The daring and explosive new novel from Ashley Audrain, author of international bestsellers The Push and The Whispers. Available to pre-order now.

'Nobody delves as deep into the guts of motherhood as Ashley Audrain; she really is in a league of her own' —Lisa Jewell

'A woman’s sudden death unleashes a slew of secrets for those left behind. No one writes women—their lives, their struggles, and their secret desires—better than Ashley Audrain. A masterclass in tension'
— Shari Lapena


'Wildly original, truthful, tender, and devastating. So assured and so utterly mesmerising, I devoured it in a single weekend'

— Clare Leslie Hall

A bold, unputdownable story of motherhood, desire, betrayal, and loss told by a mother after her own death.
'All those moments in life that mark a before, and an after. Before the death of me, and after. Before they knew the truth of what happened, and after'

Fiona stares up at the faces of her husband, Adam, and their children. They’ve found her on the hallway floor. The double doors slam on the ambulance, and Fiona watches it take her body away—but how can that be, if she’s still here in her home, with her family? That’s when she realizes her worst fear has come true: Fiona is dead.
In the days that follow, Fiona moves quietly among those left behind, as they become increasingly suspicious about her death. Everyone seems to be hiding something—her depressive husband, her devoted best friend, her estranged younger sister, her precocious six-year-old son, and most of all, Fiona herself.
That is, until her teenage daughter discovers Fiona’s diary—and the stunning betrayal she had been hiding.

Exploring the performative identities of womanhood, the cost of being good, and what we owe ourselves and each other in the face of desire, Ashley Audrain's daring, thought-provoking novel asks: will you find who you really are, before you die?

Praise for Ashley Audrain:
'Spellbinding, a shimmering, visceral ride through the dark side of family' LISA JEWELL
'I absolutely loved this book' MIRANDA COWLEY HELLER
'A beautifully observed exploration of what it means to be a woman' SARAH PEARSE
'Deeply thrilling and provocative . . a truly masterful novel' NITA PROSE
'A chilling psychodrama about motherhood and community' i PAPER
'A fearless deep dive into the real internal lives of women . . . a brilliant, deeply affecting novel you won't soon forget' SHARI LAPENA