I’ve been reading Sara Barnard books for years and I really admire how she writes so honestly and brutally about the ‘tough’ subjects such as mental health issues, abuse and grief but also about friendship and the realities of navigating them as a teen. So, I was really excited to dive into her latest.

Emmy’s sister Beth was known to the world as Lizzie Beck, frontwoman of girlband The Jinks. But when Beth tragically kills herself, it feels like Emmy is the only one who is angry at the way the world is talking about Lizzie and what happened. To everyone else, she was another troubled, young child star but to Emmy, she was her big sister and her guiding light. How can Emmy possibly carry on in a world without Beth?

Parts of the book are in the form of news articles, text conversations and interviews and I really enjoyed how this affected the flow of the narrative. It felt like I was ingesting the story as it was unravelling and therefore, I was thoroughly pulled into the action.

Some of the little vignettes that talk about what grief feels like for Emmy were so moving. She can’t fathom how anyone can just continue with their lives when she feels that there is such a monumental void in her own and this sentiment is incredibly relatable to anyone who has lost someone incredibly close to them. Beth’s death is completely life-altering for Emmy and it was heartbreaking to explore.

Similarly, she is surprised that she still looks the same. Of course, there’s no actual reason she’d look any different but Emmy’s life is now divided into a Before and After and she feels like a completely different person now. We do also see how obsessed Emmy was with Beth and how much she envied her lifestyle, despite the reality of that lifestyle really not being very aspirational. She’s very much a typical little sister and Barnard did an amazing job of capturing that essence of Emmy’s character.

It seemed to me that Emmy’s identity was so wrapped up in who she was in relation to Beth that her grief launches an identity crisis. I have to say that I was often very frustrated with Emmy because her comments felt quite self-indulgent at times. I think this is quite realistic for people in mourning -they tend to go into themselves, shut the world out and wallow in their emotions. However, it was very draining to witness as a reader for 300+ pages and as a result, it took me a long time to read!

'You're my moon and stars even in the daylight, he'd written. To Beth, I'd said, Omg look at my cringey boyfriend xxx'

My biggest problem with the books was that I didn’t like Emmy for long periods of time and that made me feel awful. I felt like I should have been being empathetic and patient with her and at the beginning, I was but she made it really tough to sustain! Of course, there’s no expiration date on grief and I was always aware that that was her driving force behind her coldness, her lashing out and her ridiculous decisions. However, I simply couldn’t forgive her or get my head around how she treated her boyfriend Scottie. Scottie tries his absolute best to be a good boyfriend in this horrendous situation and Emmy even says this several times but I don’t think she realised how rare a 16-year-old male cinnamon roll actually is. I was literally screaming at her in anger at how disgusting her behaviour was towards him. I also hated that he didn’t ever get the resolve or the apology that he deserved. The above quote suggests that Emmy was actually quite bitchy about him before Beth died too, so that justified my visceral dislike of her.

I mentioned that Sara Barnard is great at writing realistic teen friendships and that’s definitely a feature in this book. I loved how Emmy’s best friends rallied round her when she needed them and left alone when she wanted them to. Again, she was pretty rude to them several times but somehow they managed to keep trying with her. Her friend Gray was the only one who was honest about how horrible she was being and Emmy certainly needed those words to shake her out of the thick fog of grief that she spent the vast majority of the book under. Her friends got her and it was a reminder to me how incredible friends that get you can be.

When the meaning of the title was revealed through a conversation between Emmy and her mum, I was really touched. The idea of Beth’s vibrant light and energy living on in those who loved her is really beautiful and true. We can keep our lost loved ones alive for as long as we remember them and talk about them, which is a wonderful message to end such a deeply sad book on.

Where The Light Goes is a heavy, difficult read, purely because we’re constantly in the head of a teenage girl going through the deepest grief possible. She doesn’t start to recover or get help until quite far into the book, so the first half is very harsh on the mental energy and you will probably put it down very regularly. However, it feels like a very authentic portrayal of that level of grief. I am lucky enough to not have too much experience with it but I can believe that Emmy’s behaviour is realistic in light of her pain. I can’t say that I loved it because I genuinely disliked Emmy in spite of what she was going through and any good feelings I had on opening it were quickly slurped up by the plot. If you love intense explorations of grief and plenty of drama, it’s probably for you.

To the world, she was Lizzie Beck: teenage superstar turned headline fodder and all-round car crash. To her sister, Emmy, she was Beth: talented, supportive, fun, loving. At least, most of the time. However, when Beth ends her life by suicide, Emmy is left to try and hold onto who her sister was, amongst everything everyone thought she was.

