I DNF. Deleted 20% in when her psychiatrist discussed appetite suppressants with her, spoke of her own experiences with them, and offered to prescribe after acknowledging that the author was a healthy weight. Yikes.

Baek Sehee's poignant exploration of mental health continues in "I Want to Die but I Still Want to Eat Tteokbokki," offering readers a raw and intimate glimpse into the complexities of living with dysthymia. Baek invites readers to peek through the curtain to her journey of self-discovery, healing, and resilience.

From the very first page, it's evident that Baek's words come from a place of profound honesty and vulnerability. As she grapples with the realities of her condition, she bravely shares her experiences with a sincerity that is both striking and relatable. Baek's words offer solace and guidance to anyone navigating their own journey towards healing.

One of the most compelling aspects of the book is its exploration of mental health from a cultural perspective. Through Baek's lens, readers gain insight into the nuances of South Korean society and how it shapes the way mental illness and differences are perceived and treated. This cultural exchange adds richness and depth to the narrative, allowing readers to appreciate both the similarities and differences in how mental health is approached around the world.

Despite being the second book in the series, "I Want to Die but I Still Want to Eat Tteokbokki" stands on its own as a powerful and thought-provoking read.

Absolutely loved this. I loved the first novel and this one was a great follow up with tender moments. Will definitely recommend

This was a relatable and helpful read that showed that healing is a complicated journey that takes time - it’s definitely not a linear process! I think it’ll be a really helpful book to demonstrate that people aren’t alone and will helps lots out there. I can’t wait to try the tteokbokki recipe either!

Firstly just a little heads, personally I think that if you are planning to read this book then you need to read the first book before moving onto this book. For reasons that will become evident the moment you start reading.

This isn't your typical self-help book. "I Want to Die But I Still Want to Eat Tteokbokki" by Baek Sehee is a refreshingly honest memoir told through a series of therapy sessions.
Baek Sehee doesn't shy away from describing the daily struggles of living with a low-grade depression. It's a relatable and powerful read for anyone who's ever felt stuck in a cycle of low moods and apath. Anyone who knows me will know my lack of annotating, I can never draw on a book or even fold a page as it has to be kept pristine for as long as possible but this book had me with highlights and pencil in hand. It felt like I was reading my own thoughts and that someone had seen into my soul in parts.

The book unfolds entirely through conversations with her psychiatrist. This intimate format allows you to experience the therapy journey firsthand, offering a glimpse into the process of self-discovery and healing. And despite the title, the book highlights the importance of finding joy in the simple things, like a favorite food (tteokbokki, a spicy Korean rice cake dish!), a book or a hand to hold. It's a beautiful reminder that even in darkness, there are sparks of light to hold onto.

Baek Sehee's honest portrayal of suicidal ideation could be difficult for readers struggling with similar thoughts.

If you are anyone who has ever felt lost or stuck in a rut, you’re interested in learning more about dysthymia and mental health or you are a reader seeking a different kind of self-help book, one that's honest and relatable then look no further.

My favourite quotes :
“The most important thing is to accept that this is life.”
“But after an accident, you may find yourself thinking of your old worries and complaints as luxuries.”
“Lethargy overtook me and my blanket was as heavy as my he lid of a coffin.”
“I exhaust myself with this anxiety.”
“I will only continue to absorb the words that are critical of me.”

This poignant yet humorous novel navigates the complexities of life through the lens of a young woman grappling with depression. Baek Se-hee’s writing effortlessly blends dark humor with moments of genuine vulnerability, creating a deeply relatable narrative. As she navigates relationships and confronts her inner demons, readers are taken on a journey of self-discovery and resilience. Baek Se-hee’s ability to tackle heavy themes with wit and authenticity makes “I Want to Die but I still Want to Eat Tteokbokki” a captivating and thought-provoking read.

Thank you to @netgalley for my advanced copy in exchange for an honest review.

