“I see the word bisexual. I have never, never seen this world before, and the room is spinning with the importance of it.”

This book… this book gave me all the feels, honestly.
Valerie is such a great character, and she walks along such a long path during the story.. From the guilt of not being able to fit in the frame decided for her, from the frustration of not being considered like her brother, she gains more and more confidence, asserts herself as she discovers what the world has to give and impose –to herself first– who she wants to be. Her love story with Riley acts like another trigger, maintains her quest of freedom, but I absolutely ADORED that the spark that pushed her to go after her already here questioning first came from a book, and from the joy and the validation she felt while reading (I can relate to that SO MUCH).
The religious parts had me shiver, but in another kind of way. This was so intense that I sometimes had to put the book down for a moment, just to catch my breath.
After the dread and the tension, closing this book is just like going out in the garden during spring, just after a shower. Valerie’s awakening was beautiful, like the taste of grapefruits, like onions in ramen, like honeysuckle’s sent, like words and sketches scribbled in the margins of a book, like hope under the rainbow.
As a fort-ish YO person, I wish I had such books as a teen (even though I come from an atheist and open family, but which doesn’t mean non-ignorant) and I’m delighted –and so, so grateful– to have the opportunity to read them now, especially the YA ones. I truly hope this book will find the hands of the person(s) who will need this story to grow, to hope, to shine.

Thank you to the author and Quick Books for this wonderful eARC on NetGalley. My opinions are my own.

Fiction read for teens and up. Which, I enjoyed just for a well written story. Valerie is a teenager, growing up, with questions about her life and the direction her parents are guiding her.
LGBTQIAP+ is central to the story line. That is an issue many teenagers find themselves struggling with. The author is definitely writing from a person perspective of growing up in a strict church/cult environment that doesn’t accept different choices. I’m glad she found an escape that suited herself from this sort of environment. So this can be read as a LGBTQIAP+ finding yourself and your life plan story.
But also. Parent’s role is to protect guide and encourage, and give freedom for their children to find their own way in life. So, I think that this can also be read as a more general story about dealing with overbearing parental control and finding a route to be happy with your own future. Thank you to Quirk Books and NetGalley for the ARC.

"If that weight of sin was somehow lifted off me, what would I do? Who would I be?"

It was easy connecting with Valerie and rooting for her all the way til the end. The world she lives in and her beliefs felt close to something I know too.

The book was, overall, enjoyable and it definitely could let one think and reflect over some topics, but I felt like everything happened too fast.
Living seventeen years in that kind of world wouldn’t make it so easy to get rid of all the ideas of her community in only a couple of weeks. Valerie doesn’t fully share her parents’ beliefs, but still, she has very strong ideals for someone so deep in that world. She reads books, but her studying -and world- is limited to what doesn’t go against the Bible, so how can she be so strongly against concepts such as heteronormativity (most people don’t even realize what it means without being in a super religious cult), marrying young, the different chores women/men have? Same thing goes for her relationship with Riley, definitely sweet and hopeful to read about, but maybe too fast.
I think all this journey should have been slower, but overall it was nice seeing her getting over those beliefs and finding out who she really was.
And that also applies to her mother, suddenly changing towards the end, so out of character that we can’t talk about character growth.

The characters were limited to Val’s family and Hannah’s, all one-dimensional, but I guess that’s what happens when your life is dictated as these characters’ lives are; they felt distant, flat (and definitely scary and unnerving). Valerie changed so much and so fast, it seems like she was split into two different characters.

The writing style was smooth and slow paced, not much happened, but what kept me reading and finishing the book in one sitting was Valerie and her chances of getting out of that nightmare of life.

Okay so YA isn’t my default genre anymore but I absolutely adored this book. Even though I didn’t grow up in as intensely cult an environment as our protagonist, Valerie, I did have a Lot of a very Christian education that was determined to shove my queerness in a little box, so I found this to be a very cathartic read. Following Valerie as she deconstructs and begins to pull away from her cult, I think this book did a really good job balancing the humanity of all of its characters with the casual cruelty and dehumanization that cults foster.

I did feel like Valerie and Riley’s relationship devolved a little too quickly for my personal taste, but it didn’t take me out of the book at all, and did feel in line for two queer girls coming out of an intensively repressive environment. Don’t imagine this would be an issue for other readers, but felt worth noting.

All in all, 4/5 stars from me. Thanks to NetGalley for the ARC!

4 ⭐️ Thank you to Little Mountain Media and NetGalley for providing an ARC in exchange for an honest review.

Books change lives and this is exactly what this book sought out to do.

Book Summary: A teenage girl realizes she is queer while living in a religious cult. The author brings you along her journey which is wrapped in so many raw emotions. It’s not easy being a teenage girl let alone one living through religious trauma.

