I got this as an arc on Netgalley and it has since come out. I flew through this book and immediately got hooked. Good writing! I had a lot of complicated feelings which the author intended me to have because everyone was toxic in a way. The impact of family and religion on being queer was well done. I only disliked the misogynistic way Josie gets treated remaining largely undiscussed. She should have published too.

Thank you NetGalley and the publisher for an eARC of this novel.
3.5*

I finished this book a couple days ago and didn't know what to quite write because there was a lot of feelings that I had upon finishing this book. I enjoyed the story at its core, the struggle between belief and true feelings. Adam's story is one that many sadly face and can be extremely traumatic for many individuals. But the hardest part for me was the drama between Adam and Julie. I think it could have been fixed if they just sat down and talked. There was so much unnecessary fighting that it became annoying to me.

While this deals with some heavy topics, it's still a light and easy read that I couldn't put down. The characters are flawed but engaging, and the plot forces them to confront those flaws in interesting and believable ways. These are people you'll root for.

I did not expect to get my heart dug into and broken in the span of an hour and that is exactly what this book will do to you. Five stars, no notes. Exactly what it says on the blurb and more. I feel like someone sat me in a chair and told me everything true I didn't want to hear then given me a hug and a mug of hot chocolate. You should read this but probably with a box of tissues and some time to stare at a wall and process the emotional rollercoaster this is.

this book was a deep and heart felt novel even from the title. it was full of characters full of such issue based feeling that changed how they felt and lived. they both saw themselves as one thing and it meant a whole set of walls were built or secrets were kept. it meant shame and it meant not being able to love others or yourself. or perhaps even let others love you.
Josie just for me needed a big hug, a big shake, then another big hug. you can really see from Alex's descriptions of her just how she came to be and why. it might not have been a flawless character. but some people just arent. and it can take time,love,support and or growth to help them out of their current funks. it didnt make Josie bad to me. it made me want better for her. she was a young and infuriating thing at times but god, arent we all.
i also felt for Adam. it must be so awful to have one side of your life, infact a total being of your life clash with something esle in it. and is that ever ok. more to the point is that ever ok in regards to people not being ok with who you are if its not fitting with their faith? is that really what faith should be. i find that a question i constantly ask. i also saw how his friends reaction was both great and not so. it was clear they just wanted Adam to love himself. that that is all that matters. but on the other side his beliefs meant everything to him and his family... so what then?
it was such a well written book. it felt so thought out and full of such stark realness. it was perfect. it was all pretty. but it was brilliant to read about this snippet in these very real to me characters lives.

*SPOILERS AHEAD - READ AT YOUR OWN RISK* I freaking love this book!!!!!!!! From the cruel internalization of homophobia, to the heart ache of a friendship break up, to the long-lasting impact of mommy issues (the list could go on), Who We Thought We Were got it right. For example, Josie is one of the most unlikable female main characters ever, and yet, the author had me feeling a lot of empathy for her. Josie's chip (more like crater) on her shoulder makes her almost incapable of the acceptance and love that she desperately craves. She relies on Adam's dependency on her to feel wanted, but in turn can't allow herself to want others. She couldn't believe Silas would actually just want to be her friend with no ulterior motive. Throughout the entire book, I was begging Josie to let her guard down and just listen to what everyone else had to say. Her self righteousness was infuriating, and yet I just wanted to give her a hug. In terms of the intersection between Christianity and religion, I think the author nailed the two ends of the spectrum in Adam's family on one end and his friends on the other. Josie's, Jon's, and Ari's attitudes were decidedly progressively Gen-Z. They couldn't understand why Adam struggled so hard with his sexuality and reconciling it with his faith. Their admonishments of self-love and acceptance were wonderful and necessary, but they were also dismissive of the way Adam was raised and the real struggles that can come with intense indoctrination into a faith. I appreciated Adam's inability to explain it to them because I don't think he even had the language to describe what eternity means to him. It bugged me that Josie, Jon, and Ari didn't try harder to understand why Adam felt so conflicted, but I can respect that they just want Adam to have the life and love he deserves. I could go on and on with so many thoughts, but I will end with how I felt about the ending: perfect! Truly a realistic ending without all the wrapped prettily with a bow nonsense. There was no world in which Ramona and Josie were going to see eye-to-eye, so Josie moved out. Josie grew enough to recognize that publishing the story would cause more harm than good, so she swallowed her pride and wrote something else (but still sent the tip to the paper anyway). Silas and Josie never became an item and they may not have even patched up their friendship - who knows. I don't know, man, I could write about this forever!!! 5/5 stars