One day, I decided to randomly go into Netgalley and scroll through the titles and see what else was new. That’s when I saw Baek Se Hee’s second book was going to be translated into English. Without thinking, I found myself requesting the title, and soon after, I got an email confirming I could read a copy in advance. This is why I am going to start with a thank you to Bloomsbury and Netgalley for granting me early access to the author’s story in exchange for a honest review.

Book Title and Cover

The title is a hit. Honestly, it stands out like a red rose in a thorny bush. It comprises two sides of a coin: death and life. It’s antithetic and this is why it won me from the get go. It also hints at the struggles the author encountered, which are quite relatable for most of the South Korean population, first of all, and then to some of the people on the rest of the globe. For me, it was rather intriguing, as it reminded me of the spicy taste of the rice cake dish, of its reddish hues, and the initial struggle to keep the pain away. I originally thought it was more of a question of whether or not to keep eating it or give it up, endure it through the tears, or use it as a distraction. I figured it would be a metaphor. One which I loved a lot.

Then, there was the cover. A very simplistic one, although very effective through its design. There are hints of growth, longing for a better life, resisting the urge to go to Hades, and look for the positivity beyond the pain. I also very much like the character design, the lines and soft colors, as well as the expression and posture chosen to illustrate the two weights awaiting the final decision.

Book Format, Language & Thoughts

Unlike my usual preferences and reviews, this is a self-help book which consists of the author’s reflections and talks with her psychiatrist, a reason why I find myself needing to change the review’s format just a smidge. The truth of the matter is… I don’t fare well with self help books. I take ages to read them. I get bored with them. But then again, here I am. Reading this book. Going through the pages at a very quick pace, finding myself wanting to turn page after page after page. If I had the time, I think I would have only stayed glued to my screen, taking in each sentence, each word, each feeling, and every hurt. For me, it all flowed very smoothly and turned rather addicting. I only had to put it down due to my other engagements.

At a first glance, the book is rather short, standing at around 200 pages, but depending on your triggers and strength, you might need to put it down and go at a slower pace through it. In terms of structure, each chapter follows a topic, opening with a few sentences describing an incident and the ulterior thoughts the author had on them, followed by a transcript of the discussions she had with her therapist.

The topics are varied, from self harm and suicide, to self esteem and eating disorders. Naturally, there are chapters where we get to witness all of the negativity the author faced and struggled with, but also her way of dealing with everything, from having conversations with herself, to spending time ruminating. While discussing each topic with her therapist, the medical professional, first of all, listens, then tries to offer advice and guide her patient through the difficult time. Medication is also mentioned, as well as the trials and errors with each of them, without any names being mentioned. What I actually liked most was that Baek Se Hee was talking about her struggles very bravely and naturally with her therapist.

While reading the book, I have to admit, there was not a time I didn’t think of My Happy Ending, a K-drama I watched back in February. I Want to Die but I Still Want to Eat Tteokbokki evoked a similar image to Jang Nara’s portrayal of Seo Jae Won, a woman tortured by her own mind and the turbulence life threw her way. The book, overall, was exactly like eating a plate of spicy rice cakes. It made me feel the pain and sadness the author went through. There were a lot of moments where I felt sorry for her, but at the same time, related to some of her struggles and cheered her on, silently.

I also liked how she slowly came to acknowledge that growth is non-linear and that one day she might be feeling down, and the next, she would feel okay. I was also glad she didn’t end her story on a positive note of “hey, you know what, I am cured now~”, and instead maintained it as a constant day-to-day work in progress, with the only difference that the good days are more prevalent.

There were definitely a lot of good points and experiences she presented which can serve as inspiration to anyone having a hard time, or going through similar hardships to hers. Overall, I think of this book as a beautiful black rose under the glinting sun, a rose I would love to have on my shelf one day.

Baek Sehee's sequel "I want to die but I want to eat tteokbokki 2" continues her journey understanding and supporting her mental health, with the help of her psychiatrist. Personally I preferred this sequel as she continues her story with new knowledge of what she is facing. Sehee deals with the realistic ups and downs of mental health, discussing her experiences with the reader, and impacts on life around her.

4 ⭐️ Thanks to Netgalley, Baek Sehee and Bloomsbury for an ARC in return for an honest review.

