I'm thrilled to finally have a relationship guide that centers Asexual and Aromantic folx through a gender diverse and non-monogamous inclusive lens. This book offers accessible and practical language to walk the reader through so many common questions and concerns regarding relationship formation, maintenance, and closure/transition. Navigating the variety of needs and boundaries that may or may not include sexual or romantic components to affirm and support Ace and Aro communities. It feels like having a friend in your pocket who finally gets it and has the wisdom to offer non-judgmental shame-free advice.

Thank you NetGalley and the publisher for a copy of this book.

When I saw this title listed I immediately requested it, because I’ll always read anything ace related. I’m not a huge non fiction girl, however this was a very insightful read. I really loved reading a part of the author’s own experiences growing up at the beginning of the chapters as an introduction to what was going to be discussed. If I had this growing up it would have helped me a lot figuring a lot of things out. And although I still don’t know where I’m at, this gave me a lot to think about regarding relationships of every kind.

Thank you to #netgalley for providing the e-arc! This book is set to publish on Oct 21st, 2024.

Reading this book made me feel so loved. Like I am an important person and very much matter. This sentence alone probably explains why I felt that this book would've been invaluable to me had I read it when I was younger. Not only did the author take care to make sure their words are kind and affirming, they would also honestly acknowledge that the limitation of their knowledge as a result of growing up white in the west. They would always mention how intersectionality plays a role and how power imbalance from the differences of age, class, gender etc. complicates the picture, even if they were not necessarily writing from an intersectional perspective. In this way, they ensure that their advice are generally applicable while not excluding or invalidating anyone with different experiences.

Even though it's titled "The Ace and Aro Relationship Guide" and it's definitely written in a language very approachable to young readers (making it a tad repetitive at times though not a huge issue for me), this book will be helpful for anyone interested in learning more about building, sustaining (and knowing when to end) any kinds of relationships, not just aspec folks. Not to mention the more people who understand the ace-aro spectrum, the better.

I also think that it will come in handy when one hopes to build a community trying to survive in the face of violently crumbling empires. After all, a community is also a network of many relationships, and I for one would very much like to radically re-imagine a future where we decouple certain actions and feelings from exclusively romantic and familial (by blood only) love and all care for and support one another.

I'm turning 40 this year, and am therefore well beyond the target audience of this book. I enjoy keeping abrest of new queer books though, especially ones I can recommend to the younger people in my life. This is a great one, and I find myself wishing it was on the bookshelves back when I came along!

**Thank you to NetGalley and Jessica Kinsley Publishers or this ARC in exchange for an honest review**

Cody has always been an amazing resource for all things aspec. I was lucky enough to meet them a few years ago while they were on their book tour for I Am Ace.

The first part of the book is The Relationship Toolbox, which discusses the five normative forces (which they refer to as the "Big Baddies") behind the "Perfect Relationship" (allonormativity, compulsory sexuality, amatonormativity, mononormativity, and heteronormativity), the Relationship Escalator (which puts relationships into hierarchies that are varying degrees from the goal of ideal), and the ten tools (autonomy, consent, boundaries, communication, commitment, compromise, trust, respect, recognition, and care) for more successful relationships. Each chapter goes in depth into each of the ten tools.

The second part is The Relationship Workshop, which talks about "the Powerpoint" aspec people often give to to explain their sexuality, disclosing oneself as aspec, not apologizing for who you are, handling rejection, sex and romance positivity and negativity, the various types of relationships one might have (romantic, sexual, aplatonic, platonic, queerplatonic, nonamorous, amatopunk, aromates, foveos, polyaffectionates, waverships and in-between). abuse, and dealing with relationships ending.

Cody assures his readers that being aspec is nothing you should ever apologize or feel guilty about. You shouldn't have to hide parts of yourself away, pretend to be into things you aren't, or feel forced to do things that make your uncomfortable. You will find your people, the ones who respect you and accept you exactly as you are.

Though written for aspec people, this book is useful for anyone looking to develop and/or maintain healthy, safe, fulfilling relationships of any kind. It made me reassess my current relationships and think about who I am giving my time to, and if I need to make changes.

I’m an ace spectrum girlie so I was excited to see a book aimed at guiding ace and aro people through friendships and romantic/sexual relationships. What I was not expecting, and this is probably completely a me issue, was the way this reads as a self help book and nothing more. Self help books give me the absolute ick so that’s on me for not realizing that’s what this is. I wanted this to feel relatable and personal and it just felt like a how to guide. I wanted it to feel like a conversation and it just felt like a lesson plan.

