Because of You I Am

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Pub Date 23 Apr 2020 | Archive Date 11 Jun 2020

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Description

‘Run rabbit, run rabbit, run, run, run…’
When Alice was ten, she shot rabbits with her father. Thirty five years later, she’s after bigger prey.

Life hasn’t been kind to Alice. Abandoned by her father at fourteen, she ran away two years later to 60s London, embracing all the darkness it had to offer when hopes of finding her father are lost. But that was the past and at thirty-seven she meets and marries Jake. They have a son, Adam, and life is perfection. But when he is killed in an accident six years later, her entire life comes crashing down. 

Buried under the weight of grief and guilt, Alice sets out on a path for revenge on the mother who killed her child. Teetering on the brink of sanity, she refuses to acknowledge the truth: what really happened on the way through the park on the day Adam died? The dominoes fall, sending Alice into dark places. Does forgiveness wait for her on the other side or will she never find her way back to the light?
‘Run rabbit, run rabbit, run, run, run…’
When Alice was ten, she shot rabbits with her father. Thirty five years later, she’s after bigger prey.

Life hasn’t been kind to Alice. Abandoned by her...

A Note From the Publisher

Sandy Hogarth lives in the Yorkshire Dales. She loves exploring characters under stress, relationships, and lonely places. Because of You I am was long-listed for The 2019 Cinnamon Literature Prize. She is also the author of The Glass Girl, and is well into her third novel.

Sandy Hogarth lives in the Yorkshire Dales. She loves exploring characters under stress, relationships, and lonely places. Because of You I am was long-listed for The 2019 Cinnamon Literature Prize...


Available Editions

EDITION Ebook
ISBN 9781838598631
PRICE US$4.99 (USD)
PAGES 200

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Average rating from 39 members


Featured Reviews

Alice was abandoned by the father she so adored as a teenager. She moves to London at 16 and kind of floats through life for the next 20 years or so until she meets Jake, the love of her life. You can just feel their love throughout the story. After their child Adam is born, Alice is the a dotting mom and so clearly meant to be a mother. When tragedy strikes and Adam is killed, Alice becomes lost and can’t bear the grief. What comes next is a painful look at how losing a child and past pent up feelings of loss for a father can lead Alice to the brink of nothingness and actions that land her in prison.
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This book was not really a mystery/thriller as it’s categorized. The story was well laid out, characters showed depth and I felt along with Alice. The writing style took me time to get used to, but it was very descriptive and I ended up liking the way it came together. I did feel some parts were slow as I like books that move forward faster, but when the book is about grief of a mother I understand how you can’t gloss through that.

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Thank you to Troubador Publishing Ltd. for granting my wish! This is my first Sandy Hogarth book, but it certainly won't be my last.

Because of You I Am tells the story of Alice. After being abandoned by her father, Alice went on a downward spiral until she eventually met and married Jake. Shortly after, Alice and Jake have a son, Adam, and she is able to officially leave her dark past behind her. But when Adam is killed six years later, Alice begins another dark, downward spiral and sets out to avenge Adam's death.

Sandy Hogarth did a fantastic job of developing her characters and narrative. I could truly feel Alice's pain seep through the pages of the book -- the sure sign of a great writer! This was a great read for 2020!

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Wow. This book is powerful in so many ways. Heartbreaking, surprising and a book that really pulled different feelings out of me. It challenged me with certain scenes and actions of characters that had me changing my viewpoint. This made the book so fascinating. I could not get enough of this story. Very compelling.

A child. A horrific moment in time. Lives altered forever.

Whether you are a mother or not this book will hit you emotionally. The ending had me literally sitting with my mouth hanging open for minutes. I was reeling as I did NOT see that coming for one moment. Sandy Hogarth delivered on giving the reader more and more with this book.

I don't want to go into the plot. This is a story that is so raw it stays with you and I really highly recommend this one to grab and read. We get to know life from a grieving mothers perspective. Sandy Hogarth does not shy away from the devastating impact this can have on a human being. Her descriptive writing is filled with emotion and I was empathising all the way. I felt for so many characters. I watched the impact of pain, blame, shame and grief of a once loving couple, how being who you once were is now impossible. How a moment in time changes your life forever and despite the yearning to get back to where you were and turn back the clock it's not possible.

There are powerful scenes in this book and psychological drama. Sandy pulls you into the plot and keeps you there with a firm grip, the reveals and exposure of the truth in this novel simply blew me away. I was totally blindsided and kudos to the author for that. The words "Oh my God, Oh my God" came from my mouth. Powerfully impacting reading. The choices one character makes are at times really shocking, ones you will not predict. This was how my feelings around many characters kept changing with more and more of the story revealed. A brilliant read. Highly recommended!

