What an amazing voice! I absolutely loved Faye's prose and overall writing style. It was interestingly structured memoir style as well, basing anecdotes and situations around one topic--love in all it's many forms.

There were bits of this that mad me furious, others that made me gut-wrenchingly sad and even more that made me think so much about the love in my own life. It's Faye's story but huge parts of it feel so relevant to everyone, regardless of gender, sexual orientation or socio-economic background.

I enjoyed this book! Some sections interested me more than others and some were a little repetitive. I would definitely read anything Shon Faye writes but I do think her previous work spoke to and impacted me more than this.
The short section about friendship and these hierarchical labels we put on relationships was what I think I expected the book to be more like. I expected explorations on different "types" of love more than this maybe did. Though the considerations of parental love and romantic love, how these things shape us, how we search and hurt ourselves through expectation and looking for something "missing" were very interesting!
It is maybe more of a memoir than a book that is research based about love as a concept, but when it does mix more personal with historical and sociological commentary I found it at it's most interesting.
The focus, because it is quite memoir based, sticks mainly with Faye's personal experiences with romantic relationships. This does mean it has quite a heteronormative/sexual focus, though through the eyes of a trans woman, but I think with a description including: "love is much greater than the narrow ideals we have been taught to crave so desperately that we are willing to bend and break ourselves to fit them" I expected some more considerations of "different" ways we do or do not experience love outside of those "narrow ideals" - maybe explorations of non-monogamy, aromanticism, queer platonic relationships etc... but that's not the book this was and I can't really fault it for not meeting expectations I put on it myself out of the desire to read something that did explore those aspects, or if I personally couldn't relate to the stories and history being shared here as much as others could.
So I'd still definitely recommend because I do really enjoy Shon Faye's work, her writing is always beautiful to read, and this is a very vulnerable personal book to put out into the world which I greatly admire!

Shon Faye has once again smashed it, writing a non fiction (part memoir part non fiction) that is informative, interesting and accessible. Shon discusses self love, friend love and how love is not a singular activity. This book is incredibly vulnerable and I applaud her for laying it all out there, especially in these times.

I would highly recommend this, it’s a brilliant read and demonstrates what a master of her craft Faye is.

For a trans woman in the UK, there's immense bravery in putting your soul on the page. Love in Exile is a heartfelt exploration that gives those who come after something that Shon Faye didn't have herself. The book's core insight and ability to look at oneself tongue-in-cheek are outstanding. When most think of love, they think of their romantic relationships, but arguably, the key part of Shon's writing doesn't come from these experiences; it comes when she talks about the other ways to love in all its forms. From friendships to motherhood, these insights leap from the page.

Having already read extensively on these subjects, expecially from queer authors, the book didn't give me anything new in the way I thought it would. Perhaps the most unexpected chapter was around religion, something I wouldn't have expected to be included. Although an odd one to include last, the subject of spirituality as a form of love is refreshing to see in a book like this. As more and more turn away from organised religion, we lose the community and spirituality that comes alongside it. Though Shon largely speaks of her return to a form of individually practised Christianity, I wholeheartedly hope that this chapter helps people to think about their version of spirituality. For me, it takes the simple form of spending time outside in nature. Though Shon only speaks about Catholicism, spirituality doesn't have to equal religion.

This said, I was left feeling that Love in Exile could easily be the start of something more. Alone, it isn't quite there. Though saying this, does there need to be? Nothing particularly 'out there' is included, but this doesn't seem to have been the intention. It's a book for those still finding their way, and goodness me, is it not a breath of fresh air to find a book on love that feels like a healthy goal is in sight? When did you last read a decent tome on ponderings of love in all its forms, let alone one from a Trans female perspective? Its lack of further analysis into love is exactly why it has so many five star reviews for being concise and lacking in the waffle that books about love usually thrive on.

Quite often these days, I read a book that I'm sure my younger self would have idolised. However, being that I'm no longer the hurt young soul I once was, Shon Faye's analysis of love in all its forms doesn't quite hit the same way. A younger me would have been hit much harder by Shon's effortless dry humour, vulnerable honesty and lived experience. But today? It's knowing that the next person to pick up her book will experience it the way a younger version of myself would have.

Love in Exile is an exploration of love filled with heartfelt insight and honesty. It'd make the perfect gift and would have the potential to start the healing of a heart. In its very essence, it's a lesson in loving oneself.


