Such an absolutely gorgeous read. This book made me laugh and cry . I adored it. Can’t wait to read more from this author

Five year old Claude is adamant that when he grows up he is going to be a girl. He loves wearing dresses and dreams of being a princess but his dreams are kept
Secret in the family until it’s exposed. This was a decent read but felt a bit TV movie and lacked a bit of depth. Nevertheless still a good read. Thank you to netgalley and the publishers for this arc in exchange for my honest review:

An interesting perspective and character study. I'm grateful for the happy ending but at times it felt too perfect, and too forced. An important topic to talk about, the story was touching in places and the family dynamics were interesting. An eye-opening read!

Unfortunately, I have not been able to read and review this book.

After losing and replacing my broken Kindle and getting a new phone I was unable to download the title again for review as it was no longer available on Netgalley.

I’m really sorry about this and hope that it won’t affect you allowing me to read and review your titles in the future.

Thank you so much for giving me this opportunity.
Natalie.

This is one of those books that you read with slight trepidation as the subject matter (transgender child) isn’t perhaps one you are familiar with or one that you think you can relate to or even understand so I began This is How It Always Is with an open mind and open heart.

Almost instantly I was transported into Rosie and Penn’s chaotic family life, swept away by their love and compassion and total unconditional support of their 5 children. My heart broke several times during their story and as a parent I was total blown away by their wonderful, quirky but seemingly effective parenting skills. Throughout the pages I felt myself tearing up and then smiling at the humour.

This Is How It Always is is a beautiful love story of two people who meet, fall hopelessly in love and then create a wonderful, unique family of 5. This book questions how far a parent will go to protect their child. A topical subject with a very important message and sensitively and beautifully told by Laurie Frankel. Highly recommended and will be going into my Top Ten Books of 2018.

A wonderful, touching story of Rosie (ER doctor) and Penn (author), who have five sons until at a very tender age, the youngest son wants to wear dresses and skirts and barrettes. Rosie and Penn support Claude in everything he wants until one day, still very young, he wants to be called Poppy and dress all the time as a girl. There are some very dark scenes and ultimately, Poppy's parents move the whole family from Wisconsin to Seattle, where life should be more tolerant. Poppy is enrolled in school as a girl and life moves along swimmingly, except that her brothers (unknown to her parents) deal with the fallout as many children realize the truth of Poppy. Ultimately, the school children find out en masse, and are cruel the way only children can be. Poppy's best friend Aggie is furious as Poppy withheld a secret from her. Poppy cuts her hair and re-emerges as Claude, a silent and withdrawn child in direct contrast with the vivacious and confident Poppy. Rosie and Claude go to Thailand where Rosie will work in a local hospital and Claude teaches English (at 10) in a school. The world of transgender in Thailand opens Claude's eyes and he sees there is a way forward. His parents realize that trying to put Claude/Poppy in a boy/girl box will not work and the family moves forward. This is a fantastic and brave story told by an author with a transgender child. The magic stories that Penn weaves for his children are marvellous as well. I wish I could give this book 6 stars.

Rosie and her home husband Penn have four sons and a perfect existence. They are hoping their fifth baby will be a girl, but are still delighted on the birth of another boy, Claude.
When he turns five, Claude decides he wants to be a girl. Five years on, with the increasing effort required to make this situation work, Rosie moves her family to a new home across the country. The family sacrifices their secluded rambling house for a smaller one with closer neighbours, Rosie gives up her beloved job as an ER doctor and joins a family practice and they present their youngest daughter to new friends as Poppy. But eventually keeping Poppy’s past a secret becomes a huge burden for his parents and brothers to bear.
Laurie Frankel has written an entertaining, informative and sympathetic novel about a family with transgender issues. There are times when Rosie and Penn’s parenting skills feel a bit too perfect to be true, but they do make mistakes, albeit well-meaning ones, along the way. The trip which Rosie and Poppy make, and come home from knowing more about themselves, feels the most contrived part of the novel, but this section allows an examination of the issues which the family will need to face on this difficult road.
Thanks to Netgalley and Headline for a very interesting experience.

I am not going to be reviewing this book, but thank you for the approval.

TRIGGER WARNING: Homophobic and ableist language, and transphobic behaviour feature in this book.

I don't often contemporary adult novels, but this is one I just couldn't pass up, not when it's about a family, and how they work out how best to help and support their trans daughter and sister. This is such a beautiful and moving novel, I absolutely loved it.

