I waited on actually reading this until it was out on audio because I saw that Natalie was going to be narrating. She (as always) did an incredible job telling this story. She's such a powerhouse in the audiobook community, and I was excited that she read her own work.

As for the book itself - woof. I mean, I knew what it was about, and I expected it to be heavy. It was, indeed. Though the author's note at the beginning says that she tries to "write through love," that didn't stop the story from getting extremely dark. (I believe that she did write through love, for the record - it's just a dark story.)

The characters were great, and things do end on an optimistic note. I still would warn everyone - particularly those who grew up in a fundmentalist church setting - to proceed with caution. Though I was not raised in anything as intense as the Institute (my experience did stop shy of being an actual cult), I found myself back in that head space a little bit more than I was expecting to be.

An important book, and a beautifully written, compelling one at that.

I will admit I put off reading this one for a while. Not because I didn't want to, but because I knew that as a queer person raised in a conservative evangelical world, it was going to be hard. It was. Naudus pulls no punches as she explores not only being secretly queer, but the pressure and the guilt that come along with it when raised as a conservative Christian. It was a difficult, but ultimately hopeful story about a young woman grappling with her identity and balancing the quagmire that is growing up in a place where you're told that who and what you are is an abomination. Nadus writes with a perfect blend of in-your-face truth wrapped in gorgeous prose. This was a tough read, but an important one.

This was a really sweet, emotional YA coming-of-age story. It had its very heavy moments, which is unsurprising due to the subject matter of the story, but it was ultimately an uplifting/hopeful reading experience. The ending felt a little far-fetched, but queer teens deserve idealized happy endings, too. I'm looking forward to seeing what Natalie Naudus does next.

3.5 stars rounded up to 4

This was a really good read! I loved the characters, and I thought the subject matter was relevant and dealt with in a respectful manner.

Sometimes I thought the romance aspect was going too quickly and that Valerie wasn't reacting and thinking as much as expected when your whole world is turned upside down.

Still, the relationship between Valerie and Riley was achingly beautiful. The reaction of all of the parents and other members of the 'community' was also really well done, showing a variety of views, especially with the other families who are more forceful in their beliefs.

Overall, a great book especially for those who have also dealt with religious trauma and yearn to be healed by the love they deserve.

Absolutely outstanding

Very emotional character journey
Depictions of fanatic extreme religion
Very likeable main characters
A pay-off worth fighting for

this was beautiful. being a lesbian who grew up in a religious family this one hit harder than i expected. what a beautiful book.

WoW.
When starting this book I wasn’t sure what to expect, but this truly was everything it promised to be and more!
This book does not only show how important books are, but also how important (found) family is especially for queer kids.
And after reading the acknowledgment I was even loving this book more, to know queer books had such an important impact on the author and to see that reflected in this story… wow wow wow amazing, no notes.

The only reason I’m not giving this a 5 stars but only 4.5 is because sometimes the pacing felt a bit off.

Thank you so much to NetGalley, the publisher, for giving me access to this eARC!

I know that this book is so so important to so many people, and it tells a very important story about real things that are happening and not being showcased whatsoever. That being said, the pacing of this book was a whole mess. A lot of important parts were rushed and glossed over completely and it just felt very incomplete.

This story follows Valerie, a 17-year-old girl who's been brought up in a religious cult, but always felt like a liar, a fraud, an outsider that there's something wrong with, until she discovers a forbidden book that she smuggles out of the library, which helps open her eyes to the world the cult doesn't want her to see.

This book takes us on a journey with Valerie as she discovers who she is and the possibilities of life over the course of a few months. The story is told from her POV, and we get to meet her family, friends and acquaintances she's grown up with, and of course the new, cool girl in town: Riley. I really enjoyed Valerie's journey and Riley as a character, and the ways they found to be together when they could. There are also a few side characters that really helped enhance the story, including a friendly librarian, a family on the next block over, and a neighbour down the street who unknowingly helps Valerie when she needs it the most.

As the blurb on the back of the book says, this story is perfect for fans of Casey McQuiston and Becky Albertalli. It's a little tense, but there's lots of good in it and a very lovely happy ending for our two heroines! It left me hopeful for their future, as the skeleton of a found family is building around them and they're starting to live their lives in the world outside of the religious constraints of the community they, especially Valerie, never knew she could escape from.

A thoroughly enjoyable read that anyone who's a fan of queer YA literature would enjoy!


Thank you NetGalley and Quirk Books for this arc in exchange for an honest review.

