This story follows Valerie, a 17-year-old girl who's been brought up in a religious cult, but always felt like a liar, a fraud, an outsider that there's something wrong with, until she discovers a forbidden book that she smuggles out of the library, which helps open her eyes to the world the cult doesn't want her to see.

This book takes us on a journey with Valerie as she discovers who she is and the possibilities of life over the course of a few months. The story is told from her POV, and we get to meet her family, friends and acquaintances she's grown up with, and of course the new, cool girl in town: Riley. I really enjoyed Valerie's journey and Riley as a character, and the ways they found to be together when they could. There are also a few side characters that really helped enhance the story, including a friendly librarian, a family on the next block over, and a neighbour down the street who unknowingly helps Valerie when she needs it the most.

As the blurb on the back of the book says, this story is perfect for fans of Casey McQuiston and Becky Albertalli. It's a little tense, but there's lots of good in it and a very lovely happy ending for our two heroines! It left me hopeful for their future, as the skeleton of a found family is building around them and they're starting to live their lives in the world outside of the religious constraints of the community they, especially Valerie, never knew she could escape from.

A thoroughly enjoyable read that anyone who's a fan of queer YA literature would enjoy!


Thank you NetGalley and Quirk Books for this arc in exchange for an honest review.

This book is heartbreaking and incredibly necessary. It’s something readers need to be emotionally prepared for due to the religious trauma and homophobia in Valerie’s story. Valerie is scared, she is attempting to understand herself, while knowing that her thoughts and feelings are not allowed. Her duty is to ignore them, push them down, and listen to her father. Most of the character’s surrounding Valerie are not likeable, many even barely tolerable. But, that’s the reality of experiencing Valerie’s story.
Valerie has been raised in a very strict and religious environment, and due to also being homeschooled has very little access to people who exist outside of her own church. She has had to advocate for herself to be able to learn subjects in school beyond religious studies and devotionals. She has had to advocate to be able to read anything beyond the bible and school approved / provided texts. Valerie’s new challenge is exploring queer identity while staying under the radar of her parents, peers, church community, and even her brother. The cost of being discovered as queer and as actively learning and exploring, means risking her own safety.
Gay the Pray Away is a reminder that access to information and media is essential. Books especially can open doors. A kind person, representation, and access to communication can be life changing.


Mood: challenging, emotional, reflective, tense, heart wrenching

Content warnings
Religious trauma
Homophobia
Sexism
Racism
Emotional abuse and manipulation
Isolation
Queer characters being outed

Mentions of:
Physical abuse
Sexual abuse
Grooming

I feel speechless. This book is not only everything I’d hoped it would be, it was so much more. As someone who was raised in a similar cult, Naudus captured this story and told it in such a powerful, honest way.

It is not easy for queer kids to come out. It’s even harder when you’re in a cult. I feel so honored and proud to finally have a book that shares the story of so many like me.

This is the book I used to hide under my covers with a flashlight and dream about writing, desperate for anyone to read my story.

To the kids who hid their books, hearts pounding, just hoping no one would find out,
This book is for you.

It helped heal something I didn’t even know was still hurting.

Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for the digital ARC!

I feel like this is one of those books that should be a must-read for many people, with the main target being teenagers brought up in this crazy right-wing Christian nationalist environment. Of course, as the book pretty clearly outlines, this would never happen. It's a sad reminder that a whole group of people in the world are inspired by hatred and dislike, instead of the love they claim (their love looks remarkably like abuse...because it is).

Valerie is a 17-year-old girl who has been in the Institute for most of her life, a super conservative evangelical Christian belief system that has resulted in her being isolated from mainstream society and home-schooled with extreme right-wing ideology. This includes things like women's only role being wives and mothers, dressing modestly (aka looking like you came out of some 1600s play), and men being the providers and the ultimate authority in their household. Women and children are to obey and listen, not be heard. All the gross stuff that makes any normal-minded person want to vomit.

Despite having spent most of her life in the Institute, Valerie wasn't born into it and remembers when she was allowed to go to public school before her parents got deep into religious crazytown and pulled her and her brother out - can't have them learning about liberal things! If it isn't apparent, I have nothing but contempt for people like that, especially when they drag innocent lives into it and give them no chance.