When Rosie and Penn's three-year-old son wants to wear a dressing-up play dress, of course they allow it. Claude is just a child, after all, and there's no harm in playing - you don't need to force gender roles when into a child's playtime. But it soon becomes clear that this is more than just their son wanting to play - their son is actually their daughter. What do you do when you realise your young child is transgender? Poppy, as she chooses to be called, is just a child; she doesn't understand that we don't live in a perfect world, that there are those in society who have a problem with girls who have a penis, or boys who have a vagina. She also doesn't know about puberty, and the affects it will have on her body. Poppy is just a girl, and that's that. But Rosie and Penn do not what people can be like, they do know what puberty will do to her body. There are certain decisions that have to be made, decisions that Poppy is too young to make herself, or even fully understand. Her parents have to make them for her. They love their daughter, they fully accept her as she is, but they know the obstacles Poppy will face. You want to protect your children, but there are some things you can't protect your children from, so what do you do?

What I loved about this novel - that's told over a number of years, from when Poppy is born to when Poppy is ten - was how much love these parents have for their daughter. They're shocked and lost at first, but they do all they can to help their daughter be their daughter. They seek advice, they let her nursery know and discuss support for their daughter, they buy her new clothes - dresses and skirts and pretty tops - and allow her to grow out her hair. One day Claude went to nursery, and the next, Poppy. Although terrifying, as children can be cruel, it goes smoothly. But when problems do occur, Rosie and Penn have to make decisions, make choices, but they can't see into the future, they don't know the consequences of their decisions - for Poppy and the rest of their family - and nor do they always agree on the what is best for Poppy. I thought this was particularly powerful, because we get to see that there are several possibilities, but also that there is no definitive "right" way of raising a transgender child. Both think their way of doing things is the right thing for Poppy, both think each other's way of doing things will be detrimental for Poppy. Sometimes they agree. Sometimes they believe they don't have to make a decision right now, and sometimes not deciding has it's own consequences.

What is wonderful is that This Is How It Always Is is written by an author who is a parent of a transgender child. This book isn't a memoir, it's fiction, but there is a knowing to this story; Rosie and Penn's thoughts and worries, questions and opinions, the choices before them and the decisions they make, you read knowing that Frankel knows how Rosie and Penn feel, has faced these choices and made decisions, has thought about the future and the obstacles that lay ahead. This isn't a black and white story, there are no definite rights and definite wrongs when it comes to raising a transgender child you're trying to help, love and support. There's uncertainty and there's worry, and there's trying to do your best, but sometimes you make mistakes - but this is how it always is when you rise a child, trans or otherwise; parenting is full of questions and worries and decisions that have to be made, there's no manual for parenting, no matter what your child's gender identity.

I also loved how this wasn't just Rosie and Penn's story, nor that it was just Poppy's story; it was the family's story. Poppy's older brothers, Roo, Ben, Orion and Rigel are all affected by the choices their parents make in trying to do right by Poppy. And sometimes what's right for Poppy has negative impacts on her brothers. But they also love their sister; they completely accept her, but they worry for her, too. Sometimes they think their parents are making the wrong choices. They go to school, they know what school children can be like, and they're scared. Roo especially. He goes to his parents, he has a go at them, he pleads with them. But he is a child himself, and can't see the bigger picture. Even so, it was still so wonderful to this boy, and all the others, love and care for their sister, and want her to be safe, too. It was just gorgeous!

There were a few times where I frowned in concern when it came to the pronouns and the name used, but as I read on, it was Rosie and Penn getting used to the changes, and, later, trying to do what they thought Poppy wanted. When Claude is no more and Poppy is here instead, there's a while where her parents struggle to get used to the change in pronouns, and still sometimes refer to Poppy as he/him. It was like a habit they had to break, a change in the way they thought about their child. Later, when Poppy experiences something awful, and starts presenting as male again, Rosie goes back to calling her "Claude" and using male pronouns, believing that while she's struggling to work things out, this is what she wants. Again, I started getting worried; Poppy was still Poppy, she was still a girl, and that hadn't changed because she experienced something awful, and decided to present as male. But again, it became clear that this was down to the characters, not down to the author; Penn still called Poppy "Poppy", still used female pronouns. It's difficult, because I can completely see why Rosie thought what she did, why she chose to call Poppy "Claude", this was her again trying to do what was best for her child, doing what she thought would make her child happy while her child is struggling with how she feels. But at the same time, I disagreed with it. I think there were times when Rosie didn't fully grasp things, didn't fully understand what being transgender meant, and so sometimes she makes decisions and mistakes because of that. She knows what "transgender" means, but if Poppy is Claude again, then maybe Claude isn't transgender. When the case was Poppy was trying to be someone society would accept, because they weren't accepting her as herself, and I don't think Rosie fully understood that at the time. Which I think is probably pretty realistic.

