dnf

no. just...no.

i can't even say this simply wasn't for me, its just bad. this premise sounded promising but god, was the execution just not it. an actual excerpt from the book:

"...the graceful way he crosses his legs so you can't help but wonder about his cock. (Length: moderate. Thick around the middle. Circumcised, surprisingly. Somewhat shy, but steadfast. In other words, perfect.)..."

i get the author was trying to go for raunchy but it just didn't land. i couldn't even stick around long enough to get into the story because the setting of the scene was just so terrible. i was expecting something in league with Katee Robert's 'Court of the Vampire Queen' and truly, it's my fault for having such high expectations.

Vampires at Sea by Lindsay Merbaum follows Rebekah and her husband Hugo as they join a queer cruise around the Black Sea.

When I saw 'vampire' in the title, I immediately imagined the story would be sexy, dark, a bit gore-y - because, y'know, vampires. Imagine my immense disappointment when I realised they're actually 'emotional vampires' and feed off feelings, not blood. There is smut and graphic descriptions, however, so 1 out of 3 I guess.

I also could have sworn the blurb implied this was more of a pirate sea story, not about a cruise - and I can see a few reviews that also thought the same, so I didn't imagine it.

Ended up DNF-ing as it was not for me.

[This review is based on NetGalley ARC provided in exchange for an honest, unbiased opinion]

This book was nothing like I expected in such an incredible way. The journey our main character makes toward finding herself, learning not to dull herself down for anyone, even someone she truly loves, is done so beautifully. I already want to read Vampires At Sea again.

Okay, so... this book started out really strong for me. I freaking LOVED Rebekah’s narrative and her dark and pessimistic vibe. But after a few chapters, it started to get old. In terms of plot... this book was a fever dream, and I enjoyed what was going on for the most part, but everything felt bogged down by Rebekah’s (at times) dull and chaotic thoughts.

Thank you NetGalley for this ARC.

As for the book, the reason it a 2 star is because I DNF @ 32%. It simply just wasn't for me. I do believe that this book would be enjoyable for some. It just wasn't for me.

Hot, polyamorous vampires on a cruise! Vampires at Sea had an interesting take on vampire lore with some unique flair, but the execution just didn’t stick the landing for me. I found the humor to lean heavily on the dry side, with one or two scenes actually making me giggle.
Most of the book revolves around sex, which is no problem as long as it’s compelling or adds to the story. Unfortunately, these scenes blurred together for me (which did add a bit of humor at points), but had little emotional payoff. The romance was more frustrating than steamy. Hugh was essentially a vampiric Ken doll: easily distracted by the next hot person.
Rebekah spends most of the book obsessing over what the new person, Heaven, has that she doesn’t. This book is filled with jealousy, insecurity, and drama, which is interesting for a story focusing on an immortal polyamorous couple.
It’s a short read, so I stuck it out to the end, hoping for some resolution or plot twist of some kind. The ending essentially felt like a shrug, leaving plot points from the book open-ended (for example, the murderer on the cruise, her relationship with Hugh).
All in all, I loved the style of writing and the prose, and it flowed very well. I highly enjoyed the diverse characters and world views expressed; however, it just didn’t resonate with me as much as I had hoped.

A huge thank you to NetGalley and Creature Publishing for the ARC!

Thank you to NetGalley and Creature Publishing for this ARC!

“Vampires at Sea” tells the story of Rebekah and her husband Hugo over the course of a fortnight spent on a queer cruise. These two are so-called “emotional vampires”, think Colin Robinson from What We Do in the Shadows, except Rebekah thrives on people’s horny energy while Hugo lives off of misery. While on this cruise Hugo falls for someone else, the influencer Heaven, who is possibly a supernatural being themself, forcing Rebekah to reassess her life, both present and past.

Unfortunately I did not enjoy this book. From the very beginning we are told just how sexy this book will be, and how sexy Rebekah and Hugo are, but every single sex scene in this book is profoundly unsexy. I actually didn’t think it was possible to make vampires that are not sexy, but this book somehow managed it.

The plot is also absolutely nonsensical. We are told that there is this war going on, but are not given any further information. What war? Who is fighting? What are they fighting about? Who knows! Not this book. And even if you ignore that plotline, the love triangle of Rebekah - Hugo - Heaven makes little to no sense. What being is Heaven supposed to be? Why is Rebekah just accepting that this being is taking her husband with little to no interference?

The characters are also generally absolute one-dimensional caricatures. Rebekah had some potential to be a more interesting character, but unfortunately all the elements that could've made her more interesting are not given the attention they should have gotten, and so she remains this 2D, “just a sexy woman” type of character.

If you just want a silly, quick read with mostly non-descriptive sex scenes, and are able to 100% turn your brain off, I think you could still have a fun time with this, even though I didn’t.

I may have gone reading this novella with a different set of expectations but I wasn't disappointed. I read it in one sitting on a train traveling to the Black Sea, so that was a fun coincidence. Some of the jokes didn't land but the overall absurdity and destructiveness of the narrator was interesting to follow. The ending and the final battle were a bit disappointing to me in terms of execution. But I very much enjoyed the concept of vampires feeding on different emotions, not on blood. I'd def read more with that type of concept, it was a great take on "energy vampires".

Thank you Netgalley for the ARC!

Thank you to NetGalley and Creature Publishing for the opportunity to read this eARC!

I have no clue how I feel about this book. The plot, I thought, was an original idea and appealed to me immensely. Vampires on a queer cruise? Brilliant concept. It had so much potential. It was a quick and easy read. There were a few moments that were quite funny and absolutely no shortage of the promised unbridled narcissism. I feel like the actual plot fell a bit short for what I was expecting. I basically stuck around because I was interested enough in trying to figure out the mystery of Heaven.