Cody Daigle-Orians' "The Ace & Aro Relationship Guide" is a must read for aspec and allosexuals alike!

I love how there is a "Reflect and Act" section at the end of each chapter. I think it's important to stop and consider what we've learned and how it can be put into action.

I also love how the "relationship toolbox" introduced early in the book can be applied to all sorts of relationships. Not just asexual or aromantic relationships. And not just "serious" relationships like marriage but also friendship. It's important to note the value of friendship.

Often friends are seen as disposable once a "real" relationship materializes. This book shows that there are many different kinds of ways people can have relationships with each other and how important is respect those relationships. To build trust and to work towards a better understanding of oneself and how you relate to the world.

Every book I have read by Cody Daigle-Orians is something I wish I had as a kid to understand my aspec identity. This, like I am Ace, is an easy read full of insightful information. This book explores healthy relationships of all kinds, and how aro/ace people can develope those relationships. This books target audience is aspec teenagers, I do think this book is helpful for anyone who needs a cursery understanding of how to build healthy relationships (not just sexual or romantic ones.)

Pretty simple, but it has clear communicative advice for relationships in the aspec community, including with allo partners. There were a few terms that were new to me that I liked to learn about. This book is geared towards teens and is a positive exploration of asexual and aromantic relationships, especially helpful for people who are new to those identities.

Thank you to NetGalley and publisher for the opportunity to read and review.

A wonderful look into the world of asexual and aromantic individuals and the relationships they form. Both informative for understanding those identities and a useful guide for those feeling in anyway hindered in their ability to develop successful relationships.

This was such an eye opening book I feel like I can connect with this book without even knowing. Learning more about the ace and aro community makes me think maybe that’s me. And without this book I wouldn’t know that. So thank you netgally

very informative!! it truly gave me another perspective into the dynamics of relationships (not only romantic but platonic too) and how your identity affects you but also everyone around you. the format of this was also very well-organized and i didn't feel like it was all over the place; it felt systematic. overall, i would 100% recommend this to anyone who's questioning themselves and wants to feel less alone in the world.

For a book just over 200 pages, this one packs a punch.

In it, the author coins the term "ANKOP" (A New Kind Of Perfect) as a toolbox for relationships and goes into detailed ways to encourage readers to reach stronger, more meaningful connections with their significant other(s). There is no one-size-fits-all approach to how we relate to others in our communities, so these tools are wonderful to know. Although the book will definitely be more useful to younger audiences (as the author candidly states in the introduction), I still enjoyed the positive affirmations and refresher course.

My favourite parts of the book were, first, the introduction — unusual, I know, but I found it delightfully honest regarding the book's limitations and what it was determined to achieve — and the “Reflect and Act” sections at the end of most chapters. I wish there could have been more of those!

It does get a bit repetitive over time, but I say this as an adult in a healthy and deeply fulfilling relationship. When I first tried to come to terms with my identity and how it would play out in my romantic (or platonic) relationships, this would have been such a valuable resource. I am so happy it exists, and I hope it'll get into the hands of as many young people as it can reach!

I finished this book a couple weeks ago, but apparently completely forgot to review it!

Personally I found this book very informative and helpful. While I'm not in a relationship right now, I feel like this kind of book would definitely come in handy when I do get in one!
Would highly recommend if you're looking for this kind of book!

Finding love and connections with other people can feel daunting, especially when we are young, and even more so if we are also queer. If we happen to be queer in a way that neither our society nor we ourselves understand yet, these connections can quite frankly feel impossible.

Our teenage years are expected to come with feelings for people, and exploring those feelings. If we don’t, we might feel like we’re falling behind or that we’re childish. It’s hard to imagine “catching up” in the future, and being alone and lonely might seem definitive. It’s not, and no–you’re not the exception.

‘The Ace and Aro Relationship Guide’ deconstructs societal norms and provides advice on getting comfortable with often ignored conversation topics. The author acknowledges that they don’t have the lived experience of how all identities intersect in ways that might complicate this even more, but still approaches the subject with understanding and care.

I’ve been following @AceDadAdvice on TikTok for quite some time, and I’d like to pass along a way to view labels: Think of them like refrigerator magnets. If you feel unsure of your identity, remember that labels exist to help you understand yourself and others; we do not exist to fit the labels. If you think a label might help you understand yourself, or help you find community, it’s okay to try it out! Even if you’re not 100% sure, and even if it turns out to not be right. A friend of mine and I occasionally update each other on what label-magnets are on our imaginary refrigerators, and it’s kind of great.

