Ita O’Brien’s Intimacy is a thoughtful and relatable book that really changed the way I think about closeness and boundaries. Drawing on her work as an intimacy coordinator, O’Brien explains how consent, trust, and communication are essential when portraying vulnerability, but also how these ideas apply to everyday life. I liked how accessible and honest her writing felt, making a serious subject easy to connect with. The book encouraged me to reflect on my own relationships and how I approach personal boundaries. It’s a short but powerful read that feels relevant to everyone.

Very interesting! There was lots of useful information and exercises throughout the book. I do think it could have been a bit more inclusive as it felt very heteronormative, but overall it was a good read.

Thank you NetGalley for the copy!

Really like this book. There's a lot of information in here.

It would work as a coffee table book or a great gift. And I think there's a lot of personal information in here that can help deepen relationships.

And I think that's important. And I think this was dealt with in a compassionate and thoughtful way.

Intimacy by Ilta O’Brien
3/5 ⭐️⭐️⭐️

Definitely a book with good food for thought.
Without being pushy. It delivers information and offers you the reader a chance to carry out exercises to help yourself.

I really enjoyed this book. O’Brien has a warm, calm, supportive, informative tone - like a chat your favourite teacher. I was particularly interested to learn about what’s involved in being an intimacy coordinator, but the book is wide-ranging on the subject of intimacy and I learned a lot.

Thank you to the publishers and NetGalley for the ARC of this book.

This took me a while to read: I felt that I had to be in a certain frame of mind to fully focus on the message of the book.

I would say this is a mix of educational and self-help. Using her past experiences, including that of intimacy co-ordinator, the author highlights how intimacy can take many forms, and how we are responsible for understanding our own needs and vocalising them (there are exercises in the book to help with this) It also highlighted that we need to be more open as a society about intimacy, and that we should not take our intimacy education from what we see in the media.

I found the book to be very insightful, would recommend to anyone that is learning to understand themselves more or to strengthen their relationships.

This book made me reframe a lot of things in my life. Whilst not a solution to issues that I have, it certainly has helped me look deeper into my own personal narratives, and given me tools to deepen relationships that are important to me.

A really refreshing and eye-opening look at connection and intimacy within relationships, media productions and your self. It was very interesting and came with a range of practical exercises to encourage the reader to have a better understanding of what intimacy really means and what it entails.
Thank you to the publisher and NetGalley for the chance to read this ARC.

Ita O’Brien’s Intimacy is a thoughtful, compassionate, and refreshingly practical guide to deepening connection—not just with romantic or sexual partners, but with ourselves and others in all areas of life.

Drawing from her pioneering work as an Intimacy Coordinator on productions like Normal People and I May Destroy You, O’Brien combines professional insight with emotional intelligence to deliver a book that is both deeply personal and widely relatable.

If you're worried this is a textbook for those in the entertainment industry don’t be.

While it offers fascinating behind-the-scenes glimpses into the world of film, television and theatre intimacy coordination, the real heart of this book lies in its universal messages: how we understand consent, define our boundaries, cultivate connection, and communicate our needs.

This book covers it all, and does so with warmth, clarity, and inclusivity.

What I appreciated most was the accessible and affirming tone.

O’Brien avoids prescriptive advice and allows space for readers to define intimacy on their own terms.

Her language is inclusive and sex-positive, making this an empowering read for people of all genders, orientations, and relationship styles.

The book is also body-positive, encouraging us to embrace our desires and take ownership of our intimate lives.

The reflective prompts included throughout are genuinely helpful for self-exploration, and they pushed me to consider what I truly want from connection whether romantic, platonic, or internal.

I found myself thinking not just about my relationships with others, but about my relationship with myself, too.

The sections that delve into O’Brien’s work on screen intimacy were a real highlight.

These real-life case studies how intimate scenes are choreographed, how actors are supported, and how consent is embedded into the creative process; were not only interesting but also illuminating in showing how the media we consume shapes our perceptions of intimacy.

Topics like the impact of porn, the role of smart phones, body image expectations, and societal scripts around intimacy are handled with nuance and care.

I gave the book four stars instead of five only because some themes felt slightly repetitive in places, and I would have appreciated a broader range of personal anecdotes or voices. But this is a minor flaw in what is otherwise a powerful and engaging read.

And really, if Gillian Anderson is prepared to write the foreword, you know you’re onto a good thing and this book absolutely did not disappoint.

Whether you're looking to strengthen your relationships, better understand your desires, or simply build a more authentic connection with yourself, Ita O’Brien offers the tools and insight to help you get there.

A must-read for anyone who cares about connection, communication, and consent.

I'd like to take the time to try out some of the exercises with my husband when we have child-free time I think it would be illuminating for us both.

With thanks to NetGalley and the publishers for an ARC in exchange for an honest review.

This was a very engaging read, especially regarding the professional aspects of television production.

While it may not directly apply to everyday life, I did find some useful information within it.

It is certainly not a book that one can simply read from start to finish in a single sitting.

Such an eye-opening and well written book. I really enjoyed dipping in and out and there's always something new to learn!

I struggled with this book and honestly couldn’t finish it. Not the fault of the book, it just didn’t resonate with me.