There was another thing I had a big problem with. There is use of the word "spastic" twice, which I really wasn't happy with. However, it's used in the narration of a ten-year-old - a ten-year-old who is still learning. Although it's an offensive word, I think it's use is realistic for the person using it. Saying that, it should have been challenged. It would have been better if the word was said aloud rather than thought, then it could have been corrected. There is no correction, and it's not implied that this word is inappropriate or vile. And it's use is just so unnecessary; it's not necessary to use that word to describe an object that isn't behaving the way you would expect. And considering what Poppy goes through in the book, I just would have thought Frankel would be a little more sensitive to words that have been used as offensive slurs to other marginalised groups. I was just so disappointed and angry. This word is not ok, and it should have been picked up on somewhere in the editing process.

Otherwise, this is such a beautiful story. It's full of tough questions and it makes you think. Your heart goes out to everyone in this gorgeous, wonderful family who are trying to do their best by their lovely daughter and sister. Your heart will break more than once, but the love this family have for Poppy will mend it each and every time.

Thank you to Headline Review via NetGalley for the eProof.

'This Is How It Always Is' is a sensitive, frank and funny portrayal of how one family deals with having a transgender child.

The Walsh-Adams family comprises dad Penn (a stay-at-home writer), mum Rosie (a doctor) and their five children.  The oldest children are all boys, so when the fifth arrives with all the necessary male equipment, Rosie and Penn overcome any disappointment they might secretly feel and love him just the same as their other sons.   However, as little Claude grows it becomes clear that he loves playing with dolls and dressing up in Rosie's clothes, rather than joining in the rough and tumble of his boisterous brothers, and by the ripe old age of 5 he declares that he wants to be a girl and would like to be called Poppy.

On the surface the Walsh-Adamses are a liberal, well adjusted and very enlightened family who accept Claude/Poppy's decision with very little disquiet or discomfort.  In fact it's only when the older brothers are getting towards their teens and the taunts and jibes of schoolfriends hit home and rankle more.   However, I thought it was telling that, once Claude has begun acting and dressing as Poppy full-time and the family has moved from rural Wisconsin to supposedly more liberal Seattle, Penn and Rosie still choose not to tell their new neighbours that their daughter was born a boy.

Laurie Frankel is herself the mother of a transgender child and has presumably used her experience and knowledge to create this novel.   It's an uplifting and very enlightening read, and although the family does experience some prejudice their experience seems to be overwhelmingly (? unrealistically) positive.   This would make a fascinating novel for book groups to discuss and I really enjoyed reading it.

opinion. Personally, I loved it, it is a stunning novel and one that should be read by everyone no matter what their opinion on transgender.

Claude is Rosie and Penn's fifth child, they were hoping for a daughter after four boys, but what they got in Claude was something much more.

From an early age Claude likes to wear dresses, his mother's nightshirts, ribbons in his hair. All of which is fine, none of their children are exactly conventional...

And all remains fine, until the day comes for Claude to go to school.

After a lot of deliberation the family decide to let him go as he wishes, he grows his hair, wears dresses and skirts to school, and becomes to all intents and purposes, a little girl. Poppy.

It isn't until Rosie has a scare with a transgender patient in the ER department where she works as a doctor, that she realises how dangerous the world can be for those who are neither wholly (or truly) a boy, or a girl.

The family make the difficult decision to move to a more accepting community, but inspite of this, they choose from the outset to portray Claude as Poppy. What none of them can imagine is how difficult it is to keep a secret so huge that it's lifechanging. But what should they truly do for the best?

The decisions that they make now will stay with them all for the rest of their lives, so they must be sure that they make the right ones. No matter how hard that may be for all of them.

This is how it always is, is an exceptional novel and I look forward to reading more from this author.

Rosie & Penn have 5 sons. The one day the youngest son, Claude, announces he should have been a girl, and now wants to be known as Poppy.