A big thank you to Shon Faye, Penguin Press UK - Allen Lane and NetGallery for the opportunity to leave an honest review.

this mix of memoir and non fiction book was great. Shon is writing about different kinds of loves and her own experiences that are shaped through her life as a trans woman, may it be dating stories or stories about friendship and learning how to love one self.

thank zou to Netgalley, Shon Faye and Penguin Press for the digital ARC

I’m not sure I’ve read a book so introspective when it comes to the experience of love. In particular the negative sides of love and the links it can have to addiction and sense of self. Faye cites many quotes and examples from gender and feminist theory which I found very interesting to read.

An incredibly interesting collection that I reckon I will be recommending to many or at least I can very certainly imagine myself discussing and talking about it with friends and alike. Do I think this was brilliant and so very needed to be published? Absolutely. But am I the target audience for this book? I'm not sure.

I loved this even more than The Transgender Issue. It was amazing to read Faye’s personal writing about herself and her emotional battles and struggle to love herself. TTI was very factual whereas Love in Exile gave us such a wonderful insight into her life and thoughts about dating as a transgender woman.

Faye is an amazing writer and this book covers addiction, faith, rejection, LGBTQ spaces and more. It has great academic references and really looks at the importance of self love and friendship as well as romantic love. Highly recommend this book if you want to read some accessible non fiction.

I loved this book. It was engaging and so easy to read without at any point feeling like the author had pulled any punches or dumbed down anything. The balance between autobiographical material and research was perfect and the material felt fresh and timely. I am not a trans woman but I felt like Faye's generous writing was speaking directly to me, too. I feel like everyone should be made to read this book.

Such a beautiful, thoughtful and ultimately hopeful exploration of love. Love in various forms, romantic, non-romantic - weaving the personal with the political. It is so readable and will resonate with so many people.

Shon Faye's book is a tender and moving meditation on love and loneliness. There was a lot of this book to make me stop and think about my own relationships and the way in which patriarchy impacts on us all, and on no-one less so than the lives of queer people. I got a lot from this book as cishet male and wish more of my peers would read this and learn.

The book veers into memoir, although couldn't be accused of self-indulgence that so many autobiographical works can suffer from.

I loved this even more than her first book (The Trans Question) and can't wait to see what Shon writes next.

Love in Exile is a raw, honest look at love, loneliness, and what it means to seek connection as a queer person in a world that often feels unwelcoming. Shon Faye blends personal stories with smart social commentary, touching on everything from dating and desire to identity and class. It's moving, thought-provoking, and refreshingly different from mainstream takes on relationships. Sometimes it gets a bit abstract or wanders, but overall it’s a bold, beautifully written book that really stays with you. A great read if you’re into deep, reflective takes on love and queerness.

Shon Faye is incredible as always, perfectly blending heartfelt memoir with political writing - this book went in a direction I was definitely not expecting but enjoyed nonetheless. The only downside was that at times it felt a little bit like reading (a much better version of) my dissertation (on the family institution), but apart from that, I really enjoyed reading this

“𝘓𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘪𝘴, 𝘢𝘧𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘢𝘭𝘭, 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘢 𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘵𝘭𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘢𝘵 𝘨𝘪𝘷𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘢 𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘵𝘭𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘢𝘵 𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘶𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘵𝘳𝘺 𝘵𝘰 𝘥𝘰 𝘪𝘵.”

𝘓𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘌𝘹𝘪𝘭𝘦 is a deeply moving and thought-provoking exploration of love—romantic, platonic, familial, and self-directed—told through the lens of Shon Faye’s lived experience as a trans woman. It weaves together memoir and social commentary with grace, honesty, and emotional depth.

I picked up this book hoping to better understand the experiences of trans people—how they navigate relationships, marriage, intimacy, parenthood, and the complex terrain of love, dating. What I found was so much more. Faye doesn’t sugarcoat her experiences; the stories she shares aren’t always happy, but they are real. Her vulnerability is powerful, and her reflections linger long after the last page.

But this book isn’t just about love—it’s about survival, identity, pain, and the search for belonging. Faye writes with raw clarity about growing up in a fractured family, dealing with alcoholism, confronting self-worth and self-harm, navigating sexual desire and gender transition, and enduring profound loneliness. These themes are heavy, but they’re handled with care, nuance, and depth.

What surprised me most was how thoroughly researched the book is. Faye doesn’t rely solely on her own experiences—she draws from literature, theory, and history, grounding her insights in a wider cultural and intellectual context. I also appreciate her insights about religion.

Faye writes beautifully—confidently, thoughtfully, and with real emotional intelligence. She has something to say, and she says it well. 𝘓𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘌𝘹𝘪𝘭𝘦 is not just a book about love—it’s a book about what it means to be human in a world that often misunderstands and isolates those who live outside its norms.

