A really refreshing and eye-opening look at connection and intimacy within relationships, media productions and your self. It was very interesting and came with a range of practical exercises to encourage the reader to have a better understanding of what intimacy really means and what it entails.
Thank you to the publisher and NetGalley for the chance to read this ARC.

Ita O’Brien’s Intimacy is a thoughtful, compassionate, and refreshingly practical guide to deepening connection—not just with romantic or sexual partners, but with ourselves and others in all areas of life.

Drawing from her pioneering work as an Intimacy Coordinator on productions like Normal People and I May Destroy You, O’Brien combines professional insight with emotional intelligence to deliver a book that is both deeply personal and widely relatable.

If you're worried this is a textbook for those in the entertainment industry don’t be.

While it offers fascinating behind-the-scenes glimpses into the world of film, television and theatre intimacy coordination, the real heart of this book lies in its universal messages: how we understand consent, define our boundaries, cultivate connection, and communicate our needs.

This book covers it all, and does so with warmth, clarity, and inclusivity.

What I appreciated most was the accessible and affirming tone.

O’Brien avoids prescriptive advice and allows space for readers to define intimacy on their own terms.

Her language is inclusive and sex-positive, making this an empowering read for people of all genders, orientations, and relationship styles.

The book is also body-positive, encouraging us to embrace our desires and take ownership of our intimate lives.

The reflective prompts included throughout are genuinely helpful for self-exploration, and they pushed me to consider what I truly want from connection whether romantic, platonic, or internal.

I found myself thinking not just about my relationships with others, but about my relationship with myself, too.

The sections that delve into O’Brien’s work on screen intimacy were a real highlight.

These real-life case studies how intimate scenes are choreographed, how actors are supported, and how consent is embedded into the creative process; were not only interesting but also illuminating in showing how the media we consume shapes our perceptions of intimacy.

Topics like the impact of porn, the role of smart phones, body image expectations, and societal scripts around intimacy are handled with nuance and care.

I gave the book four stars instead of five only because some themes felt slightly repetitive in places, and I would have appreciated a broader range of personal anecdotes or voices. But this is a minor flaw in what is otherwise a powerful and engaging read.

And really, if Gillian Anderson is prepared to write the foreword, you know you’re onto a good thing and this book absolutely did not disappoint.

Whether you're looking to strengthen your relationships, better understand your desires, or simply build a more authentic connection with yourself, Ita O’Brien offers the tools and insight to help you get there.

A must-read for anyone who cares about connection, communication, and consent.

I'd like to take the time to try out some of the exercises with my husband when we have child-free time I think it would be illuminating for us both.

With thanks to NetGalley and the publishers for an ARC in exchange for an honest review.

This was a very engaging read, especially regarding the professional aspects of television production.

While it may not directly apply to everyday life, I did find some useful information within it.

It is certainly not a book that one can simply read from start to finish in a single sitting.

Such an eye-opening and well written book. I really enjoyed dipping in and out and there's always something new to learn!

I struggled with this book and honestly couldn’t finish it. Not the fault of the book, it just didn’t resonate with me.

This was a good read. Lots of practical exercises and real world stories. Lots to think about, including consent and how to make sex better.

🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟
A transformative guide to authentic connection

In Intimacy, Ita O’Brien—renowned intimacy coordinator for productions like Normal People and Sex Education—offers a profound exploration of human connection. Drawing from her extensive experience in film and television, O’Brien provides readers with tools to cultivate genuine intimacy in their own lives. Through insightful exercises and reflective practices, she encourages a deeper understanding of desire, consent, and emotional presence. This book is an essential read for anyone seeking to enrich their relationships and foster a more connected existence.

This is an interesting, informative, practical book about intimacy. It describes history, culture and the experiences of the writer; Ita O'Brien, through her work as an Intimacy Co-ordinator.

It's part self help and part autobiography and I particularly enjoyed the exercises that are peppered throughout.

Overall, a 3* solid Good Read from me and I'm grateful to NetGalley and Penguin Random House for the opportunity to preview.

Fantastic book. Extremely informative. It guides us to discover our desires, communicate our needs and truly have intimate relationships. Thank you Netgalley

Thank you to Ebury Publishing, Penguin Random House, Ebury Press, the author and NetGalley for DRC in return for an honest review

This is a very strange book. One that isn't easily categorised. On various websites its genre has been defined as 'Health, Mind & Body', 'Nonfiction (Adult)', 'Romance', 'Television (Books)' and 'Marriage & Relationships'. It seems to be an odd hybrid of part Self-help book and part memoir.

In recent years, a new role has opened up within the Arts, that of Intimacy Co-Ordinator. What the heck does that mean? you ask. Well following in the wake of #MeToo and #TimesUp the entertainment sector has stepped up to try and make intimate scenes more comfortable and less intimidating for the actors involved. This job title may make people snigger but it has actually been a welcomed role by those in the business. In the past many actors especially females felt they were being exploited on set. The role of an Intimacy Co-Ordinator is now intrinsic to a modern day working enviroment. Advocating for the actors, ensuring consent and setting protocols. There is so much time and effort put into choreographing fight and dance scenes, surely it's a no-brainer that the same care and attention should be taken for those more intimate scenes as well.

Ita O’Brien is considered a pioneer in the evolution of the emerging field of Intimacy Co-ordination for stage and screen in recent years. Her most noteworthy productions being 'Normal People' (BBC/Hulu), 'I may destroy you' (BBC/HBO) and 'Sex Education' (Netflix).