This story is so current just now. We are hearing more and more of children who have been born the wrong gender. The author deals with the subject matter with a mixture of humour and honesty but it's tactful at the same time. It covers transgender by expressing people's beliefs, especially in such a young age . A beautifully written, honest look into transgender life.

I would like to thank NetGalley, Headline and the author Laurie Frankel for my ARC in exchange for an honest review.

Rosie & Penn had a chaotic loving family of four boys. Although they would really have liked a daughter they welcomed number five son with joy. However from a very early age Claude wanted to wear a dress have 'girly' things and not conform to the male 'norm'. When asked what he wanted to be when he grew up his answer was , "A girl!" His brothers were all fairly eccentric in their own way so at home it was happily accepted as being Claude's 'thing'. When Claude started pre- school things started to get complicated.

This was a well written book that raised many questions. Why do we have to conform to gender stereo types? Why is is so much more difficult for a boy to be a girl than a girl to be a boy? How do you support all those in your family when one member's needs impact on everyone?

This is well worth a read and I would like to thank Netgalley & the publisher for giving me the opportunity.

I must say that the complex message in the blurb is what first attracted my curiosity I had heard or seen nothing about the hype of this book until recently which is good for me, I could walk in open minded and away from distractions from the hype.

The first half of the book was a struggle for me. There is a huge amount of narration and not much dialogue although at times even the dialogue was hard for me to follow at times to.

I got it though. I got the gist of it all.

This is a good modern times family that accept things, like they have accepted Claude their young son who needs to be Poppy.
We learn from the start the complexity of her sons feelings at an early age.

It's a powerful book with a message.

There are some fun things that will make you smile.

I've given it a 3 star simply because I really struggled reading this, not because of the subject matter, not because of the complexity, more from the readers POV in keeping with it.

My thanks to Headline via Net Galley for my copy

I've been hearing about this book for a while and there has been a lot of hype online, I was surprised at first as it took me a little while to get into. I think it was simply because I found all the characters and family members that were introduced early on confusing, once they'd all clicked with me though I was enthralled.

The family are all wonderful and Claude wanting to be Poppy is never an issue for them. It felt like it would be a great household to grow up in, a home full of love and compassion. I couldn't help but root for Poppy throughout the story, hoping that everything would work out alright for her in the end.

This is a novel with a powerful message, one with some heartbreaking moments but overall one that is warm and sometimes funny.

Don't even know where to begin with this one...give me time to figure out what I need to say...

*Fast Forward 1.5 week*

I loved this novel. I couldn't stop thinking about this novel for days on end. I wish so much that every family in the world was as amazing as this family. I wish that every child that felt different had a Nan that went out of their way to make them feel normal. I wish all schools were lead with forward thinking leaders that had the best interest of the children in mind.

The truth is, I personally feel, that it's a vast minority that are like this.

I think I'm pretty open minded. Or at least I try to be. I feel as if I understand what some people must feel. Reading this novel...well, how naive was I? This book made me see some things from a totally different angle. Yes, it's one thing to hear an adult say that they always felt different...it's another thing to actually see a young child going through something so difficult.

This book is so important.

Again, the parents of this novel did an amazing job! I loved them so very much. The siblings, again, A.M.A.Z.I.N.G!!!! I know parents and families like this DO exist.

However, if I had one complaint about this novel, it's that the parents did too great of a job. That the siblings were too amazing. That the school leaders were too brilliant. That they fellow students were too perfect.

I don't know. That sounds horrible. I so loved Claude and Poppy. THEY WERE VERY REAL TO ME...they broke my heart over and over again, and they gave me such joy as well. I want the happiness. I don't want them to be hurt. I understand they were hurt. However, as in real life, much of the hurt we feel as preteens/teens is in our mind. No, that doesn't make it less real. It's still a valid hurt. It's still a real hurt. I'm just saying that it wasn't as bad in the school for Claude and Poppy as they imagined it to be. The peer group in the school DID accept them.

I don't think the real world is like that. I think it's just as bad as Claude/Poppy imagined it to be...no...I think it's much worse. I don't want that to be true...but I am afraid it might be.

That saddens me to say that maybe, for me...and families that are going through this...well...maybe the book was a small disappointment in that regards. It might be hard for the Poppy's in the real world to relate to such perfect families and friends, when their own family and friends are very different.

I don't want that to be true...I want the Poppy's of the world to be free to be themselves. I want them all to be happy at the end.

I don't know how to reconcile this desire with the reality of so much of the world...

ARC provided by Netgalley for an honest review