Uncomfortable Labels

My Life as a Gay Autistic Trans Woman

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Pub Date 18 Jul 2019 | Archive Date 18 Jul 2019

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Description

"So while the assumption when I was born was that I was or would grow up to be a neurotypical heterosexual boy, that whole idea didn't really pan out long term."

In this candid, first-of-its-kind memoir, Laura Kate Dale recounts what life is like growing up as a gay trans woman on the autism spectrum. From struggling with sensory processing, managing socially demanding situations and learning social cues and feminine presentation, through to coming out as trans during an autistic meltdown, Laura draws on her personal experiences from life prior to transition and diagnosis, and moving on to the years of self-discovery, to give a unique insight into the nuances of sexuality, gender and autism, and how they intersect.

Charting the ups and downs of being autistic and on the LGBT spectrum with searing honesty and humour, this is an empowering, life-affirming read for anyone who's felt they don't fit in.

"So while the assumption when I was born was that I was or would grow up to be a neurotypical heterosexual boy, that whole idea didn't really pan out long term."

In this candid, first-of-its-kind...


Available Editions

EDITION Other Format
ISBN 9781785925870
PRICE £12.99 (GBP)
PAGES 208

Average rating from 69 members


Featured Reviews

Thank you for your honesty. I was so captivated by the author's candid honesty about the personal experience of the trials and tribulations that they went through. I was able to get a birds eye view of not only from the autistic perspective but from the transgender view as well.
You can't even imagine how tough it could be putting the two of those things together and attempting to survive in this messed up world. But how about in a different country? Does that make it any easier for someone?
Are the parents and society more acceptable?
This book is a must read... I am so glad that I did.
Thank you NetGalley.

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Heartening, informative memoir about being both autistic and trans. Some trigger warnings for suicidal ideation, but highly recommend for anyone looking to be a better ally.

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I really enjoyed this book, so much so that I read it in a couple of hours in one sitting!

The book is an account of Laura's life as a lesbian, trans woman with autism that is broken down in to three sections. I have never read anything that discusses the intersectionality of these three together and found it both incredibly interesting and informative.

Laura's writing style is wonderful, you feel as though you are having a lovely long open and honest conversation with a friend and I think that style lent itself perfectly to the subject matter.

Two things I will note:
1 - There were a parts that get repeated a few times, as this is an ARC I assume these will be edited before the final release (and could be because I read it very quickly and in one sitting).
2 - Trigger warnings for both suicide and addition/substance abuse - didn't impair my reading experience but worth knowing before reading.

I'm glad I read this and look forward to reading more regarding this topic and anything Laura writes in the future!

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Clear, direct, and with an uncommon precision of language, Laura Kate Dale writes about her experience as a transgender autistic woman. She takes us from childhood through puberty and into adulthood, carefully explaining how it felt to wear both labels. Her willingness to share her struggles helped me deepen my understanding of friends and family members, and her citing of research will allow me to be a stronger advocate.

This book should be required reading for anyone who feels that they can't relate to people on the autism spectrum or to people who are transgender. Laura Dale's writing cuts to the core of the human experience and makes it easy for the reader to relate.

“Every day, I had to choose between acknowledging the deep discomfort I was feeling, or hiding it and suffering alone. For years, I choose suffering.”

But first and foremost it will be a beacon of hope to other transgender people and the people who love them. It is a story of self-acceptance and a call for us to fight harder for universal acceptance for all. Laura's frank descriptions of the challenges she faces are balanced with the joy and success she has found. Written with detailed descriptions of the past tempered with the adult reflection, Uncomfortable Labels is a testimony of strength and courage.

She writes, “I honestly think the world needs more trans people who are open about their transitions. Who don’t try to pass. Who insist that beautiful can mean a lot of different things. The same goes for autism and how it is seen in the world.” I wholeheartedly agree.

Thanks, Net Galley for providing a free digital copy in exchange for an honest review.