This book brought literal tears to my eyes. This was 100% a best case scenario but it did describe what a worst case scenario would be. It gives you hope for the future and shows that your community may not come from blood relatives. You may be surprised who is an ally.

I look forward to what this author has in store for the future!

this kind of story is really important right now, but at the same time i do want to say to start with that you definitely need to read the CW page for this before reading. this is a book about heavy religious trauma, brainwashing, and abuse in a cult. it’s about the horrors that some people have to live with and the love for each other that can set us free.

it is also a story about the public library and all it can do for us. the library not only hopes people figuratively escape into the beautiful world of books, but it is a resource that can be used to physically escape our lives when we are unhappy or in danger. it shows exactly why conservative groups are always working so hard to ban books, because they know people can use them to unlearn the brainwashing that they need to make us think we don’t have the right to freedom.

freedom of access to information is important whether it is fiction or non-fiction, to teach us about the world and to hear stories from worlds different from our own. this book is informative, raw, and beautiful - and definitely clear that it was written by someone who has been through this herself.

5⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Gay the Pray Away is a story that left me tearful for all the right reasons.

Valerie is a Christian. A Christian of the highest order mind you. Where the man rules the house, woman are second and the only right teachings are God's. Valerie tries to be a good Christian as only they know how , but somethings gone amiss.
She's begun to question why things are like this. Why must she follow the rules? Why must she be something other than herself? The final tipping point in the book is a book of all things. What she reads will ignite something in Valerie that will not be contained.

Into this turmoil walks Riley. Riley is opioniated, artistic, and of course beautiful. All things Valerie wishes she was. She clings to Riley as her perception swiftly changes. She's not part of a Christian church; she's part of cult. And she needs to get out.

The intimate moments between Valerie and Riley are what touched me the most . The hand holding, the hugs, the laying in the sun. All simple things that were such grounding points for the both of them. That if they could feel such joy at something so small that everything else would be worth it.

This was an emotional read, covering serious topics including identity, sexuality, and religious fundamentalism. The author has experience of growing up in a super conservative religious environment and it shows in how sensitively things are handled. I think this would be a perfect read for a younger teen!

I absolutely adored this beautiful and heartbreaking story and read it in one weekend. It hurt my heart but also made me feel seen. "To everyone who was served hatred and told it was love: We deserve better." Growing up in a high control catholic conservative family, isolated and homeschooled, told that I wasn't queer, and if I was, no I wasn't, this book spoke to me on multiple levels. There were so many moments reading this that I felt with such pain and knowing in my chest.

This should be required reading. To anyone that has ever felt alone, not enough, been told you're loved when it's really hate, please read this book and I hope you feel seen and accepted.

Thank you to Quirk and NetGalley for the advanced E-book!

I blurbed this book back when Natalie self-pubbed it, so here's what I had to say then: Gay the Pray Away is a beautiful, hopeful story. Valerie and Riley’s romance is a delightful depiction of first love, and Valerie’s faith deconstruction journey feels incredibly rich and real. Natalie Naudus has created characters with nuance and life. I inhaled this book in just one afternoon.

Actual rating 3.5 stars

Gay the Pray Away is a love letter to small town queer teens. Naudus makes you feel seen, relating the experience of living in a small town with a very conservative family in an unflinchingly raw way. This is the kind of book that saves lives.

As a fan of Natalie Naudus and their narrating career, I can't wait to revisit this one with my ears!

'To everyone who was served hatred and told it was love. We deserve better.'

The dedication in this book already nearly put me in tears, the first chapter made me teary eyed. That's how my experience of this wonderful story started and ended. This was a beautiful story about first love and finding your true self. I also feel like this was a bit of a love letter to books and how important they are. Reading about Valerie finding herself through books made me, at first, feel angry when I noticed how manipulated she had been, and then, all warm and giddy when Valerie finally felt like she could put words to her feelings. It all started with a book, a friend, love, and then ultimately freedom to be who she wanted to be.

However, at times the writing and the inner monologue felt a bit juvenile for the age of the main character, but I believe this might have been intentional to express how sheltered Valerie had been throughout her whole life. She got a bit overly excited and wanted to move quickly when she finally got to experience what she had been told was wrong her whole life and scared she wouldn't get to experience these feelings again or get caught. And I get that. I also couldn't help but feel like some passages felt more like an argumentative essay than Valarie's own thoughts. I would have apperciated if these were written more in her voice, rather than list fact after fact. As someone who has watched documentaries on this subject, I had a keen interest to read these passages, but I can imagine some people might feel like it is a case of info dumping. Still, I adored this story and the message. It made me feel all the emotions, turn the page eagerly, and root for our main character, which is why it to me is a great read. I would definitely recommend it.