I haven't read the first book, yet I believe it is not necessary to have done so to read this one. At first, I said this book wasn't for me, that I got the point of it the recorded therapy sessions, but because I felt like I didn't know much about the writer it felt like all I heard was a woman whining about things and, as much as I could relate to many things she told her psychiatrist (like on chapter 2 when she talked about wanting to lose weight and her therapist said: "when you see others living their lives you might think, ‘I suppose that’s another way of living,’ but when it comes to yourself you tend to take someone else’s perspective, the worst perspective possible when there’s no reason to take such a narrow view of your own self and feel hurt about it.") I still felt quite distant. But, after I wrote my review (that I am now adding more thought into) I went back to reread what I had highlighted and ended up seeing a lot more of myself in the book, maybe that is why I wasn't a big fan, I saw a few of my fears staring back at me, they were said out loud by someone else and the entire world can see them. On the other hand, I did not like the therapist, I felt like she gave some vague answers and that annoyed me so much! I wouldn't buy this book for myself, but I can see why people like it.

I really enjoyed the first book from this author, and the second book was just as great!

this was a continuation of the first book, and it was really interesting to see the author's journey continue from book 1 to book 2.

thank you so much to net galley for this arc! :)

I enjoy the author's matter-of-fact writing style. The book is almost mundane but it so insightful and encouraging that it keeps to reading.

This was a continuation of the first book, and I think it's great to see the author continue her journey.

Thanks: Received from Net Galley in exchange for an honest review.

The first book was relatable to me... and this second one is even more!

I understand why many people can't relate, and why people didn't like the first book. Because what Sehee talks about is not for everyone and this one does go more in-depth than the first one. You need to be open to the idea that what Sehee was going through is very common, but not a thing that is discussed so openly these days. Concerning her home country, nowadays there are more books, k-dramas and even some idols talking about these struggles and I hope one-day things get better in terms of mental health over there and, of course, everywhere.

Anyway, the conversations with her therapist were so nice to read, if nice is the right word for such an intense journey. Sehee develops self-awareness that makes her start making some changes for the better in other aspects of her life. That gave me hope since I read this when I was feeling very hopeless and low, with lots of intrusive thoughts and all-time high anxiety. This book was like a hug for me and I felt understood.

On another note: Anton Hur's translation is superb, as usual!

I loved the first Baek’s book as it was so relevant, raw and relatable. So, when I saw that there was going to be a second one, I had to request a run on NetGalley to request it as soon as it was on there.

I devoured it in a few hours and honestly, it didn’t disappoint. It was still raw and relatable with so much heart and soul. It wasn’t an easy read at all. The author and her psychiatrist pick up where they left it in the first book but this time digs much deeper into the challenges surrounding depression and anxiety. Readers also see the honest and sometimes not pretty journey of living and healing from depression.
I loved how honest Baek is about her mental health challenges and struggles, as it is nice to see people talking about it honestly and openly, whilst also removing the stigma surrounding it. I really hope that there will be more books like this on our shelves in the near future as we need to be open and transparent about mental health.

However, it is not an easy book to read. It does dig deep into mental health, depression, anxiety, body image and other topics that surround mental health and its challenges in the 21st century. So, before reading I would recommend people look up trigger warnings. I hope this book creates much-needed awareness and encourages more people to open up about their struggles.

Also reading this book I noticed that Baek’s writing, especially the reflections developed and deepened in comparison to the first book. I also enjoyed that the structure and style of this book were the same as the first book, as it felt like I was actually just picking up the first book and continuing where I left off.

Overall: Really liked reading this book, although it wasn’t the easiest read it was needed and very relatable. Loved how this book portrayed the challenges of depression and mental health in an honest, open and transparent way, yet wasn’t afraid to dig deeper with some of the topics. Definitely recommend it to everyone, as it is a very important read for mental health awareness!