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This book is for anyone struggling with their identity with gender rules placed at birth by society. Young people who are most vulnerable to commit suicide because of feeling isolated this book will help you through those times. Clinicians who need a first person perspective of being transgender and having autism this book is a great read. This book is for parents who are trying to understand their autistic children the struggles they may face to be better prepared to assist them when your children are being bullied or feeling isolated.
I found myself thinking about my own life and my own struggles being part of the LGBT community. I would of liked to have read a book like this to help me feel like I was not alone when I was younger and coming out. Gender rules and roles are forced upon us at birth it limits us in growth and potential. We are taught early on that girls act a certain way and boys another. Boys are better at certain things then girls and vice versa. It kills potential and makes young children feel inadequate when they do not conform to roles as laid out by society. The harms placed on individuals wanting to be who they feel they need to be.
Laura shared her story it was sad at times but it was also filled with a lot of inspiration and strength to fight for change and the opportunity to be the best Laura can be. I truly appreciate your candid honesty of your worst times of your life. The social worker in me felt sad by the struggles and bullying you suffered. I agree the world would be so much better if we removed binary roles and allow people to express themselves without being labeled a monster. I have always felt that labels do more harm then good because once you are label right or wrong it sticks with you. I agree with the hopes of the future for positive change for more acceptance.
Thank you Laura for opening my eyes to the connection between autism and LGBT issues. More studies need to be done to help develop programs to ensure that children who need the assistance get it in a safe and accepting environment. We need to also understand better the connection between the two to ensure that treatments are available and to assist clinicians with the right tools to assist clients more effectively.
Thank you to NetGalley and Jessica Kingsley Publishers for the opportunity to read this book for free for an honest review.

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“Still, nobody tells me anymore that my eyelashes should belong to somebody else. I like that I’m now allowed to enjoy my eyelashes”

In this book, Laura explores the labels she has been assigned by birth, by others and those she chose herself. It’s a powerful, soul-baring book by a trans autistic woman who has struggled with a lack of belonging (of “fitting in”) for as long as she can remember. It’s deep, it’s moving, and actually I learned a lot from reading this book. I’m sure that hers is a story I will reflect on for some time to come.

However... For me, the book fell down in its structure. It started in a typical university essay way, interestingly enough. I kind of geekily like that style of writing so I was hooked. She explains her structure and how she will tell us her story chronologically from birth to current day. However, the story jumps. A lot. One minute we’re in the past, then in present day, then back in the past again, and then there are facts, and then back to the past again. At times this made it hard to follow and I would have preferred the straightforward chronology. This did improve as the book went on but it was still quite jumpy throughout.

All in all, a story worth hearing regardless of how it’s written.
⭐️⭐️⭐️/5


Thank you to @netgalley #jessicakingsleypublishers and for giving me access to this ARC in exchange for an honest review.

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I wanted so badly to love this. I appreciate the authenticity with which the author writes, but her style made wading through this book more of an effort than a pleasure. I constantly felt like I was being told, but not shown. As an example, there are references to journal entries written by the authors mother, about what it was like raising an autistic child. But these entries were only described with an adult hindsight for the sake of the story, rather than letting the reader connect the dots. I commend the author on overcoming so much, I just did not love the way this story was told.

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Powerful, brutally honest, brave, authentic.
Dale has written an extremely important book that should be:
a) compulsory reading to everyone who would like to bring a little more humanity and compassion into the world; and
b) treated with the respect that its author deserves.

Thank you so much to Laura and NetGalley for sharing this book with us.

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I think it was the title of this book that drew me to it.
We live in a world that increasingly encourages us to reveal our true self to families, work colleagues, and wear our heart on our sleeves. The unfortunate consequence for many people of all this personal authenticity is that we give other people the ammunition to attack us.

There are people who subscribe to the view that words don’t hurt, but the reality is that the pain they cause is more difficult to see than the cuts and bruises of physical injuries. The big difference is that physical injuries heal much quicker than the emotional variety.

Whilst the world is supposed to be more accepting of difference, the names we call other people and the uncomfortable labels we attribute to them always seem to focus on the negative aspects of their difference and limit both our expectations of them and the opportunities that we give them access to.

Reading Uncomfortable Labels did prompt some uncomfortable memories that demonstrate how close we are, despite our own live and let live attitudes, to someone who is less accepting.

When a work colleague from Eastern Europe who told me that they could not understand anyone who was not heterosexual. I found myself telling them that they did not have to understand how other people live their lives, but that it is important to allow people the freedom to live their lives.

In Uncomfortable Labels, Laura Kate Dale explores consequences for her not of the labels that result from name calling, but the official names, and labels that she is given as a gay autistic trans woman, and how they impact her life.

In many ways this is a simple tale of everyday life, which provides an insight into a life that is quite different to my own.

At times you feel the injustice of the human condition and how other humans create those limitations, and then there are others where it is the human spirit that comes to the fore.

The end result for this reader at least is an increased understanding of not just what these uncomfortable labels mean for one woman but what they mean to me and just how much I still have to learn.

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In this memoir, Laura Kate Dale discusses her life as a gay trans autistic woman. She does a fantastic job explaining to the reader how each of her identities has affected her life, and how the identities intersect and affect each other. It was an effective way to gain some insight into the thoughts and feelings of a person dealing with so many challenges presented to them by a society that often lacks care and understanding. Highly recommend.

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