1 stars

I got a headache reading this... it was painfully boring and not even the (cringey) innuendos, and the smut (or lack of it) could save this.
The ideas were there, but the execution was not it.

Thank you to Netgalley and the publishers for the chance to read this book in exchange for an honest review.

I really enjoyed reading this book the reviews that said it had similar vibes to What We Do In The Shadows were correct- I could totally imagine the vampires in this book being a part of their world.
Although the characters weren’t always the most likeable, I was excited to find out what would happen and enjoyed the sun drenched atmosphere created by the writing style,
At times the story felt shallow but what more can you expect from vampires on a queer cruise?
I found Heaven SO annoying and I was so glad they got what was coming to them. Equally, I found Hugh to be a complete and utter wet blanket who really deserved a lot worse than he got.
A great summer read I’ve recommended to my friends.

Lindsay Merbaum’s Vampires at Sea is a deliciously unhinged, queer horror-comedy that sails the high seas of lust, ennui, and emotional vampirism. Set aboard a luxury Black Sea cruise, the novella follows Rebekah and Hugh, a centuries-old vampire couple whose open relationship is tested when a seductive, non-binary influencer named Heaven enters the picture. It's a smutty, stylish, and subversive novella that reads like Interview with the Vampire meets White Lotus—if both were rewritten by a queer goth poet with a wicked sense of humor. It’s a perfect read for fans of decadent horror, messy relationships, and literary kink.

What works:
Rebekah’s voice is the star of the show: biting, bored, and brutally honest. Her inner monologue is a cocktail of sarcasm, longing, and existential dread.
The book is wildly queer and unapologetically kinky, featuring orgies, emotional feeding, and a cruise full of hedonistic passengers. But beneath the smut lies a sharp critique of narcissism, relationship decay, and the hunger for meaning.
Merbaum’s prose is lush and literary, with a rhythm that mirrors Rebekah’s spiraling thoughts. The repeated mantra “We’re on vacation!” becomes both a punchline and a cry for help.
The novella’s satirical edge skewers influencer culture, polyamory clichés, and the commodification of desire, all while delivering a genuinely eerie sense of isolation.

What might not be for everyone:
The plot is loose and meandering, more focused on mood and character than narrative momentum.
Readers looking for traditional horror or romance may find the book too experimental or emotionally distant.
The novella leans heavily into camp and eroticism, which may not appeal to all tastes.

I thought I'd enjoy this one because if the synopsis, but didn't in the slightest.
I have to admit, queer spicy books are not for me. And the prose was all over the place, I even felt it pretentious and then started to say the word fu*k every other sentence.
The characters felt one dimensional and didn't create any intrigue for me.

Thank you to NetGalley and Creature Publishing for sending me the ARC of Vampires at Sea for an honest review. It sure will be honest, but not positive, unfortunately.

To quote the main character herself, "A boring orgy is a painful affair". That's how the story felt throughout the whole book. Boring. Were the characters supposed to be complex and sophisticated? They were not - in fact, I've never read about vampires so shallow and devoid of any discernible personality before. Rebekah, the protagonist, gets offended at some people online after she learns that they refer to her as "the artist's wife", and the indignation would be just for any other woman who actually achieved something on her own. Rebekah herself, however, calls Hugh her husband every chance she gets, and admits that she doesn't remember her life before him, therefore tying her sole being to his existence. Hugh, at least, had hobbies and interests. Rebekah's only quality is that she's hot. Congrats, I guess?

I didn't find any humour in the book, either. Or horror for that matter. The narration is so dry and sterile, it felt like a very exhausted coroner explaining the cause of someone's death in a please-leave-me-the-fuck-alone, monotonous tone. "So this is the thing. Then this thing happened. Then this thing happened. Then another thing happened. Then-" Maybe the use of present tense was a mistake - it's never "happened" in the book, actually, it's always "happens, goes, leaves, takes off, comes in", making it sound like an account of a dispassionate witness and not someone who actually lived and hurt through these events.

Crumbs of world building were thrown to the reader and left to mold. There apparently was a war happening. What war? Has it affected the story in any meaningful way? Why even mention conflict on such a scale that you feel the need to refer to it as holocaust, and then do absolutely nothing with it? You also got a couple of very shy glimpses into Rebekah's past - only for it not to matter in the slightest. Sure, she said she might explore Eastern Europe a bit, trying to connect to her roots or even remember where those roots may be - but it's a very unsatisfying award for catching that carrot the author was dangling in front of us for the duration of the book.

To sum up, ... meh. Disappointing.

I can say I've never read anything like this before. did I like it? mehhh idk. it was choppy. very choppy. I didn't like any of the characters. I do like the general idea of this book though, and I finished it, so that counts for something. I think the major problem for me was the flow.

Vampires at Sea by Lindsay Merbaum sets sail with the promise of camp, kink, and queer chaos—but ends up drifting in lukewarm water. It vaguely channels the sensuality of True Blood, but trades any real bite for shallow seductions and endless orgies. This satiric tale overflows with horny and shallow passages, but leaves behind a dry, non-existent vampiric lore.

Rebekah and Hugh have been companions for a few centuries when they decide to go on a queer Black Sea cruise. Hugh is a sophisticated and accomplished author—half a century ago—therefore, he should be imagined in black and white (wink). Rebekah is a short-tempered dominatrix. Their mission? To relax, join a few orgies, and feast upon their fellow passengers’ desires and sorrows. What initially promised to be an interesting interpretation of vampire lore—here, they feed upon desire—loses its appeal. The absence of blood and gore makes the mindless orgies and endless orgies talk (which happened more often than the deed itself) feel uneventful and tiring, with the erotica being more hinted at than delivered, and when it is delivered, it’s… fine—no trigger warnings here.