Cody Daigle-Orians has written an encouraging and reassuring guide that will be useful to aro and ace people, those who know aro and ace people, and pretty much everyone else.


Thank you to Jessica Kingsley Publishers and NetGalley for the ARC!

I received an eARC of this book for review from Jessica Kingsley Publishers via NetGalley, all opinions are my own.

The author continues to provide thoughtful and perceptive advice with this second publication about ace experiences. Although it is written as advice to asexuals and aromantics, it would be helpful for anyone seeking to improve their relationships skills. Daigle-Orians includes sections on building, improving, and ending relationships as well with deft didactic tactics. Obscure terms are well defined, skills are fully explained, and each section includes brief but well-thought-out reflections. Some sections are more engaging than others. Also, the author acknowledges early on that not all sections will be useful to all readers. It's still a good relationship primer and so many people could benefit from something like this early in life!

Content warning: there is a section on abusive relationships which may be difficult for some readers. It's a necessary but challenging chapter that I'm glad the author included.

4.5 stars rounded up

Books like this are so meaningful and special to me -and to those of us who really have a hard time understanding where exactly is it that we fit into today's relationship/hook-up obssesed culture.
It is one thing to know that every individual and relationship is different, and another one completly to see it in writing - explained, detailed and providing helpful information. Some of it you might know already, some of it may seem so obvious you feel ridiculous for not having thought of before, and to me that was that real win here.

With an easy-going, but still mindful and educational tone, the author tries their best to bring the realities of all diferent relationships to a common ground where they can help provide a sort of guideline, or mostly advice.
I enjoyed the division/organization of the book, and although I don't think I would ever just sit down and read this from front to cover, I don't necessarily think that's this book's purpuse. I think this would be a great gift/resource to any allo family members or friends who want to understand or help with their Ace/Aro loved ones.
I, personally, highlighted so much stuff -especially in the beginning of the book! Some I knew and thought the ideas were just worded in a way I really liked, but also some things that I didn't know had an exact term coined for them.

Overall, this was a great book to get into and I think it would make a lovely addition to your coffee table books! Let your guest know that they're either in the coolest house ever, or that they're welcomed to leave! Also, conversation starter!

This was a great read for someone like me. Aros and aces are often left out of the equation so I was happy to see a book written with this group in mind. The writing style was simple and enjoyable. I loved this book and I’ll keep it as a reference and a book to recommend.

The Ace and Aro Relationship Guide is the newest book by Cody Daigle-Orians - the author of I Am Ace, and the guy behind the YouTube channel Ace Dad Advice. For context, I am an asexual reviewer, which would hopefully means my review is written from a place of deeper understanding of the subject and the way it's handled.

It is a relationship guide that seeks to break down different normative expectations that impact a-specs, provide tools that can be applied to any relationship - be it romantic or not, partnered or not, mono or poly, etc. The book also showcases the numerous ways in which asexual and aromantic people form bonds in their own non-normative, creative and fulfilling ways. It also gives the readers tools to use when normative expectations are going against their needs as a-spec people, or are actively harming them for forming/wanting non-traditional relationships. Overall the book is an extremely useful resource that's comprehensive and acknowledges it's own limitations.

The book is not an asexuality 101, however, so I wouldn't recommend it for people trying to figure out the very basics of asexual and aromantic identity. It can still be a useful book for non-aces and non-aros to read. While the advice is tailored to a-spec experiences, it stems from a set of general tools that can be applied by anyone regardless of sexual orientation or relationship structure. It will also be immensely useful for the allo partners to asexual and aromantic folks, as it may give good ideas on how to support the a-spec partner's particular needs.

This book covered a lot of ground in regards to asexuality and I appreciate Cody Daigle-Orians acknowledging that a good amount of what he's discussing in the book is from the POV of a white, cisgender male. The book covers a lot of topics that would be discussed in dating books and books about other sexualities, but everything comes across a bit different from the POV of asexuality. People with asexuality tend to approach and view relationships a bit differently than 'traditional', cisgender folks. The book goes over the differences between various types of relationships and could easily be a good starting point for someone who doesn't know how to approach a relationship as an asexual or wants to understand more about how they feel about their own sexuality.