It's hard to live a righteous life, . . . when everybody hates you.

Meet Louise “the Cheese,” Baker: bright, goofy, avid dog-walker and sixth-grader extraordinaire. She’s the most unpopular girl in school and she is sick of being the butt of a joke. She’s dreamed up a list of witty come-back lines that are going to put anyone who makes fun of her exactly in their place. If someone says, "Ewe! Why do you use such big words?" She can say, "Ewe! Why do you use such small ones?" If a pimply-faced kid calls her a lard-butt, she can call him a pizza face.

As effective as these witty retorts prove to be, they are only to be used against meanies. They are never to be used against the vulnerable or the innocent. She wants to be a good person. Half the time she’s looking for spiritual answers. What happens to us when we die? Why is there so much evil in the world? Were human beings a mistake? But most of all, how do you defend yourself against bullies and bad guys, without scaring away people who are trying to get close to you, or even trying to be your friend?

You’ll laugh; you’ll cry; you’ll vomit. It’s Boogers Taste Better Than Earwax, a contemporary tale of middle school woe.