When I tell you this book is full of violence and gore, I need you to believe me. It plays a central role in this story, and is described in detail. If that bothers you, do not read this.

That said, holy wow. This had me gripped from the start. The world itself, inspired by ancient Rome, is interesting, and every chapter begins with a flashback so we don't forget what Sarai is here for, what she is uncovering. This is written so well I am surprised it is a debut! The milieus and characters felt real, and it was a good choice to make it all Sarai's POV.

The central themes of justice, law, and political corruption, made me simultaneously feel righteously angry and also just sad, knowing this is going on everywhere in our world too. I love stories like this, that focus on those power structures (like the Shadow of the Leviathan-series).

Kadra's character is allowed to grow through his actions and the interpretations Sarai makes, rather than just relying on other characters saying "he's evil" etc. I appreciate this, because it allows more depth.

The slow burn between Kadra and Sarai is delicious, and though it was clear to me what was going to happen post-final trial, I was glad it was seen to the end in this way. Rarely have I seen a villain eviscerated in such a way at the end of a book.

I want more of this world and Kadra and Sarai!! I received an ARC of this for free, thank you NetGalley. Definitely one of my top reads this year!

This book is an intriguing balance of gothic romance and twisty fantasy, and I feel completely devoured by it! The characters were nuanced and contradictory, and the plot was gripping. I'm gutted to have finished it so quickly, but I couldn't have slowed down if I tried!

I received a copy form the publisher in exchange for an honest review

This book is captivating! Right from the start I was drawn into the mystery of the Sidran Tower Girl and this delightfully magical but brutal world.Sarai is a fantastic MC and her development throughout the story as she sought the answers she's looking for and finds her bravery again was a joy to read. I'm not certain if this is a planned series or not (there was a hint at the end that made me think the author has more planned?) but I really hope it is!

I would describe This Monster of Mine as a political adult fantasy with elements of romance. The intricate plot weaves together a tapestry of intrigue, power struggles, and forbidden love that kept me captivated from the very first page.

The book was a great read and will absolutely appeal to you if you love mystery, elements of legal fiction, or fantasy. The author's masterful storytelling effortlessly combines these genres, creating a gripping narrative that keeps you on the edge of your seat. Each twist and turn was meticulously crafted, adding depth and complexity to the story.

Although I was expecting a bit more romance, the author wrote that element so well that it kept me hanging on to see what would happen next. The slow-burn romance is beautifully executed, with intense chemistry and emotional depth that make every interaction between the characters feel significant and real.

This book would be perfect for fans of Kingdom of the Wicked or Cruel is the Light. The compelling characters and the political intrigue will draw you in and leave you wanting more. If you're looking for a story that combines political plots, fantasy elements, and a touch of romance, this is the perfect read for you.

I really liked the authors writing style but found the plot and characters to be lacking in depth. I would happily try other books by this author in the future but for now I just don't feel like this book had anything that was exciting or worth higher than a 2*. The plot and pacing seemed off and there wasn't enough about the characters for me to really care about them or what happened to them as the story progressed. The romance also was not something I enjoyed, I dont mind darker themed romances but this one again didn't have enough depth for me to really care about or enjoy. Also there is a difference between a character being dark and broody and then just outright abusive and feel this towed too close to the line for my enjoyment.

“𝙞 𝙗𝙚𝙡𝙤𝙣𝙜 𝙩𝙤 𝙮𝙤𝙪. 𝙞 𝙬𝙞𝙡𝙡 𝙖𝙡𝙬𝙖𝙮𝙨 𝙗𝙚𝙡𝙤𝙣𝙜 𝙩𝙤 𝙮𝙤𝙪”

where do i even begin without spoiling the absolute masterpiece that is this monster of mine?

this book follows sarai, an eighteen-year-old determined to seek justice for the attempted murder that nearly took her life four years ago. the case was closed without answers, but she refuses to let it rest. now, she returns as a petitor - a prosecutor with the ability to detect lies - and is assigned to work alongside tetrarch kadra, one of the four most powerful judges in the land

kadra is a force of nature - ice-cold, ruthless, and feared by all. he’s also the prime suspect in a string of murders that bear a chilling resemblance to the attack on sarai. convinced of his guilt, she begins living a double life: solving cases with him by day while secretly working to bring him down by night. but the more time she spends with him, the more tangled things become. kadra isn’t just the monster she imagined - he’s dangerously alluring, fiercely intelligent, and seemingly set on destroying the corruption within their world

as sarai uncovers dark truths and political conspiracies, she finds herself caught between vengeance and something she never expected - a growing attraction to the very man she swore to take down. but the most terrifying part? kadra’s voice is the only memory she has of the night she was attacked…