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Oh my gosh! This book. Sandy Hogarth is a poet and has such a way with words. I really wouldn't call this book a thriller and although I was expecting one what I got was so, so much more. What an absolutely gutting (in a good way) book. The impact of people on one another, the way we carry our baggage from place to place adding more with every relationship like the worst possible souvenirs, how we fail to communicate who we are and what we want, how we don’t know those things because we don’t always know ourselves, how we can become redeemed in the love and loving of another person. I’m not sure I’ve felt more seen by a book. It somehow had the emotional resonance of every intimate conversation I’ve ever had and my entire body hummed with the familiarity and anxiety of those moments while reading it. I couldn’t put it down.

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Alice had a troubled past but grew up to become a librarian when she meets the love of her life, Jake. When everything seems to be going perfectly for the couple, their son, Adam is killed. As a result, Alice finds herself going down the rabbit hole for revenge. These are the makings of a wonderful plot. However, while there were several areas of the book that were gripping, I often struggled to continue to read.

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I received an advanced reader copy in exchange for an honest review.

This book is a slow burn, but it’s lovely
- the language is so lyrical Once the plot picks up, it’s riveting. Solid four

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A really good revenge story. I totally felt the pain through the writing of this book. It was well written and intriguing. Highly recommended

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This book is beautifully written, at first it almost felt like it was set in an older time period than the actual date it is set. The descriptive passages and small details really set the scene.

Alice has had a hard start to life. Her father left when she was fourteen. She runs away and eventually meets Jake and falls in love. Still life is not kind and we are taken through her losing her son and the grief she has from what happened that day.

I found the pace of this book to be quite slow for the first few chapters. However I soon got into the style of writing and the ending for me was perfect.

This book will stay with me for a while to come. I will definitely look out for this author in the future.

Thank you to Netgalley and Troubador Book publishing for letting me read this book

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This story follows Alice who has never really gotten over her Father walking out when she was young. She has been content just sailing through life when she meets Jake. They fall in love instantly and overjoyed when their son Adam is born in a few years. However, tragedy strikes and Alice's life will never be the same again.

This story will definitely stay with be with me for a long time. The author does an amazing job at portraying raw human emotions such as grief, anger and forgiveness.

I gave this three stars just because it was a bit too much of a slow burner for me but I really enjoyed the ending and look forward to reading more from the author.

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Alice has lived a bit of a rough life. She grew up in a lower income area, her father left when she was 14 and two years later she set off to London in hopes of finding him.

In London, Alice found many things, almost none were good and definitely were not her father. Fast forward some years and you find Alice a grown woman, working in a library which she loves. She meets a lovely man, Jake, and quickly they fall in love and begin their life together.

Both are older so Alice doubts she could carry a child and Jake seems a bit unsure about fatherhood, but Alice so wants a child of her own. Adam. They have a son, Adam, and he is the light of their world. Their family is perfect, their lives are perfect, they have it all. Until one day, they don’t.

Adam is killed in an accident on his sixth birthday and this sends Alice on a downward spiral. Seeking revenge, full of hatred and unwilling to be helped.

This was not a favorite for me. The book jumped around quite a bit and I almost DNF several times. I hate to not finish a book I’ve committed to reviewing so I continued. There is a wonderful story hidden in these pages, but I felt like so many of the pieces and parts we’re given were unnecessary and took away from the heart of the book. All in all, a solid 3.5. I would read the next Sandy Hogarth book and give it fair try, but I will not be reading Because of You I Am, again.


Thank you to NetGalley for providing this ARC in exchange for my honest review.

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Thank you Netgalley for this ARC of Because of You I Am by Sandy Hogarth.

When Alice, a librarian in her mid-thirties, meets Jake, her life finally begins to make sense. But after they are married and have a son name Adam, Alice really knows her true love. Constantly awed by his intelligence and sweet disposition, Alice cannot get enough of her precocious son. So when tragedy hits, how on earth will Alice move forward?

I was not prepared for a book with so much weight. I actually had to catch myself when I recognized that I was unfairly judging the characters. Grief comes in all varieties, and people handle it in different ways. Having said that, where is the line? At what point does your grief bleed translate into hurting others?

Having said that, I was very satisfied with the ending, it had hope and redemption, so I was glad not to be left completely hollowed out, as I felt through a large bulk of the story.

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Thank you so much NetGalley and the publisher for my complimentary eARC of this book in exchange for my honest review. This book was exactly what I love in a book dark, twisty, omg moments and so much more! So if you are looking for a book like that this one is for you.

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This is my first novel by Sandy Hogarth and although it’s a fabulous psychological/domestic noir thriller it is also a fabulous literary novel written by a far superior author then most in this genre. The story revolves around Alice who now has everything she ever wanted (a husband called Jake, for goodness sake) and a beautiful young son. Until tragedy strikes: Then we discover we are now reading a revenge novel. Against the person who has completely derailed her perfect life. Or did she? Didn’t want it to end but the ending was satisfying and can’t wait for the next one!