This book is heartbreaking and incredibly necessary. It’s something readers need to be emotionally prepared for due to the religious trauma and homophobia in Valerie’s story. Valerie is scared, she is attempting to understand herself, while knowing that her thoughts and feelings are not allowed. Her duty is to ignore them, push them down, and listen to her father. Most of the character’s surrounding Valerie are not likeable, many even barely tolerable. But, that’s the reality of experiencing Valerie’s story.
Valerie has been raised in a very strict and religious environment, and due to also being homeschooled has very little access to people who exist outside of her own church. She has had to advocate for herself to be able to learn subjects in school beyond religious studies and devotionals. She has had to advocate to be able to read anything beyond the bible and school approved / provided texts. Valerie’s new challenge is exploring queer identity while staying under the radar of her parents, peers, church community, and even her brother. The cost of being discovered as queer and as actively learning and exploring, means risking her own safety.
Gay the Pray Away is a reminder that access to information and media is essential. Books especially can open doors. A kind person, representation, and access to communication can be life changing.


Mood: challenging, emotional, reflective, tense, heart wrenching

Content warnings
Religious trauma
Homophobia
Sexism
Racism
Emotional abuse and manipulation
Isolation
Queer characters being outed

Mentions of:
Physical abuse
Sexual abuse
Grooming

I feel speechless. This book is not only everything I’d hoped it would be, it was so much more. As someone who was raised in a similar cult, Naudus captured this story and told it in such a powerful, honest way.

It is not easy for queer kids to come out. It’s even harder when you’re in a cult. I feel so honored and proud to finally have a book that shares the story of so many like me.

This is the book I used to hide under my covers with a flashlight and dream about writing, desperate for anyone to read my story.

To the kids who hid their books, hearts pounding, just hoping no one would find out,
This book is for you.

It helped heal something I didn’t even know was still hurting.

Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for the digital ARC!

I feel like this is one of those books that should be a must-read for many people, with the main target being teenagers brought up in this crazy right-wing Christian nationalist environment. Of course, as the book pretty clearly outlines, this would never happen. It's a sad reminder that a whole group of people in the world are inspired by hatred and dislike, instead of the love they claim (their love looks remarkably like abuse...because it is).

Valerie is a 17-year-old girl who has been in the Institute for most of her life, a super conservative evangelical Christian belief system that has resulted in her being isolated from mainstream society and home-schooled with extreme right-wing ideology. This includes things like women's only role being wives and mothers, dressing modestly (aka looking like you came out of some 1600s play), and men being the providers and the ultimate authority in their household. Women and children are to obey and listen, not be heard. All the gross stuff that makes any normal-minded person want to vomit.

Despite having spent most of her life in the Institute, Valerie wasn't born into it and remembers when she was allowed to go to public school before her parents got deep into religious crazytown and pulled her and her brother out - can't have them learning about liberal things! If it isn't apparent, I have nothing but contempt for people like that, especially when they drag innocent lives into it and give them no chance.

Valerie has never quite felt comfortable in this world, though, and a chance encounter with a queer book in the library leads to her making some resounding discoveries about herself. She's queer, and she likes the concepts of the outside world. Feminism sounds great, but marriage to a teenage boy and submitting to him sounds awful. She'd love to watch films, read books, and just do normal people things. Of course, she can't let her family find out any of this.

And then comes Riley, the new girl. Riley was expelled from a Christian college and has come to the Institute with her mother for her final year of high school. It's very obvious that Riley is Not About this life, and she does the bare minimum required. Riley is also queer, and Valerie is immediately enthralled.

This whole book is a coming-of-age story that's focused on queerness, and it specifically focuses on queerness in hostile environments. Valerie's family is the kind of extreme where they call other Christians cults (because, of course, they're not a cult with their weirdo old white man in charge telling them what to do) and do a ridiculous number of Bible studies and devotionals. As someone not even slightly religious, it baffles me how people end up in this situation.

Another theme is finding your family, and how a strong support network will allow anyone to overcome anything. Valerie's blood family would rather punish and demean, punch down at her in the name of God, whereas the people she finds of her own accord are welcoming and friendly, open and honest. It's hard for her to reconcile her world views with what the world thinks, but she showed so much strength.

There's also sadness about the other kids left behind. Hannah, Valerie's brain-washed friend, who is a second mother to all her siblings, is adamant she believes, yet there's a sense that there's something else going on. David, Valerie's brother who's an ass, yet you have to remember that he's had nothing else to base his beliefs off. These kids repeat the repugnant things they've been taught, even when you can see them faltering, but the fear of the unknown keeps them from making the final push. They never had a chance in this world and are unwilling to reach out to the hands held out in secret.

Another aspect is the racial part - Valerie is half-Taiwanese, and Riley is mixed. They're the only non-white kids in their church, and even when they go to a big conference, there are only 3 non-white families. There's thinly veiled racism towards her and her mum, which her mum takes on the chin. Her father's gross comments about congee and his obsession with seeing his wife and kids as 'exotic' are all yet more things to consider in this complex world.