O'Brien suggests that the information and advice she gives to onscreen couples could also translate over to couples in real life. While she doesn’t actually offer relationship advice directly to couples, she believes her work equips people with the language, awareness and tools to build more ethical, consensual, and emotionally safe relationships. Whilst I would say this book is essential reading for those within the acting profession, as it offers clear guidance on how to handle intimate scenes with care, I would advise those seeking marriage guidance to look elsewhere.

#Intimacy #NetGalley

I enjoyed this book but it’s more of a self help book how to deal with intimacy

As a pioneering Intimacy Coordinator, Ita O’Brien has choreographed some of the most groundbreaking, passionate and vulnerable intimate scenes onscreen. From Normal People to I May Destroy You, and in so many more productions, she has also made these scenes safer, more joyful and more empowering to perform in. No one knows intimacy, the power of true connection, better than her.

So, what can her work teach us about our own relationships, both with ourselves and others? How can we use her tools to discover what it is that we truly want in our intimate lives? And how can all of this create environments in which intimacy can take seed, grow and even thrive?

Combining embodied wisdom, behind-the-scenes stories and exercises for connection, Intimacy offers us a field guide to discovering our desires, communicating our needs, and cultivating truly intimate relationships at every stage of our lives.

I didn't have any preconceptions about this book, and it was a good read for something different.

Part memoir, part self-help, I enjoyed the practical advice for building trust, setting boundaries, and deepening intimacy in all types of relationships. The structure can feel a bit fragmented at times, but it's readable and particularly interesting if you are connected to the film / tv industry, where this is a very topical issue. I will be recommending it to colleagues.

I was curious to read this book as I’ve always wondered what it would be like for actors to perform physically intimate scenes. I’ve always thought it must be very odd to get so close to colleagues. The book did give some very interesting insights into how actors work with an intimacy co-ordinator, but it wasn’t the main thrust of the narrative (apologies for the pun).
A hefty chunk of the book is pretty woo-woo. I’m not personally into things like chakras, gazing at myself in the mirror, or grounding, so I confess I skipped past those parts. However, people who are more interested in spirituality and who want to explore those aspects of themselves and their partner might enjoy them. I read an ARC which made it clear that there was an intention to add more illustrations to this section - I think these would probably be beneficial to readers.
The part of the book exploring how attitudes to sex have changed, how young people are being heavily influenced by violent pornography and toxic individuals online, and what can be done to address this, fascinated me. It felt like an important discussion, as did the chapters considering changing needs for sex and intimacy for older people. Perhaps that interest reflects my own life stage as a perimenopausal woman with children in their teens and twenties, as a writer about romantic relationships, and as a former educator. For me, this elevated the book to a solid 3.5 stars. It would have been higher if it had included more insights into what it’s like for actors to portray intimacy on stage and screen.

Thank you for the ARC of this book.

I really enjoyed this book. I knew what an intimacy coordinator was but didn’t realise the extent of their work. The information it provides was quite useful and I feel empowered to a degree having read it.

A thoughtful and compassionate guide to deepening emotional and relational connection. Intimacy: A Field Guide to Finding Connection and Feeling Your Deep Desires offers a refreshing take on what it means to build intimacy, moving beyond the typical focus on romantic or sexual relationships. The author invites readers to explore intimacy as a practice rooted in presence, honesty and vulnerability.

What I appreciated most was the accessible and inclusive language. The book avoids assumptions and allows space for readers to define intimacy in their own terms. The reflective prompts were particularly useful, encouraging genuine self-exploration and helping me consider what I truly want from connection.

I gave four stars instead of five because some parts felt slightly repetitive, and I would have liked a broader range of examples or experiences to reflect different perspectives. That said, this is still a valuable and insightful read for anyone looking to strengthen their relationships and connect more deeply with themselves and others.

I was intrigued by the premise of Intimacy — exploring the role of the intimacy coordinator in modern film and theatre sounded both timely and important. Ita O'Brien’s work in this field is undeniably influential, and I expected a deep dive into the ethics, challenges, and nuances of guiding intimate scenes with care and professionalism.

Unfortunately, while the subject matter is compelling, the book itself didn’t quite live up to its potential. The narrative often feels repetitive and meandering, with certain sections reading more like a manifesto than a structured exploration. There are moments of real insight, particularly when O'Brien draws from her personal experiences or reflects on the broader cultural shifts happening in the industry, but these are somewhat lost in the book's lack of cohesion.

I did not finish the book, however thanks Netgalley for an advanced reading copy in exchange of a honest review.

This book will smash preconceptions.
Lifting the lid on what different ages perceive what their peers find acceptable sexual conduct and issues around consent.
Ita's journey as a teenage dancer to intimacy coordinator on major tv series and movies.
Exercises to ground and explore your own personal space. They will help you to find what you are comfortable with.

The central theme of this book, and really of my own work and life, revolves around the importance of open communication and transparency in all forms of intimacy. The willingness to be honest and vulnerable is crucial.

When I first picked up this ARC, I wasn’t sure what to expect. However, I was drawn in by a foreword from Gillian Anderson and my curiosity about intimacy coordinators and how their work might offer valuable life lessons.

The book explores how on-screen portrayals of dominant men and submissive women reinforce harmful power dynamics. These portrayals shape our ability to see each other outside these roles, limiting our understanding of intimacy.

This book was much more substantial than I’d expected. Written by an industry-leading Intimacy Coordinator who created the ‘Intimacy On Set Guidelines’, this book also has a lot of tips on how her approach can be applied to one’s personal life. O’Brien also delves into how what we see on screen spills into our approach to intimate relationships, and provides advice on how educators can better equip future generations in this arena. A well-researched, useful and enlightening read.

Really useful exercises for helping you to gain clarity. Interesting and insightful reading to help you to understand the different facets of intimacy underpinned by the authors story about her career. Would recommended.