This book was much more substantial than I’d expected. Written by an industry-leading Intimacy Coordinator who created the ‘Intimacy On Set Guidelines’, this book also has a lot of tips on how her approach can be applied to one’s personal life. O’Brien also delves into how what we see on screen spills into our approach to intimate relationships, and provides advice on how educators can better equip future generations in this arena. A well-researched, useful and enlightening read.

Really useful exercises for helping you to gain clarity. Interesting and insightful reading to help you to understand the different facets of intimacy underpinned by the authors story about her career. Would recommended.

Interesting – especially the anecdotes from the author’s career – but a lot of the information in this book, though important has been covered elsewhere. There was also a lot of tenuous connection between actual fact and pure feeling that didn’t sit well with me.

A bit of a mixed bag here, we have anecdotes from O'Brien working on sets as a performer and as an intimacy co-ordinator, which I enjoyed. There are also sections about female sexuality and debunking myths around arousal, which I have read before in other books, but I still think that this is helpful information. There are a lot of sections that unfortunately, are pure psuedoscience that are presented as fact. I had to roll my eyes at some of the exercises in here, it's just not my kind of thing at all.
On the plus side, O'Brien devotes the last section to sexuality in older people, an often ignored part of life, which I appreciated.

After enjoying Want by Gillian Anderson, I've decided I wanted to try more non-fiction writings regarding intimacy, and where's a better place to start than Intimacy itself.
This is an empowering read, exploring intimacy in all forms, and looking at meaningful relationships and connections throughout a lifetime.

I was disappointed that it didn't feel inclusive, and was very focused on hetro-normative roles, which was quite disappointing. Yes, it's important to acknowledge how TV and media impacts our real life, but so does content such as thing book

I liked that it's sex positive, and body positive. It's really insightful, and covers a range of crucial topics.

Thank you to Net Galley and Ebury Publishing for a free e-ARC of 'Intimacy: A field guide to finding connection and feeling your deep desires' by Ita O'Brien.

"In each sphere of intimacy, the willingness to be open and honest is everything. The underlying theme of this book, my work and my life is the need for open communication and transparency"

I wasn't sure what to expect from this ARC but I was intrigued by a foreword from Gillian Anderson, as well as to potentially learn more about intimacy coordinators and potential life lessons that could be translated from their work.

"The trouble is that the screen image of a dominant man and a submissive woman reinforces and creates inequalities. It limits our ability to see ourselves and each other occupying spaces outside of those roles"

In a way, I did learn a lot from this book - especially about film and TV and the work of intimacy coordinators in this sector. I found the exploration of the relationship between what we see on the screen and it's impact on 'real life' and vice versa really interesting. For example, the stereotype of what intimacy looks like and how it plays out, the impact of connectivity and smart phones, the increasing widespread availability of porn, and expectations around body image. I also enjoyed Ita talking about specific shows and scenes she worked on and the process of how they came to be/how she worked with the actors. These parts were really illuminating!

"In the absence of easily accessible, healthy education around sexual content, some people turn to pornography as their place to learn what sexual activity should be. The porn industry is inadvertently choreographing our sexual encounters, obscuring what we might want for ourselves."

Another interesting part of this book, which the first half comprised of, was outlining the importance of connecting to your own body through the techniques of mindfulness and grounding. There were lots of exercises in the book which were useful for beginners to these kinds of techniques. I found some of them very relaxing and valuable, however others were not for me! There are some beautiful illustrations in 'Intimacy', with many usefully depicting how to sit/move etc. My only difficulty with practical exercises with this ARC was that I would have found it much easier to follow the book as an audio for those - but that's a personal preference.

"Our culture worships the harmony phase, but a good relationship thrives on surviving the mess. The work of intimacy is the collision of imperfections and how we manage those"

In terms of what I thought could be improved:
- A LOT of this book felt extremely heteronormative and cisgender-focused. I appreciated the author's mentions about queer shows she worked on and the research she did for these, however the book is permeated with heteronormative or gender essentialist assumptions. For example, 'women's sexual organs align with their endocrine gland which is why their sexual energy is so often emotional'; 'kissing is more important to women than men'; 'biologically young men are on the lookout for a suitable mate who will continue the line and will respond to signals in terms of body and attraction and women look for a male with strong genes who can protect and provide'. I had to pause and shut my gaping mouth a few times reading some of these sentences! A lot of these statements were also made without any references or suggestions as to what the author was basing them on.

- There were many descriptions of bodies that were cisgender-focused, without a consideration that it might not apply to everyone. Ita mentions briefly an awareness of 'gender fluidity and gender expression' but only very briefly. Similarly, there was (perhaps some well intentioned, but) questionable terminology used such as 'someone who identifies as a man'. I strongly felt that more research around and consultation with the transgender community would have been beneficial for for this book.