As is to be expected, Where the Light Goes is a really tough read. In particular, Emmy can be a hard character to like at times! - however, in that regard, I think it did brilliantly in dealing with the realities of grief. Even when she was struggling, there was an element of almost painful self-awareness that I can imagine a lot of people will resonate with. Similarly, Beth was by no means a 'perfect victim', and figuring out how to hold that is something that this book explores with nuance and care.

This is a very timely book in a lot of ways, including it's exploration of fame, the impact of the media, and how complicated it is to be a human, never mind to live and love. However, at the core of it all, it's a book about two sisters, no matter how much fame and fortune one might have achieved.

It was only a minor part of the story, but I do want to give a particular shout-out to Grey, and the chapter 'fight'. Through Grey, there was such an incredible and true depiction of loving someone who's struggling, being scared for them and wanting the best, and not knowing how to vocalise or act on that - and getting it wrong! I really valued that.

Although this book is largely told as a first-person narrative split by time-chunks, it also used other formats (like texts and transcripts) and some more creative bits as well. I really liked the use of different formats, but I think the more creative sections jarred a bit for me, especially in the beginning when I wasn't sure I was going to enjoy it at all. This being said I did read it on Kindle, and wonder whether that would have been the same if reading it as a physical book.

Sara Barnard has always been excellent at grappling with tough subjects and this is definitely no exception to the rule!

Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for providing me with a free ARC in exchange for an honest and fair review.

Thank you NetGalley and Walker Books for this digital copy!

Where the Light Goes is a story of grief, love, family and trying to keep going when a tragedy hits home. After Emmy's sister dies, she's trying to navigate this new life without her sister. This would be hard enough for anyone but the fact that her sister was a world-famous superstar makes it all the more difficult. With both tributes and criticisms pouring in for "Lizzie", Emmy is just trying to understand that life without Beth will never be the same.

This book was heartbreaking and a lot harder to read than I thought it'd be. The rawness of losing someone is written so well and you can just feel the pain of these characters. Barnard truly dies create a very real and honest narrative within these pages.

* Please look up trigger warnings before reading *

Emmy's famous sister has died by suicide and this is her story of grief and loss.

It explores the differences between public and private grief, and the awful impact of media attention, both on Beth's suicide and Emmy's grief. We see the dark and cruel side of the music industry, and that not everything is what it seems on the surface.

Emmy is so fucking angry at everyone and everything. Her anger and grief are perfectly written. It shows what it's like to experience the death of someone you love whilst the rest of the world carries on around you.

Emmy is behaving in ways she wouldn't normally. Her grief is a huge physical thing and she doesn't know how to shrink it or be the old Emmy any more. It makes for heartbreaking reading as she pushes everyone away. Grey annoyed me a couple of times but she is the best friend to Emmy and you can see that she loves her so much.

Sara shows us how friends and family can be unintentionally hurtful and strangers can be unimaginably kind. It explores how someone can be your entire world, and you still don't know everything about them.

Sara has written a gorgeous, heartbreaking story of loss and living. I absolutely adored it.

4.5 stars

Headlines:
Navigating grief
Read through the hurt

Grief is a scream you're living inside.

Like every Sara Barnard book I've read, this book was superb, but this was a different offering from this author...jagged, painful and raw. The story revolves around Emmy who's famous sister just took her own life. I'm mentioning this in the first paragraph because this is one where you need to know what you're getting into and be sure this is a topic you can handle. Sara Barnard navigates the difficult theme of suicide and its arising grief with honesty and care.

Emmy's experiences started on day one and ended years later. The early days ticked by with the slow thud of pain. Her family were a complete s*** show (understandably) and her friends struggled to be what Emmy needed. Conversely, Emmy struggled to ask for what she needed.

How the story ebbed across the pages took the reader on this painful journey, feeling the hurt but also the love-aches that Emmy was feeling for Beth. Emmy had all the emotions but as a reader I also felt heartache, anger and resentment. Being from a priviledged family didn't seem to help Emmy at all other than the later therapy she accessed.

Talking of therapy, the way this book was formatted really added to the reading experience including some therapy insights. We also got messages, voice notes (transcripted), tweets and news headlines.

The author leaves the reader in a good place, I think that's important to mention when dealing with such a tough theme as this; you will be ultimately safe with this read.

Thank you to Walker books for the early copy.

Content warnings: suicide, grief, substance misuse, alcohol misuse

This is by no means an easy read, although the author does have a really lovely writing style that is easy TO read - if that makes any sense. I've loved the author's other books so I knew I really wanted to pick this up and I'm so glad I did - this was such a raw depiction of grief, and it was very powerful.