now, let’s talk about why this book absolutely wrecked me in the best way possible

from the very first page, i was hooked. the worldbuilding is rich and atmospheric, inspired by ancient rome but laced with its own unique magic and politics. the tension? exquisite. every conversation between sarai and kadra crackled with suspicion, intensity, and something that made my heart race. the romance is the perfect balance of forbidden, slow-burn, and utterly intoxicating, and the plot twists?? mind-blowing

sarah’s writing is sharp, immersive, and addictive - she weaves a story that is brutal, intricate, and impossible to put down. the political intrigue, the betrayals, the angst - everything was perfectly executed

if you love dark fantasy, morally gray characters, and slow-burn, enemies-to-lovers romance with insane chemistry - read this book immediately

“𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙠𝙚𝙚𝙥 𝙨𝙖𝙮𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩. 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙞’𝙡𝙡 𝙝𝙖𝙩𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙤𝙧 𝙧𝙚𝙜𝙧𝙚𝙩 𝙗𝙚𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝 𝙮𝙤𝙪. 𝙗𝙪𝙩 𝙞𝙛 𝙞 𝙙𝙞𝙙, 𝙞 𝙬𝙤𝙪𝙡𝙙𝙣’𝙩 𝙝𝙖𝙫𝙚 𝙨𝙪𝙢𝙢𝙤𝙣𝙚𝙙 𝙙𝙚𝙖𝙩𝙝 𝙩𝙤 𝙗𝙚𝙜 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙮𝙤𝙪”

This 2025 release absolutely needs to be on your TBR list. Abeysekara's debut novel, This Monster of Mine, is wholly original, gripping, and fierce.

The story takes place in Edessa, a city loosely based on Ancient Rome. Sarai moves there to uncover who attempted to murder her when she was only 14 years old. She was tossed off a tower, and the head trauma removed most of her memories. Everyone believes that Sarai (known as the Sidran Tower Girl) is dead, and because she's been healed from her injuries with a new appearance and face, she can investigate without her assailant knowing her identity.

Meanwhile, while Sarai searches for the truth, she becomes a Petitor assigned to the deadly Tetrarch Kadra. Essentially, she acts a type of prosecutor with magical abilities who assists the Tetrarchs in serving justice. However, Sarai faces constant danger, as someone is killing off Petitors one by one. And by investigating what happened to the The Sidran Tower Girl, she puts an ever larger target on her back.

This intricate, original plot kept me on my toes for the entire novel. I loved how Abeysekara portrays Sarai's anger and determination, and I enjoyed solving the mystery alongside her and her allies. Moreover, the romance in this book is wonderful — intense, exciting, and tender.

Kadra, Sarai's Tetrarch, is a brutal, enigmatic figure who may or may not have been involved in her fall. Sarai must grapple with whether she can trust him. The story also features a vibrant cast, including other Petitors and Tertrachs. I loved Anek and bitterly disliked Cisure and Harrion, Sarai's fellow Petitors.

The novel's strongest quality is its portrayal of an intricate magical and legal system that still hides corruption, classism, and evil. Sarai and Kadra attempt to serve justice fairly, if viciously, and must navigate a system riddled with bullies, oppressors, and crooked businessmen.

Overall, This Monster of Mine is a highly satisfying romantasy — dark, clever, bloody, and immersive. I hope to read more from Abeysekara, either in a sequel (perhaps Cisure's redemption story?) or in a new venture.

4.5/5 stars

There's Dark Academia and there is Darkest Academiae. In this book the dark is really dark and you should check the trigger warnings (or just read the prologue and see if you can stomach it).

In a fantasy world inspired by Ancient Rome there are power structures that invoke violence and injustice. In the middle of it is the FMC who has been brutally attacked four years ago and now seeks revenge.
On the other hand is the MMC who might or night not be part of the problem, and surprises us at every turn.

I admit I had trouble getting through the book as I was always at the edge of my seat fearing another attack or some reveal that might lead into the next abyss.
However, I have to say that the book handles these dark themes with a lot of respect and does not do shocking scenes for the sake of it. Everything is part of an intricate plot.
And more then once you find yourself wondering who the monsters really are.

I have never read a book like this, and while I admire what it does, I will not keep reading more books in this world.

4/5 stars

Thank you @netgalley and @hodderbooks for the eARC!

