Had to edit my review to make it shorter & more concise now that it’s been a minute after finishing the book.
I will say that I highly anticipated reading something this author wrote as I’ve been a fan of the snippets she’s been posting to market the release of the book. I overall enjoyed reading it, because it’s really well written, but I was left feeling uncomfortable a lot of the time - which might’ve been the author's point for all I know, but I didn’t leave the book feeling like the discomfort was a sort of teaching moment.

As far as writing style goes, I am an absolute sucker for good grammar and sentences that flow like water, so I did love it. Aside from some typing errors and the last act where figuring out what happened was impossible for me until Kieran spelled it out, everything was great. I also know that the author comes from an academic background, so I did expect there to be a deeper analysis of queerness, but I would’ve preferred it to be shown rather than exclusively monologued. As in, Ava preaches about the greatness of queer people and queer communities but where is hers? Her real-life queerness takes a back space in favour of her monologising about it to Kieran, which happened once too many for it to be okay. Like, I appreciate Avra being a flawed young adult, but where is her queer community in college? What has been new to her in this experience and why aren’t we introduced to it if it’s such a huge important part of her identity? Literally the only new queer character that’s introduced is underhanded and presented in a „bad controlling ex“ type of way (also, why did we have to know Naya is Black when no one else’s description is in a similar manner?)

I enjoyed the nuances in Avra‘s and Kieran‘s relationship up until they started sleeping together; then it got problematic to me. The way I understood it was they were supposed to be obsessed with each other and while Kieran certainly appeared infatuated, Avra seemed obsessed with his sexuality infinitely more than him as a person. We’re dealing with a lot of power dynamics and power exchange in this novel, but it was just slightly on the wrong side of cruel for it to appear as genuine caring or tenderness for me.

Now for the last act, maybe it’s a cultural thing because I’m not from the US, but I just cannot fathom ever behaving that way towards a person, *any* person, It’s just that, for a storyline that was supposed to be realistic and relatable - to me at least - seems so far fetched of a reaction, it’s hard for me to see a reconciliation in a way that allows them to have a relationship moving forward. It seems to me that this would always be lurking in the background, but again, maybe I’m too black and white on this.
Maybe it’s like a role reversal thing or a way for Avra to get even for years of bullying? Which, I will say I also think wasn’t handled very well.

Now I‘d like to say I really liked the way the author presented the angsty, coming of age, I’m a new adult ie., smartass situation. Like the „boob cage“ scene - immaculate, no notes. Or the „will he won’t he“ at that reunion party, so realistic, I could taste the disappointment. Honestly, like, top five scenes in the whole novel.
It’s a very strong debut novel, well researched and written with evident care, and I’m excited to see what this author has planned next!


Thanks to Netgalley for the free arc.

I will start with what I appreciated about this novel: for a debut author, Bogen has a pretty good ear for dialogue. With some notable exceptions, like when our heroine Avra turns into a queer studies lecturer, I thought the dialogue flowed naturally. Characters were given distinct enough voices that it was easy to get a sense of them. I also appreciated that this novel explored a bi4bi relationship, a dynamic that I think is underrepresented in literature, especially when it comes to bi men.

I think I fundamentally take issue with the premise of this entire novel — that homophobic bullies are only that way because they’re secretly closeted. While this certainly may be true in some cases — humanity is a rich tapestry et cetera — is this really a “queer experience” worthy of novelization? I’m not sure that it is, especially when the other (surprisingly few) queer characters are barely given personalities. Avra easily acquires girlfriends and just as easily discards them, and we learn nothing about them beyond the most basic descriptions (pretty/femme/dancer; art student; Black/butch/lesbian/biphobic??). Women are treated as mere distractions from the cis man at the center of Avra’s world — Avra claims that women are her “calling,” but in no way is that felt in the text. Avra’s college girlfriend is an especially egregious example. Naya is Black (the only character whose race is ever specified, which makes it feel like she exists to tick a box), a butch lesbian (the only non-femme), and majorly biphobic. It’s honestly quite offensive to have the only Black butch character be the source of such biphobia, while Avra’s straight friend Karly’s fetishization of queer women is treated as just a fun quirk (more on that later). Moreover, the author repeatedly breaks the fourth wall to excuse the offensive (ableist, fatphobic) things Avra says, by assuring us that she’s just too young to know better, but the same grace is not extended to Naya — I guess juniors in college are supposed to be perfectly behaved, even if their girlfriends won’t ever shut up about a man.