“𝘞𝘦 𝘢𝘤𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘦𝘭𝘶𝘥𝘦𝘴 𝘶𝘴!”

part memoir, part essay
such an interesting book, I would recommend it to everyone. I think it has so many interesting thoughts that most people would relate one way or another but specially makes you think.
I loved how each chapter focus on a specific theme and how the author portrays not only her thoughts but facts and other relevant information to the theme

Shon Faye is a trans woman and shares her experiences and reflections on contemporary dating and romance in “Love in Exile”.

As anticipated, love serves as the central theme, yet the book is presented as a memoir/essay collection, alternating between the personal and the political. The range of issues offers engaging content, covering addiction, friendship, not wanting children, millennial online culture and religion/spirituality.

A significant portion of her writing is autobiographical: in fact, I would like to make a point in saying that Faye is open and generous and puts herself in the vulnerable position of dissecting her own breakups for her readers.
She argues that society places unrealistic expectations on romantic relationships, resulting in dissatisfaction and feelings of inadequacy when they fail to fulfil socially accepted ideals. Her essay sections, however, are based on political theory, especially the ideas of Mark Fisher, who, very broadly speaking, argues that capitalism has commodified love, increasing the pressure on couples as the welfare state declines.

The book centres on heterosexual romance, reflecting Faye's perspective as a woman dating men, which makes sense since this is her memoir. However, this may come across as somewhat restrictive for individuals seeking a conversation about the wider concept of love within the queer community. Still, this is an interesting, insightful and well-articulated piece.

Shon Faye is such a thoughtful and generous writer. You can tell--in a good way--the sheer amount of thinking and research that has gone into each simple sentence she writes. Her voice is lovely; kind, caring, powerful, funny, etc etc. Shon's work is a real pleasure and a privilege to read. I really enjoyed this book; it feels like the cousin or sister of Arrangements in Blue by Amy Key, which as all my friends know, is a favourite. Both are refreshingly honest and grapple with the anxieties and shame of love--or rather, the lack of it--, and neither one feels the need to wrap up with a beautiful neat little lesson; letting the messiness of life exist as is.

Love in Exile is a deeply needed book—part memoir, part cultural criticism, part call to rethink what love means in a world that so often gets it wrong. Shon Faye writes with clarity and compassion about the ache for connection and the systems that undermine our capacity to give and receive love—especially if we don't fit neatly into society's preferred scripts.

While the book does offer a broader political and theoretical critique—tracing the entanglement of love, capitalism, heteronormativity, and state power—what struck me most were the memoir passages. These felt rich, grounded, and textured: grief after a breakup, the exhaustion of striving for approval in a world designed to exclude, the quiet moments of heartbreak and hope. They bring warmth and humanity to the ideas she explores, illustrating how love (or the lack of it) is never just personal—it’s political, structural, and often, devastatingly conditional.

Faye doesn’t speak only to the trans experience—though she powerfully articulates what it means to seek love and belonging while navigating trans womanhood in a society that frequently devalues both. She also opens the conversation outward, reflecting on how we’re all impacted by inherited norms: the way we’re raised to understand romantic love, family, friendship, self-worth. She questions the very frameworks that tell us who and how to love—and who gets to be loved at all.

My only critique is that I sometimes wished the book leaned more heavily on Faye’s own lived experiences to anchor the theory. Some of the analytical tangents felt slightly disconnected, even if their inclusion made sense thematically. That said, the overall arc is powerful and needed—especially in a cultural moment where narrow definitions of “woman” and “love” are being weaponized at the highest levels.

I'd recommend this to just about anyone. If you're a reader of memoirs, queer writing, feminist theory, or simply someone questioning how we’ve been taught to live and love—this book will speak to you. It’s both a critique and an offering. And it reminds us that love, far from being apolitical or private, is deeply shaped by the world we live in—and has the power to reshape it in turn.

Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for this ARC!

So incredible. A mixture of memoir and essays, this is a compelling read not only for trans folks but for anyone who was socialised as a woman or dates men. While there was some content towards the end that I was already familiar with (The Body Keeps The Score, etc), it was mostly refreshing and new, conveyed with incredible vulnerability and insight. I can't recommend it enough.

My first Shon Faye book and it didn’t disappoint! Such a wonderful exploration of love in all its forms and what it means to Shon with some political commentary, emphasis on community, and wrapped up with humour. It was intimate, well-researched, and accessible too.

This is more of a memoir of Shon Faye and her experiences with love both previously and presently, I can’t wait to get to The Transgender Issue at long last after this, I really enjoyed her writing in this.