4.25 stars - shout out to NetGalley for access to an e-arc. This book was actually impossible to put down. I found myself thinking about Valerie’s story during random moments of the day and thinking about the beautiful and quiet strength she possessed throughout the maddening experience that was not only her entire family, but the whole world she knew.
Gay the Pray Away is a YA book following the story of a girl’s journey through self-discovery while in a very constricting and conservative cult. It’s a straightforward cult, no matter how you paint it. Filled with ideas of misogyny and racial bias, our POC character not only figures out that she might be queer, she also happens to meet the one girl that she will risk it all for. This book was incredible and heart breaking and I loved every minute of it.

I absolutely devoured this book, reading it cover to cover in one sitting. Despite the world that the FMC, Valerie, has been forced to grow up in, there is so much queer joy packed into this short book. The trauma that Valerie and others in the Goddard “quiverfull movement” (cult) experience isn’t sugar coated, but there is a thread of hope throughout. Though some aspects of the plot seemed to me to be a little convenient, the ending moved me to tears and drove home the hope that there are better days ahead.

I highly recommend Gay the Pray Away for any queer individuals who are healing from religious trauma inflicted upon them by the church and/or their families. For those who haven’t been able to get out yet - who haven’t yet had the chance to start healing - I hope your local library has a copy or two on hand so you can see that there is life & joy beyond your wildest dreams on the other side of this. You, too, can make it out. You, too, can know true & unconditional love.

Reader, I sobbed. This heartbreaking and heart-mending story about a teenager raised in an emotionally abusive evangelical community discovering freedom in her own queerness is completely gorgeous. Natalie Naudus writes from her own experience with such vulnerability and strength and gentleness and compassion for anyone raised with religious trauma. I can't recommend this book highly enough. And of course, you've gotta check out the audiobook version!

Es gibt Bücher, deren Cover sieht man einmal, und zack! Man muss dieses Buch haben. Um andere schleicht man länger herum, ehe man Lust darauf bekommt. „Gay the Pray Away“ gehört für mich in die zweite Kategorie und ich bereue kein bisschen, dass ich mich letztendlich dafür entschieden habe. Eine queere Liebe inmitten eines religiösen Kults und zwei Mädchen, die sich gegen den Glauben, der ihnen aufgezwungen wurde, auflehnen – klingt doch schon mal vielversprechend, oder? Und das war es auch!

Ich war zwar (zum Glück) nie in so einem Kult und, ehrlich gesagt, auch nicht sonderlich religiös, obwohl ich katholisch erzogen wurde und die Kirche erst im Erwachsenenalter verlassen habe – aber damn, dieses Buch beschreibt das Leben in einem fundamentalistischen, christlichen Kult so hautnah, das ich mich unweigerlich gefühlt habe, als wären Valeries Erfahrungen meine eigenen. Ihre Trauer, ihre aufgestaute Wut, ihre Verzweiflung – alle ihre Emotionen waren so greifbar, dass ich das Buch nicht zur Seite legen konnte.

Versteht mich nicht falsch: Gerade die Szenen, die mit dem Kult, seiner Weltanschauung und der normalisierten Praktiken einhergehen, sind alles andere als eine leichte Lektüre. Neben religiösem Trauma thematisiert das Buch auch häusliche Gewalt (physisch und psychisch, auch gegenüber Kindern), Misogynie, Queerfeindlichkeit und Rassismus – und das auf eine Art und Weise, die einen einfach nur wütend macht. Nicht, weil die Umsetzung davon schlecht gewesen wäre, sondern weil sie so realitätsnah war und man sich immer wieder ins Gedächtnis rufen muss, dass dieses Buch vielleicht Fiktion ist, es aber durchaus Menschen gibt, die diese Ansichten teilen. Hier hat Natalie Naudus, die selbst das Leben in so einem Kult hinter sich gelassen hat, ganze Arbeit geleistet.

Aber so schwer das Religionsthema auch war, dafür waren die Szenen zwischen Valerie und Riley umso schöner. Valerie, wie sie langsam ihre Queerness erkennt und beginnt, für Riley zu schwärmen. Riley, die ihre Gefühle erwidert. Und die beiden, wie sich eine zarte Liebe zwischen ihnen entwickelt – wundervoll!!! Und das ganz ohne unnötiges Drama oder Konflikte, die sie an ihren Gefühlen füreinander zweifeln lassen. Ich genieße ja immer sehr, wenn sich die Protas gemeinsam gegen den Konflikt stellen, anstatt dass dieser zwischen ihnen ausbricht.

Bis dahin: Perfect. No notes.

