The Unofficial Guide to Adoptive Parenting

Although Sally refers to this as therapeutic parenting, don't make the mistake of thinking these techniques are only for traumatized or problematic children. Any parent will find this advice useful and reassuring, as Sally models calm, thoughtful responses and ways to really understand what your child might be thinking, whether the problem might be worries about the first day of school or a child who likes to plan everything in advance. This is hands-on, practical parenting with honesty, humor and love from a real-life parent, not a book written by a parenting expert (which may often come across with a smug tone), which concentrates on showing your child that you understand, and that your child is important to you.

If you're considering adoption from foster care and haven't already read Sally's book "No Matter What", I'd highly recommend reading that first to get an idea of where she's coming from, and how some of the behaviors she addresses might present themselves. (In fact, I'd recommend this pair of books to anyone working with foster children, whether as foster parent, social worker, teacher or friend, because together you will see how needs might present themselves and the dynamics that may emerge. I would have been much less apprehensive as a foster parent if this had been available when I started taking the training classes.)

She likens this sort of parenting to running a marathon, something for which most of us are unprepared, and reminds the reader constantly that *you* are the expert on your child and even if something goes against traditional/teacher/doctor advice, if it works and is helping, you might need to just go with it. Children may need to have repeated demonstrations that you love them, think of them, won't abandon them or abuse them, because they need to fully understand (to grok, if you will) that they can depend on you. They may behave as if much younger than their peers, and that's okay. In fact, it's normal.

It's not a dry, intimidating manual or a traumatizing read. It's very easy to read, approachable, with practical suggestions learned from professionals (or hard-earned personal experience) for combating anxiety, dealing with breaks in routine like weekends and school holidays and contains the sort of honest, matter-of-fact truths you don't often see in any serious parenting book.

These strategies are not just for helping the children either - they're also helping the parent to cope, balancing your needs with theirs, while enabling you to understand what your children may really mean when they say or do certain things. Many of them may reinforce your instinctive knowledge, bringing into a more conscious awareness, which allows your parenting style to adapt as the situation warrants.

Highly recommended for anyone adopting from foster care, or really any parent.

Even at this early stage in my own adoption journey (I’ve watch X-factor so I know the importance of being on a ‘journey’) reading this book was a great way of re-reminding myself of some of the things I should be either doing or considering doing. This is a warts and all book, and probably funnier for it (and it is often funny). Probably the best recommendation I can give this book is to say that I will be buying it in hard copy as soon as it comes out, as some books deserve a place on an actual shelf where you can get to them quickly when you need them. This is one such book. Not only that but will also pick up a couple of extra copies for family members too, to help with their understanding of the reality of our wonderful situation.