- At times, it felt like 'Intimacy' jumped around and I wondered where the chapter was going. Each chapter had a general theme but at times it felt like we were meandering around the point or were taken on a tangent.

In general, perhaps the fault is with me for assuming an intimacy coordinator would be a little more 'progressive' in terms of language and messages at times. I understand that most of the issues I have were most likely well intentioned, I just would have appreciated a little more research/consultation and referencing.

A powerful and important read. Ita O'Brien offers a behind-the-scenes look at intimacy coordination in film and theatre in a way that feels honest, passionate, and educational. It’s a niche topic but written with warmth and clarity — would recommend for fans of feminist non-fiction and anyone curious about the evolving landscape of consent in the arts.

Ita O'Brien is a master when it comes to intimacy coordination and talking about intimacy.
With the reassuring and informative qualities of an expert's writing, Intimacy opens up discussions about intimacy - the book comprises exercises, tips, case studies/examples from films and TV shows, however these are all accessible, and enlightening for the general reader.

For those who don’t know Ita O’Brien is a renowned intimacy coordinator working in film and television and the founder of Intimacy on Set focusing on providing safe, fair and dignified work environments during intimate scenes. She’s worked on a number of well known shows include Normal People and Sex Education.

Using her knowledge from her professional role, O’Brien has brought us this book to teach us about intimacy in personal relationships, desire and communication.

I thought this book was brilliant - if Gillian Anderson is prepared to provide a foreword, you know you’re onto a good thing and this book did not disappoint. The combination of real life and the behind the scenes peaks was great and kept my interest peaked throughout.

It’s sex positive and body positive and encourages all of us to take control or our desires and intimate relationships. It covers a broad range of important topics including consent and boundaries.

This is a wonderfully put together book that gives the reader insight into some facets of the film and TV industry that we don't see (but I often wonder about when watching certain scenes) and I really enjoyed getting an understanding of that.

This was also an empowering and emotional read as it walks through body and sex positivity, both how this is used in industry and how to apply that as individuals (and we should all be here for that!).

There are practical exercises added throughout the book and they are a brilliant addition, making this feel like a workbook as much as anything else. And although my early copy was still awaiting final touches, I have no doubt the finished version will be great. (The illustrations were clear and inclusive, too, lots of body types shown, this was nice to see.)

If you're worried this is a text book for those in the industry, it's not - it contains so much that is important in relationships - consent, boundaries (my favourite) connection, communication, this book covers it all!

I found this book to be very insightful and an interesting read. Definitely had some great ideas and thought processes. The behind the scenes was a particularly nice touch as well. Recommend

Intimacy is a beautifully inclusive, body-positive guide that explores the importance of consent, connection, and confidence—especially within creative spaces. With real-world exercises and striking imagery, it’s a thoughtful and empowering read that promotes a deeper understanding of safe intimacy. A must-read for anyone interested in performance, embodiment, or personal growth.

Thanks to the author, publisher and NetGalley for sending me an early copy of this book.

Intimacy by Ita O’Brien is an insightful, fascinating book.

O'Brien's behind-the-scenes stories were engaging and authentic, and it was interesting to read about her varied experience in this niche field.

An empowering, interesting read which opens the door to reflect on true connection, deep-level desire and relationships - and not just romantic relationships either.

This important book teaches that consent is not just about avoiding bad sex and making it safer, but is also about making sex better. It contains lots of excellent practical exercises and is backed up by real-world experience.

I really enjoyed the insights Ita brought to the book regarding her work as an Intimacy Coordinator. I also enjoyed the exercises that were peppered through the book to encourage the reader to reconnect with themselves, and also to reconsider their relationships with other people. However, I didn't think the two worked so well together. It did end up seeming a bit of a mix of lots of different books.

Intimacy by Ita O’Brien is an insightful and thought-provoking book that completely changed the way I think about connection, desire and communication. O’Brien’s experience as a pioneering intimacy coordinator gives her a unique perspective, and I found her insights both fascinating and incredibly relevant to everyday relationships.

Having worked on productions such as Normal People and I May Destroy You, she has played a key role in shaping how intimacy is portrayed on screen, ensuring that scenes are not just authentic but also safe and empowering for performers. What I loved about this book is how she takes those same ideas and applies them to real life, offering practical guidance on setting boundaries, expressing desires and creating meaningful relationships.

The behind-the-scenes stories were particularly engaging, adding depth and a real sense of humanity to the book. I also appreciated the exercises for self-reflection and connection, which felt genuinely useful rather than just theoretical. They encouraged me to think about my relationships and how I communicate with them.

This book made me reflect on the importance of true connection, not just in romantic relationships but in all aspects of life. It is a brilliant and empowering read that I would recommend to anyone looking to understand themselves and others on a deeper level.

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