Valerie has never quite felt comfortable in this world, though, and a chance encounter with a queer book in the library leads to her making some resounding discoveries about herself. She's queer, and she likes the concepts of the outside world. Feminism sounds great, but marriage to a teenage boy and submitting to him sounds awful. She'd love to watch films, read books, and just do normal people things. Of course, she can't let her family find out any of this.

And then comes Riley, the new girl. Riley was expelled from a Christian college and has come to the Institute with her mother for her final year of high school. It's very obvious that Riley is Not About this life, and she does the bare minimum required. Riley is also queer, and Valerie is immediately enthralled.

This whole book is a coming-of-age story that's focused on queerness, and it specifically focuses on queerness in hostile environments. Valerie's family is the kind of extreme where they call other Christians cults (because, of course, they're not a cult with their weirdo old white man in charge telling them what to do) and do a ridiculous number of Bible studies and devotionals. As someone not even slightly religious, it baffles me how people end up in this situation.

Another theme is finding your family, and how a strong support network will allow anyone to overcome anything. Valerie's blood family would rather punish and demean, punch down at her in the name of God, whereas the people she finds of her own accord are welcoming and friendly, open and honest. It's hard for her to reconcile her world views with what the world thinks, but she showed so much strength.

There's also sadness about the other kids left behind. Hannah, Valerie's brain-washed friend, who is a second mother to all her siblings, is adamant she believes, yet there's a sense that there's something else going on. David, Valerie's brother who's an ass, yet you have to remember that he's had nothing else to base his beliefs off. These kids repeat the repugnant things they've been taught, even when you can see them faltering, but the fear of the unknown keeps them from making the final push. They never had a chance in this world and are unwilling to reach out to the hands held out in secret.

Another aspect is the racial part - Valerie is half-Taiwanese, and Riley is mixed. They're the only non-white kids in their church, and even when they go to a big conference, there are only 3 non-white families. There's thinly veiled racism towards her and her mum, which her mum takes on the chin. Her father's gross comments about congee and his obsession with seeing his wife and kids as 'exotic' are all yet more things to consider in this complex world.

Overall, this was a great book, and if the religion and her family didn't make you feel gross, then nothing will.

so fun and so healing! this book is for the girlies with religious trauma and i loved it! I wish I could have given this to my younger self.

Thanks to NetGalley & Quirk Books for the early copy in exchange for an honest review. Sadly, I DNF'ed at 20% of the way through.

Yeah, the writing was not very strong. It's got a lot of talking and not showing, it feels like my hand is being held through this book and I was getting sick of it.

It's a shame too because I think it's got a really solid idea--protagonist unlearning cult behavior through their discovery of love--but the execution was NOT there.

Rating- 4.5🌟

This story follows Valerie, a teenager who finds love and begins to discover her queer identity while growing up in a deeply oppressive environment.

Her parents have become devoted members of a religious cult rooted in harmful, patriarchal beliefs and practices.

One of the things I really love is Valerie’s inquisitiveness and curiosity
Watching her begin to question everything she's been taught and navigate her journey toward freedom is remarkable.
Also seeing her struggle with her relationship and understanding of God really struck me in the gut.

She and her girlfriend, Riley fall in love in the sweetest way and they really complement each other and grow together. I truly enjoyed their bond.
The ways they find to communicate despite the risks is seriously so creative and clever.

This book was so moving, meaningful and healing. I think will resonate even more deeply any queer person who has felt alone, oppressed, isolated by society and the people who are supposed to love them for who they are.

I highly recommend.

Thank you to Quirk books for providing a copy of this book via NetGalley.

Realistic fiction isn't my usual genre; like Valerie, the main character in this novel, I prefer fantasy. But once I started reading Gay the Pray Away, I couldn't put it down.