Ein kleines Manko hat „Gay the Pray Away“ aber doch: Das Ende. Denn das ging mir viel zu schnell und zu reibungslos. Das wäre der Moment gewesen, um noch mal den Konflikt hochkochen zu lassen. Die ganze Zeit habe ich auf die Explosion gewartet, die nicht kam. Es war einfach zu … einfach. Nicht, dass ich mit dem Ende nicht zufrieden wäre, aber ich glaube, es wäre zufriedenstellender gewesen, wenn es schwerer zu erreichen gewesen wäre.

While this was a best-case scenario type of story (I wanted something with a lot more conflict, both internal and external), I still enjoyed reading it.

The romance was really cute, and I was rooting for Val and Riley the entire time. I really liked that their relationship was shown positively, and that they were both accepting and understanding of each other's situations. Riley was such a great foil to Val, and I loved how she brought Val out of her shell.

I loved that this story sent a very hopeful message, and I hope that it brings comfort to younger readers in similar situations.

I won't lie though, I was expecting a more emotional deep dive, with a lot more of the nitty gritty and the ugly side of things when it comes to growing up in a close-minded community. This felt like it was for the younger YA set, since it only hinted at the darker issues within religious cults. Any time the book mentioned something extreme, like child abuse or sexual misconduct, it felt really blunted.

And I really hate to say this, but a lot of it read like it was written from an outsider's perspective. I honestly wasn't sure why or how Val was so easily accepting of her queer identity. I was expecting more guilt and shame, and not to mention, a lot more self-introspection on her feelings, thoughts, and actions.

And while it was cool that Val did a lot of research at the library on topics like queerness and the patriarchy, it didn't feel realistic that she just accepted what she read without questioning it.

I'm not sure if this makes sense, but Val as a character felt really detached from her surroundings most of the time. Like she was living in a religious cult, but her personal values were already so different that I wasn't even sure how she was faking it, or how she didn't really do a deep dive into her old values vs. her new values. I wanted a character I could relate to, since I also had a similar journey when I was young. But this wasn't really it.

Despite my complaints, this was still a cute romance novel, and I enjoyed its hopeful theme.

Thank you to Quirk Books and NetGalley for this arc.

Reading this book sometimes felt like an exercise in anxiety. I enjoyed it, and liked seeing Valerie's growing relationship with Riley, but also her locked down life was anxiety inducing. The only place where I felt like the book faltered was that she felt almost too independent already at the beginning with how locked down her life was. Maybe that was the author's truth, but it felt like Valerie never really bought-in to the religious indoctrination; but then, perhaps that's what was different between her and her friend Hannah. Anyways, I enjoyed this but the entire time they were hiding from Valerie's parents felt super anxious since the consequences could have been so dire to me based on the level of control The Institute had.

I read this novel within a day mostly in my breaks and free time, started in the morning and finished just now.
It caught me, sucked me in and basically forced me to continue reading (not that I'm complaining).
The story is so great, and gave me flashbacks to documentaries and tellings about certain church, or better, cult circumstances.

We start as the main Character, Valerie, has her awakening about that something is not quite right in the way she is told her life is supposed to be. We follow through with her troubles, the loves she finds and how she finally decides and takes the chance to free herself from the chains her family and their community wrap around her and every young woman who lives with them.
It's really quite just walking along Val until she is ready to start a new life.

The story is written very heartfelt and also emotionally challenging but somehow also very comforting at the same time. Val and her girlfriend get through everything together instead of going against each other at the slightest misunderstanding.

Most characters are quite "flat build", they don't really seem to have a character, so the focus is even more on Valerie.
Just (former) childhood friend Hannah seems to be a more complex and paradox character.
I'd actually love to read more on how the story continues for her, if she also breaks free from the church or just how her story goes further on. What just bothers me is that we didn't get a closure for Hannahs little brother Ezekiel, it just so much to read about how he is being abused. I just wished this little child who now is a living person inside of my mind (also due to the great writing) would've somehow made it to a better home still within the story and not just made up in my mind :)

Absolutely loved this book <3

Gay the Pray Away is the story about Val, a young teenager stuck in a White Christian Nationalist cult. For the longest time, she is going through the motions, doing what she believes her parents will want to, but not being fully committed to the teachings of her church. Until she finds "One Last Stop" an LGBTQ book that opens up her perspective on the world outside her narrow one. As the wheels in her brain are churning, wondering about the world outside, she meets Riley, a new girl in the church. Riley is a breath of fresh air for Val, exposing the cultish nature of her church and helping her discover herself. With Riley's help, Val is able to learn more about herself and break free.

The story was good, and there were parts of the plot that really hit home, especially after growing up in an incredibly religious house. I found that it didn't really have much of a climax, as it felt pretty "flatline" through out. Not that it wasn't enjoyable though. At the beginning of the book, the story seemed to carry out through dialog, and rushed. I wish I could've had a little more at the end, maybe a little "2 years later" where Val was thriving in her new life.