Interesting read that provides good context to a situation and belief system that many may be unfamiliar with

The title of Amanda Farmer's book, "Once an Insider, Now Without a Church Home" let me know that I would gain insight from her story. The foreword, which was written by a member of their small group, opens with, "What we know is what we have been taught; rarely do we question the truth of it. We were taught by men and women whom we trusted and respected, so their teaching became our truth, the lens through which we view all of life. Everything that aligns with our truth is accepted and all that is contrary to our truth is declared false".
This resonated to me because I listened to my Sunday School teachers warn me about listening to secular music, watching certain TV shows or movies, even reading certain books. They taught us that "kissing leads to sex", so I tried my hardest not to kiss anybody too quickly because it would lead to the inevitable, but very sinful act of sex. I can see this now, but at the time, I felt like following the rules would make God love me more.
I am an African-American Baptist female minister. I was licensed to preach at 17 and ordained at 22. While I am still in full-time ministry, there have been days when I wanted to leave the church completely. The book lets me know that I am not alone. And though I am not familiar with Calvinism and have not been a part of the evangelical movement, I could still relate to some stories and anecdotes included.
The discussion on "complementarianism" was eye-opening. Some of what I experienced when I was looking to apply for pastoral positions makes so much sense now. In my opinion, the Council on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood's 1986 statement has done great harm to the body of Christ by giving space for misogyny and sexism in the pulpit and the pew. In retrospect, I see that I was indoctrinated to believe some very narrow-minded theology. The God of my youth was a hard taskmaster who gave us lots of rules to follow in order to gain God's approval. I grew up hearing, "Don't question God" about anything. As a naturally inquisitive person, I now think this was detrimental to my growth as a child in general and as a Christian specifically.
After college, I went to seminary to earn a Mastery of Divinity, followed by the Master of Theology degree. While this was definitely mind opening, I resisted enlarging my view of who God is and what that means for living a life of faith. Only recently have I come to the point where I am able to recognize how fragile my faith was. Since then, I've been reading books by others who are deconstructing Christianity, asking the tough questions, and even some who have left the faith. Again, some of what she shared was not relevant to my experience, but I'm grateful for her telling her truth so that others may get free.

Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for the Kindle ARC. Once an Insider is an interesting look at the abuses of power that a church can inflict on its members. Having been raised in a church until I broke free from it when I was 16 years old, this book appealed to me. The members of this church are part of a small Evangelical congregation. A change in leadership leads members to believe that the word of God isn't being taught, but the beliefs of the new pastor. This is a good read for people who may have at once been church members or have changed their beliefs as a result of having been church members.

Hindsight is always 20/20, but staying that long at a church you called home was a mistake.
It seemed as though there were many red flags.
Hopefully you have moved on and found a new church home.
Thanks to author, publisher and Netgalley for the chance to read this book. While I got the book for free, it had no bearing on the rating I gave it.