As the story progresses, they meet a non-binary influencer named Heaven, awakening Rebekah’s jealousy and Hugh’s obsession. Not much happens, other than some random comedic scenes that feel out of place in the narrative. I appreciate gender neutrality and good writing in this novella. However, the absence of gore, compelling plot, or fully realized characters weighed down my enjoyment. Unfortunately, Vampires at Sea was not for me, and it is hard to recommend it.

Rating: 2,0/5

Disclaimer: I received an Advance Reader Copy (ARC) of this book from the publisher in exchange for an honest review. All thoughts and opinions expressed are my own.

Thank you to Net Galley for this arc! I thought this book was interesting but ultimately, some things fell a little flat. The main one being the past lives that get mentioned multiple times but don’t go anywhere. Also, the war and the disappearances left me with a lot of questions. But the story, at face value, was captivating and made this a good, quick read.

An interesting story!! I had fun following Rebekah, though the ending did leave me a bit wanting. There’s a lot happening in a condensed format, but my attention was kept and I finished this in a flash - a fun way to spend some time :)

Thanks to NetGalley et al for the ARC!

In the acknowledgements, the author says this book proved she could be funny. Maybe I'm the wrong target audience. The premise seemed amusing, but it was a lot of 'I'm telling you this is sexy/funny/frustrating/risque' without it being sexy/funny/frustrating/risque. Heaven's 'mystery' was solved then revealed a chapter or so later but the reveal never made sense. What were they getting from Hugh/Hugo and what was Hugh/Hugo getting from them? It lacked the curiosity to make an interesting novella or a spark to separate it from fanfiction in the WWDitS universe.

Thank you to netgalley & creature publishing for the chance to read this book! All opinions are honest & my own!

This was a quick, fun, wild read!

It’s definitely for a very specific audience, but it hit the mark for what it’s advertised as. It’s spicy, it’s chaotic, it’s diverse.

I love the lgbtq+ representation & the core of the story was great. I think it could use a little bit of work in terms of pace and plot (it left me wanting more than I’d have liked it to) but for a quick novella it’s definitely worth the read!

I love opening up a book and immediately think wtf is happening but now that I've read it... it was okaaay. Pretty lackluster despite that whiplash of a book synopsis. I swear I felt more entertained reading that instead of the book. But also very disappointing experience overall.

A very spicy and chaotic time to be had. Not necessarily my vibe, but if you want to turn your brain off and just enjoy a spicy ship at sea this may be for you.

3.5 out of 5 stars. Rebekah and Hugh, a vampire couple, embark on a queer sea cruise. Great premise from the start! I am partial to a show featuring vampires such as What We Do In The Shadows or Interview With the Vampire; so right off the bat this intrigued me. Fun to read from the perspective of an emotion vampire. I felt sucked into the mind of Rebekah completely and surged through the pages. Great writing style; felt very immersive. The mystery and danger surrounding a new - threat, lover, nemesis? - all - feels obsessive. I’m here for it. Did feel like there could have been more depth to the character of Hugh and at times more direction with where the story was progressing to. This story is more character- and character development driven than massively plot driven. Overall fun short book that I flew through.

2.5 stars rounded up to 3.

This book is for a very very very specific audience, and that's not a bad thing at all. But with that being said, that unfortunately means that this book just wasn't for me.

An erotic fantasy/thriller novella, we follow a energy vampire couple Rebekah and Hugh as they embark on a vacation aboard a "spicy" cruise ship. There they meet non-binary influencer Heaven, who seemingly enchants and seduces Hugh, leaving Rebekah to deal with her unleashed emotions.

The synopsis alone had me hooked. I mean a queer cruise ship with vampires? Yes please! But where I was expecting a campy chaotic read... I got a messy novella that left me wishing for something more. I really loved the internal dialogue of our lead Rebekah. I thought she was hilarious and her thoughts were so entertaining. But I thought everything else paled in comparison to that. The writing needed work, the characters were underbaked, and the ending felt very rushed compared to how slow the novella was to start.

I didn't necessarily hate my time with this, I just feel a bit disappointed over what could've been.

What a weird little novella, I really have no idea what kind of fantasy/erotica/thriller I just consumed but I had a pretty good time! After all, we’re on vacation!

Thank you netgalley for my first ever arc!
This was a very wacky read. It’s very, very smutty (but not very graphic) and the main character was so horny it became hilarious. It does also have a great commentary on love and the little sacrifices you make for your partner that chip away at you until you’re not sure how you got there. The villain is delightfully despicable, and while Rebekah is insanely egocentric, I rooted for her the entire time. I did want some more explanation about the war that is going on; there’s only ever vague mentions about a war but never more than that. A lot of other reviews mentioned the show What We Do In The Shadows, which I’ve never seen, but since the author mentioned it too, I guess it’s my sign to watch it.

This really was not for me, the writing felt chaotic. I got to 20% and could not go any further. There didn’t seem to be a plot to the book either.

This is a very interesting story about a pair of immortal lovers in a long-term polyamorous relationship, which has the protagonist struggling with both feelings of jealousy and concern over a potential threat when a mysterious and glamorous influencer joins them as a unicorn during a cruise.

Unfortunately I wasn't able to finish it in time for the NetGalley cutoff, but the story and setting seem off to a great start, and I will definitely revisit this when I have time to give it the attention it deserves.

I really wanted to like this one but I couldn't even finish it. The prose was all over the place and mostly confusing. It was pretentious and not as sexy as it was billed to be. It also wasn't very funny. I'm sure it will be good for some, but not for me.