"Sad is a small word to carry so much pain."

In this book we follow Emmy, whose sister has just died by suicide. I thought the author handled this really sensitive topic very gently and with care, which was lovely. There's of course a lot of confusion and heartbreak and anger for Emmy, and the book follows the impact of this death on Emmy and her family, as well as the world given that her sister was a celebrity. The book also deals with the impact of social media upon a person, which is of course very prevalent in today's society.

One part of this book that I really loved was the multimedia format. Throughout the book there are inclusions of tweets and articles showing what is happening in the outside world. I also really enjoyed how at the start of the book, in the very raw first days of grief, there are maybe one or two sentences per page, but by the end of the book, the chapters are formatted far more standardly, showing, I think, how Emmy slowly starts to move forward.

This book deals with the true messy aftermath of grief and the loss of a loved one after a suicide. We go through this whole process with the main character and it is beautifully written. If you have ever suffered with the loss of a loved one in your life, this book will touch your heart.

Whether reading it as an adult or a teenager it gives a true inside look into grief through the eyes of a teenage girl.

A heart-wrenching, raw exploration or grief that reduced me to tears and broke my heart but somehow left me filled with hope.

“Sad is a small word to carry so much pain”

Where The Light Goes follows Emmy in the aftermath of her famous sister Beth’s death by suicide. As a reader we feel her desperation, her heartbreak, her confusion, her anger, her denial, her helplessness and eventually her coming to terms with what has happened. You see the impact on Emmy, her family, her friendships, her relationships with others and herself. There is an honest and painful look at the impact of social media and trolls - just how much can one person endure? A book that will give you reason to pause and think, but make sure you have tissues at the ready - I was sobbing by the end!

It feels wrong to try and make comment about how ‘good’ a book is about such a poignant and personal topic but as someone who has felt the impact of death by suicide, what I can say is that Sara Barnard has written a phenomenal novel that will stick with me forever.

Thank you to Walker Books, Sara Barnard and NetGalley for my early review copy in exchange of a fair and honest review.

This was a beautiful story and a very raw thought provoking portrayal of grief and recovery. I have been a fan of Sara’s for some time now but this story is on a new level. The style of the writing and the alternate formats, text, email and headlines etc were a nice touch also. This is a much needed story for the modern age truly hilighting the effect of the media and the importance of mental health awareness.

Where The Light Goes stole a sliver of my heart. This was an aching, raw and devastating read that cut to my core.

Barnard’s books just stun me with their brilliance every time, but I think Where The Light Goes is an absolute new favourite and staple on my shelf. Rarely has a book hit home that much for me. Sara just completely captured the nuances of grief, particularly following a death by suicide. The complex and varied emotional reactions feed so strongly into the book, showing vulnerabilities, flaws and the exploitative nature of the fame industry. I am endlessly grateful for her books and their emotional vulnerability, which means so much to so many young people. This is so emotionally rich and complex, with one of the best depictions of grief I have ever seen. I cannot fault this book and can only implore everyone to read it.

Emmy is a character that I will never forget. She is angry and distraught at the loss of her sister and we follow her raw emotional journey through this. I liked how Barnard gave her unlikeable moments and those extremities you find in grief, being defensive, pushing people away and making risky choices. Emmy just felt so real and human and authentically teenage. Another major pressure on her is the intense media focus. Barnard weaves in incisive social commentary around the fame and infamy of modern celebrity culture, particularly how exploitative and uncaring it can be. There are layers to unpick in this story, but the beating emotional heart of it all is Emmy and her sister Beth. I will openly say this book broke me entirely at certain points, leaving me a sobbing mess - which very few books have ever done.

With Where The Light Goes, Barnard proves once more why she is such a heavy-hitter in YA. This book floored me.

Where the Light Goes is a powerful and emotionally charged novel. The story centres around teenager Emmy, who is struggling to cope with the sudden loss of her sister, Beth. As she tries to navigate her grief, Emmy also has to deal with her strained relationship with her parents, friends, and boyfriend, and the biggest question of all - who is Emmy without Beth?

One of the strengths of this novel is its exploration of grief and the different ways it affects people. Barnard does a great job of depicting the complexities of Emmy's emotions as she tries to come to terms with her loss. The portrayal of her relationships with those around her is also very realistic and nuanced, showing how grief can strain even the closest of bonds.

The character development in this novel is excellent. Emmy is relatable and likeable, and her growth over the course of the story is compelling. Barnard's writing is beautiful and evocative, capturing the mood and atmosphere of the novel perfectly. The themes of family, grief, and self-discovery are handled with insight and sensitivity, and the story is both heart-wrenching and, ultimately, hopeful.

