Captive

Before you read this poetry collection it's essential that you take some time to understand Madeline Dyer's condition: Autoimmune Basal Ganglia Encephalitis - an inflammation of the brain which causes neuro-psychiatric symptoms. In Madeline's case this manifests as OCD and psychosis, and she has created these poems to demonstrate the terror she felt, trapped inside her own mind with no way to communicate her fear.

I can't capture with words how chilling this collection is. It is erratic, dark and genuinely quite terrifying to imagine that we are reading the though processes of a person experiencing these feelings as she's writing them; I guess it has that raw, authentic emotion that's hard to explain.

I really appreciated how Madeline Dyer captured some misconceptions about psychosis or mental health conditions. So many people confuse OCD with cleanliness, and she really debunks this. I also like how she uses the concept of a monster borne from darkness who interrupts her throughout her prose between stanzas; this was really clever and I think captures the obscurity and vulnerability of the thought processes and safe space people with mental health conditions struggle with. I really loved this.

I didn't like so much that a number of the poems were quite repetitive. I do think it actually sets the scene appropriately to have repetition, but a lot of themes and words were overused such as, "sand", "darkness", "monsters", "birds"; these came up a lot in many of the poems which lessened the impact of the metaphor for me a little bit.

Nevertheless, Madeline Dyer has created something very unique and confronting with this poetry collection; what a great way to raise awareness and share some of the struggles unknown to many people.

ARC provided free from Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.

I’m not a big poetry lover but this book of poems brings to light the struggles that the author has gone through using such powerful, expressive words to describe them.
It really does give you a real insight into the everyday events she has had to deal with.

poetry books do not always manage to captive my interest. It could be something of the fact that they do not usually have much of a story line and the short poems give a different read. However with this book the author made great steps in showing the reader what the daily events that she goes through. I was pleasantly surprised that I enjoyed this book.I think that the author showed a great deal of passion and intensity. It was also nice to
get more structure to everything that was happening. I think that this book is one that needed to be written, and anyone who deals with someone suffering from this condition must read this book.

This book is a poetry book so the story is a little bit more relaxed and blurry that it would be if it were a regular novel. However that does not take away from this book at all. I loved all of the metaphors they were beautiful and very poetic, but at the same time they still had structure to keep everything feeling together as one instead of a bunch of random poems. This book sort of reminded me of Crank by Ellen Hopkins only this one was written for adults instead of children. Our poet struggles with psychosis and OCD so these poems are her way of showing the world exactly what she is going through and how she sees the world. Parts of this book were pretty dark and scary but others were beautiful, as each poem took the reader on a ride that can never be duplicated. A quick read but a good one none the less and I'm very glad that I got the chance to check it out.

This is one of the most raw, unflinching and frankly terrifying books I have ever read.

Autoimmune Basal Ganglia Encephalitis is a rare type of brain inflammation which in Madeline's case presents itself as OCD and psychosis. This poetry collection is based on therapy writings she made when her communicative skills were lessened due to the disease's effects.

Not only was her mind fighting her from inside out, but doctors she saw diminished her pain by not believing her. If you can't see it, they're obviously just overreacting right? Unfortunately this happens constantly to people suffering from mental illness all over the world. Although awareness is growing, especially in developed countries-many developing countries, as well as not, still carry a stigma when it comes to mental illnesses. This was only accentuated by the fact that Madeline's condition was very rare and so not many people knew the symptoms or how to treat the root cause.

“I just want to get better and see the stars and believe in hope again.”

This collection was immersive, giving you a glimpse into her mind for a mere 60 pages. However in those 60 pages I learnt more about living with OCD and psychosis than I have from researching online. Captive is an apt name for this book, as a recurring theme is her feeling captive to her 'monster'. Her mind. That thought is terrifying, as it is one thing to feel unsafe due to outside factors but a completely other experience when that monster is inside you. Is you. Constantly living with the fear, the claustrophobia, the pain. It is impossible to imagine unless you have experienced it yourself, but Madeline's poetry provides something very close.

"and the air is so bad
I cannot breathe it in
and it must not fill my lungs
and it mustn't, it mustn't, it mustn't"

some of my favourite (favourite sounds like the wrong word, but you know what I mean) poems included:
The monster often manifests as OCD
Things I want to say
Things my OCD tells me every day
When I can't cope, I am scared
Men in white coats
Don't
A letter to my monster

I would like to leave off by including part of the poem "Don't". Even if you do not end up reading this collection- I think this is so important for everyone to understand. OCD is not just wanting things to line up, be clean and in place. By calling yourself or others 'OCD' you are trivialising an issue that many people have to constantly struggle through.

"I beg of you
with frozen hands
because you can't see me
the struggle I'm going through,
how strong I am,
and you belittle me
and thousands of others
who are slaves to their monsters
with your words
just a joke, you meant

but it's not a joke
and I am ashamed
and I am crying and trying to escape
the prison that you jokingly
call yours"

If you think you are in the right mental state to read something this dark and real, I would recommend it just for the fact that it allows you to empathise more deeply and understand. After all, ignorance is the root of evil.

thank you to the publisher and net galley for providing me with an ARC of this collection!

Thank you netgally and to the author for the free e-arc in exchange for a honest review.

From someone who suffers with mental illness these poems hit close to home. I realize hers is a different situation but still. I know what its like to feel alone and trapped. Not understanding what is happening and why things have all of a sudden changed.