#ThisMonsterOfMine #Netgalley #Bookstagram

Well I inhaled this! Really struggled to put it down, it was so engaging and well paced. Politics, revenge, morally grey characters and a forbidden slow burn that had some excellent tension. It was dark too, quite horrific in places but I loved it. Kadra was amazingly dark and contained and Sarai was fierce and firey but stopped and used her brains before falling to far into the presumption/miscommunication trap, hooray! Great side characters that i honestly wanted more of, I wanted more in general actually. I hope we do get more in this world!
Thanks to Netgalley and Hodder and Stoughton for the arc, all thoughts are my own and left voluntarily.

DNF

This book was so bad I couldn't even get through chapter 2. Badly written, bad layout (no paragraphs, dialogue spaces, etc.), and so many infodumps and confusing Roman names right at the start. Nope, this ain't it, moving on.

Thank you for the opportunity to read this eARC.
This one was great! Loved the characters and their interactions. The relationships were well formed. The romance was one of the best I've read so far. And the plot. OMG the plot! I was constantly on the edge of my seat. Couldn't stop reading. I just had to find out what happens next. I constantly found myself smiling while reading this book.

I had a lot of fun with this and could not put it down!!

I would describe This Monster of Mine as a fantasy with a romantic side plot rather than a romantasy.

The prologue was incredibly dark and haunting, peaking my interest right away. Unlike a lot of other stories which promise characters making dark choices (but really they only talk about it yet remain squeaky clean), this author did not shy away from allowing the FMC and MMC to do real bad stuff. This gave a depth to them and made them feel unique and real. Both are full of anger so it makes sense.

Unfortunately, the romantic parts did not hit for me, they felt like an afterthought. Almost as if the author was not comfortable with writing the romantic scenes.

Although it was clear who her attackers were as soon as she met them, the mystery felt unique and kept me interested.

Really hope to see more by this author in future.

Grateful for the trigger warnings. I’m usually tough when it comes to dark content but I just could not get into it with the beginning content the way it was.

I was lucky enough to read this arc through NetGalley. This is one book that I kept thinking about getting back to, as soon as I put it down! This was a favourite read for me- it had complex characters that I rooted for/hated, a plot full of intrigue that kept me guessing and a magic system that was unique. Would recommend to anyone who enjoys mystery, slow burn romance and complexity in their characters!

I absolutely adored this one!

With great world-building, enthralling character development, elevated stakes, and some unexpected twists, This Monster of Mine gave me a rush I so desperately needed.

The beginning painted a picture so vivid, I became completely hypnotized by the main heroine characteristics and later her deeds in need to seek a revenge. Sarai was so brave, bold and fearless.

Assigned to Tetrarch Kadra, one of four Rules of Edessa, the cat and mouse chase begun. Sarai, convinced Kadra was her attacker, moved in with him. But as the time went by and fingers started pointing in other directions, she simply couldn't resist his allure anymore. And neither did I. The romance was so good! A lovely slow burn.

"I belong to you," he whispered against her hair. "I will always belong to you."

I loved the intricate setting, with mystery and magic perfectly wowen together!

I couldn't get enough of this one!

From the very first page, This Monster of Mine consumed me. Dark, intense, and beautifully written, it delivers everything I crave in romantasy—high stakes, sharp tension, and a world that is as brutal as it is captivating. I devoured it in one sitting and immediately wished for more.

Sarai is a heroine unlike any other. Four years after a vicious attack that left her with more questions than answers, she refuses to be defined by her past. She fights her way to Edessa, determined to seize power and uncover the truth. She is unyielding, defiant, and fueled by rage and resilience—a woman who refuses to be silenced, no matter the cost. I loved watching her carve out a place in a world designed to break her.

Then there’s Kadra. Cold, calculating, and feared by many, he is a leader both revered and despised. He carries the weight of power effortlessly, ruling with logic, precision, and a brutal sense of justice. But beneath his icy exterior lies a man full of contradictions—one whose choices have left scars even he cannot ignore. His dynamic with Sarai is electric—a battle of wills, intellect, and undeniable attraction. And the best part? He is the ultimate consent king, navigating every moment with care, intensity, and an awareness that makes their relationship even more compelling.

The worldbuilding is intricate and immersive, inspired by Ancient Rome but with its own unique depth and brutality. Every detail, from the political maneuvering to the rigid class structures, is woven seamlessly into the story, creating a setting that feels alive and unforgiving. The pacing is relentless, keeping me completely hooked from start to finish.

Dark, sharp, and utterly addictive—this is a book you don’t just read, you experience.

A dark fantasy with mystery, moral ambiguity, and the slowest of slow burn romances! The slow burn between Sarai and Kadra is a masterpiece, and there are some intense moments with "Who did this to you?" energy that had me internally SCREAMING!

If you like mystery, female rage, and morally grey characters (with some truly morally black ones in the mix!) this book is for you. It's a raw exploration of the dark side of human nature when power and control are abused.