Overall, Where the Light Goes is a stunning novel that will resonate with readers who have experienced loss or who are interested in exploring the complexities of human emotion. Highly recommended.

Emmy Beck is the 16 year old little sister of Lizzie Beck, member of the band The Jinks. When Lizzie (known as Beth to Emmy) commits suicide, Emmy is left trying to figure out who she is without her sister around while dealing with intense grief).

This book is written beautifully. It is heartbreaking and it made me cry more than any other book I've ever read but it was worth it. Getting to see inside Emmy's head during her grief was real and brutal and even the way the book uses variety in its layout has a profound effect on looking into the character's thoughts.

Such a heart-wrenching, tender and sensitive exploration of grief.
It’s incredibly raw and real and you can’t put it down because you want to make sure Emmy is ok.
Well written and anybody who has experienced a loss can relate - now referring to things as in your former life, before the loss happened, dreaming of the relative that has just passed.
Loved the use of multi media to the tell the story, told through diary pages, text messages etc.
Seemed more poignant as social media has such a huge part to play in the death of her sister.
Also loved how it’s responsibly written with who to contact for help at the back of the book.
An important book on grief for everyone to read not just teenagers and parents.
Thanks @sarabarnard @walkersbooks & @netgalley for the eARC

I received this book from Netgalley for an honest review.

I have had the luck to read two of Sara Barnard’s books which I both loved so much. So was excited to see a new one coming out.

This book is around a really heavy topic and TW for suicide, grief, drugs, alcohol, depression and mental health. Online bullying and harassment too.

Emmy’s sister, a famous pop star commits suicide and this book explores the traumatic aftermath of dealing with grief, juggling being a teenager and friends and family.

This book is raw and done so well, I love the way the story is told with different media representation and even font sizes, or use of blank pages. I really think this author does such a good job of showing how grief affects people differently. I also think the whole idea of celebrity, fame and social media is handled well and gives a true reflection of society and even towards the end on how some changes are trying to be put in place to make this world a better place. It’s very topical and reminds me of Caroline flack but also numerous others who are affected by the bullying and harassment online, as well as the media and the cruel and underhand tactics of celebrity management. I don’t think I had a dry eye throughout this book, but I think it’s such a important piece of writing to present shared experiences for young people who do experience suicide and the affects of close family and friends who commit suicide.

Emmy has a rock star sister, Lizzie Beck, the 'spiky troubled' one in The Jink's all female line-up.

As this stunningly-formatted YA novel opens, Emmy gets the news that the beloved big sister she knows as 'Beth', has killed herself. The subsequent chapters of prose, verse, messages and transcripts take us through Emmy's journey through grief and search for who she is, now she is no longer a sister.

Sara Barnard's new story is so tender, sensitive and compelling I read it in a single, tearful day. The emotional journey she takes us on is raw but not gratuitous: she wrote it responsibly with help from The Samaritans, and actually at one point the angry Emmy ticks off the WHO 'ripple effect' suicide guidelines broken by the press feasting on her sister's death. It's also a damning indictment of the way the music industry treats its young talent, and the fickle nature of fandom.

The characters are carefully nuanced; there's no rulebook on how to behave and everyone makes mistakes in trying to navigate the minefield of grieving, but the story is infused with love and the importance of support, communication and friendship. I very much hope it will become a standard of empathic reading on the subject of suicide.

This a very raw, emotional tale of loss. Emmy's sister (Beth) AKA Lizzie Beck commits suicide in her boyfriend's house via a drug overdose. The story discusses some very sensitive themes, how Emmy goes through the stages of grief, how she handles friendships, losing her virginity, and the fallout from Beth's death.

Very well written.

Trigger warning.

This book is...wow. If you have children in your life who are mature enough to read it, I would definitely say read it. It's so sad and raw in places and really goes into the experiences of grief and losing someone by suicide and the challenges being in the limelight brings. In this story, the questions that are left behind when someone dies by suicide are exacerbated by the fact that while to Emmy, Beth is Beth, to the rest of the world she's Lizzy Beck, a famous, troubled pop star. Emmy can't escape all the grief of those who loved Lizzy that appears all over social media and she feels so angry that these people are infringing on her grief for Beth. The feelings of anger, the fact that no one seems to be able to talk to each other in the family and the ways Emmy feels numb or lashes out at those who care for her really drives the sense of turmoil and over powering grief home to the reader. While it is based on a death by suicide, I feel that this book could help many people think about grief and how it changes you and your relationship with others and I feel that it would help many adults get a window into the confusion and the tornado of emotions that children and teenagers can experience when someone they love dies.

