Dear Reflection

I really like reading about people's life and all they have encountered. It is interesting to follow their journey and watch the transition taking place between the pages. It takes a lot to be honest with oneself and to do that in print is remarkable. Some journeys you will forget and some will stay with you for a bit. If this is the type of journey that you enjoy reading about, this is the book for you. Honest, interesting and just a very good read. The author presents her life in such a way, you want to continue reading. I wish the author best wishes and thank you for sharing your story. Thanks to NetGalley, the author and the publisher for the advanced copy of this book in return for my honest review.

http://thebarefooteddandelion.blogspot.co.uk/2017/05/dear-reflection-by-jessica-bell.html

Emotional review coming up. Get your napkins ready!

When I requested this title, I was excited, because hey - a rock’n’roll teens memoir? Written by someone whose parents were actually musicians, bohemians? Man, that sounds good. Who wouldn't want to read that?

Then when I let it sit for a bit, I was a little apprehensive. There will be lots of sex and drugs, won't there? I'm not really one to go for that sort of thing. I was always too nerdy and timid for that. To the extent where it still makes me uncomfortable to even read about it.
But then I decided that responsibilities are responsibilities, and I have to do what I promised (which is, read it and write a review). And then, there must have been something in the blurb that attracted me, right?

And there indeed was.

When I started reading this, I realized it wasn't at all what I expected. Yes, there was sex and there were drugs, and a whole lot of awful life-decisions, but. They were not told through the eyes of an entitled posh rock kid. They were told through the voice of a woman - who, although she was a rebel, was every bit as misunderstood, bullied and harassed as I was when I was growing up. Which made reading this book an immensely rewarding and captivating experience - because it's as if I was reading my own life story, but backwards - what if I would have made all those opposite decisions? What if I'd chosen everything backwards from how I did? The author of this memoir had the same exact experiences in terms of emotions, sometimes - even the same exact things happen to her, to the point of it feeling eerie. She always felt like I did, she drew the exact conclusions, reacted emotionally the same. Was exposed to the same trauma. And yet, she chose all those things I didn't choose (to have or not to have sex with absolutely anyone, to take or not to take drugs, to try suicide or not). All those things I thought I was too coward to choose to do. But Jessica Bell, bless her dear heart, made me realize that nothing good would have come of those. And I have nothing to regret losing.

In this book, we get lots of glimpses into Jessica’s childhood, her teens, her youth. She writes well, and not only that - she gives those lovely little windows into the past - videos of her parents’ band, childhood photos, the recordings of her teen band (they're actually awesome and I will probably listen to them!). All of that makes her life so real, so emotional and approachable. That was what made me gobble up the book in an evening and the next morning. It felt like an experience. I pretty much saw her do all those things.

Jessica talks about her poor choices and especially of her self-hatred very openly.</b> It's like she's confiding in us, or, as it is voiced in the book - to her reflection, which is the one who judged and hated her all her life. She indirectly talks a lot about how crippling self-hate and self-shaming is, and how to overcome it. If you have suffered this in your life, I strongly recommend this book. It will help you connect with your own feelings.

It also talks a lot about bullying. How it's a vicious cycle, like an ouroboros that feeds on itself, and once you get into that circle, it will never stop affecting your decisions and actions, until you become your own bully when the other bullies are gone. Ultimately, it's what ended up happening to me after I graduated school (as I was viciously bullied), and I struggle with the wounds up to this day. And probably always will. The way she describes how bullying made her into her own bully is eye-opening. I always knew that was a thing, but through lack of someone to talk to about it, didn't give it more depth. And it's just so liberating to see someone lay these thoughts out on paper, validate them in your head. If you've been bullied too, this will resonate with you.

The book also talks about the very delicate and fragile connection we have with our parents, and the need we experience to be loved. And how we can be made to believe we aren't. Jessica grew up with a mother who suffered chronic pain, and that was an ordeal on its own. Although my mother didn't have these challenges in life, I found Jessica and her mother's relationship so much like mine and my mom's, it has also helped me understand some things, and realize where I should have been thankful to her, and where things were not quite how they seemed.

All in all, this book was a great, touching and very eye-opening experience for me. I don't know if it would be the same for you, because it seems I have so much in common with the author in a deep sense, that it was just extremely relevant for me. But if you've struggled with any of these in your life, you could benefit from this book. I could not recommend it more.

A big thank you to Cameron Publicity&Marketing and Jessica Carmen Bell for giving me the opportunity to read this book prior to publishing. I have received a copy in exchange for my honest review, and I feel like honest it was. From the depths of my heart.

This book was everything I wanted it to be, and more. It was everything it needed to be, and more. It was real and honest. Please don't read those fiction books with characters in the music business written by authors who have never been in the music business, anymore. Read about the real thing; the real people.

The story spanned many years, so you see how Jessica viewed the experiences of her life as a child, teen, young adult, grown woman and how perspectives change from one age to another, looking back on the previous ages. I thought this book was well thought out in this respect. I also liked the element of her mirror reflection's reactions to what was going on in "their" life.

The story deals with self-doubt, depression, drug addiction, alcoholism, rape, abusive relationships, and all kinds of love from the detrimental to the uplifting, and everything in between, in a brutally honest way. There are a lot of life lessons in this book.

I'm going to start by saying I don't normally read biographies, but the description for this made me want to give it a go. Jessica Bell has lived a rock n' roll lifestyle, her parents were in a gothic rock band in the 80's and early 90's, she grew up around musicians and started bands herself. Well, this sounded far more interesting than the usual celebrity self-absorbed childhood stories!

I found it difficult to get into, picking it up and putting it down a few times before I really got going with it. Jessica's early years are interesting but described with a bit too much introspection for my liking.

It's when Jessica is a teenager in the 90's that I started to really connect with this. I'm a 90's teenager myself so it was a little bit like going back in time, with the bands that she talks about, and the feeling of being an outcast at her high school. I also started to see why the events from her younger self are important, and how they had effected her personality and the way she deals with things.

Jessica is unflinchingly honest as she unpicks the decisions that she made that lead her on a self-destructive path, and also kinda hard on herself too. She has done a lot with her life, as I was reading about her in the 90's I thought we were of the same generation, I guessed Jessica was a few years older than me. Actually, she's a bit younger but far more mature than I was at the same age. I think Jessica as a teenager was probably more mature than I am even now!

By the end of the book, I was 100% sucked in and racing through the pages as Jessica starts to find a way to forgive herself for the things she has done, and accept herself as she is, flaws and all. Jessica Bells's voice is unique and compelling, and her life story (so far) is interesting and well told.

Recommended if you like biographies, you like rock n' roll stories, or you were (or still are) a 90's riot girl.

An autobiography by the child of rock and roll parents, this is gonna be a fun ride, or so I thought!

Instead I felt myself feeling more and more sorry for Jessica and thought that how could no one else see that she was a child crying out for the love and attention of her parents.
This is an unflinching memoir which charts the authors upbringing by her self-medicating mother albeit it through pills or alcohol, and her passive step father who really should have done more to help her. As a result of this chaotic upbringing the author herself becomes an alcoholic, suffers from depression and seems to be on the same self-destructive path as her mother. She does manage to overcome her demons thankfully, and through hard work and determination has managed to become a successful writer and publisher and has also followed in the family footsteps by becoming a singer.
This was not an easy read by any means but the writers strength and determination shone through and made this a very worthwhile one.