Valerie is 17 years old. She's been homeschooled by her mother since she finished third grade, a decision her parents made to keep her from "evil influences" - that is, children not being raised in a patriarchal religious cult. Since that time, her only contact with anyone not a member of the church her family belongs to is spent trying to bring "sinners" into the church, where they can be taught to live according to the church's precepts. Her one escape is novels, and she learned early how to choose books her parents would only glance at, rather than preread and screen for her, and one day, she finds a book that opens up her restricted world in a way she had never dreamed of - a novel about LGBTQ+ teens who are happy, in complete contrast to the furtive life she's always been taught such people live. Throughout this novel, Valerie learns about herself, and starts taking small steps toward becoming the person she wants to be, instead of the person her parents want her to be - a person who will not only not marry the boy they've picked out for her, but one who wants to spend her life with her girlfriend.

This is a coming-of-age novel, with an extra kick of discovering one's gender identity to go along with separating from one's parents. It drew me in from the first page, and it was hard to put down. Due to mature themes, including child abuse, this novel is recommended for older teens and adults; if younger teens want to read it, they should read it with a trusted adult with whom they can discuss it.

I voluntarily read and reviewed an advanced copy of this book provided by Netgalley. All thoughts and opinions are my own.

One of those books that you're glad exists for younger kids and that you wish had been around when you were a kid. We get a bit of a whirlwind romance (but hey, lesbians gonna lesbian) between a girl already doubting the fundamentalist church she's been raised in and the new girl who's been bought into their group as they both realize the bullshit they've been inundated in most of their life and try to get out before one or both of them are married off as child brides. A good example of a book you hope you can pass to a kid in your life to let them know that there's hope on the other side and that maybe being excommunicated or running away from your parents isn't such a bad thing after all. (It's still a best case scenario all things considered because mom helps them get out.) If you're also looking for a book that lays out the stages of these sorts of realizations in a clear way for the youth, also a good example.

I adore coming of age stories that show the time in a persons life when they go from doing what their told to questioning everything and finding themselves through that. A lovely read.

Thank you, Netgalley, the author, Quirk Books for the gifted e-book! ❤️ #gifted. My review is comprised of my honest thoughts.

Read this book if you like: coming of age stories, LGBTQ representation, religious trauma

Wow, just wow. I really enjoyed this. I was afraid at first that I wouldn't like it because it was so religious. That is the point, but the progression of the book is so good. Val discovering more about herself and seeing the harm her family/lifestyle causes is tear inducing. I highly recommend this!

This was such a beautiful book—inside and out. The main character is a queer young girl living in a cult-like Christian society. Since she doesn't know any outsiders to talk to about her situation, she's oblivious to how much better her life could be if she could muster the courage to leave. Enter the beautiful, rebellious new member of the society. When she befriends this newcomer, she realizes that she loves her and begins to yearn for a better life—one not shackled by the preposterous rules imposed on her.

I did feel that the story moved a bit too quickly, especially regarding how fast the main character came to question and dismantle the deeply rooted beliefs she grew up with. In real life, I imagine it wouldn’t be so easy to rework the very foundation of one’s identity and worldview.

That said, I loved reading about these two girls and how they explored the idea that their lives could be more beautiful—and how they could be more honest with themselves.

When I saw that this was written by Natalie Naudus, one of my FAVE audiobook narrators, I knew I had to read it. So thank you to NetGalley and Quirk Books for the ARC! Light spoilers ahead…

I also, will read anything recommended by Casey McQuiston, because I’m obsessed with everything she writes. So naturally if she has high praise for a title, it’s a knockout and this was no exception. I smiled, I cried, I had flashbacks of my religious Christian upbringing.

While not nearly as drastic as Val’s cult experiences, I grew up in a conservative, southern congregation and could relate to several of the concepts in the book. As a librarian, I CHEERED when that sweet sweater-vest man helped Val sneak that book out of the library. This is a book that I will be proud to share with my high school kiddos!

The whole time I was reading that I was thinking that it lacked...nuance, I guess? Suddenly Valerie realized she was in a cult and didn't struggle with that fact at all. Suddenly she realized she was gay and was fine with that. Suddenly she was with Riley and they were in love! It was all just...too straightforward.

Natalie Naudus ripped out my heart and put it back together again in this story that shows that love wins and that it is possible to unlearn what you have been taught.