The writing was a tad bit choppy for my taste. The flow of the story came off as abrupt and scattered at times, which caused some disorientation regarding what was happening and whether it was actually happening or just inner dialogue from the FMC. I found all of the characters to be insufferable. This book, I think, was just not for me.

I think this book could be very fun for a very specific audience. This novella might be for you if you enjoy weird, short books with a superficial plot.

This book had a fun campy premise but ultimately it fell incredibly flat. Every character felt either too far away or too incredibly insufferable (and not in a fun way!)

Vampires at Sea was a very quick but fun read. I loved this take on vampires, how they feed. I love the take and shift of how modern shapeshifters and vampires would live. Even though this was an extremely quick read it plucked all of the strings in terms of various emotions.

vampires in culture are mostly associated with horror, horror, a kind of luxury, sophistication.... I, on the other hand, most like vampires of the silly type, vampires of the "I've lived hundreds of years, I've seen the downs and ups of civilization, I've dated a byron, I've been commander of an army, but I can't get along with my roommate who should take out the trash" type (yk what, fair)
I think, that "vampires at sea" is form over substance - it's an enjoyable read, the first-person narration of a powerful vampire is carried out with a light, in places very witty pen, but the story itself lacks the depth that the author clearly wanted to achieve

this is an enjoyable short read, especially for fans of vampires
if you do not have too high expectations and a free afternoon for something undemanding, I recommend!

2.5 ⭐ rounded up

This had all the ingredients for a dark, spicy, and atmospheric read, but it veered off track very quickly.

My biggest issue was the FMC, Rebekah. I couldn’t connect with her at all, which made it hard to stay invested in the story. I kept hoping for more depth or intrigue, especially between her and Hugo. I really wanted them to be actual vampires or at least have some mysterious edge, but instead, they mostly came across as sex addicts. It felt like a missed opportunity for something more compelling.

The ending didn’t help either. It felt rushed, chaotic, and left way too many threads dangling. I finished the last page wondering if I missed a chapter or if it just ended that way.

There were flashes of potential here and there, and the premise is a good one, but the execution just didn’t deliver the depth, tension, or cohesion I was hoping for.

Thanks to NetGalley, the author, and the publisher for providing an ARC for my honest review.

Thank you Creature Publishing for providing this book for review consideration via NetGalley. All opinions are my own.

I would describe this book as bit of a fever dream. It’s an interesting study of the characters and what happens when a contradicting one is introduced into a couple. Additionally, I liked the extreme emotions and space concept explored in the narrative.

I’m happy that I read it but I would be cautious to whom I would recommend it to.

First, I’ve been on a horror kick lately so I thought I would genuinely enjoy this book. I did not, but I’m going to point out some things that I think others will like.

It’s a novella about Queer energy sucking vampires on a modern day queer cruise. 🚢
The vampires give off of Gomez and Morticia vibes but gender swapped. (Also referenced themselves as twin gods who fuck at one point and that was a HUGE ick for me so TW?)
There was a certain level of interesting takes on how memory isn’t real especially when one’s immortal.
I think all vampires should be gay, I mean how can you be straight when you’ve lived that long? 🤣.

Second, what I wanted out of this book.
I wanted pirate vampires. I got vampires on vacation that gave me the creeps from the jump and didn’t get me invested in their story.

Quick short read though!

This was a quick , snappy read. Really fun .
Vampires on a ship .

The end was sort of sad but hopeful.
I loved the characters a lot especially the main couple.

4.0⭐
Release date : October 7th, 2025

Quick, queer in all meanings of the word, dry humoured page-turner with hidden depths.

A cute vampire couple on a cruise ship, that's all you need to know before trying it out ! Its 168 pages were read within 24 hours, which isn't typical for me.

I love the author's writing and I will be looking out for their future "serious" witch book.

Thank you to NetGalley and Creature Publishing for this ARC in exchange for my unbiased review. 🙂‍↕️

Thank you to NetGalley and Creature Publishing for an advance copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

Sadly, this book wasn’t for me. I’m sure I’m missing commentary about being an influencer, narcissism, greed, sexual politics, relationships and all manner of other things that went over my head.

While the writing was smart and pithy, I just found that I couldn’t much care about anything that was happening here.

This book is beautifully written, and even if sometimes the events are a little too confusing to follow, the story is compelling enough to continue reading. The relationship between the two protagonists is well fleshed out and deliciously intriguing. The threat of the looming war and the glittering facade of the cruise slowly slipping away all come to a head in a (admittedly a little bit too fast) whirlwind of events that leaves the reader reeling, wondering about the future of the characters. All in all, it was a fun quick read that doesn't shy away from desires and pleasures, and that grazes weighty themes like a person's forgotten roots and self-determination.

Huh. The summary of this novella says "A smutty horror-comedy featuring unbridled narcissism, Vampires at Sea is a hilarious snack!" and you know what? Not so much.

Yes, lots of sex was had. Smutty, though? Err, sort of? Depending on your definition, I suppose.

Horror? Was that label added just because vampires and shapeshifters = Horror?

Comedy? Everybody has different things that make them laugh, and the comedy here did not make me laugh.

Unbridled narcissism? Sure it was a hedonistic cruise but... I don't know.

In the end, I finished it. It was kind of disappointing but I think it'd have been less disappointing if I hadn't read the fully summary and a couple reviews first.

So it's 3 stars from me; because it was an absolutely wild idea that I've never seen before and doubt I will again. So all kudos to the author for boldness.

Thanks to NetGalley and Creature Publishing for the chance to read an early copy of this novella in exchange for an honest & original review.