Overall, this was a great book, and if the religion and her family didn't make you feel gross, then nothing will.

so fun and so healing! this book is for the girlies with religious trauma and i loved it! I wish I could have given this to my younger self.

Thanks to NetGalley & Quirk Books for the early copy in exchange for an honest review. Sadly, I DNF'ed at 20% of the way through.

Yeah, the writing was not very strong. It's got a lot of talking and not showing, it feels like my hand is being held through this book and I was getting sick of it.

It's a shame too because I think it's got a really solid idea--protagonist unlearning cult behavior through their discovery of love--but the execution was NOT there.

Rating- 4.5🌟

This story follows Valerie, a teenager who finds love and begins to discover her queer identity while growing up in a deeply oppressive environment.

Her parents have become devoted members of a religious cult rooted in harmful, patriarchal beliefs and practices.

One of the things I really love is Valerie’s inquisitiveness and curiosity
Watching her begin to question everything she's been taught and navigate her journey toward freedom is remarkable.
Also seeing her struggle with her relationship and understanding of God really struck me in the gut.

She and her girlfriend, Riley fall in love in the sweetest way and they really complement each other and grow together. I truly enjoyed their bond.
The ways they find to communicate despite the risks is seriously so creative and clever.

This book was so moving, meaningful and healing. I think will resonate even more deeply any queer person who has felt alone, oppressed, isolated by society and the people who are supposed to love them for who they are.

I highly recommend.

Thank you to Quirk books for providing a copy of this book via NetGalley.

Realistic fiction isn't my usual genre; like Valerie, the main character in this novel, I prefer fantasy. But once I started reading Gay the Pray Away, I couldn't put it down.

Valerie is 17 years old. She's been homeschooled by her mother since she finished third grade, a decision her parents made to keep her from "evil influences" - that is, children not being raised in a patriarchal religious cult. Since that time, her only contact with anyone not a member of the church her family belongs to is spent trying to bring "sinners" into the church, where they can be taught to live according to the church's precepts. Her one escape is novels, and she learned early how to choose books her parents would only glance at, rather than preread and screen for her, and one day, she finds a book that opens up her restricted world in a way she had never dreamed of - a novel about LGBTQ+ teens who are happy, in complete contrast to the furtive life she's always been taught such people live. Throughout this novel, Valerie learns about herself, and starts taking small steps toward becoming the person she wants to be, instead of the person her parents want her to be - a person who will not only not marry the boy they've picked out for her, but one who wants to spend her life with her girlfriend.

This is a coming-of-age novel, with an extra kick of discovering one's gender identity to go along with separating from one's parents. It drew me in from the first page, and it was hard to put down. Due to mature themes, including child abuse, this novel is recommended for older teens and adults; if younger teens want to read it, they should read it with a trusted adult with whom they can discuss it.

I voluntarily read and reviewed an advanced copy of this book provided by Netgalley. All thoughts and opinions are my own.

One of those books that you're glad exists for younger kids and that you wish had been around when you were a kid. We get a bit of a whirlwind romance (but hey, lesbians gonna lesbian) between a girl already doubting the fundamentalist church she's been raised in and the new girl who's been bought into their group as they both realize the bullshit they've been inundated in most of their life and try to get out before one or both of them are married off as child brides. A good example of a book you hope you can pass to a kid in your life to let them know that there's hope on the other side and that maybe being excommunicated or running away from your parents isn't such a bad thing after all. (It's still a best case scenario all things considered because mom helps them get out.) If you're also looking for a book that lays out the stages of these sorts of realizations in a clear way for the youth, also a good example.

I adore coming of age stories that show the time in a persons life when they go from doing what their told to questioning everything and finding themselves through that. A lovely read.

Thank you, Netgalley, the author, Quirk Books for the gifted e-book! ❤️ #gifted. My review is comprised of my honest thoughts.

Read this book if you like: coming of age stories, LGBTQ representation, religious trauma

Wow, just wow. I really enjoyed this. I was afraid at first that I wouldn't like it because it was so religious. That is the point, but the progression of the book is so good. Val discovering more about herself and seeing the harm her family/lifestyle causes is tear inducing. I highly recommend this!

This was such a beautiful book—inside and out. The main character is a queer young girl living in a cult-like Christian society. Since she doesn't know any outsiders to talk to about her situation, she's oblivious to how much better her life could be if she could muster the courage to leave. Enter the beautiful, rebellious new member of the society. When she befriends this newcomer, she realizes that she loves her and begins to yearn for a better life—one not shackled by the preposterous rules imposed on her.

I did feel that the story moved a bit too quickly, especially regarding how fast the main character came to question and dismantle the deeply rooted beliefs she grew up with. In real life, I imagine it wouldn’t be so easy to rework the very foundation of one’s identity and worldview.

That said, I loved reading about these two girls and how they explored the idea that their lives could be more beautiful—and how they could be more honest with themselves.