I dunno if it's me or Thao, but this book just was not it.

I read You've Reached Sam back in 2021 and loved it; I even admitted in that review to crying so much that it tear-stained my glasses. I know typically author's sophomore authors are kinda similar to their debut, where the book follows some themes from its predecessor. Thao stated this directly in his acknowledgements, but some part of me wonders if he dreaded this, considering the themes of grief and loss in When Haru Was Here didn't feel as authentic as it did in his debut.

The characters felt so bland and boring. Eric floundered around for the first half before taking a nose dive after getting a job as a theater attendant. He meets these shitty coworkers who take him to rich people parties to climb the social ladder, but then he just ends up getting exploited by two different men, one of whom tried to SA him twice. That section of the book was so awful to read for me. It felt like Thao was trying to manipulate the reader into feeling bad for Eric by putting him in these situations.

What I'm about to reveal is the reason why I marked this whole review as spoilers, but I just have to talk about the ending because it's what bothered me the most.

Haru isn't dead. Eric was imagining a version of him he met in Japan, but then he ends up meeting the real Haru in the epilogue. That just annoyed me so much. I was trying to figure out what was up with Haru that I missed the actual plot twist, that Eric's sister Jasmine died shortly after Daniel. The twist smacked me right in the face, and I was so confused until I realized Eric was deluding to himself so the reader wouldn't catch on so easily. There were a couple hints in hindsight (i.e., she has a chronic illness, she somehow always knew to call or show up when Eric needed her to, the constant flashbacks to their childhood showing how much they loved each other, etc.), but this still was such a bad twist. Eric was already actively grieving Daniel's death over the course of the story, and when the surprise dead sister reveal did come, it felt so cheap and disengaged me from the story entirely. I dunno, I just feel like there could have been a better way this story could have been written.

The comparison between this book and Sam is going to be inevitable, but I will dig my heels into the ground and say Sam was done so much better. Julie grieving her boyfriend and getting to talk to him is so much more personable and heartbreaking than what Eric had with Haru. Not only was this Haru an illusion Eric made up, but fake Haru has no personality outside of wanting to be with Eric and that his family owns a paper store in Osaka. There's nothing to Eric and Haru's relationship outside of artificial attraction, a rather one-sided thing considering nothing that happened between them was ever real (And the fact they really do meet again makes me was to roll my eyes down into my skull).

Overall, When Haru Was Here didn't hit like Thao's debut for me. I wish Thao allowed himself to be more ambitious rather than do what was expected from the readers who loved You've Reached Sam. Maybe he will if he decides to write another book, but I dunno.

Thank you to Netgalley and Macmillan for the arc!

"You'll always be a part of my life, this story is for you"

I started this book at work this morning and have finished it this evening because like You've Reached Sam I couldn't atop thinking about it and wanted to know what was happening, what was real and what wasn't.

Again, this book follows grief and having to move on when you've lost someone. Since I read YRS, I lost someone really close to me and even now approaching the year mark, I sometimes still feel like I'm drowning, also make stuff up in my head and have conversations with them like they're still there otherwise I feel like I'll lose a part of myself.

Eric is a character I loved so much and I will think about him and carry him with me for a long time. I don't know if everyone will love him and understand this book but this was the book about grief I really needed.

It was also, Again, so beautifully written I will read anything the author ever writes. And yes, Again, I absolutely sobbed my heart out.

Overall, I really loved this book and glad I got the opportunity to read it early!

Thank you NetGalley for early access to this book. Wow, this was incredibly emotional! More so than I expected. It covers some very difficult topics that I feel were handled in a delicate way and justice was done with them. I really liked the characters, and some aspects were left to the reader to interpret for themselves (in my opinion that is). It’s very moving and emotional in many different ways. This very much lived up to the first book from Dustin Thao (which I also loved) and was it was another great read. Definitely recommend if you want a good cry.