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So this book had a lot strong themes and ideas throughout: abandonment, loss, love, grief, revenge and a whole lot more. The story centers around Alice and how her fathers leaves her and many years later meets someone named Jake, who becomes her husband. She thinks she has it all when their son Adam is born but he dies tragically. Alice has another downward spiral and tries to put her life back together and Jake is powerless to help her and doesn't know what to do.

Just like a few other reviews, I feel that this was not really a thriller book but one of loss and tragedy. It was well written and kept my turning pages late into the night and this surely will be the first of many written by Hogarth. Definitely a good read for sure.

Thanks to Troubador Publishing for granting my wish to read this as it has already been published. I really appreciate it. Also thanks to Netgalley and Sandy Hogarth for allowing this wish to be granted so I can enjoy a free copy.

Available: 4/23/20

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A tale that shows what can happen when a mother’s worst nightmare comes true. While some aspects of this novel resonated with me (anger, despair), the malice was hard to absorb. A good novel with valid emotion, but hard to swallow.

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This book had me questioning everything and I loved every minute of it, You don't want to miss this awesome read.

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I would like to thank the author, publisher and Net Galley for the opportunity to read and review this book.

Overall I enjoyed this story, although I didn't feel that it was the mystery/thriller it was categorized as. This was a very slow burn type of book, and I did loose interest a few times in reading. while the character and setting descriptions were done well, there was almost too much, overall, for me. This was my first book by the author, though, and I will look out for others by her.

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This book was a slow burn, but I generally liked it a lot. The timeline was sometimes a little difficult to understand, but it wound together nicely. The writing is very poetry like which sometimes made it feel lighter than it should have, but then made me feel all the feelings. I enjoyed the ending and was satisfied with the end!

Thank you to NetGalley for the opportunity to read this book for my unbiased review.

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3.5/5🌟 #BecauseofYouIAm

Great storyline, making you question everything you think you know.

It’s quite slow burn, so it can get a little boring on some of the parts, nevertheless, the writing style is beautiful, so it’s still quite enjoyable. Though, I would say, if some of the parts were cut short, this would definitely make the book much more interesting, as people wouldn’t need to skim through long, not so necessary parts of the book.

Raw emotions are portrayed so well; I could feel everything in my body as I was reading it! And... Great, satisfying ending!

Thank you #NetGalley for a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

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The plot: Life hasn’t been kind to Alice. Abandoned by her father at fourteen, she ran away two years later to 60s London, embracing all the darkness it had to offer when hopes of finding her father are lost. But that was the past and at thirty-seven she meets and marries Jake. They have a son, Adam, and life is perfection. But when he is killed in an accident six years later, her entire life comes crashing down.

Buried under the weight of grief and guilt, Alice sets out on a path for revenge on the mother who killed her child. Teetering on the brink of sanity, she refuses to acknowledge the truth: what really happened on the way through the park on the day Adam died? The dominoes fall, sending Alice into dark places. Does forgiveness wait for her on the other side or will she never find her way back to the light?

This book was a little bit of a slow burn for me. The writing style is also different and not for everyone. I think it would make a good book club read.

3 stars

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The main character is a teenager in the 1960s, as I was, and it was the book’s vivid description of those carefree years which first hooked me. So I was a bit unprepared for what followed, which was a brilliant exploration of the human psyche and how childhood experiences can profoundly affect the rest of one’s life. The author authentically captures the emotions of true love for a soulmate and for one’s child, at least in my experience, and these sections of the book were really uplifting. I found other sections of the book a difficult read because her portrayal of despair, bordering on insanity, when things go wrong was very disturbing, as it was so real and well written. Her use of language is remarkable. Many of these were set in beautiful Scottish landscape which are wonderfully depicted and added greatly to the atmosphere.

I found the whole book haunting and could not stop thinking about it for days after finishing it. Yes, it is disturbing in parts, but hope and love endure in the end.

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A heartbreaking read that really gets under your skin and captivates you from the start. It is every parents worst nightmare!.
The Author's unique writing style really brought the story to life. The characters were fascinating, each having their own traits, and seeing how these differences impacted upon the story was brilliant.
The twists thrown into the story kept me engrossed right to the very end.
An absolute page turner, this book was fantastic!.

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First of all the synopsis got me hook , line and sinker. It had me experiencing all different kinds of emotions. I couldnt get enought of it. It talks about the impact one can have on another ones life. The characters were believeable and I found them easy to connect to.

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A great book that had me hooked! Well worth picking up as it is definitely worth a read. Great storyline and interesting characters!

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I'm not much of a thriller reader these days, but I really enjoyed this book, twisty book, a story that picked away at me, and I loved the ending! It could have been slightly quicker paced, which is the only reason that it's not a 5 star,

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The book was heavy in all the right way that captures you into this story that spans the life of Alice who had a very tough upbringing and reflects on the past and how it impact her present. The characters, plot, and voices were well developed and I read this in a day as I page turned wanting to know more of the story. I thought about this book long after I read it!

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