I found this to be a very emotional read. I would definitely give it a read if you are interested in psychosis or mental illness.

4.5 stars from me.

This was amazing. I never used to be a fan of poetry, but I’m slowly learning to love it. This collection was raw and so emotional. It resonated with me as someone who has an invisible illness as well. I spent years in and out of multiple doctor’s offices in different cities trying to figure out what was wrong with me. Being told there is nothing wrong with me and the pain is all in my head does something to a person. I loved this so much. I love that she never gave up and used her experience and put it into written form to express what she was feeling. Thank you Madeline for being vulnerable and sharing your experience with the world ❤️

I was sent an advance reader copy of this book in exchange for an honest review via netgalley and the publishers.

This book of poetry moved me to tears. I felt the authors pain and suffering through the journey she took to receive answers, results and help and support through every page.
This really does give you an insight into the suffering so many people go through with hidden illnesses.
Thank you so much for sharing your story and journey with us.

Madeline Dyer paints a phenomenal picture of the terrors and horrors of being trapped in your own brain. She struggles with Autoimmune Basal Ganglia Encephalitis, an inflammation of the brain, which in her case manifests through OCD and psychosis. Her poems in this collection are stunning. They provide a much needed inside look into a rare disease, which will allow readers to come to a better understanding of the struggle that ensues. It is dark, difficult, and lonely. This collection is essential reading. Highly recommended for all collections.

Captive by Madeline Dyer, 45 pages. POETRY
Ineja Press, 2020. $6.
Language: G (0 swears, 0 “f”); Mature Content: PG; Violence: PG
BUYING ADVISORY: HS - ADVISABLE
AUDIENCE APPEAL: AVERAGE
Dyer writes poems as someone who struggles with mental disorders. The battle inside oneself, against oneself, is not one that is easily or openly understood by others. Through beautifully crafted metaphors and imagery, Dyer conveys unwanted feelings and illogical thoughts in ways that readers can understand.
I have not gone through the same difficulties as Dyer, but I have gone through some mental hardships as well. Poetry depends upon readers feeling and understanding what is expressed through the words written. Some of Dyer’s poems were relatable to me and my difficult experiences, but I did not relate to all of them, nor do I think that these poems will speak to everyone. However, Dyer has written these poems in such a way that I still felt like I could understand her struggles and desire to find hope when they were different from my own experiences. If you do not read this book to know that you are not alone, read this collection of poems to better understand those who struggle with mental disorders.
Reviewer: Carolina Herdegen

Brutally honest and brilliant, this collection takes the reader through the experience of living with a crumbling mind. From the first unexplainable visions to the fight within, and the constant struggle to be heard, Dyer’s poetry is a cry out to the world suffused with raw emotion. A captivating and eye-opening experience.

Captive was a collection of dark, chilling poems that dealt with OCD and the demons that haunted the poet's mind.


The poems were dark and real, honest experiences, which is why they chilled me even more. I can't say I really enjoyed reading them but I appreciated them for the depth and honesty that they expressed.

Captive by Madeline Dyer is a volume of poetry produced from her therapy writings as she worked through OCD and psychosis induced by Autoimmune Basal Ganglia Encephalitis. As the title suggests, this disorder causes brain inflammation, and this book circles on her feelings and experiences during this time.

Thematically, we see several clear messages regarding disability and mental/physical disorders arise. Often, frustration and helplessness come not only from Dyer’s illness, but also as a response to the way she is treated by various individuals in the medical profession, as her condition forces her to go to the, repeatedly for help. Instead of getting help, she is dismissed, refused tests, and made to feel that she is just seeking attention. In that way, this volume of poetry is very timely, as there have been a number of studies coming out on how women are not believed by doctors in their pain.

Although her experiences are specific to her life and having a disorder that is very rare, people who struggle with chronic conditions will be able to relate to a lot of elements exhibited here. As Dyer crafts her poems, she blurs the lines between metaphor, hallucination, and literal occurrence, taking the reader with her as she relies on natural imagery, but then describes actual hallucinations. As she discusses her illness, the ever-shifting relationship between her and it unfolds: at once a monster, a captor, a tormentor, a friend, and sometimes, an object that she diminishes into a humorous image (a dancing beetle) to take control over it. She describes it as the one that whispers to her how to be safe, will never let her to be free, and lies to her that it is her only friend.

There is also a sense of claustrophobia created by the poems when read together. Dealing with mental illness, whether induced by a physical cause or not, can be incredibly isolating. Whether it is due to your loved ones growing tired of your needing help, or you pushing others away, doesn’t really matter. In the end, part and parcel with all of this is feeling very alone with your illness.

Read the rest of the review at https://midnightvosswriting.blogspot.com/2020/01/poetry-reviews-captive.html

I want to thank NetGalley, the publishing house, and the author for allowing me an electronic copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.
What a gift that the author of this book has given to the world. I spent 5 years as a behavioral health RN in an acute psychiatric hospital. Occasionally, rarely, I was able to get some of the more seriously sick patients to open up to me about what it is like to be them. To live every day with their illness. This author is giving us glimpses of what it's like to live inside her head. I really enjoyed this book. I do not usually spend much time with poetry but this just spoke to me. I, myself, have depression and anxiety issues. I understand. It takes a very brave person to write down the inner musings of your somewhat damaged psyche and then to allow everyone to read it. And inevitably judge it. I say good for you!
#endthestigma #captive