For readers of T. Kingfisher's Swordheart - and anyone who likes their prophecies second-guessed by the narrator: a warmly told, dryly funny fantasy novella about the chosen hero, the best friend who does the actual work, and a dragon with a garden.

The prophecy was specific. A hero with a sword-shaped birthmark would face the dragon and win the princess's hand. If you stood at the right distance in the right light and wanted it badly enough, Josh's birthmark looked vaguely like a sword. This was enough.

Josh believes every word he says, which is why everyone else does too. His best friend Mike carries the rope, the sandwiches, and the actual plan - and has spent fourteen years quietly throwing the rock before Josh lands on whatever he's charged at. Laura outrides them both, outfights most kingdoms, and is no longer allowed near a bow. The reasons are excellent.

Their quest: cross the kingdom, face Claude the Horrible, the Gory, the Murderous - four centuries old, with a magnificent garden and firm opinions about compost - and rescue a princess who did the math on being rescued and said no thank you.

The whole tale is told by a narrator who has seen a few of these stories before and has opinions about this one. A story about competence, friendship, and the people the prophecies forget to mention. Readable in one sitting. Newly revised and expanded.

31,500 words. A cozy-adjacent fantasy with a dry sense of humor. Goat count disputed.