Regarding the fetishization of queer women, the author seems to believe fetishizing is just a way of expressing interest in queer community, a tentative foray out of the closet. Fetishization, specifically by Karly, is not treated as what it is — homophobia. The book has a real fetishization problem; Avra repeatedly fetishizes gay men in her relationship with Kieran. To be fair, I think this is meant to be uncomfortable to some degree, but that doesn’t mean I enjoyed reading it. Then there are Avra’s comments about trans women, which are so galling that I cannot begin to understand why the author included them.

I’m sure this book will find its audience, but unfortunately that audience is not me, as my toxic bisexual days are behind me. Thank you to Netgalley for the ARC.

This debut coming-of-age novel is stunning. It’s emotionally rich, beautifully written, and deeply resonant—especially for anyone who has ever wrestled with their queer identity.

The characters are full of life: flawed, vibrant, and incredibly human. The narrative unfolds in a way that’s both familiar and surprising, pulling you in deeper with each chapter. I sincerely hope there’s a sequel.

I am recommending this to all teenagers in my book club at school. This book will help so many young people. Katherine - thank you so much, this will save lives.

Truly a stupendous debut, and sad that I reached the final page. I shared every flicker of Avra's angst and frustration, and I loathed Kieran's casual cruelty. And then it pivoted - once the characters' full histories were revealed, I wanted to shout at Avra and soothe Kieran.

Hurt people hurt people, and while it's not an excuse, it is an opportunity for clarity - and I really can't wait to see Avra's true epiphany when she realizes the full ripple effects of her own actions, rather than continuing to agonize over what Kieran did to her when they were children.

Girl, I'm ready for books 2 and 3 plzzzz.

A couple small things...
1. The perspective shift between Avra and Kieran isn't always clear. This is theoretically written from Avra's POV, but there are times we are maybe told what Kieran is thinking or feeling, but it's not always clear if it's Avra's perception or if it's an actual shift into Kieran's POV. Mostly during intimate scenes when detailing sensations or where someone is looking.
2. Sometimes the build up to strong conflict doesn't always feel like it's marinated enough, or that there's a clear enough (for the reader) trigger for Avra to suddenly sabotage any progress with Kieran. The last scenes at Karly's party ended up feeling a tad bit muddy.
3. At the end, I was really confused about what Avra was saying she did or didn't do with the app store, and that it was his phone... the conversation where Kieran showed his phone to her clarified, but it was still a little too confusing.

REGARDLESS, this is a 5 Star review baby. Get ya queer on, let us keep living vicariously through you and HC, and gimme those sequels pretty please thx 😘

I had to pace myself when reading this as I would have read this in one sitting and then be upset with myself for letting it end so soon.

This is a beautifully written, coming of age debut novel. It is heartbreakingly gorgeous and for those who have grappled with their own queerness, this is a must read.

The characters are vibrant, messy and real. The story develops in a way that feels familiar but unexpected too. Please write a follow up to this, I’m not ready to say goodbye to Avra and Kieran.

I have mixed feelings about this book. So I’m going to break my thoughts into positives and negatives.

Let’s start with the positives. For a debut novel, this story is well written. The narrative is easy to follow, the language has a good flow, and I found it engaging throughout. The main characters feel mostly well developed, and the supporting characters felt real, and I was invested in their existences. I felt like the background angst of high school drama and such was well balanced enough that it didn’t take away from the main plot points of the story. The smutty bits were spicy (though maybe a few too many for my personal enjoyment after a point, but that’s just me), and the chemistry between Avra and Kieran was vivid. For a debut novel, Queering Him did a fantastic job of drawing me in and keeping me within the story.

Now, for the negatives.