At seventeen, most of us don't know who we are just yet. Valerie Danners knows who she is because the Institute tells her that her purpose is to finish homeschooling, get married, have as many babies as possible, and praise the Jesus. After stealing a book from a library (don't worry the librarian helped her get away with it), Valeria starts questioning the Institute and her won sexuality. That questioning turns into knowing once Riley enters the picture. Wearing pants and having short hair *GASP* Riley helps Valerie realize she might be in a cult. But under the scrutiny of her parents and the Institute Valeria has to choose if she wants to stay in the only world she's ever known.

Gay the Pray Away not only has queer teenagers trying to learn about themselves and the world, but we also get to see inside a (mostly white) religious cult. Valerie's friend Hannah says that everyone has same sex attraction and thoughts while planning wedding, showing that everyone has been brainwashed, not just Valerie. While this book was an extremely easy read, I really just wanted to hold Valerie until she felt like she was loved and accepted for who she is.

Gay the Pray Away by Natalie Naudus is an YA book about a 17 year old girl named Valerie who has grown up in a high-control conservative Christian religion. Even though she tries to follow all of her family’s and church’s strict rules, she faces constant criticism. She’s been quietly questioning her religious upbringing, but after developing a connection with another teen girl named Riley, she realizes that she wants to take steps to leave. Over the course of the book, Valerie and Riley try to keep their relationship a secret and make plans to leave the insular community behind once they turn 18.

I really enjoyed this book and, despite the incredibly frustrating challenges Valerie faces, found it incredibly hopeful. As a Youth Librarian and as someone who spent a lot of time at my local library growing up, I loved that the library was a safe space for the main character. Given current the political landscape, I hope that my library can be a place where queer teens feel comfortable being themselves.

3.5 stars.

While this was a best-case scenario type of story (I wanted something with a lot more conflict, both internal and external), I still enjoyed reading it.

The romance was really cute, and I was rooting for Val and Riley the entire time. I really liked that their relationship was shown positively, and that they were both accepting and understanding of each other's situations. Riley was such a great foil to Val, and I loved how she brought Val out of her shell.

I loved that this story sent a very hopeful message, and I hope that it brings comfort to younger readers in similar situations.

I won't lie though, I was expecting a more emotional deep dive, with a lot more of the nitty gritty and the ugly side of things when it comes to growing up in a close-minded community. This felt like it was for the younger YA set, since it only hinted at the darker issues within religious cults. Any time the book mentioned something extreme, like child abuse or sexual misconduct, it felt really blunted.

And I really hate to say this, but a lot of it read like it was written from an outsider's perspective. I honestly wasn't sure why or how Val was so easily accepting of her queer identity. I was expecting more guilt and shame, and not to mention, a lot more self-introspection on her feelings, thoughts, and actions.

And while it was cool that Val did a lot of research at the library on topics like queerness and the patriarchy, it didn't feel realistic that she just accepted what she read without questioning it.

I'm not sure if this makes sense, but Val as a character felt really detached from her surroundings most of the time. Like she was living in a religious cult, but her personal values were already so different that I wasn't even sure how she was faking it, or how she didn't really do a deep dive into her old values vs. her new values. I wanted a character I could relate to, since I also had a similar journey when I was young. But this wasn't really it.

Despite my complaints, this was still a cute romance novel, and I enjoyed its hopeful theme.

Thank you to Quirk Books and NetGalley for this arc.

This story felt very realistic without making it too depressing. Of course the subject matter is inherently sad, but the author does a very good job of keeping it hopeful while being truthful to the story. The lovestory also felt very natural and I could really feel with protagonist while she gets to know herself.

Valerie doesn't know it yet, but she's in a cult. The catalyst is a queer book at the public that she knows her mom will never let her check out. So, she steals it instead and devours it. One day, Riley shows up at her church. Valerie has to figure out if she just thinks Riley is cool or if there is something more.

This is a really important story for a lot of teens. It was a quick read but packed in a lot of story in its pages. People that are familiar with evangelical christianity and its leaders will see some familiar (and slightly changed) names.

This book was a delight! Valerie’s family is very conservative and religious, and we watch as she becomes disillusioned with the church and begins to find her own sense of self-worth and independence. Natalie Naudus depicts the church’s harmful rhetoric in a way that is suitable for teen readers and emphasizes the power of books and finding joy- especially queer joy- despite other people’s beliefs.