The book delves into the realm of psychology, offering readers a fascinating exploration of the human mind. Through its characters and narrative, it delves into complex psychological themes, unraveling the intricacies of human behavior, emotions, and thought processes. Readers are invited to contemplate questions of identity, perception, and consciousness, as the story delves into the depths of the psyche. With insights drawn from psychology, the book offers a thought-provoking journey that sheds light on the inner workings of the human psyche, leaving readers with a deeper understanding of themselves and the world around them.

I was so delighted to get approved for this arc (Thanks to NetGalley and the publisher). I also received an arc for the first book so I was so excited to receive this one.

It absolutely warms my heart to see the growth of the author through the book. She is so refreshingly honest about her experience with depression and is incredibly brave for releasing it in a book format.

I appreciate the way she describes depression throughout the book and how she knows she won’t be cured because it can’t be cured and that she has her bad days and her better days. She wasn’t afraid to write about some really dark thoughts that a lot of people wouldn’t even want to confront and I commend her for this.

Some of it is relatable to everyday life in a way that you may not have ever thought about it that much but once you read it you just kind of go “huh”.

There’s something truly inspiring about reading her books and actually seeing the change in the author and how she changes her mindset slowly. There are setbacks but there always will be and seeing her being able to accept this and think about it more in depth than she would have before made me start crying.

I would recommend to people to be careful of trigger warnings before reading this book but if you are okay with them, this really is a fantastic read that has the power to completely change you’re perspective on some things in life.

Not for my unfortunately. Despite being short I found it quite painful to read. It’s an interesting premise with the author communicating with their therapist but unfortunately I do agree with the author, their pride was wounded and that’s what it feels like. It’s also quite frustrating that one of the chapters is the author complaining about a bad review as it makes you feel that you are an awful person if you dislike this book but as someone who suffers with depression I just did not relate to this at all. It felt that it was trying to hard and throwing themselves a pity party rather than trying to get the public to understand what it’s like

I Want to Die but I Still Want to Eat Tteokbokki is about psychiatric treatment for mental health difficulties and the uneven path to healing.

Incredibly moving and insightful this book had it all. I thoroughly recommend it to all. Thank you to NetGalley and the publishers for an advanced copy in exchange for a review.

While I Want to Die but I Still Want to Eat Tteokbokki by Baek Se-hee is technically a sequel of sorts, this collection of essays and therapy transcripts does not require you to have read the first collection. This collection does seem to offer a more in-depth insight into Se-hee's journey with medication, therapy and self-worth though. With that in mind, please be aware that this collection does describe self-harm and while I applaud Se-hee openly talking about this, it could be triggering for some. Taking breaks while reading this is definitely helpful.

The collection itself is both moving and fascinating - it is the first time I've read a book about mental health which includes transcripts of therapy sessions, with the patient's inner voice appearing throughout too. The therapist's office is a place we rarely enter for someone else so it was quite affirming and validating to truly share in someone else's experience, particularly if you are someone in therapy currently. Se-hee's approach is a beautiful way of reminding people they are not alone.

However, I read I Want to Die but I Still Want to Eat Tteokbokki in the English translation and this was incredibly disappointing. The translator's approach felt lazy and rendered Se-hee's insights into often badly expressed, long-winded passages. The translation read as unconcise, juvenile and, at times, boring. Yet there were glimmers of better writing which I'd argue are the glimpses of how this collection probably reads in Korean. Thus, I feel Se-hee's writing has been done a disservice by the translator's choices which lets it down overall.

The follow up to the similarly named hit, this book continues baring the authors mind, soul and heart in a startling open, honest and raw account of her struggles with mental health, depression, body image and stress through deeply authentic recollections and transcripts from her appointments with her psychiatrist.

Like the first, the transcripts aren’t the most stimulating parts to read as they are just a record of a conversation; but stay with it because it’s so worth it to not only see the authors own progression through relapse and recovery but to find an oddly comforting catharsis in knowing that it's not just you - someone else has gone through it and survived.

Much like it's predecessor, this isn't the most lighthearted of reads but Sehee's voice makes it so much easier, offering comfort and understanding throughout and always being a hopeful voice even in the darkest moments. This book is a testament to the fact that healing and recovery aren't linear, easy things but they are possible.