This was a good read. Lots of practical exercises and real world stories. Lots to think about, including consent and how to make sex better.

🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟
A transformative guide to authentic connection

In Intimacy, Ita O’Brien—renowned intimacy coordinator for productions like Normal People and Sex Education—offers a profound exploration of human connection. Drawing from her extensive experience in film and television, O’Brien provides readers with tools to cultivate genuine intimacy in their own lives. Through insightful exercises and reflective practices, she encourages a deeper understanding of desire, consent, and emotional presence. This book is an essential read for anyone seeking to enrich their relationships and foster a more connected existence.

This is an interesting, informative, practical book about intimacy. It describes history, culture and the experiences of the writer; Ita O'Brien, through her work as an Intimacy Co-ordinator.

It's part self help and part autobiography and I particularly enjoyed the exercises that are peppered throughout.

Overall, a 3* solid Good Read from me and I'm grateful to NetGalley and Penguin Random House for the opportunity to preview.

Fantastic book. Extremely informative. It guides us to discover our desires, communicate our needs and truly have intimate relationships. Thank you Netgalley

Thank you to Ebury Publishing, Penguin Random House, Ebury Press, the author and NetGalley for DRC in return for an honest review

This is a very strange book. One that isn't easily categorised. On various websites its genre has been defined as 'Health, Mind & Body', 'Nonfiction (Adult)', 'Romance', 'Television (Books)' and 'Marriage & Relationships'. It seems to be an odd hybrid of part Self-help book and part memoir.

In recent years, a new role has opened up within the Arts, that of Intimacy Co-Ordinator. What the heck does that mean? you ask. Well following in the wake of #MeToo and #TimesUp the entertainment sector has stepped up to try and make intimate scenes more comfortable and less intimidating for the actors involved. This job title may make people snigger but it has actually been a welcomed role by those in the business. In the past many actors especially females felt they were being exploited on set. The role of an Intimacy Co-Ordinator is now intrinsic to a modern day working enviroment. Advocating for the actors, ensuring consent and setting protocols. There is so much time and effort put into choreographing fight and dance scenes, surely it's a no-brainer that the same care and attention should be taken for those more intimate scenes as well.

Ita O’Brien is considered a pioneer in the evolution of the emerging field of Intimacy Co-ordination for stage and screen in recent years. Her most noteworthy productions being 'Normal People' (BBC/Hulu), 'I may destroy you' (BBC/HBO) and 'Sex Education' (Netflix).

O'Brien suggests that the information and advice she gives to onscreen couples could also translate over to couples in real life. While she doesn’t actually offer relationship advice directly to couples, she believes her work equips people with the language, awareness and tools to build more ethical, consensual, and emotionally safe relationships. Whilst I would say this book is essential reading for those within the acting profession, as it offers clear guidance on how to handle intimate scenes with care, I would advise those seeking marriage guidance to look elsewhere.

#Intimacy #NetGalley

I enjoyed this book but it’s more of a self help book how to deal with intimacy

As a pioneering Intimacy Coordinator, Ita O’Brien has choreographed some of the most groundbreaking, passionate and vulnerable intimate scenes onscreen. From Normal People to I May Destroy You, and in so many more productions, she has also made these scenes safer, more joyful and more empowering to perform in. No one knows intimacy, the power of true connection, better than her.

So, what can her work teach us about our own relationships, both with ourselves and others? How can we use her tools to discover what it is that we truly want in our intimate lives? And how can all of this create environments in which intimacy can take seed, grow and even thrive?

Combining embodied wisdom, behind-the-scenes stories and exercises for connection, Intimacy offers us a field guide to discovering our desires, communicating our needs, and cultivating truly intimate relationships at every stage of our lives.

I didn't have any preconceptions about this book, and it was a good read for something different.

Part memoir, part self-help, I enjoyed the practical advice for building trust, setting boundaries, and deepening intimacy in all types of relationships. The structure can feel a bit fragmented at times, but it's readable and particularly interesting if you are connected to the film / tv industry, where this is a very topical issue. I will be recommending it to colleagues.

I was curious to read this book as I’ve always wondered what it would be like for actors to perform physically intimate scenes. I’ve always thought it must be very odd to get so close to colleagues. The book did give some very interesting insights into how actors work with an intimacy co-ordinator, but it wasn’t the main thrust of the narrative (apologies for the pun).
A hefty chunk of the book is pretty woo-woo. I’m not personally into things like chakras, gazing at myself in the mirror, or grounding, so I confess I skipped past those parts. However, people who are more interested in spirituality and who want to explore those aspects of themselves and their partner might enjoy them. I read an ARC which made it clear that there was an intention to add more illustrations to this section - I think these would probably be beneficial to readers.
The part of the book exploring how attitudes to sex have changed, how young people are being heavily influenced by violent pornography and toxic individuals online, and what can be done to address this, fascinated me. It felt like an important discussion, as did the chapters considering changing needs for sex and intimacy for older people. Perhaps that interest reflects my own life stage as a perimenopausal woman with children in their teens and twenties, as a writer about romantic relationships, and as a former educator. For me, this elevated the book to a solid 3.5 stars. It would have been higher if it had included more insights into what it’s like for actors to portray intimacy on stage and screen.