While I enjoyed the overt queerness, and the dialogues and commentaries about queerness throughout the book, the niche and nitty-gritty of how complex queer identity can be, I found some parts a bit… ‘preachy’ isn’t the right word. It was more like some of the sections (such as Avra’s long-winded ramble about queer sex) were better suited for a series of essays on queer spaces and experiences, and less suitable for a fiction book.

Now, I am queer myself, and very much a fan of discussing and exploring queerness. The majority of my immediate social circle, and my work environment, are centred strongly and intentionally within the lens of queerness. I love a good education sesh about the intricacies of queer experience and identity, but I don’t necessarily feel the best place for a one-sided version of this dialogue is within a fiction story.

Okay, that aside, let’s get into the story itself. The dynamic between Avra and Kieran is a complex one. It is both an example of how diverse and complicated it can be to find and to feel love, and an example of immense toxicity. There were moments where this toxicity walked a very fine line between exploring the world of kink, and downright taking out internalized queerphobia and abandonment issues on each other in a space where it was couched as ‘un-navigated consent.’

This kink is not trauma informed.

As the story progresses, it is made clear that Avra’s issues with her absent mother are far more impactful than she at first presents them. There is a heavy flavour of unreliable narrator as the book nears the meatiest part of the plot, and it’s even reflected in some of Kieran’s experience with his father.

And, yet, unresolved trauma does not excuse Avra’s betrayal at the end. This is where I am kind of uncertain exactly how I feel about the book. The ending is like an immense implosion, a bang that then ends on the most literal whimper with the very final sentence.

Which left me asking, ‘and for what?’ What lesson was learned here? Is this just a grand, complicated commentary on the complexities of queerness, and bisexual experience, and the tenuous nature of toxic relationships borne from trauma bonding? Is it that people who don’t resolve — or at least attempt to address — their trauma are doomed to implode the relationships in their lives and then end up alone, and rightfully so? Even if that relationship was kinda shitty and weird and violent and maybe wouldn’t have worked out in the end?

Is it that all bisexual people are doomed to hate the concept of heteronormative-appearing relationships so much, they’ll self-destruct just to avoid the wife-husband marriage and white picket fence life? Is it not good enough to be the queer femme that marries a man after all? (Coming from a nonbinary bisexual femme engaged to a cis het man, I’d like to say no).

Anyways, now I’m writing my own queer essay, so I’ll stop there, because I don’t have answers to these questions. Maybe this is just one perspective within the commentary of queerness, and I’m just looking far deeper than I need to.

So, pros: well written, engaging, a style and flow that drew me in and kept me coming back for more. Well-developed characters with intense emotions and believable back stories.

Cons: kinda ranty, fetishistic of both gay men and trans women, and really hard to pin down an exact goal of this story.

Do I recommend it to others? I think so. And, if you do read it, please feel free to hit me up because I have feelings and things I’d love to discuss.

Also, I got this as an ARC through NetGalley, so check it out when it’s available.

I approached this book with caution; curious and willing to be convinced. Turns out I was insufficiently cautious, given it's quite possibly the most odious, offensive, irredeemably irresponsible narrative I've ever interacted with.

My issue is first and foremost with the fetishism - first of lesbianism, then of gay men, and most egregiously of all, of trans women.

A character at one point remarks "doing a fucked up thing doesn't become not fucked up by you recognising you're doing it" and this especially applies in relation to prefacing a hideously fetishistic comment with 'it's probably fetishistic to say this, but...'

Proceeding with a remark fully conscious of its being wholly inappropriate is behaviour ugly on a par with the initial thought, and its occurring in the midst of a 'sex positive' conversation by no means diminishes either the intent or the damage.

And honestly, this book is damaging altogether.

Unhealthy relationship dynamics.

Unhelpful portrayals of performative intimacy between two women in a narrative that proports to primarily centre bisexual visibility and validity.

The fetishisation of gay men for the female gaze.

Forcing the confrontation of a partner's suppressed or repressed sexual desires out of a perverse sense of entitlement.

Dangerous discussion and likewise practice of kink.

Succinctly, if toxic, hateful, morally bankrupt romance is what you're after, then you just might vibe with this. But I would advise EXTREME caution.