The book is an unapologetic 'F*ck you' to those in power who abuse it. It's a fierce condemnation of injustice and the people who perpetuate it, and I couldn't get enough of it.

The friendship between Sarai and Cisure is fascinating but maddening! Cisure's manipulative gaslighting attempts had me absolutely FUMING at times, making their relationship one of the most interesting (and frustrating) elements of the story for sure.

Kadra intrigued me right from the beginning. Described as a terrifying man who kills for no reason and abuses his power, his character is wrapped in darkness with a lot of unknowns. But as the book progresses and his back story is revealed, I couldn’t help but fall for him, seeing the depth behind his actions and the reasons for his hard exterior.

I have to give a special mention to the pleasure house scene… it’s brief but had me giggling and screaming internally!

This is a must read for anyone who loves dark romantasy with complex characters, slow burn tension, and destroying the establishment.

Well deserved 5 stars, just absolutely screaming and gushing at the same time throughout. The tension was fabulous and the plot twists were so fun. I don't really know what else to say but to read this book!! I'm in awe and also ready to fight for these characters like they are new favourites for sure.

Sarai and Kadra are really topping my expectations for new OTP's. They blew me out the water with their chemistry. I almost don't know if the potential open storylines for a sequel could match the level of this book.

Thank you NetGalley and Hodderscape for this ARC!

What I loved:
- The premise and world
- Female rage was *chefs kiss*
- Ate up all the moments when the FMC stood up for herself and put people in their places; the way in which these scenes were written was so compelling and emotional
- Political commentary and the shedding of light on the plight of women in any world (fictional or otherwise)

What I didn't love as much:
- General characters and world building was a bit fuzzy to me
- Slow paced but things picked up about the 50% mark
- I just didn't understand the motivations and plot driving this book; maybe if it was dual POV that would have made things clearer but when the reveals happened, it fell flat for me
- Wished the romance was more heavy handed lol, I didn't feel the chemistry between the main characters

Would not read again, however I would be interested in reading another Shalini Abeysekara book - I believe she is a gifted writer and this is a good debut. Just this book didn't hit the mark for me personally (as much as I wanted it to).

Overall rating: 3/5

Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for the digital ARC!

Wow...what a fantastic book! This actually blew me away with how well written and fleshed out this was. The world was lush and believable, whilst the characters all felt real and with their own motives.

Sarai is a poor orphan girl from the north, who experienced a horrific incident a few years ago in the capital. She's since been left with extensive scarring and pain, alongside nightmares of the memories she can't quite remember. A prime opportunity allows her to return to the capital, intent on finding out what happened to her and getting her revenge.

She becomes a petitor - someone who is capable of using magic to detect lies, probe peoples minds and literally manifest the memories. Petitors are the right hands of the rulers, the Tetrachs, who run the country and deal with the law and justice. Sarai gets put with Kadra, the Tetrach that nobody likes and who has an infamous reputation - she's also pretty convinced he had something to do with the incident that left her so injured.

Sarai was a great character. She felt believable in their anger at the world felt real, and was very justified. At the same time, she also has a general anger towards the incompetent laws, and how it only benefits the rich and wealthy. We have some real world problems put into this book - the wealthy flaunting the rules because they can afford to pay bribes, whilst the poor suffer and become poorer. Sarai is angry at this, and wants to right the injustices people like her have suffered at the hands of the higher ups. As you might expect, she finds her hands tied by the very law that's supposed to be protecting these people, but instead allows them to suffer.

Despite this, she's loyal and determined, yet also remarkably open-minded. She doesn't remain stuck in one point of view for too long, and is willing to listen and learn.

Kadra is a fantastic character, and I loved how smart he was. He was more similar to Sarai than she'd like to think, and he kept a few paces ahead of everyone around them. Despite his cold demeanour, you could tell he felt something towards Sarai with how he acted around her - romance, or just appreciation? He also never lies to her, and is determined to make her see her own worth. He's surprisingly supportive, and very protective. Honestly, Kadra was probably one of the best 'broody' main characters I've read in a while. He's secretive, but you understand why. He's arrogant, and with good reason!

The relationship between them both was slow burn - very slow burn, but it was great to read.

The side characters were equally as interesting. I loved Gaius, and Anek was a sweetheart. Cisuré....hated her from the start and still hate her. Horrible person.

There's apparently a second book, and I really don't know what that plot will be but I'll be interested to read it! This book was so interesting and well written, the Roman influences were strong and I just...really,r really enjoyed it! I think this would be something that readers of high fantasy might enjoy as a break, as well!