II to prevent Monmouth's success in the struggle. James II is Catholic; Monmouth is Protestant; the Stadhouder, who is married to James II's daughter Mary, needs to appear to be supporting the Protestant Monmouth, while undercutting him so as not to weaken Mary's claim to the English throne upon James II's death. (Yes, it's a bit complicated.)

As Brack himself acknowledges in an afterward, The Lying Dutchman is more adventure story than full-on mystery, but this does nothing to lesson its pleasures. The plot twists, the humor, the varied characters, and the complaints about English weather carry this novel brilliantly. You can read the Master Mercurius series in any order—and will no doubt find yourself hunting down every title in the series once you have had a taste of one of them.

I received a free electronic review copy of this title from the publisher via NetGalley; the opinions are my own.

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The Lying Dutchman is the sixth book in the Master Mercurius Mysteries series by British author, Graham Brack. “We find that we have need of your inestimable services once more. It would be appreciated if you would come to The Hague at your earliest convenience to attend to a matter of the greatest national importance. His Excellency William of Orange, Stadhouder.”

Exactly the summons that our protagonist, a middle-aged philosophy lecturer, doesn’t want. Master Mercurius has just learned that James II has ascended to the British throne following the death of Charles II, and fears that the Stadhouder will send him to England again: “I hate sailing, it rains all the time there, and I can’t understand some of the things they say. It’s hard enough having to be polite and courtly, but being polite and courtly in English is exhausting.”

And he’s right: William wants him to visit the Bishop of London, then see the Bishop of Exeter, then “lose” an envelope that holds the Duke of Monmouth’s true invasion plans. If these fall into the right hands, James II is forewarned and hopefully Monmouth will lose heart when he realises the mass of the opposing forces. William wants to prevent unnecessary bloodshed, and keep the path for Princess Mary’s (and his) succession to the throne open. What could go wrong?

Plenty, it soon turns out. On the ship, one of his two important envelopes is stolen, causing him much consternation regards the completion of his mission, and in trying to deduce the thief’s likely motive. In London, his meetings go much as planned until someone rather vital to his return to Leiden is found near death in an alley following a brutal attack.

In Exeter, his meeting again goes as expected, but then things rapidly go from bad to worse and he finds himself in a cell, contemplating a truly undesirable fate. Much later, he is told “I don’t think you’ll be welcome in London again for a while, Master” something about which he is not at all heartbroken.

In this instalment, Mercurius gets to enjoy the generous hospitality of the Dutch Ambassador, endures a drunken coach ride, is shown a primitive condom, offers to keep watch on the ship, has his fortune told, and has a price put on his head.

His account always contains terse asides about his long-suffering scribe, Van der Meer. This time, he casts aspersions on the Frisians and, following certain events, Mercurius candidly shares his lack of enthusiasm for either of the religions into which he is ordained.

He offers insightful comments: “That is one of the glories of the Church of England; it is so keen to be a national church encompassing as many people as possible that it tries very hard not to have any definite opinions on anything unless it positively must” and he never pretends to be brave: “I am not cut from the cloth of martyrs. I always hoped to die in a comfortable bed, not in an alleyway in a foreign land, especially not this one, where I was an unwilling visitor in the first place.”

The dialogue is often a source of humour:
“‘So is that the English or French coast I can see?’ I asked.
‘The English,’ Hendriks announced confidently.
‘And you have established that using your instruments?’
‘No. The locals on the cliff-top are abusing us in English. If we were on the other side of the water we would be abused in French.’”

And Mercurius (or Brack) has quite a way with description: “Biscuit is what sailors eat when they cannot have fresh bread, and having tasted it I now know why there are so many mutinies at sea. It sits in your mouth rather like a piece of roof tile, but if you worry away at it with your tongue and roll it around in your saliva eventually a little liquid will begin to soften the broken edge and, by degrees, it becomes more like a piece of poorly-tanned leather.”

In the Master Mercurius Mysteries, Brack manages to make seventeenth Century history quite palatable: each one is a delight to read, and more will be most welcome!
This unbiased review is from an uncorrected proof copy provided by NetGalley and Sapere Books (but I also purchased a copy!)

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Poor Master Mercurius. Just as he feels comfortably settled again, studying, teaching when he has to, and enjoying some personal attention (food only of course) in the university kitchens, he receives another missive from William of Orange demanding his immediate attention. Even worse he discovers he is required to sail immediately to England.

The purpose of said visit is to surreptitiously plant fake papers which will further William's political plans, and of course events do not work out quite as they should. There are other spies and political agents involved, papers go missing, there is an attempted murder and worst of all Mercurius finds himself in gaol.

It is all very uncomfortable for him but we always know he will make it home again because he is telling this tale as an old man recording his memoirs,with frequent entertaining asides about the quality of his scribe.

Another excellent book in this delightful series and I am dreading the day Master Mercurius runs out of tales to tell.

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