This was an easy read about a difficult subject. Losing a sibling is hard, but losing them to suicide brings up so many more emotions of what could have been and how could it have been prevented. And when the dead sibling is super-famous, its even more complicated.
This is a great exploration of the nature of grief told through diary entries, text messages, interviews and newspaper reports. Emmy is mourning her sister Beth, but the media and the public see her as Lizzie, the star. This novel explores how grief and mourning affects people in different ways and how it can sometimes separate us from those closest to us. Also an interesting look at how the public think they "own" someone in the public eye, and how that affects both them and their loved ones.
A very good read. Recommended.
With thanks to NetGalley and Walker Books for the e-ARC.

Lizzie Beck, a quarter of a popular talent show-winning girl group, and the firebrand one people loved to drop scorn on for her lifestyle, for her individuality, and for what they perceive as a lack of talent, kills herself while high on drink and drugs. At the exact same time, our narrator's sister, Beth, older by five years, shrugs off this mortal coil. Both were exactly the same age, just 21, partly because they were one and the same character. Emmy, the younger sister, is left with her parents to enter a world of grief, anger and frustration – anger partly at the fact her sister is not there any more to watch her follow with a performing school education in her footsteps, and frustration at how it might not have happened if Lizzie's time in the band was not just about to come to an end…

I don't always catch YA titles, the middle grades being more my thing, I guess. But this was outstanding. I would argue it doesn't have to have been set five years ago – I know this means the band had a clear run at becoming world famous without any lockdowns in the way, but this is just as current, if not more so if the feeling that trolling is only getting worse is true. So it's about the music biz, slightly inspired by kind of #MeToo stuff, it's about those who deliver online hate, but principally it's about a painfully intimate look at a young woman whose adulation of her older sister raises so many questions, problems and issues. It feature so many tears it would have served as the water supply for filming "Titanic", but if the end – even as it does utilise a song I really don't care for – doesn't make you bawl I just don't want to know you.

One element of this is the multiple strands of delivery – the interview transcript, the threaded texts (which I normally hate to read, especially in graphic novels). I have no idea why the worst vitriol here comes from someone seeming to identify as a Leicester City FC fan – this one can't really say anything negative about this.

In hindsight, I shouldn't have read this book nearly exclusively on public transport because this book is emotional. I think when it's dealing with such a sensitive subject, its undoubtedly going to make you cry, and cry this book made me. There were so many points in the book that my heart was hurting for Emmy and I just wanted to give her a massive hug.

She was obviously distraught about losing her sister and the way that her parents were treating her wasn't helping. It's so difficult though because at 16, Emmy is still a child but definitely more mature than her parents gave her credit for. And that's what she wanted and needed - she needed to be told the truth, nothing held back, because there was so much going on in Beth's life that she didn't understand.

Beth had a lot of troubles and sometimes she wasn't supported how she needed. Emmy thought she knew everything going on in her life and thought she knew who to be angry at for Beth's death but once she finally spoke to Jodie, Beth's best friend and band mate, she realised that Beth had kept some things hidden from her. Being able to talk to different people, like Jodie and Leo, provided Emmy with the full picture of what Beth was really like.

I loved the friendships in this book - specifically that of Grey. Even though she was a bit of a bitch, she wasn't doing it to hurt Emmy, it was what Emmy needed. It's okay to coddle people to a certain degree, but it's important to hear the truth. And when Emmy finally realised how she had been acting wasn't great and realised that being around friends was the best thing, I was so happy for her. Friendships are so important, especially when you're 16.

One thing I really loved about this book was how it was written. It was littered with loads of different styles including newspaper articles and tweets which really helped to further the narrative. I also really enjoyed some of the lists Emmy wrote and how some of her inner monologues were written. Everything that Sara did was so effective and only helped the story. It kept you wanting more and to find out what was going to happen next or how Emmy was going to react. Especially the tweets - everyone falls into a rabbit hole of doom scrolling whether they mean to or not.

Obviously this book dealt with some really serious issues, including suicide and drug and alcohol abuse, but these were dealt with so sensitively and in such an empathetic way. But you also could barely put it down, it was so addictive to read because I just wanted to find out that Emmy was going to be okay and find her own way in a world without her sister.

I could talk about this book for hours I think, there's so much to say and to unpack, but I think it's important that people read this and experience it for themselves. I'll definitely be recommending this book to everyone who will listen, it was truly beautiful.